~ for the most surprisingly simple way to bring joy to my children and instantly elevate my mom status to superhero. I wish someone had told me sooner: all I have to do is pick my kids up from school blasting the soundtrack from “The Greatest Showman.” You would have thought I had delivered ice cream and puppies for all! They sparkled and sang and clapped all the way home! It was GLORIOUS! Sawyer even said, “When I grow up and get married and have children, I want this to be the FIRST movie they watch. Cuz I just love it so much.” There really is something magic about that movie.
~ for the refreshingly crisp drop in temperatures. It actually feels like fall, even for Texas.
~ for a delicious feast of zesty fried gulf shrimp and fries from our favorite little secret local spot.
~ for one more successful door-slamming tooth pull. Love that proud toothless grin!
~ for a productive Giddyup & Whoa week. Lots of new designs getting cranked out and delivered. One sweet lady was so tickled with her sign she asked if she could hug me! So awesome to have the privilege to create something special for someone’s home. Plenty more work to do to get ready for the Barn Sale in a week and a half!
~ for a full week of GCS Homecoming festivities. Sam and Kora enjoyed dressing up for their first Spirit Week in Middle School (and of course I didn’t get a single picture). Littles enjoyed Crazy Sock Day. In between painting signs, I was up to my eyeballs in hot glue and ribbon to make a Homecoming mum, and Cooper enjoyed the pep rally, football game, and Homecoming dance.
~ for a fun day spent visiting with a dear sister that I have missed dearly.
~ for a long overdue trip for the Tribe to the dentist, which amazingly yielded zero cavities!
~ for a great afternoon for Josh and Colton who worked together to build a reclaimed wood coffee table and 2 end tables for his new house. (Again, NO PICTURES!!! I’m really off my game this week!) But really, I’m thankful for the tremendous blessing of a renewed and refreshed relationship with Colton. We’ve been through some really rough, painful seasons, and there was a season when none of us desired to spend much time together. It’s just so awesome that now we value each other so much, and he CHOSES to call and/or come over ALMOST EVERY DAY! What a gift! Glory to the Lord!
~ for the blessing of being back in physical church. As much as it stirs up my anxieties, it is a such a blessing to be in my church home building, surrounded by believers that I know and love, raising our voices together and receiving the word of God. Even if it looks like this…
~ for the kids favorite Sunday afternoon comfort food: pigs in a blanket.
~ for the sweetest toothless baking assistant of all time.
I’m very late posting due to a VERY LONG EVENING. (I guess it’s more of a Monday Gratitude this week). Can I just make a revolutionary observation?
Parenting is HARD.
That is all.
P.S. BUT GOD. I am thankful for new mercies every morning, and that His love never fails, it never gives up, and never runs out on me. And I’m thankful that while I know I have a very important job to do, at the end of the day, God is God and I am not. Glory hallelujah.
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.” (Psalms 138:8)
“being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;” (Philippians 1:6)
“‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” 2 Chronicles 20:15
~ for a GOLDEN start to the month! Custom license plates in. ✔️
Go GOLD window clings✔️
Wreath and yard sign up✔️
Gold swag for the Tribe✔️
Bling bling mask✔️
New mask and decals gifted from another cancer mom ✔️
So very blessed by seeing how many people have changed their profile and Gone Gold In various ways, both locally and across the nation. And the INCREDIBLE HISTORICAL MILESTONE – the official national proclamation naming September Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, and the FIRST TIME EVER lighting of the White House GOLD!!!!! Childhood cancer advocates have been begging for this show of support for YEARS, and to FINALLY see our precious children honored in this was a truly monumental victory.
Please consider Going Gold by registering for Virtual Tyler Gold Run. Just two weeks left to register. You can run or walk anytime, wherever you are. Or you can just consider it a donation to a great cause. When you support Gold Network of East Texas, you are truly making a difference in the lives of brave kids fighting cancer, and the valiant families supporting them. Click HERE to register.
~ for Sawyer to have the opportunity to have his Warrior buddy, Jase in the same 1st grade class this year. Jase was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in 2017, and is preparing to finish treatment NEXT MONTH!!! GLORY TO THE LORD!!! I love that these two brave boys have each other for support and encouragement. Well I had the opportunity to come to their classroom and ask the other students, “Did you know that you have TWO SUPERHEROES in your class?” I shared briefly that they were both cancer warriors, and the kids were all quite impressed. Then Sawyer and Jase passed out gold ribbons to wear, gold ribbon stickers, and “Go GOLD”fish crackers. So fun!
~ for some really fun and unique Giddyup & Whoa projects. We are so grateful for steady orders coming in. And grateful for good helpers!
~ for cute brothers who love to dress alike.
~ for Vogmask, our very favorite premium N99 masks that we have used since Sawyer was a baby. We have recommended them to other cancer families for years. As you can imagine, the pandemic has had a major impact on their business, and it has been hard for them to keep up with the increasing demand. Despite this challenge, Vogmask sent me a most generous shipment of masks to be donated to our Gold Network HERO kids! We have spoken with the company founder, and have officially made Vogmask the Official Mask of Gold Network of East Texas!
~ for our very favorite tangy and refreshing lemon icebox pie.
~ for a great weekend having Uncle Mike and Kenedy staying with us. And for one evening we had our whole bunch: the oldest two with each of their sweethearts, Cooper with a friend over, and all the Little people. It was loud and chaotic and loud and LOUD. But it was great.
~ and for the blessing of celebrating 21 years of marriage to my Love. This year was a far cry from last year’s Mexico getaway. It’s been a challenging season, one of sanding, of sacrifice, of bearing up under one another. For our marriage, it’s been a workboots and overalls year instead of a slacks and sequins year. Work. But I don’t mean that in a negative way at all! Work is not bad! Marriages are built and strengthened and anchored and fortified with WORK and SWEAT and calloused hands. I’m thankful that after 21 years, it doesn’t matter where we are or what we do…whatever it is, we are together. So very thankful.
And for a much needed reminder. That peace, “shalom,” is not the absence of strife or conflict. Instead the Hebrew word means fullness or completeness. I think about how often I find myself seeking “peace” in the wrong way, fleeing from something instead of coming to the Father and letting Him fill me. That peace that really does pass all understanding. Lord, may my FIRST RESPONSE to stress be to turn toward You instead of away. Not to try to numb or mask or cram full all the margins with STUFF, but leave breathing room BE STILL and fill my thirsty lungs with LIFE. Set a guard over my lips and let me listen twice as much as I talk. “He must become greater; I must become less.”” (John 3:30)
As always, I’m so grateful to anyone who takes the time to read these words. God opened this door for a purpose, and I pray I am able to stay out of the way enough for Him to be glorified. May we allow ourselves to drink deeply of His faithfulness, and be filled to overflowing with the fullness of His peace.
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:6-8)
~ for God’s mercy. I limped to Him last week (and every day since then) and He has lovingly held me and encouraged me and let me just be His child without all (or ANY of) the answers.
~ for an exciting new adventure for Colton. After years of working in the food service industry, this week he started his first “grown up job,” as a superintendent for a commercial construction company. He’s got a new uniform, his own business cards, and has already started traveling out of town for a large project. He has already learned so much in his first week, and has been eager to share details from his days with us. He is so excited about this big step, and we are so proud of him!
~ and a big next step for Carson Grace as well: we moved her back to ETBU for her sophomore year of college. New apartment-style dorm, new roommates, and a fresh new enthusiasm for her classes after the abrupt end of her freshman year. We got her stuff all moved in despite a sudden downpour, and her room is cozy and organized. As always, it was hard to say goodbye, but we know she’s right where she needs to be. Since she left, we have chatted every day, and this morning we all enjoyed watching her lead worship with one of her professors at his church via a LIVE broadcast. She is excited for her first day of classes tomorrow!
