Abide

I am thankful…

~ for Carson Grace’s incredible trip to Washington D.C. and for her safe return home. The GCS Senior class packed as much history and culture into 5 days as is humanly possible. From the Smithsonian and the Library of Congress to the Lincoln Memorial; touring the Capital with Texas Representative Louie Gohmert and taking in the priceless artifacts at Museum of the Bible, and then finally ending the trip at Mount Vernon (this is maybe a third of all the places they visited.) Carson Grace came home utterly exhausted, but bursting with a passion for history and a deep appreciation of the significance of the places she had experienced. She said she could literally feel the presence of greatness when she stood where Martin Luther King Jr. had delivered his speech. So thankful she had the opportunity to go on this amazing trip, and for the memories made with her classmates.

Carson Grace and Representative Louie Gohmert

~ for a day spent loving on my sweet baby nephew, Emmett. He is just the yummiest baby, full of toothy grins and giggles. Most of the day was spent protecting him from the aggressive affections of Tatum K. “Baby. Kiss.” “Baby. Toe toes.” “Baby. Talk.” I made the mistake of leaving the room to throw something away, only to hear, “Baby. Hide!” Thankfully, Emmett was only briefly “hiding” in a blanket. But I definitely did not leave them alone even for a moment after that. A baby + Tatum + Bear = quite the combination.

~for the way Sawyer makes me laugh. He got dressed for school one morning and I handed him a lightweight sweatshirt to put on before he went out the door. He gave an approving smile, “Oh yeah! To complete the look.” He is also very excited planning all the funny jokes he’s going to play on people in a few weeks… on “April Tuesday.”

~I love the endearing way I am greeted by Tatum K when I open up the closet door (yes, she still sleeps in the closet). Every morning she meets me with outstretched arms, a furrowed frown, and one word. “Poop.”

~ for SUNSHINE!!! Glorious sunshine!!! It’s been rainy and overcast for so long, the dazzling clear sky took my breath away when I drove the kids to school! Isn’t it incredible the difference the weather can make on our outlook? Breathing in sunshine is just so refreshing! Picnics and walks and playing legos in the driveway. We’ve been soaking up all we can in between the showers.

~for my darling husband. He is so good to me, and he loves to surprise me. I have been pining over one of the latest trends in home decor…a fiddle leaf fig tree. I have gone on and on about those silly trees. And wouldn’t you know it, out of the blue my cute Love showed up with one for me this week! My kids all laughed at how loudly I squealed when I leapt into his arms kissing him!

~ for healing for Sawyer. He had started feeling puny and developed a nasty cough at the end of last week, so I got him in to the pediatrician. Having just gotten over pneumonia, we wanted to be sure it wasn’t coming back. Thankfully, lungs sounded clear, but the doc did discover double ear infections. He is somewhat better, but still has the wretched lingering crud cough.

~ for the continued ripple effects of the wonderful ministry of Lighthouse Family Retreat (LFR). 3 years ago, we met a precious family from Mississippi. Well this week, they had traveled to Dallas for a work trip when their son Ian, still in treatment for leukemia, began to run fever. Mom (Julie) remembered we lived near Dallas, and texted me for a hospital recommendation. I got her the info for Children’s, and shared a few tips about getting fast-tracked directly into an isolation room in the ER. Ian’s fevers persisted and triggered an elevated heart rate and low blood pressure, resulting in him being admitted to the ICU! So scary! And for all this to happen so far from home! But through the connections made at Lighthouse, the Lord provided a tiny glimmer of encouragement and familiarity in the midst of foreign surroundings. I truly believe that is at the very heart of what Lighthouse was created for! To build godly relationships and connect families long after the retreat is over. I will be forever grateful for all the precious families we have met through LFR, and treasure these lifelong relationships. Thankfully, after 2 scary days in the Children’s ICU, Ian’s fevers have come down and he’s been moved to the Oncology Unit. They are waiting for his counts to recover before he can be released. I know they would be most grateful for your prayers.

This has been a spiritually challenging week. Just lots going on, and much to pray about. But I do see already how God is displaying His incomparable mastery at bringing good from what the enemy intended for evil. Josh and I have spent more time in the Word together than we ever have, and we have spent more time on our faces in prayer than we have in a long time. Isn’t that just how it goes? When things are going well, and nothing’s rocking our boat, we don’t always take the time to thank God for that peaceful season, or to remain diligent in seeking Him. We go on autopilot, or operate with a misguided sense of self-reliance. But when stuff starts getting REAL…we are reminded how frail we are, how desperately we need a Savior. We have to abide with Him in the “easy” times and in the hard. Marinate in His Word. This is no great new revelation to any of you I’m sure. But I just know that as for me, I wander. I stall out. I get lazy. I press in, press in hard when it’s storming, then I thank God for the rainbow and move on, relieved to be past the trial. Lord, bind my wandering heart to Thee. Let me always be mindful of my constant need. I love the Tauren Wells song that so beautifully reminds, “On the mountains I will bow my life to the One who set me there. In the valley I will lift my eyes to the One who sees me there. When I’m standing on the mountain, I didn’t get there on my own. When I’m walking through the valley I know I am not alone. You’re God of the hills and valleys…”

