Clinic

Somehow it has already been 6 months, and time for Sawyer’s Clinic visit.

I am thankful.

Sawyer leapt out of bed, eager as always. He loves Clinic day. Loves spending the day with Aunt Gina. Loves the focused one-on-one time. Loves that he gets to see his people and gets to choose a toy from the prize closet. I think his FAVORITE part, certainly what seems to always be at the forefront of his mind throughout the day, is that he has the coveted privilege of choosing ALL the day’s food choices. It is officially Sawyer the Warrior Day, and he 100% knows it.

It always amazes me that after all he has been through, he still loves going to the hospital.

I am thankful.

As always, Gina Sue does the driving. We catch up on each others lives, punctuated by Sawyer asking how many minutes until we get to Bucee’s. The company & conversation was great. The drive, uneventful. Gina always takes very good care of both of us.

I am thankful.

The best and most important news, glory to the Lord, our beautiful boy remains cancer-free! He cheerfully drew his own labs while nonchalantly chatting with beloved Miss Sharon. We had a great visit with Dr. Winick, and several of our favorites. And when we finally made it to the actual checkup, everything on the lab report and exam was perfect.

What a miracle. A miracle I absolutely do not ever take for granted.

I am thankful.

Our precious social worker facilitated an introduction with a mama whose 6 month old was just diagnosed (like less than a week ago) with the same infantile leukemia that Sawyer was diagnosed with 9 years ago. The social worker told me quietly, “I think this mama could really use some hope today.”

It was the first time in a VERY long time that I’d been in a room on D6. The vinyl recliner beside the stark hospital crib looked the same. There was a heavy stillness in the room that I think I had somehow forgotten. I listened to the frightened young mother as she held her beautiful baby girl in her arms. I did my best to encourage her, shared Sawyer’s story, and we prayed together. She smiled through her tears at the picture of baby SaSa in his pool, and then my vibrant, healthy boy with Lasagna the Chicken.

Looking back, I realize that to this day, I’ve never met another mom of an infant leukemia survivor older than Sawyer. There aren’t many of us. But God.

I am thankful.

Before we left the Oncology floor, I showed Sawyer the framed plaques hanging in the hallway, the heartfelt, raw observations written by my friend Shelby, mom of Sawyer’s little friend, Sophie. Shelby’s Facebook post thanking Sophie’s nurses went viral, and has been shared around the world. After Sophie the Brave went to be with Jesus, her family donated the plaques to the hospital that had been their home during her care. I’ve shown them to Sawyer before, and he remembers Sophie fondly, although they only met in person one time. But this time, Sawyer stood there quietly and read every word for himself.

Sawyer the Warrior and Sophie the Brave, 2017

I am thankful.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” (Isaiah 43:2)

“My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you who have done great things. Who is like you, God? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.” (Psalms 71:15-16, 19-21)

Purpose

I am thankful.

~ for a special birthday for my favorite 19 year old! How is my little Coopy 19??? So proud of the young man he has become, and excited to see what doors God will open for his future. We celebrated with his tasty menu of choice: an elaborate build-your-own burrito bar and banana pudding.

~ for a Jucy’s hamburger salad piled high with a seasoned patty, chopped bacon, pickles, and zesty jalapeño ranch.

~ for the riotous chorus of clucking/honking/quacking/crowing in the garden. I’m so used to it I don’t always even notice. Until I’m on the phone in the garden and the person on the other end of the line asks me, “Um…are you at the ZOO???”

~ for happy pumpkins erupting everywhere.

~ for mail-order heirloom roses. They don’t look like much today, but I dream of them stretching up on our little pergola, draping their fragrant blooms up and over.

~ for the most generous gift of repurposed flagstone, even with delivery!

~ for another HEAT football victory. Gavin has had such a fun season with his teammates, and the coaches have truly poured into these young men. They are getting so much more than football.

~ for fresh flowers on my table, this time a rustic mix of bright grocery store blooms and cuttings from around the farm in a vintage copper pan.

