Happy “New Day”

I am thankful:

~ for a staggering honor and privilege: I wrote a check from Gold Network of ETX for TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!  We donated $10,000 to Dr. Ted Laetsch at Children’s Hospital to support his cutting edge research projects for improved cures and therapies for childhood cancer.  Dr. Laetsch was on Sawyer’s oncology team, so the donation is even more meaningful.  We are so grateful for the funds raised through Tyler Gold Run and and generous donations from the community to help Gold Network do what we do.  Our primary focus will remain local family support, but we will always donate toward childhood cancer research in hopes that one day our GNET mission will become obsolete!  Until then, we press on.  We have exciting new dreams brewing for the upcoming year…more information coming soon!

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~ for laid back schedule-free days on break.  The kids have painted, baked cookies, learned new tricks on the trampoline, decorated a gingerbread house, and we have made a TINY dent in the HARDEST PUZZLE IN THE WORLD. IMG_1986.JPG

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~ for a manageably fun-enough New Years.  We stayed home.  Ate chili.  “Nice Mom” showed up and let the kids stay up until 10 and played with  sparklers in their pjs.  Then mom, dad, and Bigs stayed up to watch the ball drop just to say we did.   But it felt really important to me that the first thing we did in 2020 was to pray together as a family.  It was simple, sweet, and I will treasure it always. 

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~ for traditional black eyed peas, buttery roasted cabbage, and steaming hot sweet cornbread on New Year’s Day.  

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~ for a Starbucks gift card and a Starbucks right around the corner from our house!  Bear was glad he rode along, they gave him a “Pup-puccino!!”

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~ for a fun overnight sleepover for Gavin to Uncle Justin and Aunt Gina’s.  He had the feast of his dreams and had 24 blissful hours as an only child!  A trip to Kilgore to explore the East Texas Oil Museum and a mile-high loaded cheeseburger were the perfect fit for our inquisitive boy.

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~ for a joyful dream-come-true for dear friends.  Before brave 10 year old cancer warrior Luke went to be with Jesus in 2018, his dream was for his beautiful husky Scout to become a therapy dog.   This week, that dream came true!  Scout went through the rigorous testing to become certified, and PASSED!   Now Scout will be able to bring joy and smiles to kids in the hospital and continue sharing Luke’s legacy, bringing glimmers of beauty from the unspeakable pain his mom and dad and brother are walking through.  You can read more about Luke and his family’s unshakable faith and generosity here. https://lukestrong.org/

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~ for an exciting new venture for G&W: we launched our new website, www.giddyupandwhoa.com!  We’ve been praying about this for a while, and decided to make the leap in hopes of growing our business.  We also were super blessed with a new connection for old wood.  We have had our eye on a large section of damaged fence for months, and this week I worked up the courage to stop by the house and ask for it.  I was met by the sweetest gentleman who was delighted to have the fence hauled off, even taking my card for when he tears more of it down! Finds like those are the best! IMG_6067.JPEG

Josh has created some beautiful new reclaimed wood decor pieces in addition to a fresh batch of signs, so we are ready for a great year!  It’s amazing to me that we started this journey by tiptoeing onto social media last year at Thanksgiving.  Excited to see where the Lord takes us.  We even included a link to Sunday Gratitude on the G&W website.  Amazing to see different pieces of our dreams begin to braid together. 

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~ for the opportunity to reflect on the past decade.  I always get a little moony at the turn of the new year…to me it’s just natural to look back and take stock, and that process always proves emotional for me.  Looking back not just a year but a decade was pretty staggering.  I’ll spare you the in-depth play by play, but 10 years ago we only had 4 children, were going through the process of our first adoption, and Josh was self employed, remodeling and flipping houses.  We often look back and say that that was the season we thought we could tie a bow on our picture perfect little family with our beautifully God-ordained adoption story as the crescendo of our testimony.  BUT GOD.  In the infinite wisdom of our Father, we had no idea what was coming.   We never dreamed of car wrecks and ATV wrecks and fostering.  Never dreamed Josh and I would go from completely disagreeing about whether or not to grow our family to getting on the same page, only to walk through the heartbreak of losing a baby, then adopt 3 and have 2 more!  We would never have imagined cancer.  Cancer changed EVERYTHING.  I don’t even recognize that family from 10 years ago.  But out of the wreckage also came beauty.  A front row seat for miracles.  For excruciating grace.  So many wonderful, life-changing relationships born in and outside the hospital.  The Gold Run and Gold Network, opening doors to share hope with people all over.   And God has entrusted us with the stewardship of all these remarkable children in our family… gifts that I didn’t even ask for because I couldn’t have dreamed them up…  And even if New Year’s resolutions are hokey and empty, I appreciate the crisp, fresh air that comes with the turn of the calendar page, like the warmth of sunrise after a dark night.  My Father’s arms are always open.  And with renewed passion, I will seek to love Him with more of my heart this year.  And serve Him more and myself less.  Oh Lord, the cry of my heart is to let go and trust You.  So if I WAS going to have a resolution, that would be it.   But I think that has to be more of a New Day’s Resolution.  EVERY DAY.

