Is This for Real?

Life looks so different overnight.  For all of us.  I think we thought it was a fluke.  I know I did.

It’s not a fluke.

We are really here.  This is really happening.

I have run the gamut of emotions.  One minute I am full of faith and ready to stand tall in the face of fear.  And the next minute I feel as though I can’t breathe.  If I see one more outbreak map or curve, or one more picture of all the empty shelves at Walmart, I’m going to flip.  What’s going to happen to my family?  To Sawyer?  To my parents and my grandparents and all the people I love?

Sound familiar?

But in the midst of this trial, this unrecognizable, crazy-cakes Twilight Zone world we are living in: I see so much good.  Parents are spending time with their kids.  Families are eating together.  People are cooking and crafting and making one another laugh.  Churches are rising to the occasion and learning new ways to spread the love and hope of Jesus.  Doctors and nurses are going into battle every day to take care of the masses.  Teachers are bending over backwards to teach parents how to be teachers at home.  

I’ve considered setting up a LiveStream from my house to let all of you see what life is like at my house.  I am sure we could be quite a source of entertainment.  Quarantine with 8 kids and 2 puppies is no joke.  We’ve had some shining moments and some epic fails.  Especially considering we are basically breaking the Law of Less than 10 just by being a family…over here living a life of a fugitive!

I am thankful:

~ for my kids.  Guys, my kids are amazing!  I am so incredibly proud of them.  They have been so flexible and positive this week as we have navigated these uncharted waters.  They have all been eager to “do school,” and have helped one another and helped me all along the way.  Samantha will read with Sawyer, and Gavin will answer math questions with Zoe, while Kora is keeping Tatum K entertained.  Trust me, I recognize that this has been an unusual week, and that the novelty will wear off sooner or later (probably sooner) and it will likely get much harder.  But THIS WEEK, this week they have been such a blessing!

~ for walks.  Fresh air is so healing to me.  To us all.

~ for timing.  I cannot express how thankful I am that I was able to squeeze all those breakfast dates in with each of my children before the world shut down.  That feels like a lifetime ago.

~ for Sophie the Brave Day, March 19.  It came right on time this year.  What a better time to force myself to think outside the box, think outside these walls, and think about others instead of ourselves.  I haven’t been sleeping at all this week, and the ideas came flooding in at 2-3am Wednesday night.  As soon as we got up, the kids got started making thank you signs and notes while I baked cookies.  We put our video together and then packaged up the treats and headed out to deliver.  To the police station.  To the grocery store.  To our schools.  Dropped off cash at Starbucks with notes about Sophie for the baristas to give out with the coffees.  The roads were quiet and the kids didn’t get to get out and take any pictures with our deliveries, so it was a different kind of day.  But still, they were all so excited to be spreading love and kindness amidst such bleak surroundings.  The world needed some Sophie Love that day.  And I know lots of others were doing similar things around town and beyond as well.  You can see our #DOMOREFORSOPH video here.

~ for awesome neighbors.

~ for friends who have checked in on us.

~ to hear from some of our HERO families.  Everyone I have spoken with is doing mostly ok.  In this situation, am so thankful for the technology available to stay connected remotely.  We just have to guard our eyes and our hearts as to what we are watching and sharing.

~ for the opportunity to paint and be creative.  I was able to finish and deliver 3 meaningful Giddyup & Whoa signs this week.  A watercolor family tree to a mama who has lost 2 children, a tribute to a beloved son, and a family sign built from gorgeous reclaimed wood salvaged from their father’s store.  What an honor to be entrusted with such special projects.

~ for a fun Saint Patrick’s Day.  We wore green of course, had green oatmeal with green sprinkles, and with our lunch enjoyed green veggie straws and green grapes.  It was nice to have something light-hearted to celebrate.  Isn’t it refreshing to appreciate the simple things?  Thanks for the goodie box, Grandmommy!

~ for a new puzzle, and all the time in the world to finish it.  We shall see if we can actually  complete one with ALL the pieces.

~ for a night around the fire pit roasting hot dogs and eating ice cream.

~ for the children’s love of music and worship.  We’ve been starting every morning with Bible study and prayer time together, each one in turn reading through the Scriptures, and we are all memorizing 1 Corinthians 13.  They (unlike me) still know what day it is every day, so on Tuesday they got a little sad to realize they were missing Chapel at school.  SO WE DID CHAPEL!  I pulled up some of their favorite kids’ praise videos on YouTube, and we had the best time of singing and praising and dancing!  Like for almost 2 hours!  It.  Was. AWESOME!

~ for our little garden!  It was perfect timing to pick up our vegetable seedlings and seeds and work together to plant.  Some were more horrified than others to learn that we were spreading cow manure in the garden bed.  Tatum K was very confused that her tomato plants did not IMMEDIATELY produce her favorite food.

~ for coffee.  Lots and lots of coffee.

~ for a keyboard from the church for Carson Grace to borrow for her now-online ETBU music classes.  I love listening to her play. 

~ for greatly improved handwashing hygiene.  Unfortunately, that seems to be directly proportional to the lack of personal hygiene on mom’s part.  It is rare that I get out of my pajamas and even more rare for me to shower.  In fact, when I did shower, dry and style my hair, and put on actual clothes, the kids all stopped in their tracks and asked, “WHERE are YOU going????”  It was good to feel like a human again, even with nowhere to go.