~ the mixed blessing of having Carson Grace back at school means I once again have my beautiful work space (her now empty bedroom) for Giddyup & Whoa painting. I love that room, the crisp white walls and gleaming natural light. It’s just a space that inspires me. We’ve had some lovely pieces to work on lately. All the kids have taken turns painting in there with me, as well as some rousing games of UNO and charades.
~ for a succulent roasted sheet pan dinner: BBQ chicken, quartered potatoes, and green beans.
~ for the great honor and privilege of Gold Network of East Texas being chosen as a charity beneficiary of the Fresh 15. The race took place back in March the week before the country shut down, and Brookshire’s Grocery Company held a Virtual Check Presentation this week. So thankful to be in the company of the finest and most respected nonprofits in our area.
~ for the perfect mouthwateringly tart sweetness of a cherry sour candy.
~ for 99.9% school supplies ready to go for all 6 kids. Especially considering A) as of Monday I had not purchased ONE ITEM and B) I did not have to set one foot in a store. Online shopping, I love you!
~ for the kindest people that the Lord has braided into our lives. It is no secret that the question facing nearly every family in America is whether or not to send their children to school. And Josh and I have wrestled day and night over our options. We have prayed. We have made lists of pros and cons. We have prayed. We have sought council. We have prayed. We have been still. We have prayed. And prayed and prayed and prayed. Ultimately, FOR US (and the most important distinction I want to stress is that EVERY FAMILY is doing their VERY BEST to make the best choice for THEIR CHILDREN…and that will mean something different to each of them. NO JUDGMENT!) we have made the decision to send our kids back to their school. And let me tell you, our kids are EXCITED! They are chomping at the bit to get back to their school and their teachers and classmates. Their eagerness and loyalty to their school has helped soothe our uncertainties at least a little. But it still is a weighty decision that I have continued to struggle with. BUT GOD. One day this week, our principal called to check in on our decision. I heard the words came out of my mouth, “We are planning to send them in person,” (as opposed to doing virtual learning from home). As soon as I spoke, I realized it was the first time I had spoken those words aloud, and I burst into tears on the phone. At that moment, our principal, my friend, became to pray for me right then. She prayed for God’s peace and grace to flood my heart, for protection for each of our children, and for wisdom to make the best decisions we can for our family. Her kindness and grace met me in that moment, and my weary heart was encouraged. I can’t say I’m past my concerns, or even that I am confident that we’ve made the right choice. I don’t even know that I can single out a particular ACTUAL FEAR that is plaguing me. Just that nothing feels safe or “normal” or familiar or easy. But I am freshly reminded of why we LOVE the community that has been our home for 16 years. They know us. They know our kids. They’ve seen us through fostering, through adopting, through cancer. They have rallied around us and prayed for us when we were tossed from one storm to the next. I am NOT thrilled with the prospect of sending my kids back out into a group setting with so many unknowns, but I AM CONFIDENT that they are going into an environment where they are loved and seen and that everyone on every level is covering every aspect with prayer.
This is a big week of dropping off supplies, meeting teachers, and for Kora and Samantha, touring a brand new school. Tomorrow is the first time tiptoeing out of the quarantine bubble as we start the precursory steps. The official first day of school is Wednesday. Since March, we have been home. Together. With the exception of an hour here or there, I haven’t been away from my kids. And believe it or not, I’m not impatiently waiting to boot them out of the house for some “peace and quiet.” After months of keeping them safely at arms’ reach, I can’t even wrap my mind around dropping all my babies off and driving away. Especially after daily temperature scans and with masks as a normal school supply. Ok, I’m starting to hyperventilate again, need to refocus my heart. It’s a big week and the kids are excited to meet their teachers and see their friends. I am excited to see God’s hand at work in the midst of chaos and uncertainty.
And what in the world am I going to do with Hurricane Tatum K?
Thank you for all who have been praying for us. And for all of you moms, dads, cancer families, educators, administrators, doctors, nurses, first responders…I am praying for you, too. Lord, help guide us to the best choices for each of our families and also help us to respond to people who think similarly AND differently WITH KINDNESS AND GRACE. We all just want to get through this season the best we can. God is still on His throne where He has always been. His plan is still good, and I trust Him with my life and the lives of my children.
I’m back to praying two prayers over and over:
“Not my will, but Yours, Lord.” And “Jesus come.”
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”” (Zephaniah 3:17)
“Your love is deep, Your love is high. Your love is long, Your love is wide. Your love is deeper than my view of grace Higher than this worldly place. Longer than this road I travel. Wider than the gap You fill…” “Your Love is Deep” by Jami Smith
“Waymaker, miracle worker Promise keeper, light in the darkness My God, that is who You are” “Waymaker” by Sinach
~ For class zoom meetings. The kids love getting to see their teachers and their classmates.This week Kora enjoyed dressing up for an early celebration of Cinco de Mayo with her Spanish teacher (and feast on delicious leftover tacos from Colton), and Sawyer got to share his pets with his friends.Zoe proudly demonstrated her science experiment about surface tension.
~ for peace that passes understanding, especially when delivered as a profound lesson taught by my child.This week one of the school chapel songs was a favorite of the kids.As it began to play, Sawyer said excitedly, “I love this song!We’re gonna sing it at my graduation!”Then the realization hit (which I wasn’t sure if he actually knew or not) and he said quietly, “Oh…but I’m not even gonna have my graduation.”I instantly felt hot tears welling in my eyes.Oh, how it hurts this Mama’s heart that he should miss out on this milestone that we never dared to dream he should reach.But almost in the same breath, I heard Sawyer (and all his brothers and sisters) boldly belting out the opening lyrics of the song, “This is the day, that You have made.Whatever comes, I won’t complain.For all my hope is in Your Name, and now Your joy awaits my praise. I give thanks for all You have done. And I will sing of Your mercy and Your love. Your love is unfailing, Lord I am grateful!”His attitude is so much better than mine! He too, is experiencing disappointment, but it is not crippling his JOY! He has proudly memorized Psalm 23 and his little speaking part for a video the school is putting together.When he got all doodled up for the video for his teacher, he was so excited, he never wanted to change out of his “fancy” clothes.How cute was my little pupil working in his bow tie!?He also had the MOST THRILLING visit this week, from his BELOVED teacher, Mrs. Key!She brought him Starbust for being a “STAR” student, and a yard sign that we have proudly displayed in our front yard.Thank You Father for your unspeakable grace.
~ for the gift of music.Kora has been memorizing a passage from 1 Thessalonians, and the words brought to mind a song written by a dear friend.I was able to play it for her, and her eyes just sparkled when she heard God’s Word brought to life in such a fresh new way that she understood so much better.The song is a jubilant anthem looking toward the day when we Believers will all join together with Jesus in the sky.It has been playing in my heart all week.
~ for the sweetest and most thoughtful “teacher appreciation” care package I received in the mail.Thank you to all who have prayed over our story problems.They are still a problem, but I think we will all live to tell the story.
~ for the most unique spring concert experience for Samantha and Kora.Obviously, quarantine and social distancing has made many spring traditions difficult or impossible. But our school creatively found a way for fourth and fifth graders to gather in the parking lot at a safe distance and lift their voices and recorders to make a joyful noise unto the Lord.Memorable to be sure.~ for gorgeous weather. Friday we worked hard to get all schoolwork done before lunch, and we headed to the park around the corner from our house.It is a tucked away spot, and rarely have we run into anyone else there.We spread out our blanket in the shade, and I read to the kids while they ate their picnic.Then it was playground time, and picking wildflowers, and climbing trees.It was a lovely afternoon.
