Less but More

I am thankful:

~ for the astounding miracle of Sawyer turning 7! Seven. It takes my breath away.

I just never ever let myself picture him as a 7 year old. I didn’t dare. Sawyer’s doctors didn’t expect him to survive THE DAY on the day he was diagnosed with leukemia at 7 months old. BUT GOD. He had a less than 40% chance of surviving to age 5. BUT GOD. I can’t even type these words without the tears taking over. Now this miracle boy is 7! He is bright and active and doing all the things the doctors warned us he likely would not be able to do. BUT GOD! It’s so hard for me to treat him like a “normal kid.” To let go and let him be in germy, “virus-y” crowds, let him ride his bike and scooter in the street, and climb trees… And equally hard for me to get onto him like a normal kid: to not let him get away with murder, to not overlook whining or pouting, and to not favor him over his siblings. I can’t even explain how hard that is. I think about how much he has been through and how many times we almost lost him, and the rules and my resolve flies out the window. But I know overindulgence is the worst thing for him, and I remind myself that God didn’t deliver Sawyer only for him to grow up to become an entitled, spoiled-rotten little punk. He had a great birthday: donuts for breakfast, a mom/dad/Tatum K lunch date at school, and his menu-of-choice for dinner was homemade French bread pizzas, homemade mac and cheese, and chocolate cake with orange (colored, not flavored) buttercream icing. Thank You Jesus for allowing me to love Your boy for seven whole years!

~ for a wonderful and unexpected blessing. A local homeschool coop did a raffle ticket fundraiser and chose Gold Network of East Texas as the charity beneficiary. I was blessed to receive the donation of $122.25! And even better, I got to receive the donation from my sweet friend/sister!

~ for a long-overdue visit from sweet Aunt Dinah! She treated us to yummy Braum’s ice cream, and got her fill of kiddo hugs and puppy snuggles.

~ for Cooper’s first week of work at Chick-fil-A! Doesn’t he look so handsome?! So far he is loving it and learning more each shift. So proud of him.

~ for Gavin’s 4th grade Colonial Trades Day presentation. His group represented Colonial wheelwrights. He did a great job researching and reciting his part. He is such a bright boy. And he looked so handsome in his many-times-recycled costume. Over the last 10 years, the same embroidered vest and flouncy old lady blouse from Goodwill has been the attire for a Colonial merchant, missionary Hudson Taylor, Colonial barrel maker, and now a wheelwright!

~ for the hilarious pics I discover when I wake up from an accidental nap to realize that Sawyer has taken my phone. Nothing like taking selfies with your mom when she’s asleep.

~ for the blessing of a continued BUSY season for Giddyup & Whoa. We had a successful Barn Sale, and I got to participate in a home bazaar with some friends this weekend. Orders have continued to steadily pour in almost every day, keeping Josh and I hustling at the saw and paintbrushes. We are so excited and grateful that our small family business is growing. We love getting our kids involved. And we love bringing life to the vision our customers request! I can’t wait to eventually share pictures of some of the AWESOME Christmas gifts I’m working on!

~ for THE MOST WONDERFUL evening with my Love. For the first time in about 13 million years, we were able to slip away to do some Christmas shopping and go out to dinner. Like a REAL DATE! No kids. No puppies. It. Was. AWESOME! We got lots of our shopping done, and then OVER-indulged in a dinner at Lone Star Steakhouse! I thought I’d have to be rolled out of the restaurant in a wheelbarrow, but I did not regret one bite!

Another week of puppy-ing under our belt. Sweet pups are now 3 weeks old, and growing and changing every day. Eyes are all open, they are all walking, and trying to find their little puppy barks. And they are LOUD!

Today was Day 1 of introducing puréed solid food. What a slop-fest! Josh built an adorable feeding station with little bowls, but man, those pups were all over the place! They walked through the food, ate it off their feet and off each other! It was quite a sight!