~ for a fun overnight – this time was Zoe’s turn. The kids always love these one-on-one getaways. Uncle Justin and Aunt Gina (and Grandmommy) make each one feel so very loved and special.

~ for an unexpected afternoon for Samantha. She went into the orthodontist for a consultation…and she came out with braces! Just like that! This is our first rodeo (probably with several more to come) so HERE WE GO!

~ for buttery, tart and sweet, melt-in-your-mouth apple crisp, warm from the oven, topped with vanilla ice cream and hot, decadent salted caramel sauce. Is your mouth watering like mine? No pictures, because who could possibly wait and take a photo???

~ for a treasured evening with our Gold Network families at our quarterly CONNECT support group. These gatherings are my favorite: good food and the best, desperately needed, life-giving connections. Over plates piled high with the best fajitas from Abuelos, we talked about our babies. We listened quietly. And we all came away with at least a little more reassurance that we are not walking this walk alone. BUT GOD.

After a night with these precious, hurting families, and then a Sunday morning sermon about hope amidst suffering, there was nothing like spending the afternoon watching “The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe” with the children. My raw heart lay throbbing on the floor as glorious King Aslan willingly sacrificed his life for Edmund’s treachery.

Thank You Jesus. Thank You for paying the debt You did not owe and that I could never pay. Thank You for the reminder that our suffering always has a purpose, to draw us and others closer to Your Father heart. Thank You for defeating death once and for all, and for the glorious Promise that there is so much LIGHT and LIFE beyond this dark and broken world.

Do you know Jesus? Don’t wait.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.” (2 Timothy 1:9-10)

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (2 Corinthians 4:6-7)

Right on Time

I am thankful.

All I can say is that God showed up.

He always does, but like I talked about last week, sometimes we forget. But God.

He is always right on time.

It’s been weeks and weeks and weeks of drought and oppressive, blistering temperatures across Texas. The ground is cracked, aching for moisture. Once green grass is now crispy, scorched.

Isn’t it interesting how we sometimes begin to look like our environment.

I have felt lost, dry, thirsty.

Searching for answers, searching for peace. Desperately searching.

I only need to be desperate for HIM.

In Him are all the answers. In Him is my rest. In Him is the peace I thirst for.

He is always right on time.

This afternoon the sky began to darken. A while later, a low murmur of thunder echoed from afar. I was working in the barn, kids playing in the background. We all began to pray and ask Jesus to bring the rain. I began to sing and a couple of them chimed in, “Let it rain, let it pour from heaven. Let it rain, to revive my soul…”

Nothing.

The temperature dropped slightly a couple hours later, and the wind began to pick up.

Finally…I could hear drops, one at a time, begin to scatter loudly on the metal barn roof. One ran out from the casita screaming, “IT’S RAINING!!!!!” In an instant, it was a full on rainstorm, pouring, thundering, becoming deafening on our metal roof. Soon we were all outside. We, like undoubtably countless others across East Texas, couldn’t stop ourselves from getting IN IT. Soaking up the goodness of God and praising Him.

He’s always right on time.

Josh had chores to do, animals to put up for the night. “Let me find you an umbrella,” I called out. “I don’t need one,” he said with a smile in his eyes, “I want to enjoy it.”

Once chores were done, kids dried off and settled, he and I stepped outside to literally soak up the last moments of the waning shower. It was glorious. The air smelled clean, the rain was cold. We stood there, letting ourselves be washed. Thankful.

We both knew it was more than the weather we were experiencing.

He is always right on time.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

“Ask the Lord for rain in the springtime; it is the Lord who sends the thunderstorms. He gives showers of rain to all people, and plants off the field to everyone.” (Zechariah 10:1)

“Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”” (Hosea 6:3)

I Didn’t Want to go to Church Today.

I didn’t want to go to church today.

Just being honest. And I bet you’ve all been there.

This week has been hard. We are going through a hard season. Not “my-baby-has-cancer” hard, but still hard. And sometimes when you’ve been through an unfathomably hard season like that, you struggle with guilt in the “regular-sized” hard seasons. Like somehow surviving a truly devastating trial should have made you immune to struggle for the rest of your life.