Let’s love one another well this week.  

Thanks for giving thanks with me. 

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:33-34)

“We love because he first loved us.”  (1 John 4:19)

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalms 139:23-24)

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.” (Psalms 51:10-12)

 

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I am thankful:

~ for one if my favorite Christmas traditions: our trip to Children’s Hospital on Christmas Eve.   We load our bus with the most delicious home-cooked spread of food and drive to Dallas, to give smiles and thanks to the dedicated nurses caring for the kids who are too sick to be home for Christmas.  Even though it’s been years now, we have promised to never forget those frightening days.  Josh at home with 7 kids missing their mama.  And 12 month old Sawyer and I in the hospital.  We had known we would be in the hospital that Christmas.  He was in a particularly harsh phase of his leukemia treatment, and needed close monitoring.  But Christmas Eve he had taken a turn for the worse, spiking a high fever, and his nurses watched him like a hawk.   I’ll never forget the way they tended to him, and to me all through the night.  I remember watching the clock turn midnight, and crying in the dark room lit by a blinking IV pole as I wished my sick baby Merry Christmas.   BUT GOD.   I couldn’t have done it without those nurses, those angels on this earth.  They lay their lives down and are gone from their own families to take care of hurting children, and they do their very best to bring joy into a scary and sad place.  I love going back (for a quick trip and not to stay) to tell them Sawyer’s story, and give them a fresh breath of Christ-ordained, thriving, 6 year old, curly-headed HOPE. IMG_20191224_144050514_Original.jpgIMG_1498.JPGIMG_1501.JPG 

~ for a quick, fun visit with Aunt Dinah.  Sawyer picked Slims Chicken for lunch, and then she and I visited while I tackled my holiday baking and trashed my kitchen from one end to the other. 

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~ for beautiful weather to deliver baked goodies to our wonderful neighbors.  We are so blessed!IMG_1459.JPG

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~ for a wonderful, messy, overstimulating, joyful, chaotic, noisy Christmas.  For too much delicious food: spicy, cheesy jalapeño crawfish chowder, tart/sweet cherry pie, caramely sweet monkey bread, and chocolate-coffee-salted-caramel birthday cake for Jesus.  For Andes mints that make me think of Grandma Grace.  And Great Grandma Nelson’s peanut clusters that are now my kids’ favorite.  For tums and stretchy pants.  For new Christmas jammies for everyone and a new ornament each.  For the sweetness of each of us reading Luke 2 verse by verse…and how the powerfully tender words feel more tender and more powerful on Christmas morning.  For a second round of too-much-everything and 14 cousins to play with.  It was an extra noisy Christmas with robots and transformers and Elsa microphones and walkie talkies and laser tag.  I’m also thankful that batteries do not live forever. IMG_1544.JPG

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~ for the fullness in my heart at having all my children together.  I learned when Sawyer got sick that I couldn’t take it for granted.  But life moved on, the crisis passed, and I realized that I still did sometimes.  But now comes another paradigm shift: they really are growing up.  Colton’s living on his own, Carson Grace is 18 and in college.  Soon enough they will start having their own families and may not always be around.  How I treasure these fleeting moments with all these faces around my table and piled up on my couch. 

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~ for my husband’s dedication and work ethic.  Even after working 65+ hours a week at his “real job,” then building signs and caring for our home in his “spare time,” AND being Dad to 9 kids….he is grinding out his real estate courses, one after another, even amidst the chaos of our home environment.   So proud of him.   Even squeezed in a much needed date with him this week! 

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~for the signature throaty growl of my daughter’s hauntingly beautiful voice and her guitar coming from her bedroom.  Oh, how I’ve missed her and that sound.  

~ for 4 little and not-so-little girls that still let me dress them alike.  Aren’t they beautiful?

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~ for the fresh grace to keep going even when it’s hard.  Tatum K, while just as cute as she can be, continues to challenge us daily with her fiery temperament.  Her latest challenge is NOT SLEEPING.  She is taking hours to settle down to sleep, most of that spent screaming violently at the top of her lungs, anything from “I want my MAAAAAMAAAAA!” to “I want PIZZZZZZAAAAAAA!” to “Tickle my BAAAAACKKKKK!!!!”  And then sometimes she is waking up and doing it all again for hours in the middle of the night.  Makes for a tired mama, especially after days on end. 