It’s so fun to see their personalities develop as they start to play with one another, and we have LOVED seeing several families fall in love with their puppy-to-be. It’s more work than we ever dreamed, but still so much fun. I apologize in advance if I bump into you in person and am wearing a questionable odor…I am trying hard not to look/smell like the zookeeper I FEEL LIKE! Josh got to work one day this week after being home for lunch, and it was a few hours before he realized that he was wearing a PUPPY SURPRISE on his pants! **Just a few pups still available.

As always, December has the potential for a month overflowing with too much of everything: an overburdened calendar, an aching bank account, and complete and utter exhaustion. Completely lacking in joy. What a tragedy to get so distracted by a counterfeit Christmas and completely miss the presence of Christ. I wrestle with it every year. Complicated emotions, emotional baggage, unrealistic expectations of others and of myself…it’s not hard to end up in the weeds. Maybe it’s the added element of the puppies and/or sign orders, but I have definitely felt a pull this year to SIMPLIFY. I want to DO LESS activities, but instead do things that MEAN MORE. I want to really get into the presence of the Lord. Get close to His heart. And share that with my kids. I want to soak in the beauty and wonder that comes from really grasping what Christ has done for us. And I just really want to love on my people.

Lord, fix my wandering eyes on You. Don’t let my get so distracted by empty busy-ness that I miss YOU.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

““Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:31-33)

“And Mary said, “My soul magnifies and exalts the Lord, And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has looked [with loving care] on the humble state of His maidservant; For behold, from now on all generations will count me blessed and happy and favored by God! For He who is mighty has done great things for me; And holy is His name [to be worshiped in His purity, majesty, and glory].” (Luke 1:46-49 AMP)

Flattened

I am thankful:

~ for one if my favorite Christmas traditions: our trip to Children’s Hospital on Christmas Eve. We load our bus with the most delicious home-cooked spread of food and drive to Dallas, to give smiles and thanks to the dedicated nurses caring for the kids who are too sick to be home for Christmas. Even though it’s been years now, we have promised to never forget those frightening days. Josh at home with 7 kids missing their mama. And 12 month old Sawyer and I in the hospital. We had known we would be in the hospital that Christmas. He was in a particularly harsh phase of his leukemia treatment, and needed close monitoring. But Christmas Eve he had taken a turn for the worse, spiking a high fever, and his nurses watched him like a hawk. I’ll never forget the way they tended to him, and to me all through the night. I remember watching the clock turn midnight, and crying in the dark room lit by a blinking IV pole as I wished my sick baby Merry Christmas. BUT GOD. I couldn’t have done it without those nurses, those angels on this earth. They lay their lives down and are gone from their own families to take care of hurting children, and they do their very best to bring joy into a scary and sad place. I love going back (for a quick trip and not to stay) to tell them Sawyer’s story, and give them a fresh breath of Christ-ordained, thriving, 6 year old, curly-headed HOPE.

~ for a quick, fun visit with Aunt Dinah. Sawyer picked Slims Chicken for lunch, and then she and I visited while I tackled my holiday baking and trashed my kitchen from one end to the other.

~ for beautiful weather to deliver baked goodies to our wonderful neighbors. We are so blessed!

~ for a wonderful, messy, overstimulating, joyful, chaotic, noisy Christmas. For too much delicious food: spicy, cheesy jalapeño crawfish chowder, tart/sweet cherry pie, caramely sweet monkey bread, and chocolate-coffee-salted-caramel birthday cake for Jesus. For Andes mints that make me think of Grandma Grace. And Great Grandma Nelson’s peanut clusters that are now my kids’ favorite. For tums and stretchy pants. For new Christmas jammies for everyone and a new ornament each. For the sweetness of each of us reading Luke 2 verse by verse…and how the powerfully tender words feel more tender and more powerful on Christmas morning. For a second round of too-much-everything and 14 cousins to play with. It was an extra noisy Christmas with robots and transformers and Elsa microphones and walkie talkies and laser tag. I’m also thankful that batteries do not live forever.