~ for a very special birthday.Colton, our firstborn, the one who made me a Mama, turned 21.When I had Colton, I was so young and naive.He was literally the first baby I ever held, and I was absolutely terrified.I never thought I’d be a mom, but now that I was, I wanted so badly to do it well.I loved him fiercely.Being a mom was the first thing I absolutely knew I could not do on my own, and that brokenness and desperation was what ultimately led me to recognize my need for a Savior.Josh and I have always said that Colton led 2 people to the Lord as a baby, so we have always known God had a special plan for this beautiful boy.He was always a challenging child: strong-willed, always with 2 toes over the boundary lines.We weren’t sure if we (or he) would survive his teen years.We went through some pretty ugly seasons, and more sleepless nights than I can even count.BUT GOD.My boy is growing into a man, and he is finding his way as a respectful, compassionate individual who actually CHOOSES to spend time with him mom and dad.I honestly wasn’t sure we’d ever get there.Now I am freshly convinced that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…” God is always wooing and drawing and working through and behind what we see in front of our eyes.I am so grateful. He came over to hang out and have dinner 4 nights this week, played wiffleball and swam, and watch a movie.We celebrated on his birthday with crescent chicken, sweet potato fries with homemade ranch, and his oh-so-sophisticated dessert choice: confetti cake.Loved celebrating him, celebrating all that God has done, and all that God has in store.
~ for Facebook live concert from Garth Brooks and Tricia Yearwood. And for dancing to “To Make You Feel My Love” with my husband in the kitchen.We never do that.But in that moment, it was perfect.
~ for gorgeous weather for wiffleball, snake-free walks, and swimming.
~ for a refreshing change of pace.Josh brought home a new puzzle, just 199 pieces.At first I was disappointed, knowing it was way too easy.But the fact that it was a Frozen 2 puzzle meant it would be an instant hit with the Little People, and it was probably time for some quick satisfaction.During nap time I decided to challenge myself, and set a timer.50 minutes and 38 seconds.Not bad.I think I find puzzles so satisfying in this season because they are a manageable challenge with a clear beginning and end.It is a task that can be concretely completed.The feeling of success.The kids were as thrilled as expected, and finished it almost as quickly as I did.They were sweet and took out the last 3 pieces after they were done, and left them for baby sister.She was so tickled.
Mental health is not a joke.I’ve never hopped on the “self-care“ bandwagon… It usually seems like a license to grossly self indulge, overspend, and let “me time” push to top priority at the expense of others.This is not Jesus’ way, and it shouldn’t be ours.I don’t “need” time with my girlfriends, or to shop, or pamper myself.Any of those things are enjoyable, a great treat, and something to look forward to.But I’ve never seen them as a “need.”
But I got to a tipping point this week.It might sound funny, likely sounds relatable, but it’s just unfiltered truth.I couldn’t remember when I had last showered.I was wearing the same clothes for daytime, to bed, and again the next day, (because WHY NOT?)I glimpsed myself in the mirror (quite by accident, because WHY?) and I hardly recognized myself.I hadn’t bothered to style my hair in days (because WHY?) so my natural not-exactly-straight-not-exactly-wavy-frizzy-and-stylistically-confused hair with it’s unintentional hombre of blonde/brown/silver was taking on a somewhat Einstein-esque quality.I didn’t look like someone who should be caring for children. Let alone someone who should be responsible for anyone’s education.
I am not and was not depressed.But I also realized: I was not ok.I was sleepwalking through my unrecognizable life, even though I was still (mostly) successfully checking all the boxes: morning Bible study✔️ frequent private and shared prayer throughout the day✔️reading aloud to the kids every morning✔️ faithfully keeping kids on the task of completing their daily schoolwork ✔️keeping my house reasonably clean✔️maintaining the illusion to the “outside” that I “had it all together” and that the Ruckers were “ROCKING THE QUARANTINE.”✔️ Another parent said something similar, “We’ve been doing pretty well. But this week, WE HIT A WALL.”
That night after the kids were in bed, I took a bath.I turned on my favorite soft worship playlist and soaked the day off in the hot water and the music.The next day I did my hair and put on a little makeup and changed out of pajamas and put on clothes. (OK so it was actually just changing from one set of loungewear to a nearly identical set of loungewear. A purely lateral move, but at least it was the physical act of changing clothes.) Just putting in the minimal effort to feel like a human.Even something so small and seemingly trivial, I realized how much I had missed the daily reminder of putting on my beautiful handmade gold bracelet inscribed with “it is well.” That afternoon, I took my paints out to a semi-shaded spot in the driveway and worked on a sign while listening to the birds with a gentle breeze on my face.
It wasn’t magic.I still stink at math.In fact, one of my ANONYMOUS “students” shouted disdainfully at me this week after checking a problem, “HA!You were WRONG!”And other told me, “You’re not THAT bad, you just need a little help from a REAL teacher.”BUT…the slight shift of my focus to putting a little effort into myself was a mood lifter.It also made my husband smile.And maybe if I wasn’t a BETTER teacher, at least I didn’t look like such a scary one.
Wherever you are, however you are handling your situation and your trials, God sees you.He has promised not to leave you or forsake you. You are not alone.He may not take the fire away, but He will stand in it with you. It’s ok to take care of yourself, and give yourself grace.If you are slipping, call out to Jesus.Call out to a friend. And it’s ok to admit that you’re not ok. If your faith is in yourself, it was in the wrong place anyway. Remember who you are and more importantly, WHOSE you are.We are all in this together. And then look for the blessings around you. They are there.
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:3-6)
“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalms 42:1-5)
“For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a shout, and the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will be the first ones to rise to meet the Lord. Then we who are alive will be looking to the skies. And we’ll be caught up therewith our brothers in the clouds.I just wish it were now.” (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18, paraphrased by Randy Skiles)
~ for Josh’s new teeth!He has had half-done dental work that has left him with 2 missing front teeth for almost 6 months.Since having his affected teeth removed, he’s had numerous reschedulings, cancellations, and setbacks.This has been irritating, painful, inconvenient, and humbling.And with the events of late, we weren’t sure how much longer he was going to have to wait.THANKFULLY, the dentist agreed completing Josh’s procedure could be classified as an emergency.And now my handsome husband has his beautiful smile back!SO THANKFUL!
~ for National Doctor’s Day.We LOVE our doctors, and are so thankful for the impact they have had on our lives.I love that this season is causing us to spend more time THANKING these and other Community Helpers, real heroes that are serving us every day.
~ for more positives with home schooling than negatives.I am so proud of the kids’ attitudes.They have obediently and MOSTLY eagerly stayed on track with their work, and it has really not been a battle to keep them engaged.
~ for second chances.And third.And 87th.I am not a good teacher. Oh, sometimes I am.I CAN be fun and creative and patient.But I’m usually not.Especially when I’m not teaching material that I’m familiar with.And especially when my student isn’t grasping the concept.After the 3rd time. Or the 87th time.So in the middle of a particularly trying lesson…a math lesson, (and believe me when I say that I have NO BUSINESS TEACHING ANYONE MATH), I just laid down with my face on the floor and asked Jesus for help.We wrestled our way through it, and who knows if any of it actually penetrated the child’s understanding, but at least we got the answer on the assignment solved finally.And I hugged that sweet one tight and we both cried.And I made a promise, I said, “We’re gonna get through this.You’re gonna keep trying and Mama’s gonna keep trying, ok?” BUT GOD. Grace upon grace.
~ for steady wifi service.
~ for groceries in the pantry.We are stretched and learning to be creative, but we don’t lack for anything we actually NEED.
~ for our morning devotions.I’m so thankful to start each day with the kids in the Word.It’s not magic, it doesn’t make everything go great.But at least I know we are starting in the right place and keeping the first things FIRST.
~ for coffee.I will forever thank coffee as my official sponsor of 2020.And I also thank dry shampoo, deodorant, and stretchy pants.
~ for calls from our wonderful GCS family.They are checking in on us, perhaps a little “mental health triage” and it is so heart-warming to hear those familiar voices of the friends we miss so much.It’s awesome to KNOW that they are praying for us, as we are praying for them.