~ for days when I wake up to sweet artwork left beside my bed.  Parenting this many children usually feels a lot like whack-a-mole, and there is many a night that I go to bed feeling like a very defeated worst-and-meanest-mama-in-the-whole-wide-world.  But by some stretch of miracle, my kids don’t seem to think so!  Thank You Father for the NEW MERCIES EVERY MORNING!

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It’s that groggy limbo week between Christmas and New Years.  Everyone I talk to seems drained and wiped out and nobody is sure what day it is.  I find myself with a little bit of the blues…flattened by the steamroller of the packed schedule over the past few weeks.  And emotionally flattened as well.  Just a lot going on in my heart these days.  Anybody else feel flattened?  (FLATTENED, not FATTENED.  Although that certainly feels applicable as well…)

My weary heart dragged me to the church this morning.  Physically and spiritually drained and exhausted, I couldn’t even make my voice form the words of the songs.  So I just sank to my knees and let the worship and the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit wash over me.  

“Worthy of every song we could ever sing

Worthy of all the praise we could ever bring

Worthy of every breath we could ever breathe

We live for you.  We live for you…”

The words and the percussion pounded into my chest, beating the melody into my heart as I sang and prayed and worshipped and wept.  

“I will build my life upon Your Love 

It is a firm foundation.  

I will put my trust in You alone

And I will not be shaken.”  

Lord, I’ve seen You do miracles with my own eyes.  I KNOW and I BELIEVE that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU.  Help me to trust in You: that You are WORKING, that You are PRESENT, and that You are SOVEREIGN.  Remind me that You care about the needs I bring to you.  Line up my desires with Yours so that I want what You want for me instead of what I want for me.  Help me to remember TRUTH when my circumstances try to trip me up.  Help me unclench my fists and my feeble attempts to take control.  Renew in me a deep love for Your WORD.  Fill me with Your LOVE so I can pour it out. 

Give me endurance for the race You have set before me.  It is the race You made me for.  

Don’t lose heart.  He is FOR YOU.  Let’s love one another well this week.  

Thanks for giving thanks with me. 

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalms 42:1-5)

“For with God nothing will be impossible.” Then Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.” (Luke 1:37-38)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

I am thankful:

~ for innocent children who aren’t afraid to ask the questions we all wonder.  “Mama? What is piggy pudding? And why do they want it so bad?”  “And what does pa-rum-pum-pum-pum MEAN?”

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~ for a sweet night of fellowship with our Tyler Christian Fellowship elders, deacons, and wives.  And for pumpkin bread pudding with warm salted caramel sauce.

~for the sweetest Christmas play at the school.  Zoe and Gavin brilliantly executed their parts in “It Happened in the Country.”  Gavin even had his first little solo and did a great job.  I love seeing them so excited to share their hard work with us.

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~ for GPS.  Tyler is famous for its holiday traffic jams, and the GPS on my phone was able to pinpoint the trouble areas and reroute me.  Even though it took me miles out of the way, it was undoubtedly faster than the direct route.  I would still be sitting on Broadway…

~ for human Christmas party ping pong.  I pinged and I ponged my way through five simultaneous Christmas parties at opposite ends of the elementary school.   They had Christmas movies, toilet paper snowman building, cookie decorating, and pancakes in pajamas. The kids all had a ball and then that was that!  They are all officially home for Christmas! 

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We are now enjoying lounging around, living room football, and binge-watching Disney plus.   And we finished our puzzle.  Sadly, Tatum and Bear ate 7 pieces, so we didn’t get the full victorious satisfaction. 

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~ for the dollar store.  Love me some dollar store when it’s time to shop for Christmas stockings for 9 kids!

~ for the absolutely MOST DELICIOUS slow-cooked, fall off the bone, flavor-LICIOUS ribs on the planet.  Drew, you are a BBQ ARTIST!!!!

~ for encouragement from the Lord: through His Word, His Voice, and His people.  It brings such comfort to know that my Heavenly Father sees me and cares about every detail of my life, and that He is WORKING IN AND THROUGH every trial to refine me and make me more like Him.  It’s so incredibly hard to stop trying to control everything.   Even though my mind knows that I don’t have ANY POWER to control anything anyway, I still waste so much energy fighting for it.  I can’t control Sawyer’s health, or whether or not his cancer will return.  I can’t control what others think of me or whether or not they love and accept me.  I can’t control my children’s choices or their relationship with the Lord.  And sometimes that makes me feel so empty and powerless and just plain hopeless.  

But God. 