I should have rock solid faith.

I should be unshakeable.

I write about gratitude every single week. It should come naturally.

All those things may well be true. But life happens. Strength wanes. Perspective skews. Like the constant pounding of waves against a shoreline, bravery gets eroded little by little by the relentless pounding of the daily grind.

The Texas heat this summer is oppressive. The earth is scorched and panting for rain. Doesn’t it feel like it will be like this forever? Don’t you sometimes wonder if it will ever rain again? Sometimes our hearts can feel like that dry, parched desert. It’s so easy to forget the well-watered seasons of plenty. And you best believe the day will come when we will once again find ourselves complaining of the cold, or how inconvenient the rain can be.

So anyway, recent circumstances left me feeling dried up, weary, and defeated. And this morning, staying in bed with the covers over my head sounded a lot more appealing than pulling myself together and putting on a forced brave face at church.

But God.

My perfect Father, as any good dad would, reminded me that hiding was not the answer, that fellowship in His House with His people was exactly what I needed.

And wouldn’t you know it? Why was I surprised that the sermon met me right where I was? The story of Peter, who had walked in person side by side with Jesus. Who had heard the Words of Life spoken directly from the lips of the Savior, and who experienced miracle after miracle from the One he called Friend. This man had every reason to ALWAYS be FULL OF FAITH. He KNEW Jesus.

He’d fed the 5000 with Jesus. He’d seen the dead raised and the sea stilled. And now he was walking upon the water, toward Jesus, looking straight into His eyes!

Yet he doubted.

He got scared.

For a moment, he forgot all he had seen, all he had learned. He started focusing on what he (Peter) could do instead of what Jesus could do.

Isn’t that where we go wrong?

He is able. He is faithful. He is good. He is WORKING. He is reaching for you.

Wherever you find yourself today, in a season of rest, of joy, of peace, or one of deep darkness, grief, and loneliness. A season of frustration with minor inconveniences or one of truly life altering catastrophe. It’s ok to feel. It’s ok to struggle. It’s ok to not be brave sometimes.

Just don’t quit.

God often does His best work in the dark. He is drawing something out of you, building something into you, something for your good and for His glory. Refreshing is coming.

My circumstances haven’t changed. But at least my eyes are back where they’re supposed to be.

On Him.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” (Psalms 94:18-19)

““Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”” (Matthew 14:29-31)

“O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.” (Psalms 63:1)

9 Years of Gratitude

(**Full disclosure, the whole time I was writing this, I was thinking it had been 10 years. Which obviously feels like a big milestone. Bigger than 9. But this is how I was feeling, so here goes…probably just recycle this post next year when it’s actually been 10.)

9 years.

August 10, 2014 was the day I heard the Lord tell me I needed to start thanking Him.

In the midst of the darkest season of our lives, just weeks into our 8 month old baby’s cancer treatment, He told me to thank Him. I was living in the hospital 2 hours away from my husband and my family. Sawyer was receiving round the clock chemotherapy treatment for a cancer he had a slim chance of surviving. Our comfortable, predictable life as we knew it was over, replaced with a life of hospitals, doctors, nurses, and scary words like spinal tap, bone marrow, and blood transfusion.

I could feel myself sinking.

Sinking into despair.

Sinking into self pity.

Sinking into a dark hole of fear and loneliness.

But my loving Father loved me too much to let me slip away.

As I lay on the clammy blue vinyl cot beside Sawyer’s hospital crib, in the middle of another sleepless night spent watching the clock and the IV pump managing the toxic drugs that were simultaneously saving and attacking my baby’s frail body, I heard God tell me to thank Him for this trial.

Pictures from home hung on Sawyer’s hospital wall

And that’s how Sunday Gratitude was born.

Some weeks giving thanks is as easy as breathing. The colors of the sunset were vibrantly on fire. The most delicious meal looked just as beautiful as it tasted. The project went well, the kids were sweet, and the Lord spoke so clearly I couldn’t miss Him.

