Seasons

I am thankful:

~ for 2 sweet quick visits with 2 different dear friends before they move away. It’s so hard to say goodbye to people you love. But seasons are always changing and you just pray that you can find a way to stay connected regardless of location. Tatum had a great time playing with a friend, and later having a delicious breakfast of diced tomatoes and chocolate milk!

~ for the stunning color of the fall leaves. People say Texas doesn’t really get seasons. And while the foliage may not be as electric nor the temperatures quite as brisk as in the north and northeast, I think East Texas is beautiful in the fall. I love the drop in temperatures, pulling out the boots and sweaters, and the crackle of a fire in the evenings. To me, the autumn season was the ideal choice for scheduling Thanksgiving: leaves change and fall, colder weather makes us want to cuddle closer, we hunger for the warmth of nostalgic comfort foods…it’s a season built for looking around at our surroundings and seeking to give thanks.

~ for a extra special week for Kora. Her class presented the Chapel program, a Tribute to Veteran’s Day. It was an inspiring and reverent program, and all the students did a beautiful job with their songs and recitations. Then as a part of her classroom’s weekly Toastmasters presentation, she gave her original speech. Big week for our girl. She delights in having her turn in the spotlight, and nothing makes her light up more than seeing Mama and Daddy smiling from the audience. So proud of her.

~ for the rare opportunity to surprise my girl! Carson Grace invited us to a special event as a part of her music major program, Student-led Night of Worship. Unfortunately, she invited us about 22 hours before the program. I let her know we were very proud of her, but told her how difficult it would be to make arrangements to get all the way to Marshall the next evening, especially on a school night. But as soon as I got off the phone with her, I got to work planning those details. Even that evening, as we were on the road to Marshall, I continued to text her and tell her that we loved her and were praying that the service would go well (true statements). When we showed up at the recital hall (you can imagine, a Tribe of Littles is quite a spectacle on a college campus, so we weren’t hard to spot), she saw us and burst into tears. I’m so thankful we made it a little early so she had time to get herself together before taking the stage with her worship team. What a blessing to see our beautiful daughter, singing unto the Lord with her peers. It was just awesome. After her set was over, she joined us in the audience, and squeezed me so hard…it felt great to know how much it meant to her that we were there. It was an incredible night worshipping together, and even the Littles totally got into it, clearly blessed by the presence of the Lord.

~ for lots of progress in preparation for our 2 upcoming Giddyup & Whoa sales: Vintage & Company’s “Christmas in the Country” and The Market. Josh has been building and building for me, and I paint every chance I get. The kids love being a part: helping design, paint, and construct; and they are always eager to “model” for me. So thankful for the opportunity to create together as a family, and hopeful that we are coming into a busy season for the business.

~ for successfully surviving the last (and coldest, and WETTEST) JV football game of the season! Armed with our blankets, scarves, gloves, and hot chocolate, the Littles and I made it to halftime, and left Dad, Colton, and Brooke to cheer Coop on to the bitter end. I love watching him play, so I’m sad to see the season end, but I WILL NOT miss shivering in the bleachers with 875 whining kids.

~ for our furry, floppy muppet dog, Bear, who turned 1 today! He has been such a fun addition to our crazy Tribe.

~ for relaxing evenings, chilling and watching the Cowboys. Ok fine. If you know me, I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about football. I can barely keep my eyes on Cooper’s jersey to see where he is on the field at his games. I can get into sports when I know personal stories about the players, but otherwise, it’s hard for me to follow. BUT. I love my husband. And my husband loves to watch the Cowboys. So I love to be near my husband while he watches the Cowboys. I paint or write, and I cheer when he cheers. We’ve got a system down.

~ for a weekend with our girl home from college. We enjoyed a RARE laid back weekend devoid of a schedule. Carson Grace got to sleep in, we ran some errands, ordered some much-needed glasses for both of us, and spend the evening watching Lion King all together.

~ for unexpected blessings. One of the reasons Carson Grace came home for the weekend was because she had been invited to be a guest vocalist at the church of one of her professors. The church was in Athens, and we decided to load up the whole Tribe and go with her. Carson Grace of course did an absolutely wonderful job sharing her song, and blessed the heart of the Lord and every parishioner in attendance. But it was clear the moment we got there that the He had a very specific purpose for our family visiting that church. The pastor (who teaches voice part time at ETBU, and was the one who invited Carson Grace) and his wife have recently taken in 4 foster children. Recently as in 3 weeks ago. I looked into that mama’s tired tired eyes and knew exactly what she was feeling. Oh, how vividly O remember the pain of that season, of those raw first weeks. Josh and I were able to share our foster/adopt story and listen to where they are in theirs. We could relate to one another on such a strikingly similar level, and there was such hope in that. After church was over, our 2 families went for pizza, and the adults visited as much as we could while juggling kid plates, refilling cups, wiping noses and wiping spills… We sat there and told the stories we have told so many times. Stories of broken beds, and heads cracking through windows. Stories of getting locked out of the house by 3 toddlers and of the end of life as we then knew it. BUT GOD. Because the kids from those stories are gone. They really are. I can’t think of a day when I was more proud of my children. As we were telling those stories with the grownups, OUR kids were loving on THEIR kids. Our little girls were chatting it up with their girls, and have already declared that they are friends who can’t wait to see each other again. Their little guy and Sawyer had been in Sunday school class today that morning, so they were tickled to buddy up at lunch. And Carson Grace and Cooper were kind and conversational with their quiet and reserved 16 year old boy. It was beautiful. I’m not even bothering to hold back my tears as I write this tonight, with the images fresh on my mind. I ache thinking of all that these precious children have gone through, more than anyone even knows about. They have been shifted around and let down by the ones who they trusted to keep them safe, and so many others after that. I can only imagine how broken and scared and confused they are. And I know how shell shocked those foster parents are right now. Everything about their life has changed overnight. And they are holding on for dear life, clinging to Jesus, desperately trying to be obedient to whatever He asks them to do. I’m so grateful that we got to meet this family today, and ask that you would join me in praying for them. They need it. And I’m so grateful that the Lord used this day to show me afresh how far our beautiful children have come, and the beauty that shines from the ashes of their story. Their story is one of brokenness and loss and pain, and a story of love and redemption and healing and hope. And today I got to see them ministering. Thank You Father for fresh eyes to see the miracle of New Life.

Whatever season you find yourself in, may you remain securely anchored into Christ. When things are bad, hang on. Jesus is holding you, He is fighting for you, and He will never leave you. And this season won’t last forever. And if you are in a sweet season, a season of plenty, of peace – set that anchor DEEP. Study His Word, seek God’s heart, pour into the lives of others. Invest wisely in eternity during seasons of peace, because that season will end too. And we never know what’s ahead. We just know that our best days are still to come. Which season are you in? Who can you encourage this week?