An empty vessel.  Cracked and broken.  The perfect vessel for the Lord to pour into and fill to overflowing.  Every crack in me allows Jesus to shine through more.  If I am empty, there’s more room for Him.  I’m not trying to say that I just radiate Jesus everywhere I go.  Or that I am moping around sad and hopeless.  I’m just increasingly aware that God’s power shines through my weakness WHEN I LET HIM.   I am more useful in my honest brokenness than I could ever dream to be in any artificial“I’ve-got-it-all-together-ness.”  

My life feels kind of out of control.  But that’s ok.  Because my Perfect Father has a Perfect Plan for all the details.  And I don’t have to know what’s next, because I know who’s in charge and I KNOW THE ENDING.  The story will end with Jesus on the Throne and every knee bowed.  Glorious. 

 We eagerly count down the days until Christmas, and those who are Christ-followers celebrate the birth of the Messiah.  “Jesus IS the reason for the season.”  

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But it’s so much more. 

Jesus is more than the baby in the manger.  More than a miracle that wowed some shepherds in the middle of the night.   HOPE was born.   The REMEDY for our brokenness.  FREEDOM for the captives.  He came to walk among us, to turn religion on its head, and teach us what LOVE looks like. 

So wherever you are in the midst of your Christmas busy-ness, MAKE SOME ROOM.  As you shop in the madness of stores or fight your way through traffic, look around.  See the exhausted checkout clerk.  Or the frazzled mother dragging her kids out of the toy aisle.  If you are breaking your back to get your baking done, your house spotless, and fretting about the relatives that you are not looking forward to seeing this year…take a deep breath and think about the families who will spend Christmas in the hospital or who would give ANYTHING for one more Christmas with their mom, or their dad, or their husband, or their child.   Let’s ungrit our teeth and unclench our hearts and pour Jesus on each other instead.   Spend more time than money.  Give less stuff and more of ourselves.  This Christmas might not be perfect, but it will never be this Christmas again.

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Christmas in the hospital, 2014

   

Let’s love one another well this week.  Merry CHRISTmas!

Thanks for giving thanks with me. 

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.””  (Luke 2:10-14)

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:9-11)

The Biggest Little Things

I am thankful:

~ for HEALING!  The Rucker Tribe has survived the Great Flu of 2019.  Oh, we still have some sniffles, snuffles, and coughs.  And sleep is still hit or miss (mostly miss).  But it is a vast improvement over last week to say the VERY LEAST.  Thank You JESUS!  And thank you to all of you for reaching out with your kind words and encouragements.

~for all the funny little memories at Christmastime.  For the kids’ love of EVERY Christmas song, and how they sing out with all their hearts.   I love that Tatum K doesn’t know who Santa is.  She just points when she sees a picture or an inflatable and says, “look mama! It’s a May-wee Cwis-mas boy!”  We have had fun running errands together, she’s my little buddy while kiddos are at school.  She attracts a lot of attention wherever we go, so stinkin’ cute in her little boots and messy bun.  At this store she found slippers that matched her little sherpa jacket, so she had to give them “a lovey.”  Oh Lord, let her stay my sweet tiny Tater. 

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~ for puzzles.  I forget how fun puzzles are.  

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~ for a wonderfully special occasion worthy of celebration: Grandmommy’s 70th birthday!  Aunt Polly hosted the gathering, and we feasted on brisket and chips and dips and a charming custom purse cake topped with FON-DANT.  We all laughed and made Grandmommy cry, and celebrated the legacy of the lovely, godly lady we all love so much.  

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~ as always, Grandmommy’s birthday also marks the start of the greatly anticipated tradition: 12 Days of Christmas.  Each night we gather and sing the song, and then open our thoughtful treat and take our picture.  The kids absolutely love the whole process, and I am so thankful for all the work that Grandmommy puts into it all.  These are memories that will last forever.  I am a sucker for traditions, and it fills my heart to see the smiles of my babies beside the tree.  Day 1 was sticker page nativities.  And you have never seen such joy as they each diligently worked on decorating their own paper.

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~ for such a fun Christmas party with our small group from church.  The adults had organized a rowdy (and rather cut-throat) white elephant gift exchange.  The kids were very intrigued by the idea (I mean, OBVIOUSLY they saw a bunch of gifts and wanted some) so I quickly gathered items from around our house to put together a white elephant exchange for them. None of them had ever played it before, so it was a little challenging.  Sawyer ended up with the dud gift: a ladies bracelet and a coupon.  He was NOT IMPRESSED.  Nor was he gracious about being disappointed.  There were tears.  Everyone else had fun though.  I’m thankful for such a fun group.  As you can see, I was in a PARTICULARLY FESTIVE mood.

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~ for a new-to-me treat:  baked crescent rolls filled with melted chocolate chips and drizzled with powdered sugar glaze.  Just STOP IT!