But this is real life.

Sometimes it goes sideways.

Sometimes circumstances are hard and dark and ugly.

Sometimes circumstances are fine, but it’s my own heart that’s hard and dark and ugly.

Like every family, we have ups and downs, successes and failures, highlights and bloopers. We have good weeks, and some really bad ones.

I can’t tell you how many Sunday nights I have spent staring at a blank screen, wondering how I was going to find something positive to say.

But God.

He’s just so good, y’all. Because He’s always there. Even if all I can thank Him for is my cup of coffee and the color of the sky, He gives me the ability to do that.

Because no matter what it all looks like, no matter what storms come, no matter how bleak (or how WONDERFUL) life is at any given moment…

HE IS WORTHY.

It doesn’t matter how thankful I feel.

HE IS GOOD.

Cultivating a heart of gratitude is a lifelong process. Even though I’ve had this blog and an audience for accountability for almost a decade, it still doesn’t always come easily. Fiery darts in the form of crippling anxiety and chronic PTSD, along with the relentless cares of this world are ever seeking to rob my joy and squelch my testimony.

But God.

I won’t do it perfectly. But I will praise Him. I will fall, but I will praise Him in the dirt. I will freak out and forget everything I have learned, but He will remind me and I will repent and praise Him again. I will get prideful and start acting like I’ve got it all together, and once I’m done looking and sounding like a fool, I will praise the One who deserves it.

Thank You Jesus, for Who You Are and all You have done. I don’t deserve Your grace, but I’m so so thankful for it.

Thank You for 9 years with Sawyer, 9 years with our family, 9 years of growth, 9 years with all of you.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.” (Isaiah 25:1)

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

“I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.” (Psalms 86:12)

July 23

It’s not a day we celebrate.

But it’s a day we never ever forget.

Cancerversary.

How can this day still knock me out year after year? I cannot express how much I hate that I am still FLATTENED every July 23. There is such a huge part of me that sneers, “Get over it! He’s here! He’s fine! It’s in the past! Thank God for his healing and move on!”

We have SO MUCH that we praise God for! They said he wouldn’t survive the day. BUT GOD! We have our beautiful boy, and 9 years later he is still here living his best life!

But on July 23, I just stay stuck. Stuck reliving every shell-shocked moment of that day. It’s like re-watching a movie when the worst part is about to happen. I want to shout at the unsuspecting characters what I know is coming, “Watch out! You’re about to be hit by a train!”

That is always what I go back to. We never saw it coming. We had no idea that life as we knew it was about to end and would never ever be the same. July 23, 2014 BC. Before Cancer. The steel toe kick to the stomach and the concrete truck sitting on my chest.

The emotions of cancerversary remind me to give thanks and to love big because you never what what’s around the corner.

They remind me that I’m not who I was 9 years ago, and I never will be. Cancer changed my DNA and that’s ok.

They remind me that even though I will never ever understand why this happened to my baby, God is big enough for my questions, my hurt, my anger, and even my unbelief.

They remind me that out of the worst and darkest season of our life were birthed some of the deepest, most genuine and priceless relationships we could never have expected and that would never have developed any other way. And that Sawyer and his story have touched more hearts and opened more doors for the Gospel to go forth than we will ever know.

I didn’t remind Sawyer the significance of this date today. As he has gotten a little older, his emotions have gotten bigger, and I can tell he’s starting to wrestle through some feelings he can’t fully understand. He asks more questions about cancer. About death. I don’t want to stir anything up unnecessarily. He didn’t even notice that I stared at him a little more today, hugged him a little tighter and a little longer, or that I left my sunglasses on even when it wasn’t bright.

I am thankful and I am broken. I am strong. And I am so, so tired of being strong.

Today at church, I wrapped my arms around Sawyer (probably a little too tight) as he stood in front of me during worship. I could feel his little chest rise and fall, and the vibration of each word as he sang from a pure and innocent heart, “I love You Lord for Your mercy never fails me. All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands. From the moment that I wake up, until I lay my head, I will sing of the goodness of God.”