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

““Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:3-9)

God is in the Ring

I am thankful:

~ for a wonderful awesome trip to Dallas to deliver the abundant bounty of toys that you all generously donated to the Gold Network of East Texas Toy Drive! I’ll be completely honest. I didn’t think we were going to even meet last year‘s number. A week before delivery day, we had about 800 toys. And $300 to spend. A number isn’t what it’s about. I know that. And 800 toys is a lot of toys. But I am so amazed at how God worked in so many hearts over the last week. We collected more than 700 more dollars and ended up with over 1600 toys! Every hour another donation would come in. It just blew my mind! And I had the neatest experience at the Dollar Tree in Tyler. I went in with $400 to spend, and found out that since it was our first time registered as a tax exempt nonprofit, we got 10% off our purchase. So that gave me almost another hundred dollars to spend! It was so fun! I’ve never bought so much in my life, filled up 3 buggies! The receipt was as long as Samantha is tall! All the toys just barely managed to fit, crammed into our bus. I was thankful that the 4 “Middles” were able to spend the day with their cousins, because there was literally no room for them in the car! So I made the trip with just Sawyer and Tatum K. We were met at valet at Children’s Hospital by 2 child life staff members with giant rolling bins, which we filled to overflowing! Sawyer delighted in pushing and pulling them to the elevators and then he gleefully assisted in stocking the shelves. He quickly learned which bins were for which toys, and chattered nonstop as he worked. It brings me such joy to see him happily giving things away. He knew none of those toys were for him, that they were all for his friends. A sweet little girl came to pick out her prize after a hard, exhausting day of chemotherapy. The same age as Sawyer, she was completely bald and it was clear that she felt miserable. She picked out a baby doll, and then Sawyer picked out a second prize for her, which brought a tiny smile. Seems like yesterday that Sawyer was the one weak and frail. Sawyer has prayed for his little friend Charlie every day since. A million thanks to everyone who helped with this blessing.

For the best bonus to an already great day. We drove around the corner from the hospital and met our precious nurse and now dear friend, Brittney, for lunch. We haven’t seen her in several months because our appointments didn’t line up with her schedule, and now she has an additional job: Mama to a beautiful two-month-old baby boy! It’s absolutely amazing to see her as a mama. I’ll never forget meeting Brittney and sawyer’s hospital room in the early weeks of his trip treatment. She knelt with me to pray before administering his chemotherapy. She became my sister immediately and a favorite. I remember thinking what an she was an expert seasoned nurse she was, and I didn’t find out until years later that she was brand new, and she admitted to being terrified that day. It’s so beautiful the way the Lord purposely braids people into our lives that will change us forever.

~ for the most incredible neighbors! One day I got a knock on the door and a neighbor had a donation for Gold Network. They had wanted to come to the Gold Run but were crazy busy. So they just wanted to make a donation to support. Another day, another knock on the door. A different neighbor had 4 large Bruno‘s pizza left over from a party they were having! Have you ever? We are so blessed in our neighborhood.

~ for the miraculous power of prayer. Monday, an article was published by the New York Times regarding an impending shortage of the cornerstone chemotherapy drug for childhood cancer, Vincristine. Tuesday, social media was buzzing with the news, and a couple local moms contacted the Dallas hospital, and received the report that the shortage was not expected to affect our kids. But Wednesday. Wednesday our own sweet Hero, Jase went to Dallas for his routine monthly chemotherapy treatment for leukemia. And he was not given his scheduled dose of Vincristine. His family was understandably livid and very concerned. HOW CAN CRITICAL DRUGS THAT WE DEPEND ON TO SAVE OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES NOT BE AVAILABLE???? So we all used the only 2 tools we knew to use: the power of social media to incite people to apply the greatest power tool of all – the power of PRAYER. People everywhere were praying. And at the end of that all-day clinic visit, doctors came back to Jase’s family AND GAVE HIM HIS MEDICINE!!!!! The very same thing happened with several other patients that day! And shortly thereafter, a press release was issued stating that the drug company responsible was expediting the production of Vincristine several weeks sooner than previously scheduled. We are so grateful that Jase received the life-saving medicine that he needed, but we ask for continued prayers that this crisis does not happen again. Every type of childhood cancer requires Vincristine for treatment. Our kids MUST have access to the drugs they need to LIVE!

~ for the remarkable convenience of online grocery shopping! I was skeptical at first, wondering if I would get good produce, or if they would accurately fulfill my shopping list. But I have been very pleased with the service I’ve received from all 3 grocery stores that I have to use. Now a task that used to take me all day can be completed in less than two hours. It’s truly a game changer, especially with a family our size.

~ for kids who love to help!

~ for a super productive week of Giddyup & Whoa sign painting. I cranked out 7 signs for the upcoming Vintage & Co Fall Barn Sale. If you are local, you MUST come check it out! They have the most wonderful collection of unique vintage and refurbished items, and beautiful handmade merchandise as well. This year they’ve even added a different food truck each day to make it an even greater experience! Check them out Wednesday through Saturday!

~ for a tasty and free food truck lunch hosted by our mortgage company for customer appreciation. Tatum K entertained the crowd with her street dancing, and the juicy fried fish hit the spot!

~ for a very special birthday! Cooper turned 15 this week! How in the world is my sweet, blue eyed mess of a Coopy a 15 year old? We feasted on his menu of choice: biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs and bacon, and rich chocolate cake. Love that kid! (He also played a great football game this week).

~ for an amazing photographer that bravely and expertly tackled the gargantuan task of capturing a picture of Nana and Pop and ALL 23 GRANDCHILDREN! We have been adopted into an amazing extended family here in Tyler, and it is one rowdy bunch, ranging from age 20 down to 5 months! The photographer, Lauren Ashley, not only got the prized whole family picture, but each individual child, every family, and all the couples! All in one hour! She is a MACHINE! I can’t wait to see how the pictures all turned out! (These pics are just snapshots from my phone)

More than anything this week, I am thankful for God’s Mighty Hand. I talked last week about how overwhelming the pace and the pressures of life can be. Well it’s not letting up. It’s been a rough week as far as my anxiety goes, and we’ve been hit with brutal punches to the gut from out of nowhere. That really is what it feels like sometimes. Like a fighter in a ring getting HAMMERED. Only there’s no timer, no bell. No break to let you catch your breath. Just hit after hit sending you reeling against the ropes. Sometimes the hit looks like it’s big enough to destroy you.

But God.

No matter what is going on, I know He’s with me. I know He’s fighting the battle for me, in front of me, behind me, and IN ME. He built me for this battle. He has prepared me for it. If I’m in it, it’s because He has a plan for the battle and a plan for me. He is the God that holds my children. He holds their hearts and their future. He has a plan for their lives as they find their way. And every trial that comes our way will be used for our good and for His glory. And when things look like they can’t ever be ok, I will turn my eyes to Him. When I can’t take one more step, He will carry me. When my heart is broken, He will hold me.

It’s a big week for Casa Rucker, and we are counting on God to do some incredible things. Will you please pray for us? I look forward to sharing many great praise reports in next Sunday’s Gratitude!

Love one another, seek Jesus, and GIVE HIM PRAISE!

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Be merciful to me, O God, for man would swallow me up; Fighting all day he oppresses me. My enemies would hound me all day, For there are many who fight against me, O Most High. Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” Psalms 56:1-4

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”” Exodus 14:14

Letting Go

I am thankful:

~ for the beginning of football season. Is it really the beginning of football season already? Well, Cooper started two-a-days this week, so that meant we were up before the sun. And even though I was in a coma as I drove him, I still appreciated taking in the glorious sunrise. And I love seeing Cooper with a goal in mind. That kid loves him some football!