~ for the fullness in my heart at having all my children together. I learned when Sawyer got sick that I couldn’t take it for granted. But life moved on, the crisis passed, and I realized that I still did sometimes. But now comes another paradigm shift: they really are growing up. Colton’s living on his own, Carson Grace is 18 and in college. Soon enough they will start having their own families and may not always be around. How I treasure these fleeting moments with all these faces around my table and piled up on my couch.

~ for my husband’s dedication and work ethic. Even after working 65+ hours a week at his “real job,” then building signs and caring for our home in his “spare time,” AND being Dad to 9 kids….he is grinding out his real estate courses, one after another, even amidst the chaos of our home environment. So proud of him. Even squeezed in a much needed date with him this week!

~for the signature throaty growl of my daughter’s hauntingly beautiful voice and her guitar coming from her bedroom. Oh, how I’ve missed her and that sound.

~ for 4 little and not-so-little girls that still let me dress them alike. Aren’t they beautiful?

~ for the fresh grace to keep going even when it’s hard. Tatum K, while just as cute as she can be, continues to challenge us daily with her fiery temperament. Her latest challenge is NOT SLEEPING. She is taking hours to settle down to sleep, most of that spent screaming violently at the top of her lungs, anything from “I want my MAAAAAMAAAAA!” to “I want PIZZZZZZAAAAAAA!” to “Tickle my BAAAAACKKKKK!!!!” And then sometimes she is waking up and doing it all again for hours in the middle of the night. Makes for a tired mama, especially after days on end.

~ for days when I wake up to sweet artwork left beside my bed. Parenting this many children usually feels a lot like whack-a-mole, and there is many a night that I go to bed feeling like a very defeated worst-and-meanest-mama-in-the-whole-wide-world. But by some stretch of miracle, my kids don’t seem to think so! Thank You Father for the NEW MERCIES EVERY MORNING!

It’s that groggy limbo week between Christmas and New Years. Everyone I talk to seems drained and wiped out and nobody is sure what day it is. I find myself with a little bit of the blues…flattened by the steamroller of the packed schedule over the past few weeks. And emotionally flattened as well. Just a lot going on in my heart these days. Anybody else feel flattened? (FLATTENED, not FATTENED. Although that certainly feels applicable as well…)

My weary heart dragged me to the church this morning. Physically and spiritually drained and exhausted, I couldn’t even make my voice form the words of the songs. So I just sank to my knees and let the worship and the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit wash over me.

“Worthy of every song we could ever sing

Worthy of all the praise we could ever bring

Worthy of every breath we could ever breathe

We live for you. We live for you…”

The words and the percussion pounded into my chest, beating the melody into my heart as I sang and prayed and worshipped and wept.

“I will build my life upon Your Love

It is a firm foundation.

I will put my trust in You alone

And I will not be shaken.”

Lord, I’ve seen You do miracles with my own eyes. I KNOW and I BELIEVE that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU. Help me to trust in You: that You are WORKING, that You are PRESENT, and that You are SOVEREIGN. Remind me that You care about the needs I bring to you. Line up my desires with Yours so that I want what You want for me instead of what I want for me. Help me to remember TRUTH when my circumstances try to trip me up. Help me unclench my fists and my feeble attempts to take control. Renew in me a deep love for Your WORD. Fill me with Your LOVE so I can pour it out.

Give me endurance for the race You have set before me. It is the race You made me for.

Don’t lose heart. He is FOR YOU. Let’s love one another well this week.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalms 42:1-5)

“For with God nothing will be impossible.” Then Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.” (Luke 1:37-38)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

I am thankful:

~ for innocent children who aren’t afraid to ask the questions we all wonder. “Mama? What is piggy pudding? And why do they want it so bad?” “And what does pa-rum-pum-pum-pum MEAN?”

~ for a sweet night of fellowship with our Tyler Christian Fellowship elders, deacons, and wives. And for pumpkin bread pudding with warm salted caramel sauce.

~for the sweetest Christmas play at the school. Zoe and Gavin brilliantly executed their parts in “It Happened in the Country.” Gavin even had his first little solo and did a great job. I love seeing them so excited to share their hard work with us.