And I know he really means it. And so do I. God really is good, all the time. Even when we don’t understand.

I pray I will one day be free of all fear and dread. That one day I will stop holding my breath. That I will allow myself to imagine Sawyer growing up to be a man. And I pray that I will not transfer any of my burdens onto my beautiful son; that my hangups will never hold him back from all the Lord has for his life.

I look forward to the day when Jesus will wipe away every tear, and no child will ever again be diagnosed with or lost to cancer.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”” (Mark 9:24)

“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”” (Psalms 77:11-12)

“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.” (1 Samuel 1:27-28)

Clarence

If you’ve followed our moving-to-the-country journey, you know that getting animals has been one of the most exciting parts for all of us. We now have 2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 goats, 16 chickens, and a duck named Clarence.

Clarence was a rescue duckling. Someone had saved him from a cat attack and dropped him off at Tractor Supply, hoping he’d find a home.

There’s a sucker born every minute.

How could I resist a lone orphan duckling that arrived AT THE EXACT MOMENT I was at Tractor Supply with my kids letting them pick out their baby chicks?

The sales associate assured me: the duckling could eat the same food as our chicks; he could live in the same coop as our chicks; and he’d be fine without a pond. “He’ll think he’s a chicken!” she said.

Clarence thinks he’s a chicken.

We’ve tried numerous times to put him in a dish of water. He hates the water. Chickens don’t like to get wet.

We are considering getting a couple more ducks, so Clarence can have friends who look like him, and help him to build meaningful relationships within his species. I’m also quite taken with the idea of getting some geese. Babies of course. All these waterfowl could help teach Clarence that HE IS NOT IN FACT A CHICKEN.

My amazing husband surprised me one day this week with a giant hole in the chicken yard. A POND FOR CLARENCE!

Among the countless trash and treasure items left on the property by the previous owners was a large stock tank. Josh spent over an hour digging down roughly 4 feet through about a bazillion layers of rock solid Texas clay. In the 102° blazing heat. For a single duck who hates the water. Because he thinks he’s a chicken.

I love that man.

It took several tries to get it the right depth. Finally we filled it to the top with water. And put Clarence in it.

It went EXACTLY as expected.

The next morning, we went out to the chicken yard to find the pond completely empty and bone dry.

It had cracked.

Several layers of silicone, and it was patched up. Time to try again. I thought I’d give Clarence another little water-aversion-therapy as we refilled the tank. He actually did ok!

A few more tries, some good, some not so good. The pond is holding water well, and all the chickens enjoy drinking out of their new, large, deep water dish.

And today, my heart exploded. I watched Clarence waddle up to his pond. He literally acted nonchalant…

walking away, then back, looking to see if anyone was watching. First a little sip of water,

then a little hop! Right into the water, swimming in circles, swishing his little webbed feet.

Then he ducked his head down, and with a splash, DISAPPEARED to the bottom!

After several second, he SHOT out of the pond straight up in the air, flapping his wings, and hit the ground running franticly.

He did what he was meant to do for the very first time, and it scared him to death.

I think we are like that sometimes. We see what others are doing, and we want to be like them. We measure ourselves against others, and we wonder why OUR EFFORTS don’t match THEIR RESULTS.

BUT GOD.

God made each one of us uniquely gifted to fill the role He created us for. And sometimes, no matter how badly we want to act like a chicken and look like a chicken and surround ourselves with chickens, WE WERE MADE TO BE A DUCK and do duck things instead of chicken things.

May we find joy and purpose in what God has for us.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

Oh, and we also are pretty sure that Clarence is a girl.

“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”(1 Corinthians 12:4-6)

“Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” (1 Corinthians 12:15-18, 27)

Dig

I am thankful.

~ for a good week on the farm. We were gifted some mature hens from a friend, and we were thankful to welcome Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia.