~for a great time at the Football Moms’ Clinic. It’s a special time for moms to learn a little more about the game and focus on our boys. To sit at their football locker and pray over the upcoming season. To share a meal with other football moms and our sons. It’s always such a sentimental night for me. I attended my first Moms’ Clinic 6 years ago when Colton was a freshman, with Sawyer in my belly. I missed the next year because Sawyer and I were in the hospital, in the critical early stages of his chemotherapy treatment, and the coaches and moms were so kind to us with notes of encouragement. The next 2 years attending with Colton were super special, and now I’ve had a couple years off with no high school football player. So to sit beside my Cooper, who gets taller and more handsome daily, as he starts his freshman year of football, I couldn’t be more proud and thankful.

~ for the opportunity to give blood in honor of an amazing warrior boy. Luke’s birthday was Wednesday, but this year he celebrated it in heaven with Jesus. His family chose to celebrate his life and his memory by encouraging people to donate the gift of life. You may have heard that there is a nationwide blood shortage. Kids with cancer require frequent blood transfusions throughout treatment. Sawyer had dozens. So I was thankful for the opportunity to participate and tell the techs about Luke and about Sawyer. If you can, GO DONATE BLOOD!

~ for a fun, albeit way too short, visit from Uncle Mike and Cousin Kenedy. We got some great snuggles and lots and lots of giggles. My favorite was hearing Kenedy ask for “Clipper” (Cooper).

~ for those rare moments when God allows us to see purpose past our pain. So often we cling to what we want, not knowing He has something far greater. Sometimes we have to let go of what WE THINK we need so that we can receive His BEST!

~for the most amazing honor! Our friends from Minnesota, the Franz’s, shared amazing news. Their 10 year old son, Andrew, participated in the Pinky Swear Foundation Triathlon for childhood cancer, IN SAWYER’S HONOR! Andrew completed a 100 yard swim, 3 mile bike course, and a half mile run. We hope he heard us cheering for him all the way from Texas!

~ for a happy happy birthday for our sweet Zoe Girl. I still can’t wrap my mind around how much our little Brown-eyed girl has grown up. I remember meeting her: 18 months old, bitsy tiny, big watering wide eyes, and absolutely SILENT. She refused to be put down, and Carson Grace carried her so much she wore a sore on her hip. Today Zoe is bubbling with life, dancing and singing everywhere she goes. She is a silly goose and loves to use her imagination. She loved her waffles with sprinkles and whipped cream for breakfast and chose red velvet cupcakes for her cake. Happy birthday ZoZo!

~ for a (hopefully) win-win-win-win situation. We had friends who needed to find homes for some kittens. We had another friend who had been wanting a guinea pig. Our kids really wanted a kitten. Our Dad was anti-kitten, but EXTREMELY in favor of parting with our guinea pig. So much so, that he was willing to acquiesce to a kitten if it meant re-homing the pig. So bottom line, we traded a pig for a kitten. Meet Miss Stella. Bear is PASSIONATELY EXCITED about his new “sister.”

Last night, we were in battle mode. Last minute list checking and Walmart runs. Pack? Keep? Memory box? Toss? We watched Carson Grace’s eternal tornado of a bedroom slowly transform into a stack of boxes and bags and suitcases. Saying goodnight was different. I knew it wasn’t going to be her last night to sleep in her room. But it’s not ever going to be the same. Most likely, whenever she comes back, it will be for a visit. Not to stay. She’ll always have a home to come back to here, but she really may move on and move out for good instead of ever coming back here to stay. Ever my daughter, she was highly sentimental, and we shared lots of tears and sweet words with one another before we settled to bed. I will always treasure those moments with my girl. Today was our hard day. We knew it was coming, and we have worked hard to get ready for this point. Josh and I drove Carson Grace to Marshall and got her all set up in her new dorm room. We rearranged the furniture and mounted her built-to-order Giddyup & Whoa sign over her bed.

We hung her clothes and arranged her mountains of shoes. We set up her coffee bar and had a coffee-making lesson. It turned out absolutely darling, and she loves her personal little oasis.

If this week seems early to start college, it is. Carson Grace starts her 1 week mini-mester class in the morning, and then she’ll be home one more weekend before school starts for real. We are so happy for her, and so proud. We feel great about the environment she’s going to be in, and we know that she never belonged to us, but to God. But I gotta tell you. In spite of all those healthy, grounded, mature FACTS THAT WE WHOLE-HEARTEDLY BELIEVE…all that goes out the window when you drive away from the building where you just left your baby girl by herself. Did we teach her enough? Is she going to make good friends? Is she going to work hard? Is she going to be lonely? We did the best we could the last 18 years, and we made a ton of mistakes along the way. But it’s time to let go and release her with our blessing. And now it’s her turn. To chose. To stand. And I know God’s got her, like He always has, and that she’ll be ok through the good choices and the bad, the sweet times and the heartbreaks. I really do know she’s gonna be ok. I do. But tonight….tonight my house is a little too quiet without the sweet whisper of a ukulele and my favorite voice coming from the door at the end of my kitchen. And my heart feels like a big chunk is gone. Tonight I’m giving myself permission to be sad and miss my girl.

Please continue your faithful prayers for our dear friends Harold and Lucas and their families. God is, and always will be, bigger than cancer. Bigger that anything we fear. Bigger than than anything we face.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24, 26

Grace

Grace. Defined as “the unmerited favor of God toward man.” It’s the good we get that we don’t deserve. Oh, how we need grace. It’s something I’m always begging God for more of, and I’m so thankful that it’s something He never runs out of. I’m counting on heaping helpings of that grace to get me through this summer with all these kiddos and all the big changes that are coming this fall.

I am thankful for GRACE.

One of my kiddos had a pretty bad day. Well, pretty much it’s been A BUNCH of bad days piggybacked on top of each other. And I’ve had to discipline a lot. Like a LOT LOT. And it left me feeling discouraged and sour and like the World’s Meanest Mommy. But Saturday morning, I stretched my my arms open, and this child crawled up into my lap.

I whispered, “I love you,”

and they said, “I love you too.”

And I said, “Do you know I love you even when I get onto you?”

“Yes,”

“And do you know WHY I get onto you?”

They replied, “because you love me and so I can learn from my mistakes and do better next time.”

Deep sigh. Big squeeze. Tiny tears from mama’s eyes that I tried to hide in their hair as I held them tighter. Ok, maybe not the ACTUAL meanest mommy in the WHOLE world. Thankful to my loving father who gives me the grace I need to be a mama to so many. And the unique grace He gives me to be the exact mama that each ONE CHILD needs at that moment. God, give me the grace to extend that grace to others, especially my children.

~ for my flyswatter. Anybody else dealing with 834,267,559 flies?