~ for GPS. Tyler is famous for its holiday traffic jams, and the GPS on my phone was able to pinpoint the trouble areas and reroute me. Even though it took me miles out of the way, it was undoubtedly faster than the direct route. I would still be sitting on Broadway…

~ for human Christmas party ping pong. I pinged and I ponged my way through five simultaneous Christmas parties at opposite ends of the elementary school. They had Christmas movies, toilet paper snowman building, cookie decorating, and pancakes in pajamas. The kids all had a ball and then that was that! They are all officially home for Christmas!

We are now enjoying lounging around, living room football, and binge-watching Disney plus. And we finished our puzzle. Sadly, Tatum and Bear ate 7 pieces, so we didn’t get the full victorious satisfaction.

~ for the dollar store. Love me some dollar store when it’s time to shop for Christmas stockings for 9 kids!

~ for the absolutely MOST DELICIOUS slow-cooked, fall off the bone, flavor-LICIOUS ribs on the planet. Drew, you are a BBQ ARTIST!!!!

~ for encouragement from the Lord: through His Word, His Voice, and His people. It brings such comfort to know that my Heavenly Father sees me and cares about every detail of my life, and that He is WORKING IN AND THROUGH every trial to refine me and make me more like Him. It’s so incredibly hard to stop trying to control everything. Even though my mind knows that I don’t have ANY POWER to control anything anyway, I still waste so much energy fighting for it. I can’t control Sawyer’s health, or whether or not his cancer will return. I can’t control what others think of me or whether or not they love and accept me. I can’t control my children’s choices or their relationship with the Lord. And sometimes that makes me feel so empty and powerless and just plain hopeless.

But God.

An empty vessel. Cracked and broken. The perfect vessel for the Lord to pour into and fill to overflowing. Every crack in me allows Jesus to shine through more. If I am empty, there’s more room for Him. I’m not trying to say that I just radiate Jesus everywhere I go. Or that I am moping around sad and hopeless. I’m just increasingly aware that God’s power shines through my weakness WHEN I LET HIM. I am more useful in my honest brokenness than I could ever dream to be in any artificial“I’ve-got-it-all-together-ness.”

My life feels kind of out of control. But that’s ok. Because my Perfect Father has a Perfect Plan for all the details. And I don’t have to know what’s next, because I know who’s in charge and I KNOW THE ENDING. The story will end with Jesus on the Throne and every knee bowed. Glorious.

We eagerly count down the days until Christmas, and those who are Christ-followers celebrate the birth of the Messiah. “Jesus IS the reason for the season.”

But it’s so much more.

Jesus is more than the baby in the manger. More than a miracle that wowed some shepherds in the middle of the night. HOPE was born. The REMEDY for our brokenness. FREEDOM for the captives. He came to walk among us, to turn religion on its head, and teach us what LOVE looks like.

So wherever you are in the midst of your Christmas busy-ness, MAKE SOME ROOM. As you shop in the madness of stores or fight your way through traffic, look around. See the exhausted checkout clerk. Or the frazzled mother dragging her kids out of the toy aisle. If you are breaking your back to get your baking done, your house spotless, and fretting about the relatives that you are not looking forward to seeing this year…take a deep breath and think about the families who will spend Christmas in the hospital or who would give ANYTHING for one more Christmas with their mom, or their dad, or their husband, or their child. Let’s ungrit our teeth and unclench our hearts and pour Jesus on each other instead. Spend more time than money. Give less stuff and more of ourselves. This Christmas might not be perfect, but it will never be this Christmas again.

FullSizeRender 7.JPG — Christmas in the hospital, 2014

Let’s love one another well this week. Merry CHRISTmas!

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”” (Luke 2:10-14)

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:9-11)

The Biggest Little Things

I am thankful:

~ for HEALING! The Rucker Tribe has survived the Great Flu of 2019. Oh, we still have some sniffles, snuffles, and coughs. And sleep is still hit or miss (mostly miss). But it is a vast improvement over last week to say the VERY LEAST. Thank You JESUS! And thank you to all of you for reaching out with your kind words and encouragements.