We’ve started letting all the chickens out to free range for a few hours in the evening, and it’s so fun to watch them explore and forage and then one by one, put themselves to bed in their coop.

~ our little garden is doing great, even in the unseasonably early heatwave.

~ not a bad little harvest, including OUR FIRST TWO EGGS! I wish I had captured the looks on each of the kids’ faces! Lord, help me to never forget their absolute joy and surprise. Priceless.

~ for Sam and Kora’s favorite week of the entire year: Pine Cove! For the first time ever, I’ve got 2 at the same camp. So very thankful these sweet girls get to go to camp. They are such a help to me, but they can just get away and enjoy themselves in the most beautiful setting. I pray this will be a week of fun, friendship, relaxation, and a deepening of their relationship with Jesus.

~ for more beautiful wildlife…can you spot the friend in this picture?

~ for our first summer trip to the library. Everybody came home with new books to enjoy. I love this tradition.

~ for a great day celebrating our favorite Dad. It was a peaceful day, with a few simple projects, a Texas Rangers win, and finished with a feast: chicken fried steak & taters and another hot, buttery blackberry crumble with ice cream.

It’s really summer.

Being out here on our little farm, we love the setting and the wildlife and the beauty.

Some things just seem really simple.

But man, is it ever a lot of WORK.

Like it’s a constant battle. Constant repairs. Fighting the bugs. Outsmarting the varmints. Maintaining the property. Tending to the animals. Keeping up with the onslaught of weather and weeds and blistering Texas heat and my gaggle of hungry, messy kids.

I love the story our pastor tells, how he raised his 5 sons on the saying, “We LIKE hard work!”

It’s good to get hot and sweaty from working hard. For your back to feel tired and your legs a little sore. To have dirt under your fingernails, and maybe even a blister or two.

It’s good to have to dig.

Because that’s where the good stuff is.

That’s where the good worms are for fishing. That’s where you find the good soil, once you get past the weeds.

That’s where the treasure is.

I don’t want to stay on the surface, in the shallow, exerting myself as little as possible.

I want to dig deep. Into the Word. Into Jesus. Into Life.

It’s work. But it’s so, so worth it.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:7-9)

“The land yields its harvest; God, our God, blesses us.” (Psalms 67:6)

“Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you.” 1 Chronicles 28:20a

Gift

I am thankful:

~ for my handsome son turning TWENTY FOUR! Am I ACTUALLY thankful for this? Because when I say it (or type it) it just makes me feel DESPERATELY OLD!

I just really can’t believe it. Colton is a man. Grown. Fully independent and on his own. I look at him and still see the baby that I carried in a laundry basket from my apartment to the laundromat.

It feels like a million years ago, but it was yesterday. I’m thankful he still likes his old mom and dad, and that he chose to spend his birthday with the fam. Crescent chicken, sweet potato fries with homemade ranch, and fresh baked cream puffs was his menu of choice, and we had a great time celebrating him. (Even if he ended the evening getting pounded in ping pong by 9 year old Sawyer.)

~ for the sweet smell of honeysuckle after the rain.

~ for snuggles from our farm babies after a hard week.

~ for the chickies (and duck) graduating from the brooder to their coop. They are hilarious to watch, gangly awkward “tweens” with oversized feet and feathers that don’t fit. It’s fun to watch them grow and get used to their new space.

~ for my brave husband who works his tail off, even doing what he hates the MOST – anything involving heights! His latest project is closing in the gable at the end of the barn and completing the soffits all the way around. Most of this job takes place 14-20 feet in the air. We will celebrate BIG TIME when this job is completed!

~ for such a special, exciting season for Cooper. He’s such an amazing kid. He’s had the best Senior year, interning with his high school principal,

speaking in Jr. High chapel,

and has kept his social calendar FULL. Senior Prom was last weekend, and he had a blast, taking a great friend for his date and enjoying the night with a whole group of friends.

This week he and buddies did their “Senior Prank,” with permission from (and chaperoned by) the principal.

And then his very LAST day of school.