~ for online streaming from our church.  And other churches.  What an awesome opportunity to get to “visit” each others churches in addition to supporting our local body.  I so love that so many people are rising up and problem-solving and finding new ways to encourage one another in the Lord.

~ for homemade banana muffins.  And chocolate ice cream.  And for grilled cheese and tomato soup.  I am praying we can maintain our rationing with all the comfort-food-binging.  The kids are LOVING trying “new” foods.  And by “new,” I mean brand names…they have really never had anything other than store brand groceries their whole lives, so now they are amazed by Yoplait yogurt and Kelloggs Rice Krispies.

~ for empty playgrounds, duck ponds, and hiking trails right around the corner from our house.  Cooper and Gavin have had fun fishing in the creeks and lakes.

~ for the kids’ great attitudes about the “homeschool” I threw together for last week.  In addition to the random “lessons” I gave them, they watched cool livestream videos from zoos all over the country, and then all got to choose an animal to research.  At the end of the week, they each gave a presentation to the family.  We were all amazed at all the new things we learned about crawfish, white tigers, zebras, king cobras, sharks, and llamas.  I was genuinely proud of the time and effort they put into their presentations.  

~ for a much-needed “date night” with my Love.  Josh and I had a date planned weeks ago.  Then Sawyer got sick.  Then Spring Break was busy.  We took for granted that we would get to it eventually.  Then the world as we knew it imploded.  But we still had the gift card we had been saving, and we decided to jump on it while restaurants were still serving carryout food.  So we got the Littles to bed and enjoyed a candlelit steak dinner outside.  The food was perfect, absolutely delicious.  But more than that, we had minute to just BE.  To just be in love and tired and honest and a little scared, but together.  

I don’t think I have any profound or inspiring words tonight.  This is hard.  Scary.  Confusing.  Right now, Josh still has a job, but like so many others, there is no job security, and there seems to be a new development every day.  His is certainly not an “essential” business.  The prospect of being unemployed with 8 kids at home (and the 9th who just lost his job and will have no means to support himself) is daunting to say the very least.  It is scary not to be able to order the groceries that I now realize I had completely taken for granted.  What looks like a stockpile is a normal grocery trip for my family, so the maximum quantities allowed don’t even meet my family’s basic needs.  Sawyer is fine, but his weakened immune system makes him so susceptible to every illness it is hard not to worry.  The rest of the kiddos are doing great, although a couple of our adopted ones are struggling with all the uncertainties and changes to their routine.  I recognized it today when we were having church in our living room.  Wide eyes, shaky hands, tense jaws.  Change has always been challenging for our adopted kids… they have been through so many hard and dramatic changes in their early years, and some of those changes came with lots of pain and loss.  It is scary for them to sense that their world has lost its familiar margins and that even mom and dad aren’t sure what is going to happen next, and that triggers old emotions for them that they don’t understand.  Tomorrow I embark on the uncharted path of homeschooling 6 children.  I am incredibly grateful for the dedication our wonderful school has poured into preparing the material for our kids and formatting it basically overnight into a vehicle that we can deliver.  But obviously I don’t feel prepared for this, and feel completely inadequate as a teacher, especially to so many at once.  But I also know we are all in the same boat, and that we will A) figure it out as we go and B) none of it is critical.  I do have it in perspective.  But all the while I sit here and type about how “in perspective” I have it, I still wrestle with oppressive anxiety about all these details individually and collectively.  Lots of tears when no one is looking.  Lots of deep breaths and giving myself the same reminder that I give Sawyer when he is struggling with his own anxiety….(Breathe in Jesus, slow and deep….breathe out the “yucky thoughts.”)  I hear my voice reassuring my kids, and my voice sounds like it’s coming from somebody else.  

BUT GOD.

He is with us.  He is here.  He will never leave us.  All His promises are true.  He has OVERCOME.  He is ETERNAL, and all the rest of this will pass.  We can trust Him.  We WILL GET THROUGH THIS, one way or the other.  

I don’t know how anyone is getting through this without Jesus.  If you have not trusted Him as your Savior – now is the time!  You have everything to lose without Him AND everything to gain with Him!  DON’T WAIT ANOTHER DAY!  This world has nothing to offer but MORE UNCERTAINTY and confusion.  But when you surrender yourself to the Maker of heaven and earth, you can rest knowing that in Him, you are safe, and loved, and you have a Home for eternity.  He is ready for you, and He loves you so much.

If you are a Believer already – this is our day.  This is where the rubber meets the road.  Do you really trust Him?  Do you believe He is still good when everything around you is falling apart?  What if it gets worse before it gets better?  What will we say about Him then?  People are watching us, watching our reactions.  Are we sharing with others: our faith, our food, our toilet paper?  What is our conduct like in the grocery store?  Do we trust in the government?  In our self sufficiency?  Or is our trust securely anchored where it belongs?

This is what we are going to do this week at Quarantine de Rucker.  We are going to stay home.  We are going to “do school” the best we can.  We are going to spend time in God’s Word and in prayer.  We are going to love on each other even when we are sick of all the togetherness.  And we are going to trust in Jesus and thank Him every day.  And we will continue to wash our hands until all our skin falls off.

I am praying for you.  We will get through this.  Don’t lose heart.  Make it a daily practice to count the blessings around you…they are there if you look.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“The Lord will be kind over the whole earth.  On that day there will be one Lord, and his name the only name.”  (Zechariah 14:9)

““For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you see me with all your heart.”” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)