~ for our cardinal family. I’ve been captivated by watching their nest and the comings and goings of the parents. Now there’s a baby bird out of the nest, not yet strong enough to fly. It hides itself all around our yard and the neighbors’, and the Mama and Daddy cardinals tirelessly tend to it and bring it food. So far our benevolent neighbors have not called the cops on me for climbing my ladder and constantly peering over their fence with my telescopic camera lens.

~ for the community of prayer warriors who rise up around a need. If you follow me on social media, you likely saw my urgent prayer request for our beloved nurse Kelly and her infant son, Lucas. He has been battling rhabdoid tumors for several months and just recently has started experiencing a decline of appetite and increased pain. A CT this week indicated a new tumor. And y’all hit your knees. Kelly was thankful to report that the mass was not attached to his brain, and that the insertion of an NG tube should provide a nutritional boost to increase Lucas‘s strength as he continues his brave fight. How I wish there was no cancer for him to fight, but today we have the grace to praise God for every piece of encouraging news! You can follow Lucas’ journey on Caringbridge.

~ It’s been a big week for our oldest daughter. Monday Josh, Carson Grace, and I drove to Marshall, TX for New Student Orientation at East Texas Baptist University (ETBU). It’s such a beautifully manicured campus, and all the staff and other students and families were so friendly. After the first general welcome session, all students and parents headed to meet with the heads of the major they had chosen, for Carson Grace, that was Communications. She hasn’t been sure what exactly she’d want to do in that field, but she has some interests and strengths in those areas, so it seemed like a good place to start. Next was a meeting with the department heads for whatever you want to minor in: Music/Worship Arts. Carson Grace was eager to meet with these professors and discuss the choirs and worship team. The head of the Worship Arts department begin to ask lots of specific, pointed questions: “So why are you here?“ “What are you passionate about?” After just a few of her responses, he said… “I don’t know, but you sound like a music major to me!” That was such an unexpected, abrupt shift that caught all of us unaware. But when he asked her, “Do you like music? Or do you LOVE music? For me…” he said, “I’m interested in a lot of things, but music is what gets me out of bed in the morning. It’s what makes me tick.” And her eyes filled with tears as she said, “ I love it. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”

And that was that. She’s a music major! Thank you God for the grace to take a step out in faith.

~ also this week, Carson Grace had her very first job interview. After about 25 minutes, she walked out with the job!

~ not only that, Carson Grace, our sweet girl, our Princess Peanut, turned 18. I swear, yesterday she was a baby. A bitsy, blue-eyed baby, sucking her thumb behind a pink crocheted blanket. A tiny, sassy toddler shaking her thing to the Wiggles “Pony Song.” We’ve ridden the predictably unpredictable hormone roller coaster, cried happy tears and tears of frustration, and learned the hard way how to communicate. Josh says she’s just like me: sometimes that’s a compliment, and sometimes it’s most assuredly NOT. But as I look at her as a young adult, a young woman, my heart is bursting with so much pride and so much hope for her future that it genuinely feels like pain.

Grace was my grandmother. My dad‘s mom. She was a farmer, a school bus driver, 4-H leader, and a world traveler. She knew how to cook and sew and her house was cozy and neat as a pin.

I pretty much grew up at her house, at her kitchen table, in her garden, and in her basement. I spent all my time with her when I was little bitty, but when I grew older, I spent time with her by choice. I would ride my bicycle 3 miles down the treacherously steep loose gravel road that led from our family farm to her house in the valley. I loved to be at Grandma’s house. I played “olden days,” dressing up in her old furs and hats from the 50s and the reading the old primers she had saved from when my dad was a little boy. I waded and fished in the creeks around her house. We watched deer and birds and squirrels from her windows, and watched the trees explode into color on the bluffs that rose up around her on every side. She was feminine, but not girlie, and I never remember seeing her wear a drop of makeup. She loved me unconditionally and was my biggest fan and supporter through every endeavor. I loved my Grandma. And even though I never expected to have a daughter, when I found out that my second baby was going to be a girl, it was a given that I would name her Grace. Josh and I traveled from Texas back to Minnesota about once a year to visit early in our marriage, and each time it was more heartbreaking to see Grandma’s health decline as Parkinson’s Disease robbed her of her physical strength and independence. She passed away when Carson Grace was 6. But I will always treasure the memories I have of her, and I love sharing them with my kids. I know she would have gotten such a kick out of my crazy oversized Tribe, and they all would have loved her just like I did. And I’m so proud that my first-born daughter bears the name of such a special lady, one who lived up to the definition of the word.

Let’s love lavishly and extend extra measures of grace this week! Everybody else needs it just as much as you do.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:7-9

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

A Blessed Mess of a Mama

Why do I start every Sunday gratitude with the sentence… “Wow! What a busy week!”???? With a family this size, I think we can rest confidently that it’s usually going to be busy. I just need to accept that fact. But whether you have one kid or 21, the end of school season can get wild. So buckle up, this post is about to make you tired…

I am thankful:

~ for 15 Giddyup & Whoa Mother’s Day orders.

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For “Graces Races,” our GCS end-of-school field day for each grade. Monday 1st grade, Tuesday – 3rd grade, Wednesday – 2nd grade, Thursday – 4th grade. And I made it to each one. Granted, a couple in time for the snowcone finale… But at least my kiddos knew I was there. They all had such a great time with their friends doing balloon and scooter and gunnysack relays. The elementary children will have their last day of school this coming Wednesday. Where did this school year go?

~ for great softball game/senior night for Carson Grace. So proud to take the field with our beautiful girl and celebrate the end of her high school career. Then the Cougar girls played a tremendous game and walked away with their first playoff win!

~for a great birthday dinner celebrating Colton. His schedule last week didn’t permit, but this week we had a tasty meal of his choice: crescent chicken, sweet potato fries, and yellow cake with chocolate icing.

~for another great choir concert, this time for Cooper and the Junior High. Such a talented group of students!

~ Of course the highlight of this week was Wednesday, which was Sawyer‘s quarterly Oncology Clinic visit. Bloodwork confirmed that he is CANCER FREE! Glory to God! This was Sawyer‘s first visit on the ACE unit (After Cancer Experience), otherwise known as the Survivors Unit. This is truly a miraculous milestone we never dared dream we would see. You can read my Caringbridge post with full details from the day here.

~ I’m thankful for God’s protection on the drive, and I’m very thankful I didn’t know how dangerous the storms were until AFTER I was safely home! I know I would have panicked. My back hurt for 2 days from clutching the steering wheel.

~ for Nurse Appreciation Week. Our nurses are our family, and we love them passionately. No amount of words or gifts can measure the impact they make on the lives they touch. We ❤️ Nurses!

~ for Carson Grace’s Senior Awards Assembly. How incredible to see 100% of her class has been accepted into various colleges, from Texas to Alabama to Illinois. The Admissions Counselor from ETBU came from Marshall to present Carson Grace with her Academic and Christian Leadership Scholarships. And that same day, she took her very last final, and is officially DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL! Just unreal. It was a hard fought battle to get her to this point, and she’s wrestled through a lot over the past couple years, but she made it, and we are SO PROUD!

If you’re still with me, are you tired yet? Oh no, we’re not done yet. Not even close!