~ for the tiny carrot seedlings that have poked their heads from the earth, reminding me that new life is always pushing forth.Lord, let my heart be fertile ground for the things you want to birth in me.
~ for the jumbo economy bucket of ice cream that we originally bought just because it was cheap, and now we think is the very best-tasting ice cream ever.
~ for family movie and pizza night.For living room forts and inside picnics.For cuddling with my husband, and with the children that still want to.Everything means more now than ever before.
~ for my brave husband.He has the courage to step out in faith and do what is RIGHT even if it goes against popular opinion or social standards. I’m so proud of the way he leads our family.
~ for re-starting our online “Thankful Game.”It’s definitely a good time to spur one another on to giving thanks.We’ve shared some much-needed laughs too.
~ for multiple online platforms of encouraging sermons this morning, even Children’s Church.I get excited thinking about how many people who are tiptoeing into churches for the first time in a long time, now that it is accessible right in their homes.
~ for my hammock.I do love a hammock.
~ that our quarantine could never be classified as LONELY or BORING.Again, this is something I don’t always count as a blessing, but boy I should!
~ for reminders when I need reminding.I had a strange encounter earlier this week, on the one occasion that I actually left the house to run an errand.The grocery courtesy clerk counted the stick people across the back of my van. “Wow, is this everybody?”“Yep,” I said, “we’ve got a houseful.”I couldn’t believe my ears when he said candidly, “Man, I would HATE to be you.”I shook off my shock and quickly refuted, “No way!It’s awesome!It’s more fun than you can even imagine!”Moments like that are so eye-opening.Because I DON’T always love having a huge family.My heart isn’t always thankful for having huge messes and huge grocery bill and driving a huge vehicle.Especially when we are all on top of each other for who knows how long.But when I’m reminded of how blessed I am… Man, I’m thankful. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I’m sure most of us are having lots of ups and downs.Days when we are brave and optimistic and ready to learn what God has for us during this time of being “set apart.”Days when we feel scared and uncertain and small and trapped.And days when we just feel unmotivated and schlumpy.(That’s the technical term.)I was on the trampoline with the kids this afternoon, trying to be “Fun Mom.”Everyone was having a good time, weather was perfect, lots of laughs.And I even took a turn to jump.One of the kids started jumping at the same time, and we collided in the air, landing in a heap of sharp little knees and elbows.Hard.The child, unscathed bounced back up giggling.I did not.My wrist and my shin were throbbing from the collision.And out of nowhere, tears started to well in my eyes.Before I knew it, they were pouring.The pain from the fall unlocked a deep well that had been filling and filling somewhere inside me, and once I started, there was no stopping the flood.I just felt CLOBBERED.Clobbered by an accident on the trampoline when I was trying to be fun.Clobbered by the relentless workload of homeschooling 6 kids when I don’t know what I’m doing.Clobbered by teens who (like all the rest of the world) are irritated by their lack of freedoms and feeling sorry for themselves, without the benefit of perspective, empathy,or maturity.Clobbered by the sight of all my kids glued to screens for hours every day, which is contrary to everything I have ever taught them.Clobbered by the fear- and control-shaped holes in my faith that keep creeping in.Clobbered by a new, worse headline in the news every day.Clobbered by weeks upon weeks of little sleep.Clobbered by the guilt that I don’t have the right to complain because so many others have it so much worse.Clobbered by the weight of looking brave.
Maybe you feel like that.Clobbered.I just submit to you that that’s ok.God can handle it, if you’ll just turn to Him.Even though I feel clobbered, I still know the Truth.I know that even if it all gets a whole lot worse before it gets better, I know God wins in the end.And we are all in this together.Don’t believe the lie that you have to do it in your own strength, or that no one else feels like you, or that all the other Christians are keeping it together except you.I’m gonna be strong some days, and encourage one of you on your hard day.And when I can’t get my feet under me, someone is going to leave some sunshine on my doorstep, just because.It’s ok if you don’t teach your kid like the teacher does, or if you don’t know how to check their math. It’s ok if you take a break or don’t get it all done. It’s ok if you don’t go on nature walks with your kids every night after dinner and read them a book before you tuck them in to bed.It’s ok if you don’t alphabetize your closets and learn a new language and do a Pinterest craft every Thursday.(And it’s ok if you do!)It’s ok if you only shower once a week and don’t change out of your Sunday clothes until Wednesday (purely hypothetical, of course).This may be a glorious season of growth for most of us, and I genuinely believe God has that in His plan… but in the midst of all that growth, there’s gonna be pain, and wrestling, and some of it we may not understand for a long time to come.
Be kind to yourself.When you have a great day, or a great moment – reach out to somebody and share some joy.And when you blow it: take a deep breath, and give yourself a do-over.Let’s look for opportunities to love one another well this week, if even from a distance.It’s Easter Week, the time of year most celebrated by Believers. We will celebrate that Christ is Risen!He bravely, willingly, and perfectly endured unbearable suffering and separation from His Father. And He did it for us. We DO have so much to be thankful for! Prepare your heart for the JOY THAT IS COMING!
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“Sing praise to the LORD, you saints of His, And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” (Psalms 30:4-5)
Some weeks we have to dig a little deeper to find the blessings.
But they are ALWAYS there.
Last week, we had an ambiguous “extra week” of Spring Break, we “played” school to stay busy, and learned new words like “pandemic” and “social distancing.”
This week, Virtual Learning was officially launched by our school.Effective immediately.Duration, indefinitely.At my house, that means I now teach Kindergarten, 2nd grade, 3rd grade, 4th grade, 5th grade, and 9th grade, ALL subjects ranging from phonics to Algebra, Spanish, Latin, world geography, literature, Bible, and history.By the end of the week, the mayor issued the “Shelter in Place” order, and we are now pretty much on lockdown.Carson Grace received word from ETBU that on campus classes will not reconvene this school year.
Life feels like it is on perpetual pause. Groundhog Day over and over again.What day is it?Who knows?Does it even matter?
People have asked how I am managing with 8 kids, homeschooling, not leaving the house, and my anxiety. The most honest response I can give is, I’m glad there are no witnesses.It’s been ok.We’ve had rough moments.And sweet ones.I’ve had kids snuggled in my lap while I read to them, we have played together, we have danced together, and we have worshipped.On the other hand, I have lost my cool.I’ve yelled.I’ve cried.I’ve laid awake for hours at night.I’ve eaten more sweets than I will ever admit to.
But more than ever, I GENUINELY BELIEVE this season is about putting our faith into practice.Of course it SHOULD always be that way. But let’s get real.We are finding out if we really believe the things we used to say so casually…. “God is good all the time and all the time, God is good!”
We have a choice.
I am thankful:
~ for new mercies every morning.I need to go back over my Sunday Gratitudes (how can it be that I have been writing every Sunday for almost 6 years now???) and see how many times I have been thankful for new morning mercies. That is nothing new.But boy, I am so grateful as I collapse into bed every night that the day is OVER and I get to start fresh the next day. Every day is a do-over.
~ for the hard work our teachers and administration has done to transfer all of their curriculum into an online format for us.I HAVE NEVER APPRECIATED OUR WONDERFUL TEACHERS SO MUCH!Wow!The things we realize we have under-appreciated or taken for granted!They have done a TREMENDOUS JOB of making this switch happen basically overnight.I am completely in awe of their giftings: their knowledge, their patience, and their love for all our kids that kept them coming back to their jobs day after day. Oh how I miss my kids’ teachers! (I bet not HALF as much as my KIDS miss their teachers! Their new teacher is SO MEAN! And never goes away!)
~ for generous help from loved ones to supplement the groceries we can’t stock up on for our jumbo-sized clan.