~ for last minute Giddyup & Whoa orders.  you can imagine how tight the budget gets with nine kids at Christmas time. Even though our focus is definitely not on spending a lot on extravagant gifts, all the expenses just all add up faster than the deposits.  Every order is truly a blessing, and we are so grateful for the way God provides!  It is such an honor to be trusted with bringing to life special mementos for people.  

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~ for amazing and inspiring connections.  I got a sign order this week from a lady I did not know.  She had taken my card at the show at the Foundry several weeks ago and just now contacted me.  She came to the house to pick up her order, and we had the best conversation!  She is also a mother of 9, and we have several  common friendships.  Such a small world.  The sign she had me do for her was so unique and personal, my very favorite kind of sign to paint.  A saying with personal meaning that you’re just not going to find hanging in Hobby Lobby.  She had asked me to paint “Love is the Tuesdays.”  It’s a lyric from the song, “Tuesday’s,” by Jake Scott, and it was a gift for her husband.  She encouraged Josh and I to listen to the song, which we did later that evening.  The song is advice given by a father to a young man who is asking to marry his daughter.  “No it’s not Hollywood son ’cause troubles will come / But it’s the best decision you’re ever gonna make / And you’ve got my blessing but just hear this lesson / Twenty-seven years and all I’ve got to say / Is it’s not just picture perfect dancing in a white dress / It’s not just rainy days where nothing stops the fighting / It’s not just highs and lows and champagne toasts / I’ve come to know that love’s not only the best days or the worst days / Love is the Tuesdays”

Isn’t that just the truth?  Love is the everyday moments that happen in between the highs and the lows.  So blessed by the song and touched by the sentiment behind the sign order. 

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~ for an amazing accomplishment for my INCREDIBLE HUSBAND!  A few weeks ago he took the step of faith to enroll in an online real estate course, and this week he completed the first class and ACED his first exam!   So proud of this remarkable man of mine and excited to see what doors God will open down the road!

~ for the kids’ DARLING Christmas program at church.   From our Tribe, we had scintillating portrayals of an angel, King Herod, and Caesar Augustus, as well as 2 eloquent narrators.  There is something so pure about seeing the story of Jesus’ birth through the eyes and lips of children.  And even seeing how beautiful and grown up Samantha and Kora are.  Zoe sparkling in her tinsel halo.  Sawyer, serious as can be, sternly barking out his line, and Gavin’s dramatic death on stage.  Even Tatum K’s spontaneous interruptions asking when it would be “cookie time.”  It was just so very special.  

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Before the Children’s Program, Becky the Children’s Pastor, asked the audience to pause.  I LOVED how she said it.  “Let’s just pause a moment to make some room.  We can’t appreciate a gift we are given if we don’t take the time to realize how much we NEED that gift.”  Advent is the season of waiting.  Waiting expectantly for the birth of the King.  Waiting longingly for His Return.  But do we have room?  Are we too busy and distracted by the cares of this world?  By how many friends/followers/likes we can accumulate?  By having the Pinterest-perfect porch display, ugly sweater, or charcuterie board?  By buying the perfect gift to outdo what we gave last year?  

Quieting our heart is hard.  Waiting is hard.  What are you waiting on?  What prayer are you praying that has not yet been answered?  My heart aches with the weight of some of the things I wait for, long for.   But I know God sees me.  I know He cares about the things and the people I’m asking Him for.  He saw the needs of the people of Israel.  He had a plan to meet those needs.  He has a plan to fulfill every need.  But for now, we wait.  Creation is groaning for our Coming King.  We ache for healing, for reconciliation, for restoration.  We cry out to Him for a Breakthrough.  And sometimes every single thing our eyes see looks like failure.  Hopeless.   But the God of Hope is working when we cannot see.  And thankfully, His power is not contingent on our faith.  I thank God for that every day.  Because my faith feels so small and my vision falls so short.  But God.  So whatever it is you are waiting for, don’t lose heart.  

He is working.  

He is coming. 

And He’s always right on time. 

So let’s pause a moment.  And let’s make some room for Jesus in our hearts and our schedules this week.  

Thanks for giving thanks with me. 

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalms 27:13-14)

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed….We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently….And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:18-19, 22-25, 28)

It is Well (and we almost are)

Ugh.  

I would say that was the theme of this week. 

We had so much fun last Sunday celebrating Sawyer’s birthday.  Tatum K had started running a fever off and on.  When her fever went up, it knocked her out.  But then when Motrin kicked in, she was bouncing off the walls.  So we didn’t think much of it. 

Little did we know. 

Monday evening was a nice night celebrating Cooper at the GCS Football Banquet.  It’s hard to believe he’s already completed his Freshman football season!  AND, we had the BEST barbecue cooked by his Coach.  Tatum K continued to run fever off and on.  And I noticed by the end of the evening, my head had started pounding, and I felt so, so tired. 