~for all the funny little memories at Christmastime. For the kids’ love of EVERY Christmas song, and how they sing out with all their hearts. I love that Tatum K doesn’t know who Santa is. She just points when she sees a picture or an inflatable and says, “look mama! It’s a May-wee Cwis-mas boy!” We have had fun running errands together, she’s my little buddy while kiddos are at school. She attracts a lot of attention wherever we go, so stinkin’ cute in her little boots and messy bun. At this store she found slippers that matched her little sherpa jacket, so she had to give them “a lovey.” Oh Lord, let her stay my sweet tiny Tater.

~ for puzzles. I forget how fun puzzles are.

~ for a wonderfully special occasion worthy of celebration: Grandmommy’s 70th birthday! Aunt Polly hosted the gathering, and we feasted on brisket and chips and dips and a charming custom purse cake topped with FON-DANT. We all laughed and made Grandmommy cry, and celebrated the legacy of the lovely, godly lady we all love so much.

~ as always, Grandmommy’s birthday also marks the start of the greatly anticipated tradition: 12 Days of Christmas. Each night we gather and sing the song, and then open our thoughtful treat and take our picture. The kids absolutely love the whole process, and I am so thankful for all the work that Grandmommy puts into it all. These are memories that will last forever. I am a sucker for traditions, and it fills my heart to see the smiles of my babies beside the tree. Day 1 was sticker page nativities. And you have never seen such joy as they each diligently worked on decorating their own paper.

~ for such a fun Christmas party with our small group from church. The adults had organized a rowdy (and rather cut-throat) white elephant gift exchange. The kids were very intrigued by the idea (I mean, OBVIOUSLY they saw a bunch of gifts and wanted some) so I quickly gathered items from around our house to put together a white elephant exchange for them. None of them had ever played it before, so it was a little challenging. Sawyer ended up with the dud gift: a ladies bracelet and a coupon. He was NOT IMPRESSED. Nor was he gracious about being disappointed. There were tears. Everyone else had fun though. I’m thankful for such a fun group. As you can see, I was in a PARTICULARLY FESTIVE mood.

~ for a new-to-me treat: baked crescent rolls filled with melted chocolate chips and drizzled with powdered sugar glaze. Just STOP IT!

~ for last minute Giddyup & Whoa orders. you can imagine how tight the budget gets with nine kids at Christmas time. Even though our focus is definitely not on spending a lot on extravagant gifts, all the expenses just all add up faster than the deposits. Every order is truly a blessing, and we are so grateful for the way God provides! It is such an honor to be trusted with bringing to life special mementos for people.

~ for amazing and inspiring connections. I got a sign order this week from a lady I did not know. She had taken my card at the show at the Foundry several weeks ago and just now contacted me. She came to the house to pick up her order, and we had the best conversation! She is also a mother of 9, and we have several common friendships. Such a small world. The sign she had me do for her was so unique and personal, my very favorite kind of sign to paint. A saying with personal meaning that you’re just not going to find hanging in Hobby Lobby. She had asked me to paint “Love is the Tuesdays.” It’s a lyric from the song, “Tuesday’s,” by Jake Scott, and it was a gift for her husband. She encouraged Josh and I to listen to the song, which we did later that evening. The song is advice given by a father to a young man who is asking to marry his daughter. “No it’s not Hollywood son ’cause troubles will come / But it’s the best decision you’re ever gonna make / And you’ve got my blessing but just hear this lesson / Twenty-seven years and all I’ve got to say / Is it’s not just picture perfect dancing in a white dress / It’s not just rainy days where nothing stops the fighting / It’s not just highs and lows and champagne toasts / I’ve come to know that love’s not only the best days or the worst days / Love is the Tuesdays”

Isn’t that just the truth? Love is the everyday moments that happen in between the highs and the lows. So blessed by the song and touched by the sentiment behind the sign order.

~ for an amazing accomplishment for my INCREDIBLE HUSBAND! A few weeks ago he took the step of faith to enroll in an online real estate course, and this week he completed the first class and ACED his first exam! So proud of this remarkable man of mine and excited to see what doors God will open down the road!