~ for my kids OUTSTANDING attitudes.They’ve had a few bumps (mostly in response to my own volatile moods), but so far they are still eager to get to their school work, and enjoying the material, and very forgiving of their grumpy teacher.I’m truly the most blessed mama in all the world.
~ for another successful out-of-my-comfort-zone first.The physical Laurel & Cotton Spring Sale was obviously cancelled, but the feisty shop owner, Melissa, undeterred, launched a virtual sale via Facebook LIVE.That meant a crash course in camera-work and social media for each vendor.It was nerve-wracking and felt completely awkward to talk to my phone (check out my CLASSY, PRO-FESSIONAL tripod!) and imagine an invisible audience in my living room (while my Littles were banished into hiding upstairs).Amazingly enough, it went well, I had several kind viewers and comments, and I actually sold a bunch of Giddyup & Whoa signs, including more after the LIVE sale ended!I was thrilled!Not only that, but Melissa sold raffle tickets and designed an exclusive Go GOLD t-shirt, and raised $665 for Gold Network of East Texas!What an awesome blessing!
~ for Josh’s job.There seem to be new developments every day, and we know we cannot take anything for granted anymore.The actual store is closed, so his interaction with the public is pretty minimal.He had to lay off some employees this week, which was really hard on him.He never EVER complains, although I know the gravity of the times and all that he is responsible for weighs heavily on his heart.And he never fails to check on how I am doing, and to encourage me.I’m grateful we can be raw and real and honest with one another.No filter.
~ for technology.To accomplish virtual learning, we use a desktop computer, wireless printer, 2 laptops, 2 iPads, and a phone.Thus far our router has held up to the massive usage, and I’ve been shocked and thoroughly impressed at how minimal the technical issues have been.And we also had the opportunity to FaceTime with friends we hardly ever get to see.This forced slower pace and social distancing is causing us to be more intentional.
~ for coffee. 3 to 4 pots a day.
~ for our safe and comfortable home, and having everything we need. We have kind, loving neighbors, a beautiful, quiet street. Cooper has been organizing baseball tournaments and lizard hunts with the Littles. We are not suffering in our quarantine.
~ for laughs.We’ve had some good late nights with our bigger kids, watching tv and funny videos together.Carson Grace even badgered mom and dad and the whole Tribe into filming a TikTok video with her for a contest for school.She choreographed a routine with us, and we provided live entertainment for our neighborhood from our front yard.It was pretty hysterical how we all got into it.
~ for virtual church service from our living room.It brought such comfort to see our pastors’ faces and to worship together with THE CHURCH.We all even put on REAL CLOTHES for the occasion, and took the Lord’s Supper together.It was simple, intimate, and very special.I love that my kids are learning firsthand that the CHURCH has nothing to do with a building.
~ for thoughtful care packages filled with love.
~ for glorious sunshine.Perfect for walks, PE, picnic lunches, and art class.
~ for “Live Meets” for each kiddo with their teacher and classmates.It was so good for their hearts to get to see and hear from their friends.And we got calls from several of our teachers, just checking in on us.I’m so blessed and thankful for our GCS community.
~ for the people “out in the world” that continue to go to work to keep the world running.First responders, healthcare workers, supermarket personnel, banks, truck drivers, sanitation workers…we will be grateful forever.
One of the things I’m going to treasure the most from this season is my time with the kids right after breakfast each morning before we start school.We snuggle up on the couch and each read verse by verse the Psalm and Proverb of the day, and then I’m reading to them from Hind’s Feet on High Places.What a perfect book for the season.The conversations with the children have been priceless.We have walked with Much Afraid as she faced Pride, Resentment, and Self-Pity, along the Sea of Loneliness and now into the Forests of Danger and Tribulation. How I want to respond as Acceptance With Joy, “He (the Shepherd) has brought me here when I did not want to come, for His own purpose.I, too, will look up into His face and say, ‘Behold me! I am your little handmaiden, Acceptance-with-Joy.’”
I’m not going to lie and say that’s where I’m at.But it is my prayer.I know that this is an opportunity for us to be refined and sifted by our LOVING FATHER.I know that my hope is IN HIM, and that this world is not my home.And I don’t want to miss the hidden blessings.God WILL REDEEM FOR GOOD what the enemy intends for evil.The immediate blessing of having extra quality time with my kids is just the beginning.I pray for a deep and lasting heart change and genuine appreciation to be birthed around the world.
So friends, let’s love one another well this week.We may not be able to gather together physically, but we can call and check in one one another.Write a letter.Send a text.Film a video. Get creative. I’m not sure how much energy I’ll have left to be creative after my packed days of homeschooling, but I’m going to do my best.It’s ok to be honest about how we feel. Everything is different, and oftentimes “different” = hard and scary. But we can’t be RULED by how we FEEL. Let’s give each other lots of grace and remember that kindness is contagious.It’salso ok to stay in stretchy pants. (But Ipersonally AM making a commitment to shower more regularly this week.)
This song has really ministered to me this week, and the lyrics are especiallyappropriate for the season we are in. I hope it encourages you.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20)
“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.” (Galatians 6:9-10)
“God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.” (Psalms 46:1-7)
Sawyer, “Mama!Tatum is jumping on me and squashing me and I can’t breathe!”
Tatum K “I sowwy Sasa.”
Sawyer, “It’s ok Tatum. I’ll always love you.”
~ for a couple beautiful days of sunshine!It was so refreshing to get outside and breathe deep in the crisp air and take a walk again!
~ for a great excuse for a sweet treat.February 18 is International Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, a day set aside to raise awareness for childhood cancer.Often during cancer treatment, kids lose their appetite. The chemo makes food taste terrible and kids day nauseated day in and day out. Sometimes the only thing that sounds good or might bring a smile is some ice cream. So why not ice cream for breakfast? We join in to encourage kids who are fighting cancer, to celebrate with kids who have completed their treatment, and to remember the friends who were taken from us too soon.What a blessing to have friends from all over who joined in and shared their pictures with us. Thank you all so much.
~ for yet another birthday at our house – mine! I had a great day, lots of sweet messages from friends and family, homemade cards from the sweetest kids on the planet, a heavenly breakfast date with my sweetheart (and Tatum K of course), and a surprise coffee date with Colton! I was blessed beyond measure. Oh, and one of my highlights was getting the GOLD sneakers I’ve been dreaming of for a LONG TIME!!!And a new gold coffee cup!(Is there a theme here?)
~ for the kindness of Grace Community School.The GCS HOSA Club (Health Occupations Students of America, or Future Health Professionals) recently held a drive at the high school to collect the items we give in our New Diagnosis Survival Kits.We are so thankful for the HOSA students for organizing and the students for donating!
~ for amazing progress on Carson Grace’s room/my studio.The Murphy bed turned out great, and we (after 79,358 problems and equipment malfunctions) got the whole room sprayed a fresh, bright Alabaster white. I got inspired and started playing around with some stain colors and ended up loving the way the headboard turned out; and Josh did an amazing job on the reclaimed wood countertop.It’s so fun working on a new project together, and we are reminded of how much we enjoy the process of dreaming up a design and then knocking it out.
~for a beautiful opportunity for our girls to give a praise offering to the Lord. Samantha and Kora are a part of the Psalm 149 Dance Team at church, preteen girls learning the art of worship dance.The team is even taught by a young teenager who once danced in this group when she was younger.It was an honest and sweet outpouring of love for the Lord, and their performance at church this morning was so beautiful.
~ for 15 years of memories. We sorrowfully said goodbye to a precious member of our family this week, our 15-year-old pug, Cricket.He’s been the best dog and has been through it all with us.He was our first family dog when we just had three kids.He survived the great Rucker Population Explosion of 2013, and was a bright source of joy for us throughout the journey of cancer. He has rapidly deteriorated over the past few months, and I began to think the only thing keeping him alive was his sheer hatred of our new-er dog, Bear.We are thankful that he is no longer suffering, and we will lovingly remember him always, but there is a stinky, snuffy-nosed, Cricket-shaped place that hurts in all our hearts right now.