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Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a train.  Tatum was still running fever, and Gavin was barking like a seal.  

Wednesday, Zoe got it.  Then Thursday, Cooper.  And Tatum K and I never got better.  Only worse.  We all just laid around, moaning occasionally.  Washing hands and reapplying hand sanitizer until our skin was raw.  Tatum didn’t eat all week.  Maybe 4 carrots and few bites of Fruit Loops.  Trust me, I tried everything. 

By some miracle SAWYER DID NOT GET SICK!!!!  And neither did Samantha, Kora, or Josh!  GLORY TO THE LORD!   (Colton and Carson Grace don’t know how very blessed they are not to be living at home this week!)  I honestly cannot remember EVER being this sick.  I get colds every year: it doesn’t matter if Mom gets sick – life still keeps rolling and I have to roll with it.  With whatever-in-the-world-this-was, THERE WAS NO ROLLING.  And to top it off, Tatum rested so much during the daytime, she stopped sleeping at night.  EVERY. NIGHT. THIS WEEK, she was up a MINIMUM of 10 times.  No sleep for sick mama.  No wonder I couldn’t get better. 

BUT GOD!  No matter what, no matter how sick, no matter how rough the week was, there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for!  

So here we go!

~ for the delicious BBQ at the football banquet.

~ that I had been able to get the house decorated for Christmas BEFORE the sickness hit.  Not only would it not have gotten done, but it made the house cheery and festive to brighten up our hard week.  Our house was just MADE for Christmas. IMG_0723.jpg

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~ for the children’s sweet prayers for their Mama and their siblings.  They were the absolute best sports on the planet, and did their best to help around the house.  Sawyer was devastated that he couldn’t hug me, so he had to make due with hugging my leg.  They all offered so much grace and kindness to their sickly and not-very-gracious mama.  I tried not to be grumpy, but failed miserably.  

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~ for good snuggles from poor little Tatum.  It was clear how awful she felt – she was not her spicy self at all as the week progressed.  All she would do was croak, “Mama, I lay wif you.”

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~ for a FEAST delivered to our doorstep!  When I opened the door and saw all the tasty food, I could hear the choirs of angels singing!  Slim Chickens never tasted so good!  THANK YOU Karen!!!

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~ for “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

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~ for the most wonderful Advent Devotional.  Even as sick as most of us were, I’m grateful that we chose to end each day on the sweetest note.  We ended every single night  with the Word of God and pointed to Jesus.  That’s really the only thing I got right all week.  But thankfully, it’s the ONLY THING that matters.  Glory to His Name.  You can find the devotional here.  (Thanks so much for sharing it, Jen!)

~ that Josh was able to attend (and video for me) Kora’s 4th Grade Colonial Trade Days presentation, where she portrayed a Leather-worker.  

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~ for Bear being the most adorable and photogenic Christmas dog ever.  (And for Tatum who had to show me that she could sit as nicely as “Bear Boy”). 

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~ for my amazingly talented, creative, and hardworking husband who built signs for our orders this week AND created several new items available from Giddyup & Whoa.  I just love everything he builds!

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~ for HEALING!  As of Saturday, we are all fever-FREE, and on the road to feeling better.  I still have ZERO energy, but it’s such an improvement from how I did feel. 

~ that Josh and I are both up to date on our tetanus shots!  I stepped on a rusty nail on our street that pierced my foot through my sneaker, and Josh narrowly missed cutting off his thumb, but sustained a wide flesh wound.  Thank You Lord, for Your MERCIES! 

Have you used the feature on Spotify that tells you your “Most Played Song of the Year?”  So many people have been sharing it, I was curious.  I can’t even remember what it told me for 2019, but then the feature went backward several more years.  When my “Most Played Song of 2015” popped up, it took my breath away.  “Bye Bye Bye,” by NSYNC.  For those of you who are new here, that was Sawyer’s favorite song when he was a baby, and I played it for him OVER AND OVER in the hospital.  2015 was a really hard year:  we started January in the ICU after a terrifying narcotic reaction, and then later that year we had lots of long hospital stays due to side effects and infections. BUT GOD. Gives a little perspective on one week of RELATIVELY MILD illness in the comfort of my home.  (Oh, and my “Most Played Song of 2016?”  “Rise Up,” by Andra Day.  Thank You Jesus!)

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I am ready for a FRESH NEW WEEK!   How about you?

Thanks for giving thanks with me!

“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” (Psalms 116:7)

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain.” (Psalms 3:3-4)

Not Qualified

~ for a week full of dreams.  Josh and I are dreaming big dreams about a lot of things.  I have no idea what the Lord has in store, but I LOVE having this wonderful man to dream with. 

