Even When it’s Hard…

This week I’m thankful for the little stuff.

I’m thankful for a sleepy girl with tangled up hair crawling into my lap for snuggles. (And a beautifully healed lip/chin I might add).

For a beautiful box of the best tacos.

For a cozy sweater when the weather’s cool enough, even if I change into a tank top after lunch.

For a new vacuum that REALLY SUCKS. (Like it’s supposed to)

For a most realistic Leonardo Da Vinci, who was known for having the most captivating dimples of the 15th Century.

I’m thankful that I sold almost every single sign and ornament at the Barn Sale! Leftovers will be available Saturday at Vintage & Co Christmas Open House!

For the smell of roasting chicken.

For hot coffee that’s waiting for me when I wake up, and the first cup in the quiet stillness of the morning.

For hard lessons and good talks and God’s amazing grace that covers our shortcomings.

For a whole week off with my kiddos home from school.

I realized this week, this is the first time in 18 years that I have not attended a school Thanksgiving feast or program. The emotional mushpot that I am, I shed some tears, thinking of all my ~~little Indians~~ short, indigenous individuals, the same cute songs about turkeys and pies, and the well-loved costumes that we have used year after year.

But I’m thankful.

I’m thankful because it means my babies are growing up. That they got to do those special rights of passage when they were little, and that by God’s hand, now they are too big for them.

And thankful for the memories of so many sweet Thanksgivings gone by.

Just like the old adage, “is the glass half full or half empty,” everything is in our perspective. Thankful for the laundry because it means we have clothes to wear. Thankful for the mountain of dirty dishes because of the food that was on the plates. Thankful when the Word or the Spirit pierces my heart, because it reassures me that my heart has not turned to stone. Even thankful for the unspeakable pain that comes from grieving, because it proves how deeply we love.

We have to take the bitter with the sweet. And keep looking for the sweet in front of us. And remembering the sweet that was. And believe that sweet is coming.

Because He IS coming….

And we have to keep giving thanks, even when it’s hard.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

““Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29)

“O magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together. I sought the Lord, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalms 34:3-4)

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” (Psalms 94:18-19)

A Paintbrush in my Hand

I am thankful:

~ for a fun, albeit way too short visit with Aunt Gina.

~ for Sawyer’s Native American clothes pin project for school. Fun to do this project each time I have a second grader.

~ for the Word of God, the comfort and refining it brings every time I open it up.

~ for the joy it brought to hear of one of Gold Network of East Texas’ programs at work. If you’ve been here since Sawyer’s treatment, you may remember that he spent lots of time in an inflatable-pool-turned-playpen at the hospital. It’s where he took his first steps.

When we created GNET, we began stocking the social worker with pools and portable pumps to distribute to cancer babies in the hospital. “Sawyer’s Just Keep Swimming Program.” I saw this photo on an INTERNATIONAL online support group this week, and I recognized it instantly.

Sure enough, when I messaged her, I found that she was in Dallas at Children’s. We quickly connected and exchanged information. A day later, I received this email from our beloved social worker at the hospital.

GLORY TO THE LORD! What a beautiful blessing to be a part of!

~ for a special Happy Birthday for our Bear Boy. We got him a new collar and a new toy.

The toy lasted 1 hour and 14 minutes. Completely destroyed.

I picked up a replacement toy after school. Bear and Birdie ripped it open and ate the squeaker out in about 4 hours, but they are still getting some amusement out of what’s left of it.

~ for a wonderful day off with my Love. He’s off every other Wednesday, and the past few times we have had a breakfast date, trying out various local eateries. This has been a favorite of Tatum K. She loves and frequently asks to visit Jimmy’s Egg, which we visited several weeks ago. The other restaurants were new to her, and she had her own unique names for them: Happy’s Fish House = “Happy Face” and First Watch = “Sky Watch”. After some not-so-good breakfasts (MAJOR understatement), we finally had our PERFECT breakfast at “Sky Watch,” complete with a light and pillowy waffle and decadent, savory candied “Million Dollar Bacon.”

~ for an awesome evening of football for Josh and the boys who traveled to Athens for the first Carthage Bulldogs playoff game.