I’m excited for Spring Break this week. We started our annual tradition of breakfast dates this morning. I look forward to one-on-one time with each of the children, and they are all a-buzz about where they want to go to eat with Mom. I love that it’s still something they like to do. Other than that, we have no plans. Just to take it easy and soak up some time together. It will take a little time to acclimate to Daylight Savings. My poor kids got dinner at 8pm tonight!

I hope this week finds you well. Let’s love on the people around us, and lift one another up. Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, And in the night His song shall be with me— A prayer to the God of my life.” Psalms 42:8

Don’t Stop Praying

I am thankful…

~ for Bear. He’s such a great dog. He’s been a relatively easy puppy, very smart and learning quickly. My favorite is how he and Tatum K love each other. They greet each other each morning with enthusiastic kisses, and just roll all over the floor together. I’m blown away that Bear clearly recognizes and respects the difference between Tatum and the other children…he is so much more gentle and tender with her, and puts up with her squeezing him and over-loving him. I can tell they are going to be best friends. Love to have him riding along in the bus to and from school. He MAY be just the SLIGHTEST bit spoiled.

~ for my latest favorite salad recipe: crunchy chickpeas, juicy tomatoes, and creamy avocados tossed with green onions, cilantro, lime, and olive oil! It is so tasty!

~ for a fun, albeit chilly first baseball game of the season for Cooper. He had a great game, and was stealing bases left and right! Great start to the season!

~ for a great tournament for Carson Grace’s softball team. They traveled to Frisco and won 2 out of 3 games. We couldn’t make it to watch, but I was super thankful for the ability to follow the game live via an app on my phone!

~ for my awesome rockstar husband, who was a pacer with Uncle Caleb for the Fresh 15K yesterday morning. The kids and I loaded up the bus to cheer for him, and after an hour of driving in circles and backtracking around the blocked off streets along the race route, we FINALLY found a place to park and walked A MILE IN THE RAIN, arriving at the Finish Line: 5 minutes before they crossed!!!!! So proud of Josh, who nailed his goal pace, and persevered through the challenging course despite back and knee injuries.

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~ for another rockstar: our friend Mason who kicked leukemia’s butt and took his very last dose of chemo last week. Mason is a brave boy who overcame trial after trial and side effect after side effect. And his family never lost heart or let go of their faith. Such a joy to celebrate these milestones.

~ for Sawyer’s tender heart during worship. Today at church, unprompted, he began to raise his hands. He sang along, and swayed back and forth with his hands in the air. Then, he abruptly got down on his knees in the aisle of the church, bowing his face to the floor of until worship was over. It was priceless. Maybe he was pretending, or copying what he sees others do. Who knows. It doesn’t matter. I know the Lord sees his innocent little heart inclined to Him and is pleased. I asked Sawyer afterward, and he said simply, “I wanted to make God happy.”

~ I WAS super excited to share a project that I have been painstakingly working on all week, stripping a unique old end table we’ve had for years. It had an outdated dark stain that I stripped, planed, sanded, and then bleached to get to a far lighter, almost driftwood look. Turned out great. Unfortunately, I guess all the motion and commotion didn’t agree with it, because the day after I moved the completed table into the house and got it all staged cute, all of a sudden, the beautiful glass base of the table shattered! SO SAD! But times like these make me extra thankful for my junker’s heart, because we always have random table bases tucked away somewhere, and Josh got it all fixed up. I sure was bummed about that awesome glass base though.

~ and I’m so excited for Carson Grace on her latest adventure. She is currently in Washington DC with her senior class for the week. I dropped her at the school at 2am, they flew out of Dallas at 7, and hit the ground running in DC taking in the sites. Praying for the students to have a safe and phenomenal trip, one of the last events they’ll go through together before graduation. Man, I miss that girl.