~ for the kids’ DARLING Christmas program at church. From our Tribe, we had scintillating portrayals of an angel, King Herod, and Caesar Augustus, as well as 2 eloquent narrators. There is something so pure about seeing the story of Jesus’ birth through the eyes and lips of children. And even seeing how beautiful and grown up Samantha and Kora are. Zoe sparkling in her tinsel halo. Sawyer, serious as can be, sternly barking out his line, and Gavin’s dramatic death on stage. Even Tatum K’s spontaneous interruptions asking when it would be “cookie time.” It was just so very special.

Before the Children’s Program, Becky the Children’s Pastor, asked the audience to pause. I LOVED how she said it. “Let’s just pause a moment to make some room. We can’t appreciate a gift we are given if we don’t take the time to realize how much we NEED that gift.” Advent is the season of waiting. Waiting expectantly for the birth of the King. Waiting longingly for His Return. But do we have room? Are we too busy and distracted by the cares of this world? By how many friends/followers/likes we can accumulate? By having the Pinterest-perfect porch display, ugly sweater, or charcuterie board? By buying the perfect gift to outdo what we gave last year?

Quieting our heart is hard. Waiting is hard. What are you waiting on? What prayer are you praying that has not yet been answered? My heart aches with the weight of some of the things I wait for, long for. But I know God sees me. I know He cares about the things and the people I’m asking Him for. He saw the needs of the people of Israel. He had a plan to meet those needs. He has a plan to fulfill every need. But for now, we wait. Creation is groaning for our Coming King. We ache for healing, for reconciliation, for restoration. We cry out to Him for a Breakthrough. And sometimes every single thing our eyes see looks like failure. Hopeless. But the God of Hope is working when we cannot see. And thankfully, His power is not contingent on our faith. I thank God for that every day. Because my faith feels so small and my vision falls so short. But God. So whatever it is you are waiting for, don’t lose heart.

He is working.

He is coming.

And He’s always right on time.

So let’s pause a moment. And let’s make some room for Jesus in our hearts and our schedules this week.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalms 27:13-14)

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed….We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently….And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:18-19, 22-25, 28)

It is Well (and we almost are)

Ugh.

I would say that was the theme of this week.

We had so much fun last Sunday celebrating Sawyer’s birthday. Tatum K had started running a fever off and on. When her fever went up, it knocked her out. But then when Motrin kicked in, she was bouncing off the walls. So we didn’t think much of it.

Little did we know.

Monday evening was a nice night celebrating Cooper at the GCS Football Banquet. It’s hard to believe he’s already completed his Freshman football season! AND, we had the BEST barbecue cooked by his Coach. Tatum K continued to run fever off and on. And I noticed by the end of the evening, my head had started pounding, and I felt so, so tired.

Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a train. Tatum was still running fever, and Gavin was barking like a seal.

Wednesday, Zoe got it. Then Thursday, Cooper. And Tatum K and I never got better. Only worse. We all just laid around, moaning occasionally. Washing hands and reapplying hand sanitizer until our skin was raw. Tatum didn’t eat all week. Maybe 4 carrots and few bites of Fruit Loops. Trust me, I tried everything.

By some miracle SAWYER DID NOT GET SICK!!!! And neither did Samantha, Kora, or Josh! GLORY TO THE LORD! (Colton and Carson Grace don’t know how very blessed they are not to be living at home this week!) I honestly cannot remember EVER being this sick. I get colds every year: it doesn’t matter if Mom gets sick – life still keeps rolling and I have to roll with it. With whatever-in-the-world-this-was, THERE WAS NO ROLLING. And to top it off, Tatum rested so much during the daytime, she stopped sleeping at night. EVERY. NIGHT. THIS WEEK, she was up a MINIMUM of 10 times. No sleep for sick mama. No wonder I couldn’t get better.

BUT GOD! No matter what, no matter how sick, no matter how rough the week was, there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for!

So here we go!

~ for the delicious BBQ at the football banquet.