Us girls had a cozy evening back home with a Hallmark Christmas movie marathon.

~ for the most productive Giddyup & Whoa week I think I’ve ever had! I’ve been behind on my projects because of my hand, so I have a lot of catching up to do. On top of orders, I’ve got the Barn Sale this week AND another sale the first week of December. So Josh and I both buckled down and got to work. He cranked out 15 signs in ONE AFTERNOON,

and I painted or stained the base coat on all of them, and completed 8 Christmas signs plus two custom orders.

Lots of ornaments on deck in the next couple days, and then more custom orders. If you are local, be sure to check out Vintage & Co Christmas in the Country. Jodi and her team curate the most charming and unique collection of vintage holiday decor, gorgeous furniture, and one of a kind finds. It’s such an honor to be a part of her sale.

Christmas in the Country: November 17-20

It felt good to have a brush in my hand. I didn’t realize how much I had missed it. Painting is such a part of me. I really haven’t been doing very well personally. My anxiety has been raging out of control, and I’ve been discouraged, struggling to keep my eyes on Jesus instead of the waves. And I was amazed to see how peaceful I felt as I got back into my zone.

~ thankful for a smooth resolution to a rough afternoon. Tatum K tripped and fell at church, and sliced herself under her lip on a stool. When I got to her, she was hysterical and splattered with blood. Once I got her calmed and cleaned, I was relieved to see that the cut was very superficial. But its location was not good: prime for her to bend her lip and pop it open. Almost 2 hours later it was still oozing down her chin. So to the ER we went. Much to my surprise, we were the only patients in the waiting room, and were seen immediately. We got fantastic care, and the doctor was able to glue Tatum’s wound with no pain or trauma. And little missy was such a trooper…after the glue was applied, she was told to lay perfectly still for 4 minutes. You have never seen a more still little Rapunzel statue in all your life! I was so proud of her. She skipped happily into the house when we got home and showed off her glued lip and her hospital bracelet. So thankful.

I loved the illustration in church today that giving thanks is like a muscle. The more you practice, the stronger you get. I have been feeling really weak in a lot of ways, and I know I need to be strengthening my thankfulness muscles. God is good, y’all. Don’t doubt Him. He knows what He’s doing, and He sees the end result that our perspective can never see. Press on. Press in. Rediscover something that brings you joy. Serve somebody else. Take a walk. Turn your music up loud and SING. And when you fall down, when you screw up, when you lose it and find yourself flat on your face… scrape yourself back up again. And thank Jesus.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (I Thessalonians 5:17-18)

“Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done…” (1 Chronicles 16:8-12)

Thank Full

I am thankful:

~ for a wonderful, JAM-PACKED break. Most days the weather was great, and the kids enjoyed running around and playing outside. They raked leaves into piles and delighted in jumping in them. When they found that we didn’t have enough leaves, they were more than happy to visit our neighbors and gather THEIR leaves and bring them to our house!

~for the absolute best kitchen helpers in all the land. My sous chefs were raring to go, and what they lacked in expertise they made up for with enthusiasm.

~for even a little time with my Girl home from college. Way too short of a visit, but thankful just the same.

~for sweet moments with my Love. We have our ups and downs like anybody else, and sometimes we bicker and get on each other‘s nerves. But most of the time, the love we have is everything you could ask out of a sappy movie. I love driving down the road, holding my babies hand, singing Garth Brooks’ songs to one another. It is delightfully nauseating.

~for online shopping. I just don’t have it in me to get out there and box the crowds for the best deals. I can’t even express how grateful I am to be able to find what I need while sitting on the couch and have it shipped right to my door.

~for a wonderful Thanksgiving. We always drive to Carthage and spend the day with family. The children cherish all the traditions, and their excitement is so contagious. This year we had an even larger crowd than usual: I love how everybody feels at liberty to invite more people along…and everyone is TRULY WELCOME. I don’t think anybody every feels like they are an “extra.” They just BELONG. And it’s truly the most fun gathering you can imagine. We are a lively bunch, with our chicken and turkey hats, our pumpkin Olympics complete this year with a reverent and very formal coronation of the Pumpkin Queen, and chicken dancing in the front yard next to the highway (punctuated with frequent honks from passers by). There’s just SO. MUCH. JOY. We ate until we were completely uncomfortable, and then we made another plate. Once that was ram-crammed down into our bellies, then it was time for PIE. The food was fantastic, but it’s the fellowship that defies explanation. I’m so grateful to be in the company of so much love. Such special memories.