My heart has been heavy this week. So many people I love are hurting, weighted down by some tremendous burdens. And I can’t do one thing. There’s no answer, no fix, no remedy. I mean, of course, Jesus is the remedy. If we know Him, we know that. But when the people we love hurt, we hurt. There’s just no way to take that away. But we can do the only thing we can do…we pray. We reach out. We remember. And don’t stop praying, and reaching out, and remembering. We don’t have to have perfect poetic words of encouragement that no one has ever said before. Or come up with THE ONE SCRIPTURE that is going to enlighten the situation and give a fresh perspective and change everything. That’s God’s department. He’s the One in the miracle department. Keep praying for your friends, friends. He listens. Prayer changes things, and it changes us. Don’t lose heart. I know you have been praying for Baby Lucas – don’t stop! My pastor friend received his heavenly healing…he is with Jesus now, right where he wanted to be. But please keep praying for his family and his church. And please add another this week. Brian is my friend’s husband, and his family is eagerly waiting for him to wake up from emergency heart surgery several weeks ago. You can keep up with the updates here www.caringbridge.org/visit/brianwilhoite

Keep praying and looking for the blessings around you, and let’s lift one another day by day a step closer to the Throne. Maybe I’ll be strong for you today, and then you’ll be strong for me tomorrow. And God is always working, even when we cannot see. And be kinder than you think you have to be. You never know what someone is walking through. Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

The Plague

I am thankful…

~ for such a SWEET start to the week: No School + International Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day! The kids were thrilled to devour a delicious treat for breakfast, and Sawyer prayed the most sincere prayer for all his friends who have or are battling cancer around the world. I had the best time compiling the photos I received from all over, from so many of you who played along. Even though this year Gold Network didn’t hold a physical event, I was thrilled with the participation and the awareness raised. Thank you so much to all the schools, businesses, and families who honored childhood cancer heroes on Monday.

Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day…the calm before the storm. (I just noticed the Lysol in the background…a menacing foreshadowing…)

OUR WEEK WENT DOWNHILL AFTER BREAKFAST.

9am: First Tatum K refused her ice cream. Highly unusual, as all forms of dessert are heralded by her as a form of “PIE!” But I quickly understood as my poor little muffin started vomiting in my lap. She was weak and puny, and I spent the day with her in my arms. The rest of the Tribe helped clean house, we sanitized, Lysoled, etc.

4:55pm: Anonymous Child #2 says, “My tummy hurts.” I ask if they need to throw up? “No.” Use the restroom? “Already did.” So I advise Child #2 to go lay down and rest. But to take a bowl with them in case a different stomach ailment should arise.

4:57pm: Anonymous Child #2 gets bowl from kitchen and promptly throws up into it.

4:58pm: Aggressive Lysol patrol and hand re-washing begins.

Tuesday 7am: Symptom check, everyone seems fine. Kids head to school, minus Child #2.

7:30am: Mom doesn’t feel so good.

7:45am: Yup. Mom is MOST DEFINITELY sick.

Moms don’t get sick. Moms CAN’T GET SICK. The sick kids still need tending, nurturing, doctoring. And the well kids are still… well, kids! Laundry and homework still has to get done and food still has to be prepared. I don’t remember much about Tuesday. Mostly that it was bad. I do have a dim recollection of driving to school with a bowl in my lap, praying I would not have to use it. On a positive note, no new ones appeared sick, and Tatum K seemed to be feeling FABULOUS. Anonymous Child #2 felt great all day, only to throw up again at 4pm, thereby earning another 24 hours home from school.

Wednesday: so the thing about Wednesday….it was my birthday. My family was so sweet. They got me a beautiful new hammock I’d been wanting, and they had all written precious handwritten notes. I got lots of thoughtful calls, texts, and emails, even a gift left on my doorstep! Josh brought home lunch, and Colton popped in with a gift of Golden Grahams cereal and hazelnut coffee creamer (isn’t it funny the random details kids notice/remember about what we like?). It would’ve been a great day if I hadn’t felt like a wrung-out dishrag. And Tatum was suddenly puny again, refusing to eat anything, and presented with gastrointestinal symptoms that had now migrated from the “north” to the “south.”

Thursday: Everyone seems to be feeling GOOD! Even Tatum K, although she’s still having some “symptoms” and no appetite. We do another round of disinfection, and count our blessings that we’ve made it through the bug, virtually unscathed.

Friday, I was finally feeling ALMOST back to normal, and crammed all my grocery shopping in before the torrential rain began at noon (no small feat, as I shop 3 different stores for 2 weeks’ worth of menus…most notably the 10 gallons of milk and as many loaves of bread.) Friday was a big night: Cooper and his 8th grade choir class have been preparing their musical production, “The Big Bad Musical,” for weeks, and Cooper was one of the lead roles (Title Character, Big “B” Wolf, in fact!). We were all thankful to be well and able to attend. And let me say, completely unbiased of course: the show was TERRIFIC!!!! The cast played their parts perfectly, the script and their interpretations were hilarious, and Cooper was amazing! He had two solo songs, and we were all so proud! It was such a fun night! Unfortunately, Dad started feeling sick that evening (no symptoms) and Anonymous Child#3 threw up in the middle of the night. Sigh.