The words from the song I shared last week still resonate in my head… “Even when I don’t see it, You’re working.Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working.You never stop, You never stop working.You never stop, You never stop working.”No matter what’s going on, there are ALWAYS blessings to count.That’s what Sunday Gratitude is about.
But this week has been one blow after another.
A dear friend got a devastating health news.
Another friend had troubling findings on her sonogram.
A suffering mother anxiously longs for her healing by graduation to heaven.
Not one, but TWO new children were diagnosed with cancer here in Tyler.
And another family got the only news worse than “your child has cancer.”The words, “There’s nothing more we can do.”
BUTGOD.I saythat a lot, both here on the blog and in real life.What does thateven mean anyway? BUT GOD. It means He really IS the answer to every question.
Father God, I am out of pretty words.My heart is broken and bleeding and sad. I am hurting for my friends.I don’t understand.I don’t understand why babies have to get sick and suffer.I hate cancer.Oh, how I hate cancer.I don’t understand why some people get healed on this earth and some people don’t. But I do know with everything inside me that You are FULLY GOOD. I believe that You have a good plan that is better than mine.And I believe that You hold me when I’m sad and mad and confused and anxious and furious and falling apart.AND I BELIEVE THAT THIS WORLD IS PASSING AWAY AND WE WILL ONE DAY LIVE A GLORIOUS LIFE WITH YOU IN HEAVEN!And there will be NO MORE SORROW AND NO MORE PAIN!How I long for that day!Until then, Father God, please hold my friends close.Give them Your supernatural peace that defies all logic.Give them grace breath by breath to walk through their circumstances.Surround them with friends who bring Your comfort.Show us how to help them in real life, practical ways.If it’s Your will to heal on this earth – HEAL!!!!To You be all the glory!!!!And if it’s Your will to heal them in heaven, let it be bathed in Your infinite mercy, and help us to trust in Your timing.Jesus COME!
Please pray for the hurting people all around you.
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
““For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39)
~ first and foremost, for a WONDERFUL clinic appointment on Wednesday, and the report that Sawyer REMAINS CANCER FREE! GLORY TO THE LORD!!! HE IS FAITHFUL!The fear never ever goes away, there is always a heaviness that comes with the appointment as we wait for the best or the worst news.This was the second time for Sawyer to be seen by the ACE unit (After Cancer Experience).The new doctor we see, Dr. Cindy, is great. She still getting to know us and has been so wonderful and patient putting up with our, (or shall I say MY) fears and hangups.But best of all is seeing Dr. Winick.Oh how we love that woman!I met her the very first day in the ER the day Sawyer was diagnosed.I will never forget her kind, gravely serious face.When you connect with someone in the midst of the darkest day of your life, it is not a bond that is easily broken.Ever since that first day, she was the one I would look for.She was the one I wanted to get results from.She was the one I trusted the most.And when she says everything is all right with SaSa, I believe her.And I love that she REALLY LOVES Sawyer.He’s not just a patient – she truly delights in him.She loves his huge personality; she marvels at his wit and his intelligence.And that makes me love her all the more…
~ and for Sawyer’s incredible attitude and bravery.When I told him he wasn’t going to school, he jumped up and down and asked, “do I have a CLINIC APPOINTMENT!?!?”Who DOES THAT? And not only did he have to have his blood drawn, he actually had to have it drawn a SECOND TIME.He just hopped right in that chair like it was nothing.If you missed the Caringbridge update I posted Wednesday, you can read it here.
~ AND for the great news that the IGG levels they tested came back NORMAL!Sawyer’s body is making antibodies like God designed it to do, despite all he endured when he was a baby.BUT GOD!
~ thankful for Gina Sue.Gina started as my sister-in-law, and now she’s just plain MY SISTER.She has been my copilot, my “ride-or-die,” for most of the last two years.In the early days of Sawyer’s treatment, I used to do 90% of the clinic trips by myself.I had a routine and we were a well-oiled machine.But when I was about seven months pregnant with Tatum K, experiencing regular contractions while barreling down the interstate, it became pretty clear to me that it was no longer wise for me to do the traveling solo.Various friends made the trip with me, but it was usually Gina.I’ve never known someone more dedicated. Coming from Carthage, she gets up well before 3 AM to be ready to be at my house to leave at 6.And she will tell you herself – she is NOT a morning person!She handles Tatum K’s moods (and MINE) and has a backpack crammed with all the best snacks.And then after long day in Dallas, and doing ALL the driving there and back, she drives another hour back home. I am so grateful for her help and fantastic company.I always come away encouraged.
~I’m also thankful that Carson Grace got a good, fresh dose of that Gina-flavored-encouragement this weekend (with a healthy helping of Justin and Grandmommy thrown in)!She left school for the weekend to spend the night in Carthage, and then went to Potlatch, Carthage’s annual fall city festival where Justin was showing his pristinely restored classic Ford truck.Not only did she enjoy the fellowship, BBQ, and the car show – she was asked to be the Trophy Girl, got to present Uncle Justin with a trophy, AND was awarded a trophy HERSELF at the end!Such a fun day full of great memories!
~ for a fun, easy makeover from my Trash Week treasures.Could my salvaged chairs have turned out any cuter??
~ for a perfect day to have Cousin Emmett!The weather this week has been GLORIOUS, and we had a beautiful fall walk.
~ for a fun Homecoming week. The Littles enjoyed their part of the festivities, Crazy Sock Day.
And Cooper had a great time all week.I was thankful to SURVIVE the making of the Homecoming mum (seriously people. I’m from the North. I had never seen anything like the phenomenon that is Texas football season/Homecoming/mums!It is like another planet!This was SO NOT my thing, but I figured it out, THANKFULLY!). Coop had a great time at the football game, and then on Saturday, he and his date were just the cutest.They are just great friends, and went with a group of friends, so there was absolutely no pressure.Just a fun evening of food, friends, and dancing.How is my Coopy a Freshman going to a DANCE WITH A GIRL!?!?!
~ for a fresh batch of new Giddyup & Whoa sign builds for next week’s Vintage and Co’s Fall Gresham Barn Sale!I was so blessed to be invited back, and I have a ton of ideas for signs!The sale is October 23-26; check them out on Facebook and if you are local, it’s a sale you WON’T WANT TO MISS!!!
~ for a remarkable last-minute surge of donations for the Children’s Hospital Prize Closet.Last week I was so disappointed. We were way WAY behind from last year‘s donations, and even though I knew we had lots of toys that would be a blessing, I just always hope to keep growing, bigger and better.But, I kept begging on social media, and y’all responded in a big way!Another amazing GNET Hero, Aileen, a sophomore in high school, saved money she received at her quinceanera to purchase toys for the closet!!I’m so proud of her!!!
Thanks to your overwhelming generosity, we received more than $700 in donations JUST THIS WEEK, and Paula and I had a blast spending all of it on prizes for the most deserving kids in the world! Every time we got more money donated: another trip to the store! Tomorrow is delivery day, so I will reveal the grand total then.Be watching on Facebook and Instagram!(Blog followers will have to wait until next Sunday!)
Life continues, fast and furious.There’s never time to catch my breath.How can a quarter of the school year already be over!?My babies grow up more every single day, and I see a face I scarcely recognize looking back at my from the mirror.Mercy.But I’m so reminded, GOD IS FAITHFUL.HE WAS.HE IS.AND HE WILL BE.Everything around me seems to change at lightning speed.But my Father is constant and sure.His Word is alive and His promises are true.And no matter what my anxiety tells me, no matter what I FEEL LIKE…no matter my fears or control issues or insecurities… I know that I know that I know that He’s never going to let go of meand that His plan for me is good.And His plan for you is good, too. I hope that encourages someone this week.I need to remind myself every single day.Don’t lose heart.He sees you.