~ thankful for Cooper’s 8th Grade Year End Assembly. The students heard from each of their amazing teachers (there really is a unique and passionate breed of teacher who chooses to minister to Jr. High students). They reminded the kids how loved they are by the Lord, and that they are so valuable to the Kingdom. The teachers, coaches, and faculty spoke with so much enthusiasm and heart, it was incredibly moving, and I’m freshly reminded how grateful I am that Cooper has been loved so well by this faculty. I pray for him as he steps into High School next fall, that he will walk confidently in who he is, and stay the bright, one-of-a-kind individual he’s always been. Oh, and he is THRILLED to be done with school for the year.

~ for 2 fun end of year parties done. 5 to go. From trampoline parks to the rock gym, they have a blast with their friends.

~ for a whirlwind Saturday: Carson Grace traveled with her team to Rockwall for Softball Playoff game, Cougars DOMINATED for another victory, and then turned around and rushed back to Tyler in the rain so the girls could get ready for PROM! Seriously!!?? What a day! Thankfully there was just enough time, and Carson Grace transformed in her room from a softball champion, emerging as a stunning vision in her ballgown. At the country club where the dance was held, the Senior class and their dates gathered to take a group photo, and the emotions got really real. It seemed like yesterday that all these kids were posing for class pictures on the playground. Or on a fire truck. Gone are the pigtails and missing teeth and skinned up knees with Disney bandaids. Instead they were beautiful grown young men and ladies. They were poised and stunning and were arrayed in their finest. And they took my breath away. Somebody please stop time.

And now that I’ve survived this marathon week of mayhem, it’s Mother’s Day. I’ve earned some stripes this week for sure. Mother’s Day can stir up such varied emotions for different people: longing-to-be mothers, first-time mothers, children who have lost their mothers and mothers who have lost their children, mamas with strained relationships, and those who have chosen not to be mothers. Not everybody gets breakfast in bed and a new candle.

At this moment at my house, there’s marinated fajita steak on the grill, and ALL MY KIDS ARE HOME. There are saturated towels, clothes, and shoes strewn all over the patio and three dripping mermaid tails hanging on the fence. Yelling kids on the trampoline, yelling kids chasing a soggy mess of a dog, kids staring at their phones, kids cracking up over Snapchat filters. My legs need shaving, my grey needs colored, my floor needs mopped, and my bed’s not made. And I will be 100% honest and say I usually don’t fully appreciate my life. I am short-tempered and impatient and overwhelmed. Too many questions, too much laundry, too many squabbles and the sippy cup is always lost. But today. Today I have been so thankful. Yes, my plate is full, but I see my cup that overflows with blessing. My house is a mess, but it’s bursting at the seams with the people I love. I have no idea why God has given me so many hearts to be responsible for, and most days the task completely terrifies me. I am VASTLY UNQUALIFIED. But I know that the confidence in myself that is lacking is ECLIPSED by the confidence I have in Him. He gave me all these babies. I don’t know why I am so blessed, but all I can do is thank Him and do my best every day. And when my best isn’t good enough, His grace will meet me there. I’m pretty much the most blessed mama on the planet.

Oh, and today I got to take a nap in my hammock.

Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“All your children shall be taught by the LORD, And great shall be the peace of your children.” Isaiah 54:13

Peace

I am thankful:

~ for every shade of electric green after the rain. The spring landscape is so vibrant.

~ for my sweet and spicy Tatum K turning 2! Even though she didn’t really understand, Tatum knew there was something special going on. Over and over she cheerily chirped, “Tay Tay Happy day! Happy day!“ Of course we celebrated with CAKE AND PIE (homemade chocolate meringue pie and a white chocolate raspberry from Nothing Bundt Cakes). Even chicken pot PIE for dinner. She was captivated by being the center of attention…delighted by the singing of Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles, requesting it to be repeated several times. I don’t think she ever would have stopped! She opened her gifts and her favorite things to carry around for the rest of the evening were two birthday cards, one with monkeys and the other with a dog. Oh, for the simplicity of those carefree days.

~ for the things I hear around my table. While eating chicken pot pie, I ask, “Which of these vegetables is your favorite?” Child#1 instantly replies, “the chicken!” Child#2 replies condescendingly with much distain at their foolish sibling’s lack of culinary knowledge, “Chicken is NOT a vegetable. It’s a REPTILE!”

~ for an unexpected treat: Colton invited Josh and I to lunch. Like, for no reason. Just…to eat lunch. Just because. I’m so thankful for growth in our relationship, and to be at the point where he would actually desire to spend time with his parents when he doesn’t HAVE to. It’s good for this mama‘s heart.

~ for my kids’ creativity. They are all constantly drawing, building, inventing.

~ for great news: a precious cancer mama called me one day this week. We haven’t spoken in a long time, and it is very unusual for her to call me, so I was immediately concerned. She was really struggling and in need of prayer. Her son has been sick repeatedly and dealing with chronic unexplained fevers, and both she and the doctors were concerned of the possibility of relapsed leukemia. That day, her son had a lung biopsy and bone marrow biopsy. We prayed together on the phone. Friday afternoon I missed a call from her. I had a busy day so I didn’t call her back immediately. Then she called me two more times… When I finally answered, the joy in her voice was undeniable, “He is cancer free!” she cried, “The doctor say he doesn’t have it! Thank you for praying!” We rejoiced together. GLORY TO GOD!!!

~ for fresh tulips and lilies on my table.

~ for blankets kept in the back of my car, and for sweatshirts scrounged out of the lost-and-found when the weather unexpectedly dropped 15 degrees at Carson Grace’s softball game! It wasn’t actually that cold, but we had come dressed for a hot afternoon! That was a rough one. We all froze to death, and Sawyer took a really bad fall off a retaining wall. We were a motley looking bunch of shivery, bloody kids and a shaggy mop dog. But Carson Grace and her team played a great game and came out victorious, so I’m really thankful we got to be there!

~ for the children having a wonderful day at school for grandparents/special friends day. Even though many of our dear grandparents live far away, we are so blessed that God has also provided our kids devoted local grandparents. The elementary children are so proud of their school, and they reveled in showing off their artwork and their classrooms and sharing songs and scripture recitations. I am so grateful they are so loved.

~ for iron that sharpens iron. So thankful for brothers and sisters who stretch us and encourage us to stretch.

~ for a super productive Giddyup and Whoa week. I got 2 custom orders done, 3 pieces made and delivered for the Vintage and Co barn sale, and 9 more underway. I guess spring is sign season!

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~ for conquering my Everest this week. I was halfway done with that wretched 3rd beam last week, and it took everything I had to get the other half done. It was brutal, and I look like I lost a game of bloody knuckles, (I guess I kind of did, actually) but I was victorious in the end! 6 more to go! (And Tatum K is thankful for her headphones when Mama is being LOUD.)

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~ speaking of victories, I’m so proud of Carson Grace and her GCS classmates for the capture of their 8th consecutive title of Texas State Championship Choir this weekend! What an accomplishment! So very proud!