Saturday: Purchased more Lysol. Cleaned house from top to bottom. Dad and Child #3 feel like garbage. I attend Cooper’s final matinée performance of “The Big Bad Musical,” and it was even better the second time! So proud of him!!! And SOOOOO THANKFUL that he didn’t get sick! (I was secretly so worried about that and prayed over it CONSTANTLY. THANK YOU JESUS!) AND (so far, PLEASE-JESUS-PLEASE) neither did Sawyer! That has literally never happened! Sawyer has caught absolutely every bug he has been exposed to by his siblings (or classmates) for the last 2 years, UNTIL NOW! Glory to the Lord, his immune system is finally rebuilding! And Tatum K is FINALLY back to normal in all capacities. Last night, we had a quiet evening at home, staring into nothingness, completely ZAPPED.

I’m so thankful for the grace that God gives me for everyday living. Even when I whine and complain. Grace for teenage mood swings and not-always-charming life lessons, grace for puppy training and vomit bowls, breath by breath grace for the lifelong journey we have in front of us with our Tribe. And grace to enjoy the bright spots in the midst of the mayhem! Sure, we had the stomach bug over and over, but people were kind on my birthday, Cooper’s musical was a resounding success, and I had lots of warm moments with my kids. We went on walks, read our bedtime book, and tonight Dad is cooking a feast for us on the grill. There is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

I have friends in need of prayer, and I know I can come to you to lift them up. A dear pastor friend who has been battling cancer and doing AMAZING has taken a sudden and dramatic turn for the worse. Please pray for him, for his loving wife, and for his congregation who love them both so dearly, for God’s glory and purpose to shine forth in the midst of pain. And then today I received news of a newly diagnosed baby with cancer. Of course this is always devastating news, but this one hurts on a uniquely grievous level: this dear child’s Mama is one of our incredible oncology nurses at Children’s. For years, Kelly has unflinchingly stared childhood cancer in the face. She has been strong for us, and lovingly cared for our children, and has seen some of the darkest moments that no one should ever have to see. But all that time she never dreamed she would walk through OUR UNTHINKABLE HELL with her own baby. Will you please pray for Baby Lucas and his family? You can follow their updates here. https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hookemforlucas or here https://helpinghandsawo.org/projects/hook-em-for-lucas/

I’m so very thankful for this community of friends: most of you I know, some I’ve never even met. But you are my people. Thank you for reading, thank you for caring, thank you for praying. And thank you for giving thanks with me.

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“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV

Overwhelmed

I am thankful…

~ for our 13th and 14th viewing of the beloved GCS 1st grade production of Little Bo Peep. It is the sweetest play featuring Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue on a quest to find the lost sheep, enlisting the help of all our favorite nursery rhymes. Our Zoe gave a compelling performance as Little Polly Flinders. Such a fun tradition, and the moral of the story – that Jesus always helps us when we go astray – gets me every time.

~ for the most loving and godly teachers who pour into our children, and encourage mom and dad when we desperately need it.

~ for some of the most stunning, electric sunsets I have ever seen! God’s handiwork on display never ceases to amaze me!

~ for getting to see Carson Grace speak encouragement to incoming GCS freshmen about being a part of the High School Praise Band. Proud of the poised, talented, and God-seeking young woman she has become.

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~ for a super-fun quadruple birthday party! We just celebrated Samantha last month, and both Gavin and Kora are coming up this week…Zoe isn’t until August, but it’s just easier on Mama’s brain to ding-it-done all in one big shebang! The kids got to try out the new hit attraction, Urban Air, an indoor trampoline park with more extras than you can count: zip lines, ninja obstacle course, rock walls, ropes course…there are so many exciting activities for all ages. Each birthday honoree got to invite a couple of friends and choose their favorite cupcake: chocolate with pink buttercream, chocolate with blue buttercream, chocolate with chocolate buttercream, and funfetti with rainbows! They all had a wonderful time! (And I didn’t have to clean up afterwards! WIN-WIN!)

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~ for a sweet (albeit far too short) visit for Kora, Gavin, and Zoe with their biological big sister, Grace. Grace was adopted by dear friends of ours, but they moved to College Station this summer, so we don’t get to see her as often as we’d like. The four of them stick together like glue when they have the chance. Grace is growing into such a remarkable and beautiful young lady, and it is so special to see her. I’m thankful for the opportunity for the kids to stay connected and make new, healthy, and happy memories to replace the more difficult memories from their early childhood. What a Healer is our God!