~ that I had been able to get the house decorated for Christmas BEFORE the sickness hit. Not only would it not have gotten done, but it made the house cheery and festive to brighten up our hard week. Our house was just MADE for Christmas.

~ for the children’s sweet prayers for their Mama and their siblings. They were the absolute best sports on the planet, and did their best to help around the house. Sawyer was devastated that he couldn’t hug me, so he had to make due with hugging my leg. They all offered so much grace and kindness to their sickly and not-very-gracious mama. I tried not to be grumpy, but failed miserably.

~ for good snuggles from poor little Tatum. It was clear how awful she felt – she was not her spicy self at all as the week progressed. All she would do was croak, “Mama, I lay wif you.”

~ for a FEAST delivered to our doorstep! When I opened the door and saw all the tasty food, I could hear the choirs of angels singing! Slim Chickens never tasted so good! THANK YOU Karen!!!

~ for “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

~ for the most wonderful Advent Devotional. Even as sick as most of us were, I’m grateful that we chose to end each day on the sweetest note. We ended every single night with the Word of God and pointed to Jesus. That’s really the only thing I got right all week. But thankfully, it’s the ONLY THING that matters. Glory to His Name. You can find the devotional here. (Thanks so much for sharing it, Jen!)

~ that Josh was able to attend (and video for me) Kora’s 4th Grade Colonial Trade Days presentation, where she portrayed a Leather-worker.

~ for Bear being the most adorable and photogenic Christmas dog ever. (And for Tatum who had to show me that she could sit as nicely as “Bear Boy”).

~ for my amazingly talented, creative, and hardworking husband who built signs for our orders this week AND created several new items available from Giddyup & Whoa. I just love everything he builds!

~ for HEALING! As of Saturday, we are all fever-FREE, and on the road to feeling better. I still have ZERO energy, but it’s such an improvement from how I did feel.

~ that Josh and I are both up to date on our tetanus shots! I stepped on a rusty nail on our street that pierced my foot through my sneaker, and Josh narrowly missed cutting off his thumb, but sustained a wide flesh wound. Thank You Lord, for Your MERCIES!

Have you used the feature on Spotify that tells you your “Most Played Song of the Year?” So many people have been sharing it, I was curious. I can’t even remember what it told me for 2019, but then the feature went backward several more years. When my “Most Played Song of 2015” popped up, it took my breath away. “Bye Bye Bye,” by NSYNC. For those of you who are new here, that was Sawyer’s favorite song when he was a baby, and I played it for him OVER AND OVER in the hospital. 2015 was a really hard year: we started January in the ICU after a terrifying narcotic reaction, and then later that year we had lots of long hospital stays due to side effects and infections. BUT GOD. Gives a little perspective on one week of RELATIVELY MILD illness in the comfort of my home. (Oh, and my “Most Played Song of 2016?” “Rise Up,” by Andra Day. Thank You Jesus!)

I am ready for a FRESH NEW WEEK! How about you?

Thanks for giving thanks with me!

“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” (Psalms 116:7)

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain.” (Psalms 3:3-4)

Thank Full

I am thankful:

~ for a wonderful, JAM-PACKED break. Most days the weather was great, and the kids enjoyed running around and playing outside. They raked leaves into piles and delighted in jumping in them. When they found that we didn’t have enough leaves, they were more than happy to visit our neighbors and gather THEIR leaves and bring them to our house!

~for the absolute best kitchen helpers in all the land. My sous chefs were raring to go, and what they lacked in expertise they made up for with enthusiasm.

~for even a little time with my Girl home from college. Way too short of a visit, but thankful just the same.

~for sweet moments with my Love. We have our ups and downs like anybody else, and sometimes we bicker and get on each other‘s nerves. But most of the time, the love we have is everything you could ask out of a sappy movie. I love driving down the road, holding my babies hand, singing Garth Brooks’ songs to one another. It is delightfully nauseating.

~for online shopping. I just don’t have it in me to get out there and box the crowds for the best deals. I can’t even express how grateful I am to be able to find what I need while sitting on the couch and have it shipped right to my door.