~ for the soft glow of Christmas lights, a fire in the fireplace, and my snuggly $4.99 blanket from Aldi.

~ for the very best curbside find yet: the 9 foot Christmas tree (in original box) I picked up on large item trash week earlier this year. We put up the tree and with just a little finessing, all the original lights are functioning! Whoever threw this tree away, THANK YOU! We decked our halls this weekend, and everything is bright and festive. Josh even built me a custom reclaimed wood tree collar (gotta add a little Giddyup & Whoa, of course!) The kids love seeing their favorite ornaments and decorations come out of the boxes. They hear the stories of Grandma Grace’s handpainted nativity and Granny’s Christmas village. We hung our new ornaments from this summer’s trip to Lark Toys in Minnesota and the Laura Ingalls museum in Wisconsin. And Tatum K just points at everything and chirps again and again, “May-we Cwis-mas!!!” (We’ll see how much of it she breaks before the season is over.)

And today, what I’m most grateful for is a curly headed, blue eyed little boy, because today he turned 6. Six years old. I can’t even say it without crying.

It doesn’t matter how normal life is, how long he’s been a happy kindergartener, how normal he looks. It still takes my breath away when I stop and think about everything Sawyer has been through. From almost losing his life to organ failure the day he was brought by ambulance to Children’s, to the life and death battle he fought against cancer as a baby, the toxic reaction to meds, narcotic overdose and withdrawal, and then countless unidentified infections and bizarre complications along the way… but you’d NEVER EVEN KNOW IT. The faint white port scar on his chest and the curly hair that used to be straight are the only physical indicators left behind to hint that he has a medical history. I don’t know why Sawyer is the way he is, why his light shines so bright and why he loves so big. I just know he amazes me and that it feels like a tremendous responsibility to shepherd such a child. I don’t know how old he is going to grow to be, or what he is going to do in his lifetime (my heart still guards itself against looking too far ahead), but I know he is very very special. And I am thankful for every. single. moment. And I’m thankful for a very low-key, normal-just-like-every-other-kid-in-the-tribe birthday: no party, just donuts for breakfast and menu of choice for dinner: pizza, mac-and-cheese, and chocolate cake that he helped me bake. He wasn’t an honored guest of the police department, and nobody surprised him with a trip to Hawaii. He got Legos and a hot wheels track and some clothes. Just like a regular kid. And that’s kind of hard on Mom and Dad, because quite honestly, we think he deserves a parade every day (I mean, DOESN’T HE?) But what a gift that Sawyer, even after all he has been through, gets to live a normal life and be a normal kid. Normal maybe. But nonetheless, an EXCEPTIONAL WALKING MIRACLE. Glory to God!

Happy December. My mission this month is to keep my eyes on Jesus no matter how busy life gets. And remember why we have anything to celebrate.

(And just for the record: I love ALL my kids. Each one of them is incredibly unique and special and I’m in awe that God has entrusted me with stewarding so many of His treasured creations. I’ve said it before, I’m the most blessed Mama in all the world. I will spend my life doing my best to point them all to Jesus and love them all well.)

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Not Qualified

~ for a week full of dreams. Josh and I are dreaming big dreams about a lot of things. I have no idea what the Lord has in store, but I LOVE having this wonderful man to dream with.

~for a great Giddyup & Whoa week. Our Christmas items did well at the Barn Sale, and I participated in my first artisan mini market. It’s one thing to drop my things off at the barn, quite a different thing to set up a display and man it for five hours. Josh built the perfect rustic display panels, I got a credit card swiper, a receipt book for taking orders, printed me up some cute shopping bags… For the first time ever, I actually felt like a little store! It was surreal and terrifying. But once we got it all put together, it was great. It was so fun. The market was outside, 42°, and completely in the shade all day… So I was a Giddyup-and-Whoa-sicle by the end of it. I met some terrific people, sold several signs and lots of ornaments, got a bunch of custom orders, and lots of people took my card. I feel like it was good exposure and hopefully it will lead to more work. Even though I’ve been painting for years, today marks exactly one year since we launched our Instagram account and took the step out in faith to put our business dream out there. It has truly been a blessing to our family to have steady orders coming in. We pray God continues to bless it and open doors for us to grow! Keep us in mind when you are finishing up your Christmas shopping!