~ for a special evening at Gold Network CONNECT, our quarterly childhood cancer caregiver support group. Our group was smaller than usual, with many families out with sickness (can you BELIEVE all the flu around here??!!), but we know that it is truly an anointed time for the appointed ones who come. We enjoyed the most delicious fajitas from Abuelos and decadent tuxedo cake and key lime pie for dessert. And we shared our stories and our lives with one another. Laughter and tears and encouraging words remind each other that none of us are alone on this long, lonely walk. I’m so thankful for the great privilege to come alongside other families and share hope, even though our stories are all so different. Also so very thankful to have been approved for a generous grant to cover the funding for this important program!

~ for Gavin getting some great one-on-one time with Dad, building signs for Giddyup and Whoa. He learned a lot: helped cut, assemble, and stain several signs. Didn’t even mind the chilly temps!

Oh, I’ve been in such a slump. Nothing terrible is going on. We are dealing with colds, not cancer. It’s just been hard to get motivated…to get into the Word, to paint, to stay positive. Maybe it’s the weather? It’s been dreary and cold. Anyone else relate? So anyway, on Wednesday, I dragged my weary, unmotivated self to midweek service at church. House was a mess, kids a wreck…but we got there. Only to find out that instead of the praise and prayer time we have been doing, that this week was going to be a time of sharing testimonies. GREAT! Because I was SO IN THE MOOD to testify. (insert HEAVY SARCASM) Worship began, and I struggled to refocus my heart and enter in. The words made perfect sense to what I was dealing with, but I still felt like I was going through the motions, “I delight myself in You/in the glory of Your presence/I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You)”. Until one of my Littles whispered to me, “Mama, what does ‘overwhelmed’ mean?” And as the song continued, I tried to explain, “It’s like when there’s all this STUFF around you. All the things you have to get done. And you realize how small you are. That’s ‘overwhelmed.’” Because for about as long as I can remember, I have lived in a constant state of being overwhelmed, in one way or another. Then God began to minister to my heart as I continued to explain to my child, “But then you look at creation, and look at all He has done. And you realize how small you are, compared to how big God is and how good He is and how much He has done for you. And THEN, ‘overwhelmed’ is a GOOD THING.” As my Father’s kindness soaked into the parched ground of my heart, I knew He had given me something to testify about. The definition of “overwhelmed” is “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass,” or “defeat completely”. I had (we ALL have) a choice: to live drowned and defeated by the circumstances our eyes see: this messed up world, sickness, evil, fear, STUFF, a million responsibilities…or we can let ourselves be OVERWHELMED by the love of the Father.

I wish I could say I am full of fresh new perspective and that all my weariness has been transformed to purposeful strength…but the truth is that the slump persists. I’m still overwhelmed. But I do have renewed hope. I know that God is not watching my progress with a clipboard and checklist, marking off what I do wrong or right. I know that He is not asking me to be successful or even improving. He’s asking me to be faithful whether I feel like it or not. He’s asking me to keep moving and not quit. He’s got my kids. He’s got my marriage. He’s got my to-do list and my worries and my anxieties and my health. He’s got ME! I am thankful for the God Who Sees Me, and for the knowledge that His grace will always be sufficient.

Thanks for giving thanks with me. Let’s love one another well this week.

“These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:4-5 NIV

Special shirt from our friends the Mayers

February 3, 2019

Bear and Chewy (Sawyer) at the chilly softball game

~ for deep conversations with Sawyer: Sawyer:”Who gave you that pillow?”

Me: “My Aunt.”

Sawyer: “You mean your mom?”

“No, my aunt.”

“So she’s your different kind of mom?”

“No, she’s my aunt.”

“Oh, so your aunt is your grandma?”

“No. My aunt is my aunt.”

“Oh, Ok!”

(Sawyer is also VERY excited that the “Brown Hog” did not see his shadow yesterday, because it means Spring is coming. And he knows my birthday is coming up, since it is “Feb-loo-ary.”) Oh how this boy keeps me laughing!

~ for the wonderful privilege to speak at MomTalk, a bi-monthly lunch for GCS moms. I got to talk to the other moms about the importance of sharing our stories with one another, finding our common threads, and encouraging each other through our trials. They encouraged me so much!

~for Carson Grace’s first softball game. She and her teammates had a great game, and it was fun to cheer for her. Now I will say, the combo of 40° weather, brisk wind, 6 whiny kids, and a non-leash-trained puppy were not ideal. Hoping for nicer weather for the rest of the season.

~ for Zoe having a great time celebrating the 100th day of school. She ate her tasty necklace of 100 Fruit loops, and the class did lots of fun activities.

~ for a thrilling lesson on the letter “F” for Sawyer and his JrK friends: petting a real live FALCON!