~for a wonderful Thanksgiving. We always drive to Carthage and spend the day with family. The children cherish all the traditions, and their excitement is so contagious. This year we had an even larger crowd than usual: I love how everybody feels at liberty to invite more people along…and everyone is TRULY WELCOME. I don’t think anybody every feels like they are an “extra.” They just BELONG. And it’s truly the most fun gathering you can imagine. We are a lively bunch, with our chicken and turkey hats, our pumpkin Olympics complete this year with a reverent and very formal coronation of the Pumpkin Queen, and chicken dancing in the front yard next to the highway (punctuated with frequent honks from passers by). There’s just SO. MUCH. JOY. We ate until we were completely uncomfortable, and then we made another plate. Once that was ram-crammed down into our bellies, then it was time for PIE. The food was fantastic, but it’s the fellowship that defies explanation. I’m so grateful to be in the company of so much love. Such special memories.

~ for the soft glow of Christmas lights, a fire in the fireplace, and my snuggly $4.99 blanket from Aldi.

~ for the very best curbside find yet: the 9 foot Christmas tree (in original box) I picked up on large item trash week earlier this year. We put up the tree and with just a little finessing, all the original lights are functioning! Whoever threw this tree away, THANK YOU! We decked our halls this weekend, and everything is bright and festive. Josh even built me a custom reclaimed wood tree collar (gotta add a little Giddyup & Whoa, of course!) The kids love seeing their favorite ornaments and decorations come out of the boxes. They hear the stories of Grandma Grace’s handpainted nativity and Granny’s Christmas village. We hung our new ornaments from this summer’s trip to Lark Toys in Minnesota and the Laura Ingalls museum in Wisconsin. And Tatum K just points at everything and chirps again and again, “May-we Cwis-mas!!!” (We’ll see how much of it she breaks before the season is over.)

And today, what I’m most grateful for is a curly headed, blue eyed little boy, because today he turned 6. Six years old. I can’t even say it without crying.

It doesn’t matter how normal life is, how long he’s been a happy kindergartener, how normal he looks. It still takes my breath away when I stop and think about everything Sawyer has been through. From almost losing his life to organ failure the day he was brought by ambulance to Children’s, to the life and death battle he fought against cancer as a baby, the toxic reaction to meds, narcotic overdose and withdrawal, and then countless unidentified infections and bizarre complications along the way… but you’d NEVER EVEN KNOW IT. The faint white port scar on his chest and the curly hair that used to be straight are the only physical indicators left behind to hint that he has a medical history. I don’t know why Sawyer is the way he is, why his light shines so bright and why he loves so big. I just know he amazes me and that it feels like a tremendous responsibility to shepherd such a child. I don’t know how old he is going to grow to be, or what he is going to do in his lifetime (my heart still guards itself against looking too far ahead), but I know he is very very special. And I am thankful for every. single. moment. And I’m thankful for a very low-key, normal-just-like-every-other-kid-in-the-tribe birthday: no party, just donuts for breakfast and menu of choice for dinner: pizza, mac-and-cheese, and chocolate cake that he helped me bake. He wasn’t an honored guest of the police department, and nobody surprised him with a trip to Hawaii. He got Legos and a hot wheels track and some clothes. Just like a regular kid. And that’s kind of hard on Mom and Dad, because quite honestly, we think he deserves a parade every day (I mean, DOESN’T HE?) But what a gift that Sawyer, even after all he has been through, gets to live a normal life and be a normal kid. Normal maybe. But nonetheless, an EXCEPTIONAL WALKING MIRACLE. Glory to God!

Happy December. My mission this month is to keep my eyes on Jesus no matter how busy life gets. And remember why we have anything to celebrate.

(And just for the record: I love ALL my kids. Each one of them is incredibly unique and special and I’m in awe that God has entrusted me with stewarding so many of His treasured creations. I’ve said it before, I’m the most blessed Mama in all the world. I will spend my life doing my best to point them all to Jesus and love them all well.)

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1Thessalonians 5:16-18)