~ for a wonderful evening of fellowship at our Gold Network CONNECT support group. I so look forward to this quarterly get-together. We call it a “support group” because it’s intended to be a safe place for cancer parents to support one another, but that label is so incomplete. We share a meal together (this time it was a delicious Italian spread from Oliveto). We meet new friends. We talk about our families. We talk about our cancer kids. Some are on treatment, some off, some doing well, some are struggling, some have gone to be with Jesus. We pray for one another. And we exchange phone numbers so we can keep in touch. It’s so much more than a support group. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to gather these uniquely special families together, for a safe place to let it all hang out with others who understand, with the hope that it takes a little weight off each one of us if we all come alongside one another under the burdens, shoulder to shoulder. And then it was fun to let each couple choose from an assortment of date night gift cards. Really special evening.

I’ve been thinking a lot about peacemaking lately. My kids are constantly at war. Over little stuff. Who gets to pick the show. Who’s fault it is. Who has 6 grapes and who has 7. MY KIDS ARGUE OVER WHO GETS TO PRAY!!!! It’s not hard to get sucked into the egregious role of referee, constantly blowing the whistle and calling penalties and time outs. But I know they have to learn. Because they are always going to face circumstances in their lives where they have to choose: war or peace? And the “stuff,” like the kids, is not going to stay small. So I try to model peacemaking. A softer tone. Mercy over the battle axe. I fail a lot, because I tend to lean on the harsher side of “high structure parenting” vs. the softer, “high nurture parenting” style. I’m still learning, just like they are. God’s still refining me, and I see it more and more clearly that He is using my children to do His refining work in my life and on my heart. It forces me to see how impatient I am when I try to teach my kids to be patient. I hear the tone of my voice, and I’m reminded of how many times I ask them to moderate their tone. Do I really practice what I preach? Do I look and sound anything like the Jesus I tell them about? Oh Father, make me a peacemaker when war looks inevitable. Or just looks easier. And help me raise up a Tribe of peacemakers who will stand up for You, and lay their lives down to love their brother.

Please keep praying for our friend Jase. He has been in and out of Tyler and Dallas ERs with fever and GI issues more than half a dozen times in the past 2 weeks. His family is so weary. They need a healing touch from the Savior.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16 NIV

“Open the gates that the righteous nation may enter, the nation that keeps faith. You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:2-4 NIV

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9 NIV

April Tuesday

I am thankful:

~for the most fun “April Tuesday” ever! Sawyer has talked about his plans for “jokes” for weeks now. And on last Sunday, on March 31, he was so excited he couldn’t even sleep. He kept getting out of bed telling me another funny idea he had. I got so tickled. So even though we’ve never done anything for April Fools’ Day before, I knew I had to step up my game. I did a little prep work that night…actually staying up until 1 in the morning, hiding a pickle slice in each of their pb&j sandwiches. The kids were greeted at breakfast with their bowls of cereal…only to dig in and discovered that it was FROZEN in the milk. Their puzzled faces were priceless! Sawyer’s dream came true of delivering a special “cake” for his teacher, and had him giggling all the way to school. I do fear that his class did not appreciate the humor. They were pretty stoked about eating cake, and mighty disappointed to find out it was actually a frosted cardboard cereal box. Thankfully, Mrs. Youngblood saved the day by allowing them to drag their fingers through the icing, so Sawyer didn’t lose all his friends that day.

~ for a great baseball/softball/track week. Enjoyed the sunshine with Bear and the kids, eating popcorn, making daisy chains, and cheering on the Cougars.

~for lunch with a friend. There is something so special about sitting down and breaking bread together. Even when sometimes the conversation is heavy, or the topic isn’t fun, the sharing of hearts side by side is priceless. What a blessing to have brothers and sisters in Christ to love us through all seasons, and to pray for one another as we seek God’s best for our families.

~ for teachers who really love my kids. And are willing to come along side so that they can reach their potential.

~for the bright, cheerful azaleas displaying their finery across our city.

~ for a call I have been waiting for almost as long as I can remember. A call to tell me that my sweet friends are going to have a baby! Born not of her tummy, but born in her heart, this precious couple has been chosen by a birth mom to be the parents of a baby boy due in June. They traveled many hours to meet birth mom this weekend, and they are asking for prayers for God’s grace over every step of this journey: for a healthy remainder of the pregnancy, and most of all prayer for this birth mom who is giving the most unselfish gift of love to this baby. Father God has seen my friends, has seen this birth mom, and has collected every silent tear they have cried in the dark. And His timing is always right on time. Oh the joy that can’t be contained!!!! GLORY TO THE LORD!

~for the blessing of attending chapel, the very last time Carson Grace will lead worship with her peers in high school. All these “lasts“ are so bittersweet. I’m so proud of her, and so excited for all that lies ahead, but it’s so hard to let go. Later in the week, she had the amazing honor of presenting the National Anthem at the 28th Annual Tyler Firefighters Awards Banquet. It was a wonderful program, with moments of storytelling and laughter between comrades while handing out awards and door prizes, and weighted somber moments of as we were reminded of the life and death experiences they face almost every day. So thankful for the dedication and bravery of these true American heroes.

~ for new friendships. This week Josh and I got to visit with Phil and Kathy Jimerson, fellow Carthagites, and former classmates of Susan K. Kathy has recently published a book, a personal memoir written by an encourager and storyteller over the last 2 decades of her life. And she gifted us a copy! Over coffee we chatted about cancer and writing, about remodeling and about Jesus. Our kindred hearts quickly knit. You can find Kathy’s book here. I’m so excited to read it!

~ for Cooper having an awesome weekend on the Grace Student Miniseries Overdrive Retreat.

~ for a cool photo shoot with Carson Grace at our local vintage record store.

40 years ago on this day, God made a man for me. He put a loving, fighting heart into this young man and wrote a love story on his heart. God made this man for a purpose… He made him for me. He made him for a tribe of young warriors who would watch and learn from him. He made him for countless individuals who would be strengthened and encouraged by a relationship and friendship with him. He put in him a work ethic second to none. He made him a true man’s man, but gave him a heart tender enough not to hide his tears. I love this man with all the fierceness my heart can hold. I love Josh’s birthday because it was the day he was made for me. We had a great day celebrating, starting with 40 Martha White blueberry muffins for breakfast, 40 Home Depot gift cards, then dinner with the family: delicious grilled burgers and 40 cupcakes with candles of course! It was special to have all our kids together, and they all shared “40 Things We Love About Dad.” Love that man of mine.

Such a busy week for us, tons of Giddyup & Whoa signs in the works, delivered a couple of pieces, a few more custom orders going out this week, and an exciting new opportunity: I’ve been invited to participate at the Vintage & Co Semi-Annual Gresham Barn Sale! Anyone in East Texas knows that the Gresham Barn Sale is one of the very best antique and vintage markets in our area. I’m so honored to be a part, and hoping that it is a great partnership for both businesses! Excited to get lots of painting done this week. Check out Vintage & Co. on Instagram and Facebook. Spring sale is coming up April 24-27.

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Busy sign week meant not a lot of progress on the beams….still not giving up. Slow progress is still progress.