~ for our sweet new friend, Bear. He is just a love. All the kiddos can’t get enough of his wet puppy kisses and his fuzzy puppy paws. And I love him, despite cleaning up puppy messes every 7 minutes. Potty training a puppy is NO JOKE. Haven’t done this in 13 years. Thankfully he’s a very sweet boy and seems to be a pretty quick learner.

~ for new mercies every morning. I know I say that a lot. But I say it a lot because I NEED it a lot. This week my patience ran thinner than thin. We are all in various stages of a little annoying cold, puppy training is incessant, the kids have been AT each other constantly over anything and everything…it’s just so easy to default to irritation, which is exactly what I did. I’m not proud of my responses or my tone. But Jesus extends His unwarranted grace to me; allowing me to extend that same grace to my children. And every day really is a new day! So thankful to have a fresh opportunity to try again each morning. Thank You Lord for do-overs! Anybody else need a good, old-fashioned do-over?

~ and for the BEST NEWS OF ALL! Today our sweet Sam-girl was baptized!!!! She asked Jesus into her heart several months ago, and since then, she has been eagerly anticipating her baptism, but has been forced to wait due to various illnesses and schedules not coordinating. So this was a long-awaited event! What a blessing to see this beautiful girl answer the prompting of the Holy Spirit, make the personal decision to follow Jesus, and then publicly share this commitment in front of her church at the age of 11! So wonderful that our daughter is now our sister in Christ! And it was made even more special because we had so many people with us to celebrate: aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins, all together to share in her joy because she is so loved. What a beautiful picture of the redemptive love of Abba Father. God is just so GOOD, y’all!

Thank you for giving thanks with me. In the highs and the lows, in the trials and in the mundane…the blessings are there if we train our eyes to see. But it is a discipline. Our natural inclination is always to look and to gravitate downward. LOOK UP! Give thanks! Let’s love one another well this week.

“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 AMPC

January 27, 2019

~ thankful for a super fun day celebrating Samantha’s birthday! How can it be that our little Stinky Girl is 11 years old!? School was out, so we got to really got to do it up. The day started off with donuts for breakfast, and then a trip to the mall. Not just a leisurely trip to the mall to look around. No sir, this was a trip with a purpose. And that purpose was getting Samantha’s ears pierced! This is a milestone first offered to our girls upon reaching the age of 10, but Sam was NOT INTERESTED last year. This year she was SET. Until we got there. Then there was a dramatic change of heart. There were big tears. There was a call home to big sis for a pep talk. There may have been some time spent huddled in a corner of the store. But, she rallied her courage and eventually walked proudly out of the mall with red, swollen eyes and sparkly blue earrings! Then came a Subway lunch date with Dad, and home to make her own ice cream cake, and finally a delicious dinner that evening. She said it was the very best birthday she’s ever had. What a blessing is our sweet, sweet Sam.

~ for encouragement from the Lord through the gift of worship music. Several times this week, certain songs have just ministered to my heart… “have you come to the end of yourself? Do you long for a drink from the well? Jesus is calling…”. and “who am I that the highest King should welcome me? I was lost but He brought me in, oh His Love for me.” What a gift music is! And then also what a gift it is to experience watching my daughter grow into her gifting as she continues to lead worship at school and at church. I’m including a video of Carson Grace from our service this morning. Be blessed. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XE6ANdzNVOo

~ for the simple sweetness of the kids feeding the ducks at sunset. Something so little makes them so happy. All it takes is a little time.

~ for the opportunity to share in our friends’ joy. This week, one of our brave Gold Network Hero friends took his very last chemotherapy medication after more than 3 years of treatment for leukemia. What a day of celebration! And that morning, his entire school dressed in superhero costumes and greeted him with cheers and well wishes, a true heroes welcome! I’m not sure if Sawyer and this dear boy have even actually met, but Sawyer simply knows him as one of his “friends.” He watched the video with me and clapped and cheered for his fellow leukemia warrior, and it filled my heart with so much hope and joy. We HAVE to celebrate the victories!

~ for a great time at the mid-week worship service with my kids. I am loving the intimate setting, and the opportunity to explain to them WHY we are doing what we are doing…explaining WHO GOD IS and why He is worthy of our worship. And everything I share with them is a fresh reminder to me, right where I am. Oh Lord, keep my faith like that of a child!

~ and for a big finish to our week: it’s official – WE HAVE LOST OUR MINDS! We got a new puppy! Josh and I found a sweet pup on Craigslist that captured our hearts, and Saturday morning we loaded up all the kids, sleepy and confused, into the bus, telling them only, “we’re going on a family adventure!” You can imagine the squeals of surprise and delight when their eyes were met with a fluffy new friend! It was such a fun day, and I know we will all remember it forever! Everyone loves “Bear,” and his name suits him perfectly, as he more closely resembles a cuddly teddy bear than an actual live animal. Puppy kisses are the best! A “family adventure” INDEED!