~for a great Giddyup & Whoa week. Our Christmas items did well at the Barn Sale, and I participated in my first artisan mini market.  It’s one thing to drop my things off at the barn, quite a different thing to set up a display and man it for five hours.  Josh built the perfect rustic display panels, I got a credit card swiper, a receipt book for taking orders, printed me up some cute shopping bags…  For the first time ever, I actually felt like a little store!  It was surreal and terrifying.  But once we got it all put together, it was great.  It was so fun. The market was outside, 42°, and completely in the shade all day… So I was a Giddyup-and-Whoa-sicle by the end of it.  I met some terrific people, sold several signs and lots of ornaments, got a bunch of custom orders, and lots of people took my card. I feel like it was good exposure and hopefully it will lead to more work.  Even though I’ve been painting for years, today marks exactly one year since we launched our Instagram account and took the step out in faith to put our business dream out there.  It has truly been a blessing to our family to have steady orders coming in.  We pray God continues to bless it and open doors for us to grow!  Keep us in mind when you are finishing up your Christmas shopping!

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~ for warm, fluffy spiced ginger bread right from the oven.

~ for such a fun morning attending Samantha’s 5th Grade History Wax Museum.  Each student had to choose a historical figure, read a biography about them, and then dress up as that person and pose. Samantha chose Marie Antoinette. (I personally think she chose it because she knew her prop could be a cake.)  I ordered a tall coiffed white wig, but it did not arrive in time.  So at the last minute, we had to improvise: I ratted her hair and fashioned it around a washcloth to give her a giant bouffant updo.  We powdered her face and added a mole… She looked lovely!

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~ for Sawyer’s “Fanksgiving” Feast!  This boy has been is so excited that his feast was coming up, it’s all he has talked about.  His class had prepared a darling program with scriptures and songs and of course, the CUTEST pilgrim and Indian costumes.  Each child was given an Indian name, and Sawyer’s was “Brave Warrior.”  He proudly donned our family’s traditional Fanksgiving Feast attire – the handmade costume I made for Colton’s Feast (hastily crafted the night before that feast, mind you!)  Never did I dream we would still be using it 15 years and 8 kids later!  I also wonder exactly how many times I have heard the song, “Super Turkey” over the years…

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Friends, I have to tell you…sometimes writing these journals is such a battle.  I always ask the Lord to show me what to share, to help me see the blessings.  I truly desire for this blog to be a vessel of encouragement, and an offering of worship to the Lord.  Because He is worthy.  But sometimes…sometimes I’m just stuck.  Or I’m right in the middle of learning a hard, very personal lesson, and it’s difficult to put words to it.  This has been one of those weeks.  I’ve been hit hard with discouragement.  I’ve been freshly reminded how unqualified I am in so many ways.  How in the world am I raising NINE CHILDREN?  I don’t know if I’m qualified to raise a CAT.  I have no qualifications to run a nonprofit organization.  Or a small business.  Or to sit here and write a blog to encourage anyone.  I mean, who am I?  I know where I have come from.  I’ve been a mess.  A liar.  A thief.  A harlot.  A drunkard.  Selfish. Guilty.  Empty.  Ashamed.  Lost. 

BUT GOD. 

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I don’t need to be reminded who I once was.  I know EXACTLY what I’ve done.  And so does Jesus.  He has loved me since before He created me, before He laid the foundations of the earth.  He has forgiven me and redeemed me and called me His own.  He has washed me white as snow and given me a new identity and a new name.  I am UNASHAMED.  And that will never be taken from me.  And all that is not to say that I am SOMEBODY….but I am somebody’S.  I AM HIS.  So when attacks come, I will hold fast to the promises that I know are true.  That “Therefore, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has SET YOU FREE from the law of sin and death.”  And when I feel my flesh quake, and I start to doubt, I can call out, both to Jesus Himself and to faithful saints in Christ, and they will pray for me and speak words of life and truth to me, reminding my head what my heart already knows.  I am who He says I am.

I hope you know this for yourself.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, or where you’ve been.  There is NOTHING that the Lord doesn’t long to forgive you for and free you from.  The price Jesus Christ paid on the cross was enough.  Enough to cover EVERY SIN.  

Maybe I’m not qualified.  But I am a Child of the King, and He is faithfully refining me every single day.  And even if I’m not where I hope one day to be, I’m thankful that I’m not where I used to be.  And I can live with that. 

May each of you have a joyful, grace-soaked Thanksgiving this week, however it is you will spend it.  I’m very conscious that the holidays can be very hard for some people.  Broken relationships, missing loved ones, difficult memories.  I encourage you to reach out to someone you know may be hurting this week.  An encouraging word goes a long way. 