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”” Genesis 16:13 NIV
“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”Psalms 145:13-18 NIV
~ for the Rucker bus.Most of you know we have 9 kids and drive a 12 passenger van.We love it. It is a big spectacle, we get lots of stares, and we’ve been told it looks like a “dad’bern giant toaster.”But it is so comfortable for our family, and has been a terrific vehicle for 6 years now.A little over a week ago, the rear AC stopped working.In Texas, even in October, you can’t drive a dad’bern giant toaster full of children with no AC. They get crispy quick! So we took it to the dealership for repair.That left me with no other options but a 6- seater truck to drive 7 kids around (7 kids PLUS ME).Thankfully, we had no issues, and no onlookers did a head count and called CPS.The bus was in the shop for a full week, but now it’s back and climate control restored.It was a good exercise for all of us on FAMILY CLOSENESS.And now we have RENEWED APPRECIATION for our spacious bus!
~ Bear is most especially grateful that the bus is fixed.With so many kiddos illegally crammed in a sardine can, there was most definitely no room for a giant, hairy muppet!He missed out on his rides to and from school, and is glad to be my co-pilot once more.
~ for a special Kindergarten Special Kid week.This is always the highlight of any Kindergartener at GCS.And this was Sawyer’s turn.He has talked about it “coming up” for at least 2 weeks, counting down the days with such anticipation.THIS KID WAS EXCITED!!!Each day was a different fun thing: Monday, he brought his poster.
Tuesday, a favorite toy.Wednesday, Mama read his favorite book to the class, “Dr. Seuss ABC book.”
Thursday was “bring-a-special-snack-and-an-award.So that meant fudgy brownies and Beads of Courage.It’s more and more remarkable to see Sawyer growing up into himself as he boldly and openly shares his story in front of his peers.“I had cancer in my blood when I was a baby.I had to take chemo and all my hair falled out.”His classmates asked several questions about the beads, amazed at the number of white chemo beads and green hospital stay beads.Sawyer showed them the black beads representing all the pokes, shots, and port accesses he had over the years.He laughed, “some of my medicines made me get big chubby cheeks.”It was a very impactful presentation by a remarkable boy.
Friday was “Family Day,” and as many of us as were able gathered in the tiny chairs at the front of his classroom to share what we love about him. Another simple day that we have celebrated with each of our kiddos, that now has so much more meaning, because we didn’t know if he would be here.
~ for crispy BBQ chicken legs fresh off the grill.
~ for Cooper’s team coming back from Gilmer with a win!Go Cougars!
~ for friends who have donated for the Children’s Hospital Prize Closet Toy Drive.Our friend, warrior Mama, and eloquent advocate and writer Shelby (also known as Sophie the Brave’s mom, and now Baby Connor’s Mom) shared the request on her FB page, and we had a great response of donations in Sophie’s honor.We are definitely still in need. We’ve got a week left and we are definitely behind from last year’s toy donation.There’s still time to drop of toys in Tyler or Carthage (contact me!) or you can donate via www.goldnetworkoet.com/donate and we will shop for you!Thank you so much for all who have already given so generously.
~ for one of the most epically successful hauls in my Large Item Trash Pickup weeks of all time!I found table legs, finials, a vintage film box, a coffee table top that will make a perfect sign, 2 dining chairs (that we needed to replace 2 broken ones), a great stack of wide plank reclaimed wood, several great baskets, and a beautiful 9 foot Christmas tree! Oh how I love treasure week!
~ for a successful oral surgery for Josh.He has had chronic tooth issues over the years, and undergone multiple root canals, surgeries, and an implant.His mouth has been flaring up again, causing headaches and jaw pain, so it was time for yet another surgery to remove an infected tooth, as well as some bone grafting to prepare for an eventual new crown.Josh made it through the surgery well, and was pleasantly surprised with the custom retainer he was fitted with to disguise the missing tooth while his mouth heals.I got to be his nurse for the day, and I will enthusiastically present him with the Worst Patient of All Time Award.But we both survived it, and are glad he is on the path toward a healthier mouth.
~ for 2 fantastic nights at CityFest!We’ve been hearing about CityFest for nearly 2 years, praying for it and it’s impact on our city.But as it actually approached, I had increasing second thoughts about attending.I knew it would be H-O-T.I knew there would be about a bazillion people there.It just sounded like a big ‘olehassle.But Cooper really wanted to go, and he worked on me until I gave in.We loaded everybody up, picked Dad up from work, and hoped for the best.A bazillion people was about right!The massive stage spanned all the way across Broadway, with jumbotrons on each side.People were EVERYWHERE.
But we founda good spot in the middle of the street, and settled in. The atmosphere was loud and lively.The kids were excited even though they had no idea what was going on.The concerts were top notch, Blanca, Ryan Stevenson, and Newsboys DID NOT DISAPPOINT!It was such a great show, and the kids were all thrilled to see the artists in REAL LIFE singing songs they sing along with on the radio.They sang and danced their hearts out!Amazing to have such an epic event, TOTALLY FREE!Even more amazing, it was incredible to see so many people of every color and walk of life gathered together for an openly Christian gathering.Evangelist Andrew Palau shared his personal testimony and an encouraging message of hope.We caught the fever, and there was no question that we would come back for the second night.We had a great time watching Pat Barrett, Neil McCoy, and Lacrae.What a fantastic show!I know that hearts were touched and lives were changed at Cityfest, and I’m so thankful we got to be a part of it.
My heart is heavy with a devastating loss in our Gold Network family.We met the Reed family in 2015 at Children’s Hospital.Micah, a vibrant 11 year old, had just relapsed with leukemia.He fought bravely until God eventually healed him by taking him to heaven on September 11, the day before the first Tyler Gold Run.Micah’s mom, Sandy, continued to honor her son’s memory by pouring into others and advocating for hurting families.Friday night, on the way home from a football game, was killed in a horrific traffic accident.Her sister was killed also, and son Jacob and a niece were severely injured but survived.When a dear friend notified me of the tragedy, my first thought was, “No God, WHY???!!!”And my second thought was of the glorious reunion between Micah and his sweet Mama.But what a hole of hurt and pain left here on earth for all the people who love her.The Reed family’s hometown is Sulphur Springs, and this small East Texas town has risen up in a BIG WAY to rally support.Tomorrow they are encouraging people to wear gold and blue to honor Sandy and her family. And I will include the link to a wonderful article about the community support, and how you can donate if you feel led.
Josh’s tooth trouble has gotten me thinking this week…isn’t it so strange how one tiny festering tooth can cripple you?It takes over everything.It’s such a nagging, aggravating pain that you can’t get away from.One little tooth.That’s how my week has been. It’s been a great week, full of blessings.But I’ve been distracted by something personal, one nagging thing crippling my joy.So my joy didn’t feel as joyful, it tasted a little flat.The pounding of pain and worry worked its way in front of everything else, and overshadowed the beauty God tried to show me each day.BUT GOD.That nag, even though I did allow it to dominate, it did press me in to the Lord.Oh the hours I spent in prayer.I prayed when I woke up in the night, and prayers of thanksgiving were the first thing on my lips each morning.Not because I’m so spiritual. But because I was SO DRY AND SO DESPERATE.So what the enemy intended for evil, a nag to overshadow my joy and distract me from my blessings…God redeemed for good.I struggled hard this week.But I’m so thankful to say that He has already done a mighty Work in the midst of the trial, and I’m praying it was a spiritual breakthrough.It doesn’t always work that way.I know we have all been through trials that have persisted a whole lot longer than a week.Sometimes we go years without seeing breakthrough. And sometimes it looks nothing like what we expected or hoped or asked for.I am just ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that our Good Good Father is always at work, and never ceases the refining process when we give Him full access to our lives.The nagging pain of trial is often a symptom of a developing habit or stronghold or stumbling block that He wants to set us free from.What do we need to lay down?Pride?Anxiety?Control?Fear of man’s opinion?(Pride is pretty much the root of all that, when you boil it down). Anyway, I am ready for the week ahead.Armed with Scripture and the protected by Armorof God, I feel geared up, encouraged, and ready to kick the devil in the face when (not if) he comes at me.Not this week Satan.I will let Mighty God, the Maker of heaven and earth, overshadow me, not my circumstances.