Thank you to so many who have liked the Sunday Gratitude Facebook page or signed up to follow this blog. I am so thankful for this community and all of your support. I hope this week finds you well. If you are weary, hang on, and don’t lose heart. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If you’re in a season of joy – SHARE SOME! I promise you, somebody’s desperate for it! You never know when you may be the answer to somebody’s prayer. Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3 NIV

January 20, 2019

fullsizeoutput_9600 — Brave #SawyerTheWarrior

~ Thankful for a much-needed, long-overdue evening out with my Love. We started with a stop at Lowes, (doesn’t everyone?) and then a delicious meal at FD’s. Finishing the tile floor nearly killed us both, so it was the perfect way to end his week of vacation.

~ for the warmth and comfort from a crackling fire. I love cozy mornings snuggled up in the dark with my Bible, or painting beside it in the afternoon.

~ for impromptu hugs from my little people, and “I love you Mama” for no reason at all.

~ for a fun night for Carson Grace at Winter Formal. Thankful for sweet friends.

~ for a wonderful refreshing at our newly reinstated mid-week church service. Intimate worship, spirit-led prayer…it was such a blessed way to refuel our hearts with our church body. And I loved experiencing it together as a family. On Sundays, we worship together and then the Littles head off to their classes. In this service, we were all together (all but 2 youngest). No electronics, no coloring pages, no “you-keep-busy-so-mom-and-dad-can-listen.” At ages 7-17, they are all old enough to take in the Word of God for themselves. And pray with adults. Who knows how much they actually listen or understand, but I just truly believe seeds are being planted. I’m excited to see them grow into who God has made them each to be.

~ for Sawyer’s wonderful Clinic visit on Thursday! CANCER-FREE!!! Glory to the LORD! Josh and I are always freshly amazed that Sawyer is doing so well. And it is such a blessing to see others see him as a miracle, too. The doctors scarcely know what to think. It’s my favorite to see Dr. Winick’s eyes shine as she listens to him tell her stories about his family or about school, and be genuinely thrilled with a picture he has made for her. I’ve recently heard of so many of Sawyer’s “friends” specifically those that I’ve met through the online Infant Leukemia community: kids who have dramatic speech delays due to underdeveloped mouth and facial muscles from being fed through a tube for years instead of learning to eat by mouth. Kids with social anxiety from being kept on isolation and never learning to interact with other kids. Cancer in an infant can cause so many issues, with the disease and treatment occurring during the most formative months and years of brain development. BUT GOD! Sawyer has faced so many traumas, yet the Lord has chosen to show healing mercies here on earth. I will never understand why Sawyer is doing so well, when things could be so very different. And have turned out so very different for people who I love. But we just have to choose every day to trust that Our Good Good Father knows what He is doing, and that His plan supersedes our instincts on every level. And keep praying and praising.

~ for good laughs. Near the end of his appointment, Sawyer said to Dr. Winick, giggling, “I know what comes next… you’re going to check my business.” (Each visit includes inspecting his testicles – “business” – for any irregularities. Infant leukemia has a high rate of relapse in boys as testicular cancer.) Then he looked over at Gina, and said dryly, “you might not want to yook at this Aunt Gina. That would be inappropriate.“

After we returned safely home on Thursday, I was astonished to realize it was EXACTLY TWO YEARS since Sawyer’s treatment ended (thankful to have all my Caringbridge entries to look back on!). We didn’t have the long-awaited celebration marking his very last chemo. Instead, he was riddled with multiple infections and unexplained fevers, even requiring blood transfusions. He was getting weaker instead of better. So on January 17, 2017, the oncology team abruptly discontinued his chemo at his Clinic appointment. Very anticlimactic. And unnerving. That day, just 3 hours after returning home from Dallas that afternoon, he spiked a fever and we were right back to be admitted to the hospital. It was such a terrifying time, to see him so sick when we were supposed to be celebrating. BUT GOD! I never could have imagined him two years later: an active, vibrant, healthy, and THRIVING 5-year-old! A living, breathing picture of HOPE! Glory to the Lord!!!

Thankful for a good week. Thank you for giving thanks with me!