This week was an emotionally wrung-out week. Just a lot going on, both out in public with the kids and then wrestling through the personal stuff that’s held in our hearts. Trusting God is a full-time job. We have to actively trust: daily re-aligning our hearts to seek after His. It’s so easy to get in my head and overthink and just give myself over to the anxiety that is always waiting for me. Thank You Lord for Your steadfast love. Even when I am freaking out, You wait for me…Your Word is truly a Lamp unto my feet and a Light unto my path, and I know I’m never alone. And I know Your Plan is good. A lot better than mine.

Big prayers needed for Baby Lucas. He is scheduled for a sedated MRI tomorrow, and another chemo infusion. We are praying for shrinkage/no new disease. Please Jesus, heal this baby boy! And please pray comfort and peace over his family as well. And our dear friend, Jase, now 5 years old and in his 2nd year of treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, has been plagued with unexplained fevers and GI complaints for weeks, bouncing in and out of local and Dallas ERs….will you join us in healing prayers for the Curtis family?

Whatever you are facing this week friends, don’t lose heart. Be brave. Step up. Step out. The sidelines will always be full of onlookers…maybe today it’s your turn to lead.

Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV

Sweet

I am thankful for a full week of fun…

~ for a great week for Tatum K. She likes all these birthdays and parties and holidays for one important reason: CAKE! If you’ve seen my Instagram, you have seen her insistent chanting: “Cake! Cake! Cake! Pie! Pie! Pie!” There is no denying her love of sweets, and she was one happy girl to get to indulge this week!

~ for Gavin’s 2nd grade class chapel program, celebrating that the Bible is God’s Valentine to His children. Such a sweet message, and the kids did such a great job.

~ for a dear friend’s good news that made my heart sing.

~ for excitement for Cooper – thrilled that he made the A team for Jr High baseball! He started practice last week, and games will commence soon. Carson Grace is enjoying playing on the Varsity Softball team. Come on SPRING!!!

~ for new signs completed for Giddyup and Whoa. Bear and Tatum K both got to be sign models.

~ for two special back-to-back birthdays. Kora turned 10 on the 13th and Gavin turned 9 on the 14th (Gaventime’s Day!). Yep. 366 days apart! These two are used to sharing birthday celebrations, and Gavin knows his birthday is going to be red and pink every year until eternity. They are great sports about it, and we do our best to make their individual days special for each of them. We feasted on box macaroni and cheese and pizza and pink and blue cupcakes.

~ Miss Kora had no reservations about what she wanted for her birthday: pierced ears! She marched right in and hopped up in the chair! She made some pretty intense, horrified faces during the piercing, but she was super-duper brave! So pretty!

~ for surviving the epic amounts of sugar consumed by my household this week: from “special birthday breakfasts” to class birthday treats, birthday cupcakes, ON TOP OF class Valentine’s Day parties. It was a high-fructose corn syrup and Red 40 flavored week. We may be doing a cleanse these next few days!

~ for the single-most highly anticipated evening of the year: the Father-Daughter Banquet/Dance at Tyler Christian Fellowship. There is nothing that thrills my girls more than to hear the doorbell ring and open it to find their beloved Daddy with roses in his hand to offer to each one of his beautiful girls. They all dressed in their finest, and they dined, they danced their little tails off, and each one of them soaked up how much they are loved by their Daddy. Even Carson Grace cherishes this time. I love that this is a memory they will always treasure. This year I had a really great time with Tatum K (too young to attend) and my boys. We cooked some tasty nachos and watched a movie. But the highlight of the evening was playing Pie in the Face! We all got “pied,” even mom, much to the boys’ delight. Lord, help me to relax and have fun with my kids. They really are so easy to please….all they want is time and some good laughs. And sometimes it really is as simple as a fistful of whipped cream smeared on my face.

~ for a special time of fellowship and sharing after church. Leadership hosted a lunch for new visitors, with a tasty meal and encouraging testimonies from people in the Body. Love the opportunity to get to meet, welcome, and encourage new families.

It’s been a good, full week. Plenty of hard, but also plenty of sweet moments. I think that’s just where we are in life. I think it’s always going to be some flavor of hard. Large family life is uniquely challenging. Adoptive family dynamics are complicated. Life after cancer is ugly hard. But God is just so faithful. His Word reminds me of His new mercies. His Spirit comforts mine and reminds me that no matter what I feel like, I’m never ever alone. And Jesus meets me: in my brokenness, in my joy, in the moments when I feel like an utter failure, and in those fleeting moments when I breathe a sigh of relief that I finally got something right. We serve a God of second chances! Hallelujah! He never gives up on us, and I’m so thankful. And while my loving Father never ceases to extend grace to me, I also need to DO MY PART! It’s my responsibility to get into the Word and seek Him. My flesh is never going to feel like praising Him. But I have to do it anyway. And I know that He will meet me.

Tomorrow is a very special day that you may not know about…February 18 is International Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day! It’s a special day set aside to support children who are fighting or who have fought cancer. Gold Network of East Texas is encouraging people to eat ice cream for breakfast and post pictures on social media, with a caption in support of kids with cancer. You can participate by posting a picture on Facebook or Instagram, tag @goldnetworkofeasttx and @eaticecreamforbreakfastday, and tell us who you are eating for. If social media isn’t your thing, just dish up a sweet treat and say a prayer for the kids. You can even email me a picture at info@goldnetworkoet.com. Our family will be eating ice cream for Sawyer. And Eric. And Olivia. And Sophie, Brock, Jase, Liam, Michael, Izzy, Bristell, Hudson, Addie Leigh, Anna Luisa, Kaitlyn, Abigail, David, Ceely, Parker, Emerson, and all the other children whom we have met in person or online, and kids around the world. No child should ever have to fight cancer. But for now, we can eat ice cream. And we pray.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”” Jeremiah 29:12-14

Overwhelmed

I am thankful…

~ for our 13th and 14th viewing of the beloved GCS 1st grade production of Little Bo Peep. It is the sweetest play featuring Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue on a quest to find the lost sheep, enlisting the help of all our favorite nursery rhymes. Our Zoe gave a compelling performance as Little Polly Flinders. Such a fun tradition, and the moral of the story – that Jesus always helps us when we go astray – gets me every time.

~ for the most loving and godly teachers who pour into our children, and encourage mom and dad when we desperately need it.

~ for some of the most stunning, electric sunsets I have ever seen! God’s handiwork on display never ceases to amaze me!

~ for getting to see Carson Grace speak encouragement to incoming GCS freshmen about being a part of the High School Praise Band. Proud of the poised, talented, and God-seeking young woman she has become.

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~ for a super-fun quadruple birthday party! We just celebrated Samantha last month, and both Gavin and Kora are coming up this week…Zoe isn’t until August, but it’s just easier on Mama’s brain to ding-it-done all in one big shebang! The kids got to try out the new hit attraction, Urban Air, an indoor trampoline park with more extras than you can count: zip lines, ninja obstacle course, rock walls, ropes course…there are so many exciting activities for all ages. Each birthday honoree got to invite a couple of friends and choose their favorite cupcake: chocolate with pink buttercream, chocolate with blue buttercream, chocolate with chocolate buttercream, and funfetti with rainbows! They all had a wonderful time! (And I didn’t have to clean up afterwards! WIN-WIN!)