~ for warm, fluffy spiced ginger bread right from the oven.

~ for such a fun morning attending Samantha’s 5th Grade History Wax Museum. Each student had to choose a historical figure, read a biography about them, and then dress up as that person and pose. Samantha chose Marie Antoinette. (I personally think she chose it because she knew her prop could be a cake.) I ordered a tall coiffed white wig, but it did not arrive in time. So at the last minute, we had to improvise: I ratted her hair and fashioned it around a washcloth to give her a giant bouffant updo. We powdered her face and added a mole… She looked lovely!

~ for Sawyer’s “Fanksgiving” Feast! This boy has been is so excited that his feast was coming up, it’s all he has talked about. His class had prepared a darling program with scriptures and songs and of course, the CUTEST pilgrim and Indian costumes. Each child was given an Indian name, and Sawyer’s was “Brave Warrior.” He proudly donned our family’s traditional Fanksgiving Feast attire – the handmade costume I made for Colton’s Feast (hastily crafted the night before that feast, mind you!) Never did I dream we would still be using it 15 years and 8 kids later! I also wonder exactly how many times I have heard the song, “Super Turkey” over the years…

Friends, I have to tell you…sometimes writing these journals is such a battle. I always ask the Lord to show me what to share, to help me see the blessings. I truly desire for this blog to be a vessel of encouragement, and an offering of worship to the Lord. Because He is worthy. But sometimes…sometimes I’m just stuck. Or I’m right in the middle of learning a hard, very personal lesson, and it’s difficult to put words to it. This has been one of those weeks. I’ve been hit hard with discouragement. I’ve been freshly reminded how unqualified I am in so many ways. How in the world am I raising NINE CHILDREN? I don’t know if I’m qualified to raise a CAT. I have no qualifications to run a nonprofit organization. Or a small business. Or to sit here and write a blog to encourage anyone. I mean, who am I? I know where I have come from. I’ve been a mess. A liar. A thief. A harlot. A drunkard. Selfish. Guilty. Empty. Ashamed. Lost.

BUT GOD.

I don’t need to be reminded who I once was. I know EXACTLY what I’ve done. And so does Jesus. He has loved me since before He created me, before He laid the foundations of the earth. He has forgiven me and redeemed me and called me His own. He has washed me white as snow and given me a new identity and a new name. I am UNASHAMED. And that will never be taken from me. And all that is not to say that I am SOMEBODY….but I am somebody’S. I AM HIS. So when attacks come, I will hold fast to the promises that I know are true. That “Therefore, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has SET YOU FREE from the law of sin and death.” And when I feel my flesh quake, and I start to doubt, I can call out, both to Jesus Himself and to faithful saints in Christ, and they will pray for me and speak words of life and truth to me, reminding my head what my heart already knows. I am who He says I am.

I hope you know this for yourself. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, or where you’ve been. There is NOTHING that the Lord doesn’t long to forgive you for and free you from. The price Jesus Christ paid on the cross was enough. Enough to cover EVERY SIN.

Maybe I’m not qualified. But I am a Child of the King, and He is faithfully refining me every single day. And even if I’m not where I hope one day to be, I’m thankful that I’m not where I used to be. And I can live with that.

May each of you have a joyful, grace-soaked Thanksgiving this week, however it is you will spend it. I’m very conscious that the holidays can be very hard for some people. Broken relationships, missing loved ones, difficult memories. I encourage you to reach out to someone you know may be hurting this week. An encouraging word goes a long way.

Let’s love one another well this week. Let our words bring life and healing instead of tearing down.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” (Colossians 1:10-14)

“I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who You say I am. You are for me, not against me. I am who You say I am. I am who You say I am. Who the Son sets free, oh is free indeed. I’m a child of God, yes I am!” (Who You Say I Am, Hillsong Worship)