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!” Psalms 27:13-14

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Carson Grace and her friend, Kellen, at GCS Winter Formal

Welcome to Sunday Gratitude

Sunday Gratitude – January 13, 2019

(Lessons learned on my knees – while tiling my kitchen that is)

Many of you have been following along on our Instagram stories, watching our tile project in our kitchen. And what a project it has been! We have quite literally spent the week on our knees. But what a great place to be! I find the Lord speaks to me through the projects that I am working on. He always has. This latest project was full of fresh lessons for me. The big one that stuck out this time had to do with how we look at things. If you take a look at our newly completed floor…(not trying to sound prideful…) we have gotten a lot of compliments. And we are very thankful, it really is a beautiful floor. “I don’t know how you did that.” “I could never do that.” “Y’all are amazing. It’s perfect!” From the outside looking in, or on social media, it’s easy to judge someone else’s total package…someone else’s highlight reel, and form an unrealistic view of perfection. I do it all the time. I look at people who I think have it all together. People that aren’t wrinkled. People that aren’t late. People whose kids’ hair are perfectly brushed. Like EVERY DAY. And I think, “I bet SHE doesn’t have an old banana in her purse.” It’s so dangerous and misleading to judge from the outside appearance, and then measure our own blooper reel against someone else’s highlights. Nobody’s perfect. We know that, but don’t we think it anyway? Boy, if a professional tile setter took a look at our kitchen, he would find flaw after flaw. Wrong angles, inconsistent grout lines, tiles that aren’t level. It is FAR from perfect. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE BEAUTIFUL. And neither do we. I really hope my kids remember what they saw this week… A daunting project, but a mom and dad who worked side-by-side to get it done. They saw some giddyup. And they saw some whoa. They saw us loving each other, laughing together, and some good-natured bickering. They saw us get tired and worn out and ready to be done, long before the job was complete. And all week they listened to some really great old rock and roll! (And in the interest of full disclosure, I’m also thankful they survived 10 days of moderate child neglect. NOT our finest week of parenting.)

~thankful for the refreshing feeling that comes after putting away all the Christmas decorations! Everything got a good deep clean, and it feels fresh and crisp for the new year ahead.

~thankful for the wonderful opportunity to see Carson Grace lead worship with the GCS High School Praise Band at Elementary Chapel. I can’t believe how grown up she is. It is so surreal to see her operating in her gifting. And even more special, all three of our little girls received Character Quality Awards at Chapel. Special morning for all our girls.

~ thankful that Kora got a 100 on her AR test. I love to see those brown eyes sparkle when she does well.

~for such a unique and fun opportunity for Sawyer. You may remember he was asked to be a part of a charity fundraiser, a fashion show model for Children’s Cancer Fund in April. Wednesday was the event photo shoot. So Josh and I travelled to Dallas for him to meet the other event participants and the event chairs: Troy Aikman and Roger Staubach. Each child was allowed to bring an item to be autographed, and Josh brought a Troy Aikman football card from his childhood collection. On the way home, Josh told Sawyer, “Hey bud, thanks for getting my card signed today!” To which Sawyer replied without missing a beat, “don’t you mean MY card?!“. We all got a good laugh. In truth, Sawyer’s favorite parts of the day were crafting some bug refrigerator magnets and getting Whataburger. Don’t tell Aikman.

~ for a stellar performance from all our Littles as they put on an original play for Mom and Dad. They are a hoot.

~ thankful for my sweet Dad, who turned 70 this week! I miss him, but thankful for technology so we can keep in touch, even across the country.

~for Samantha’s first lesson on her new sewing machine.

We have gotten mixed feedback about moving Sunday Gratitude to Facebook, so we are adding another avenue to follow along, we created a blog website for those who don’t use social media. I’m HOPING it is just as easy (maybe even EASIER) as signing up to receive Caringbridge. You should be able to just enter your email to subscribe. Please let me know if you have any trouble! We are so excited to see what God does with Sunday Gratitude, and excited to take you all along on the journey! https://sundaygratitude.blog

It’s Clinic Week. Sawyer will have his bloodwork done and a checkup and exam from the Oncology Team at Children’s in Dallas. He’s been under the weather since Wednesday, so I’m eager to have him seen, especially since his pneumonia last month. Tensions always build as the appointment approaches, and my chest tightens even now as I type. We never take for granted that his test results will be clear. The reality of cancer always lingers in the background. And as we approach TWO YEARS OFF TREATMENT, (HOW CAN THAT BE!!???!!!???) I know Dr. Winick is going to space out his follow up appointments. And I know that’s reasonable. But man, it’s hard. BUT GOD. I know His grace is sufficient. He will meet me in my brokenness and my fears, and love me through the anxiety. And we will praise Him that Sawyer is here, and thriving, living a life filled with love and joy and laughter – a happy, normal little boy. Glory to the Lord! ((deep breaths for Mama.))

Thank you for giving thanks with me! Let’s love one another well this week, perfectly imperfect as we all are.

“for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”” 1 Samuel 16:7b NASB