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~ for a sweet (albeit far too short) visit for Kora, Gavin, and Zoe with their biological big sister, Grace. Grace was adopted by dear friends of ours, but they moved to College Station this summer, so we don’t get to see her as often as we’d like. The four of them stick together like glue when they have the chance. Grace is growing into such a remarkable and beautiful young lady, and it is so special to see her. I’m thankful for the opportunity for the kids to stay connected and make new, healthy, and happy memories to replace the more difficult memories from their early childhood. What a Healer is our God!

~ for a special evening at Gold Network CONNECT, our quarterly childhood cancer caregiver support group. Our group was smaller than usual, with many families out with sickness (can you BELIEVE all the flu around here??!!), but we know that it is truly an anointed time for the appointed ones who come. We enjoyed the most delicious fajitas from Abuelos and decadent tuxedo cake and key lime pie for dessert. And we shared our stories and our lives with one another. Laughter and tears and encouraging words remind each other that none of us are alone on this long, lonely walk. I’m so thankful for the great privilege to come alongside other families and share hope, even though our stories are all so different. Also so very thankful to have been approved for a generous grant to cover the funding for this important program!

~ for Gavin getting some great one-on-one time with Dad, building signs for Giddyup and Whoa. He learned a lot: helped cut, assemble, and stain several signs. Didn’t even mind the chilly temps!

Oh, I’ve been in such a slump. Nothing terrible is going on. We are dealing with colds, not cancer. It’s just been hard to get motivated…to get into the Word, to paint, to stay positive. Maybe it’s the weather? It’s been dreary and cold. Anyone else relate? So anyway, on Wednesday, I dragged my weary, unmotivated self to midweek service at church. House was a mess, kids a wreck…but we got there. Only to find out that instead of the praise and prayer time we have been doing, that this week was going to be a time of sharing testimonies. GREAT! Because I was SO IN THE MOOD to testify. (insert HEAVY SARCASM) Worship began, and I struggled to refocus my heart and enter in. The words made perfect sense to what I was dealing with, but I still felt like I was going through the motions, “I delight myself in You/in the glory of Your presence/I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You)”. Until one of my Littles whispered to me, “Mama, what does ‘overwhelmed’ mean?” And as the song continued, I tried to explain, “It’s like when there’s all this STUFF around you. All the things you have to get done. And you realize how small you are. That’s ‘overwhelmed.’” Because for about as long as I can remember, I have lived in a constant state of being overwhelmed, in one way or another. Then God began to minister to my heart as I continued to explain to my child, “But then you look at creation, and look at all He has done. And you realize how small you are, compared to how big God is and how good He is and how much He has done for you. And THEN, ‘overwhelmed’ is a GOOD THING.” As my Father’s kindness soaked into the parched ground of my heart, I knew He had given me something to testify about. The definition of “overwhelmed” is “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass,” or “defeat completely”. I had (we ALL have) a choice: to live drowned and defeated by the circumstances our eyes see: this messed up world, sickness, evil, fear, STUFF, a million responsibilities…or we can let ourselves be OVERWHELMED by the love of the Father.

I wish I could say I am full of fresh new perspective and that all my weariness has been transformed to purposeful strength…but the truth is that the slump persists. I’m still overwhelmed. But I do have renewed hope. I know that God is not watching my progress with a clipboard and checklist, marking off what I do wrong or right. I know that He is not asking me to be successful or even improving. He’s asking me to be faithful whether I feel like it or not. He’s asking me to keep moving and not quit. He’s got my kids. He’s got my marriage. He’s got my to-do list and my worries and my anxieties and my health. He’s got ME! I am thankful for the God Who Sees Me, and for the knowledge that His grace will always be sufficient.

Thanks for giving thanks with me. Let’s love one another well this week.

“These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:4-5 NIV

Special shirt from our friends the Mayers

January 27, 2019

~ thankful for a super fun day celebrating Samantha’s birthday! How can it be that our little Stinky Girl is 11 years old!? School was out, so we got to really got to do it up. The day started off with donuts for breakfast, and then a trip to the mall. Not just a leisurely trip to the mall to look around. No sir, this was a trip with a purpose. And that purpose was getting Samantha’s ears pierced! This is a milestone first offered to our girls upon reaching the age of 10, but Sam was NOT INTERESTED last year. This year she was SET. Until we got there. Then there was a dramatic change of heart. There were big tears. There was a call home to big sis for a pep talk. There may have been some time spent huddled in a corner of the store. But, she rallied her courage and eventually walked proudly out of the mall with red, swollen eyes and sparkly blue earrings! Then came a Subway lunch date with Dad, and home to make her own ice cream cake, and finally a delicious dinner that evening. She said it was the very best birthday she’s ever had. What a blessing is our sweet, sweet Sam.

~ for encouragement from the Lord through the gift of worship music. Several times this week, certain songs have just ministered to my heart… “have you come to the end of yourself? Do you long for a drink from the well? Jesus is calling…”. and “who am I that the highest King should welcome me? I was lost but He brought me in, oh His Love for me.” What a gift music is! And then also what a gift it is to experience watching my daughter grow into her gifting as she continues to lead worship at school and at church. I’m including a video of Carson Grace from our service this morning. Be blessed. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XE6ANdzNVOo

~ for the simple sweetness of the kids feeding the ducks at sunset. Something so little makes them so happy. All it takes is a little time.

~ for the opportunity to share in our friends’ joy. This week, one of our brave Gold Network Hero friends took his very last chemotherapy medication after more than 3 years of treatment for leukemia. What a day of celebration! And that morning, his entire school dressed in superhero costumes and greeted him with cheers and well wishes, a true heroes welcome! I’m not sure if Sawyer and this dear boy have even actually met, but Sawyer simply knows him as one of his “friends.” He watched the video with me and clapped and cheered for his fellow leukemia warrior, and it filled my heart with so much hope and joy. We HAVE to celebrate the victories!

~ for a great time at the mid-week worship service with my kids. I am loving the intimate setting, and the opportunity to explain to them WHY we are doing what we are doing…explaining WHO GOD IS and why He is worthy of our worship. And everything I share with them is a fresh reminder to me, right where I am. Oh Lord, keep my faith like that of a child!

~ and for a big finish to our week: it’s official – WE HAVE LOST OUR MINDS! We got a new puppy! Josh and I found a sweet pup on Craigslist that captured our hearts, and Saturday morning we loaded up all the kids, sleepy and confused, into the bus, telling them only, “we’re going on a family adventure!” You can imagine the squeals of surprise and delight when their eyes were met with a fluffy new friend! It was such a fun day, and I know we will all remember it forever! Everyone loves “Bear,” and his name suits him perfectly, as he more closely resembles a cuddly teddy bear than an actual live animal. Puppy kisses are the best! A “family adventure” INDEED!

Thank you to so many who have liked the Sunday Gratitude Facebook page or signed up to follow this blog. I am so thankful for this community and all of your support. I hope this week finds you well. If you are weary, hang on, and don’t lose heart. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If you’re in a season of joy – SHARE SOME! I promise you, somebody’s desperate for it! You never know when you may be the answer to somebody’s prayer. Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3 NIV