Let’s love one another well this week.Lift up someone who is hurting.Life is too short to walk past someone who needs a minute of your time.You ARE the answer to someone’s prayers.
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”” Psalms 91:1-2
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:10-13
~ to be DONE BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING.It only took me 3,647,447,262 trips to 78,226 stores to get what everyone needed.
~ for our wonderful, kind teachers at Grace Community School, and how thrilled each of the children are with the classroom they were placed in.I love the aroma of eagerness and hope at the beginning of the school year.There is just so much promise: new friends, new skills, new adventures.There are few things that thrill my kids more than strapping on a brand spankin’ new pair of tennis shoes and a 86 pound bulging backpack to go see friends they have missed all summer and meet their teachers.
~ for a good first day of school.Everyone popped out of bed with a grin, gobbled up fresh baked banana muffins for breakfast, and doodled up in their favorite outfit to start off their new year. (I may have chosen Sawyer’s shirt…) We read our morning devotional, like always, and prayed over our day and our family and our teachers, like always.Josh headed off to take Cooper to his first day of high school while I walked into the elementary school with 6 of my babies.And walked out with just one.I’m infinitely grateful for a school filled with people who love Jesus and love our family, and who give a whole lot of grace to this mama who has a very hard time letting go.But God.
~ and as if that were not enough, Wednesday was the day to drive Carson Grace back to ETBU, this time for good.Tatum K and I made the drive with her, and when we arrived, the dorm was HOPPING!When we moved her into her dorm before her mini-mester 2 weeks ago, there were just a handful of students on campus.But this week was Tiger Camp, ETBU’s Freshman Welcome Week.All of Carson Grace’s suite-mates were there, and it was great to meet them and their parents. I can already tell they are a really special group.We did the few last updates to her room, went on a quick grocery run, and a hurried Subway lunch, as I had to rush back to Tyler in time to pick up Littles from school.This meant I didn’t get to participate in the parent part of Tiger Camp, attending the first Chapel service of the year with Carson Grace.But I know God’s timing is better than mine, and I trust that it was best for me to get on the road when I did.Oh, it was so hard to drive away.I could tell though, that she was excited and ready.Much more so than the first time we dropped her off, all alone in the dorm.This time her room and the campus were already familiar, and she was surrounded by classmates ready to dive in right beside her.Hard hard for Mama, not so much for my girl.And that’s how it’s supposed to be, praise God.
She has sent lots of pictures since Wednesday: scavenger hunts, team challenges, and community service projects.She’s making lots of friends and looks like she’s loving it.She and her camp group went to a local church this morning together, and classes start bright and early in the morning.Proud of her.But I sure do miss my girl.I’ve spent a lot of time in her room this week, thinking about her, praying for her.(I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying….)
~ for traditions.If you know me, you know I’m big on traditions.Every year on the first day of school, we go to our very favorite snow cone shack in Tyler, Shivers.Tatum K shared her piña colada snow cone with me…she loved her “pink-alada”!
~ for kind friends.Thoughtful friends.For old and new friends.For truth-telling-even-when-it-hurts friends.For tried-and-true, gone-through-the-ringer, here-for-the-mountains-and-the-valleys friends.
~ for steady Giddy up & Whoa work.I truly love to paint, and our little home business is such a blessing to our family.And I needed the diversion.Thursday was even harder than Wednesday with the kids gone.On the first day, taking Carson Grace to Marshall took the whole day.I was too busy to think about anything. (WHICH WAS MERCY).Thursday was a different story.It was a different kind of quiet.Not a TRUE quiet, because Tatum K is a wild little fireball and a constant chatterbox. I know this year will be a sweet time with just my Tater Tot at home. But for now, the empty house is echoey.Too much space.As much as my Tribe drives me crazy and I’m always exhausted with their questions and their squabbles and their needs…they are MY PEOPLE.And I miss them when they’re gone.So anyway, it was a blessing to have 5 sign orders that needed my attention during Tatum’s naptime.And I’m pleased to say I got them all done!
~ for a good evening and meal with Colton.The Littles were thrilled to swim with him and climb all over him.Always good to spend some time with my boy.
~ for a nice start to our Gold Network Toy Drive for the prize closet at Children’s Hospital.A group of sweet ladies all went out and purchased nearly 100 toys and donated them in honor of one of their friend’s birthdays!What a great idea!Last year we donated more than 1400 toys to Children’s.We are collecting toys through the month of September.
~ for excitement brewing over all our upcoming Gold Network events.August 29 is Go Gold Tyler, our annual Childhood Cancer Awareness night on the Tyler Downtown Square.I’ve been reaching out to our cancer families and have been thrilled by the overwhelmingly positive response!It is so special to have all these Hero families together.And then Tyler Gold Run is coming up September 21.For our big 5 year celebration (how can it be 5 years!?) we are thrilled to have added a 10k route and moved to a new, larger park.I am always amazed at how our friends and family and the community rise up in support of all these brave kids and their families.Please consider being a part of these special events, or donating toward the cause.
~and this is just INCREDIBLE! One of our Hero families has a cousin who is an amazing artist. She created an original watercolor painting and has DONATED IT FOR AUCTION TO GOLD NETWORK!!! This priceless painting takes my breath away. Please check out the auction and bid or donate if you feel led. The auction is open until August 29. Click here for details.
~for good baseball memories with my Love.Josh is one of the biggest Texas Rangers fans that has ever lived, and he has passed this passion on to his family.I learned early in our marriage that if I was going to have any quality time with my husband from April until October, I needed to learn to speak baseball.So I asked a few questions, and it was his greatest delight to teach me the ins and the outs of the game.So this week, it was very special to glue ourselves to the TV screen to watch a momentous milestone for our all time favorite player, Josh Hamilton, as he was inducted into the Texas Rangers Hall of Fame.Josh is one of the greatest talents to have ever played the game, but we love him because of his story.He has battled drug and alcohol addiction for his entire career, and although he found salvation in Jesus Christ, he has continued to fall back into those self-destructive patterns.But seeing him back on the field, hugging his old teammates, and hearing his bold and honest speech that gave all glory to the God who continued/continues to love him in the midst of his failures….we cried our eyes out.It. Was. Awesome.He closed his 14 minute speech with these words of encouragement for when we get knocked down, “Don’t you dare stay down. The God of the universe sent His Son to die so that we have the right to GET BACK UP IN JESUS!”
Our friend Harold needs your prayers.He was allowed to go home from the hospital Wednesday, only to have hydrocephalus symptoms return Thursday, causing his parents to rush Harold back to Dallas for his FIFTH surgery.Please pray for healing and wisdom for the team of doctors treating him.And for grace and strength for his precious family.Thank you for continuing to lift up the parents and family of sweet Lucas, who went to heaven last week.Someone I love is recovering from a dreadful injury, and 3 family members are battling cancer.So many people hurting.Oh how I hate cancer.Jesus come….
Friends, life is hard. It is hard and good and beautiful and horrible and excruciating and glorious.Live well.Love large.Give freely.Forgive.See people.Pray for one another.Share Jesus.
Thanks for giving thanks with me.
““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.””John 13:34-35
“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”Hebrews 4:14-16 NIV