Let’s love one another well this week.  Let our words bring life and healing instead of tearing down.  

Thanks for giving thanks with me. 

“so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”  (Colossians 1:10-14)

“I am chosen, not forsaken.  I am who You say I am.  You are for me, not against me.  I am who You say I am.  I am who You say I am.  Who the Son sets free, oh is free indeed.  I’m a child of God, yes I am!”  (Who You Say I Am, Hillsong Worship)

Adoption

I am thankful:

~ for our beautiful Samantha, who received an award at Chapel for the Character Quality of Honesty. She is bright and beautiful and smart and so grown up for her age. So very proud of her. 

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~ for discovering the most amazing donut shop!  There were about 1 million choices, but Tatum settled in on a frosted doughnut rolled in Froot Loops while I dove into a maple glazed donut smothered with bacon.  LIFECHANGING!

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~ for amazingly fast shipping. I’ve been looking for a fuzzy fleece pullover for one of the kids, but the store didn’t have the size we needed. So I placed the order online. I couldn’t believe it when it arrived at my door the next morning! How do they do that???

~ for a truly terrific chewy, ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie recipe. 

~ for a quick midweek visit with Gina Sue. We did our best to catch up on each other‘s news, and she treated me to delicious comfort Starbucks coffee and friendship bread.  Love our time together. 

~ for new friends and for the most delicious baby snuggles. 

~ for the nervous excitement of 2 Giddyup & Whoa sales this week.  The Vintage & Co “Christmas in the Country” sale is Wednesday through Saturday, and The Market at Harvey Hall is Saturday.  I’ve been painting, wood burning, tagging, and photographing NONSTOP (usually with Bear at my feet and Tatum K hanging on my back).  So thankful for the opportunity to do what I love to do, and hope that the Lord continues to bless our efforts.  

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~ for TRUTH.  I’m thankful that I know that I know that I KNOW the promises in Scripture.  The promise that God will never leave me nor forsake me.  The promise that this world is not my home.  The promise that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.  Because my flesh fails me.  My eyes look around and see chaos and storms and I take my eyes off Jesus and start to sink into the sea of fear.  Anxiety has been raging this week.  Like always, the assaults come out of nowhere, without warning or cause.  But no matter how paralyzed I FEEL, I KNOW THE TRUTH.  I know that Jesus see me, that He is right there with me, and that everything is going to be ok.  I speak His Name. And even though it’s not magic, and it doesn’t instantly squash an anxiety attack, I believe in the POWER in the Name of Jesus.  I know He is more real than anything I feel and anything I fear.  HALLELUJAH. 

And this week I am freshly thankful for adoption.   November is Adoption Month, and this Sunday our church had a special service honoring the MANY families in our Body who are adult adoptees, foster and adoptive parents, and their support systems, as well as sharing information about the foster care crisis in our nation.  It was so emotional to hear from adults reliving their experiences: being adopted and raised by a loving family from infancy, or the pain of being removed from biological parents and placed in foster care.  We saw a family dedicate their newly adopted son, alongside their MASSIVE extended family, which included biological kids, siblings, adopted siblings, grandparents, more adoptees…it. was. AWESOME.  Beautiful.  God-breathed.  I’m so thankful to be a part of a church that actively believes in and has chosen to cultivate a culture of adoption.  Not everyone is called to adopt, but we are all called to lay our lives down for one another.   And that might mean taking a meal to a foster family, or providing respite care.  Something as simple as texting a word of encouragement or as practical as calling in pizzas could be just the glimmer of hope a very tired mom or dad desperately needs. 

I’ve always been drawn to adoption.  Many times in my youth, I found myself welcomed into other families.  I was always on the fringe, a little lonely, a little lost, and God braided people into my life at just the right times.  And that is exactly what God does for us when we become a part of His family.  He takes the lost and the lonely, and He gives us a new name, a new identity, a place to belong.   And we become sons and daughters. Heirs.  I think it was really good for my children to see how many other adoptees were around them today, of all ages.  I think (I hope) it made them feel extra special to be recognized.  Adoption is always complicated, because it always involves loss.  But we love because God loved us first, and I truly believe that when we keep Christ in His proper place: at the head and at the center, adoption can bring the unexpected beauty from the most broken of places.  We still have lots of broken places in our family, lots of healing still being worked out.  But God.  And no matter what my eyes see, I believe that His plan is good.  He is working on the hearts of each of my children, and on mine.  I am thankful that I am the most blessed mama in the whole wide world.  Remind me that Lord, when so many times I forget. 

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Try to love on a foster or adoptive family this week.  They need it. 

Thanks for giving thanks with me. 

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”  (John 14:18)

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “ Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” (Romans 8:14-17)

“But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “ Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”  (Galatians 4:4-7)