Where did my little Coopy go? So proud of the decisions he has made, the role model he is for his younger siblings (and more others than we are aware of I’m sure), and his courage to be himself no matter what others are doing. He is ready to be out on his own, working and spending time really digging into his music and producing. I can’t wait to see God’s plan unfold in Cooper’s life. I know it’s gonna be GOOD!

Last fall we seeded a rocky, hilly area of the farm with wildflower seeds, a mix of red clover, blue bonnets, black eyed Susan’s, etc. It’s awesome to see more brilliant colors pop up every day, along with all the other incredible treasures that come to visit.

One of the seeds listed among the seed mixture was the Poppy. Poppies are my absolute favorite. I loved finding them growing in my youth in Southern Minnesota, but I’ve yet to see one in Texas, so I was not overly optimistic that any would grow. This week my heart was so happy to see our very first tiny poppy!

It was followed by another little cutie, and other, and then later in the week, two gorgeous full-sized beauties burst forth in all their flamboyant glory!

I couldn’t help but just feel like they were a gift. Truly, a gift from the Lord. I think He loves to surprise us, give us what we secretly hope for, knock our socks off with His creativity and generosity. And do we notice? And if we DO notice, do we actually GIVE HIM THE CREDIT, or do we casually dismiss it all as coincidence? Happenstance? Luck? I know sometimes, far too often, I’m so focused on the pressing “needs” and the latest catastrophe that I’m fretting about that I miss the gifts right in front of me. He didn’t have to give me a poppy. But He gave me 5!

Lord, give me eyes to see Your gifts all around me, and remind me to take the time to pause and actually THANK YOU for them.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let them say among the nations, “The Lord reigns!” Let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them! Let the trees of the forest sing, let them sing for joy before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” (1 Chronicles 16:31-34)

“For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” (Romans 11:36)

Bumps

I am thankful:

GLORY TO GOD, SAWYER REMAINS CANCER FREE!

Wednesday was his bi-annual oncology follow up appointment, and he got an A+. It’s always wonderful to see his care team, they are family to us. And I know it brings them so much joy to see Sawyer growing and thriving today. They saw him through the darkest, scariest days that we all wish we could forget. It’s always on my mind how difficult their jobs are. These doctors and nurses see the unthinkable and keep coming back anyway. They fall in love with their patients even when they try to guard their hearts, which is why their care is so personal and so compassionate. But that depth of compassion means that the hurts cut more deeply than they ever let anyone see. But still they keep pouring themselves out, caring for the sickest of the sick every day. So humbly grateful.

So anyway, the visit was great. And we found a fantastic new-to-us burger joint, and thankfully made it home before all the tornado warnings.

But the rest of this week…y’all. Y’ALL.

This week’s theme: God is good no matter what. No matter the circumstances. No matter the bumps in the road.

We had a lot of bumps this week.

And I didn’t handle it well. In the middle of a stormy, raging sea, I was sinking fast. Because I kept taking my eyes off Jesus.

Everything, JUST EVERYTHING, felt hard and discouraging. Being a farmer is hard. Being a mom is hard.

BUT GOD.

No matter what’s going on, from the big tragedies and losses to the maddening everyday irritations we face, God is good.

I can sit in my rocker and listen to the whippoorwill.

I can see a family where there once was none.

I can see His beauty in a wildflower.

I get to fall asleep beside my best friend in the whole wide world.

I can look in the mirror and see the lost girl He redeemed.

So I’m thankful. I’m thankful that He reminds me of Who He is when I start to forget. He doesn’t let me drown and just say, “Guess you should’ve trusted Me. You had your chance.” He reaches out His hand to me and says, “I know this is hard, but it’s not gonna stay this way. Let Me hold you a little closer through this part. It gets better, you’ll see. JUST WATCH.”

If our hope is in Jesus, our best days are always before us. Because we know the end of the story.

No matter what bumps lie ahead. It’s gonna be GLORIOUS.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus / Look full in His wonderful face / And the things of earth will grow strangely dim / In the light of His glory and grace” (Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus)