Sweet Moments Along the Way

I didn’t share much about our Easter last week, because I wanted to spend less time documenting it and more time LIVING IT. But it was truly such a special weekend. We made cards and baked goodies and stuffed eggs and did a little “Joy Run” around town on Saturday afternoon, delivering treats and just saying “hi.” Often the best remedy for the Self-Pity Blues is to do something nice for somebody else. It was great to get out of the house for a change of scenery and to see some of the people we have missed so much.

Saturday evening we had a sweet time with the kids with an Easter basket devotional I had seen online. They went around the yard and gathered rocks in their baskets. We sat down and discussed how heavy they were, and how hard they were to carry. I told them that the rocks were like sin in our life, and that we were never meant to carry all of that heaviness. We covered all the baskets with a big red blanket, representing Jesus’ blood covering all our sins. In the morning, they were thrilled to see that all the heavy rocks were gone, and their baskets were filled with sweets and prizes (and a new swimsuit for the summer!). They thanked Jesus for taking away their sins, and for exchanging their burdens with blessings and joy!

After our unexpected tornado-warning-sheltering at dawn, and our traditional Easter breakfast of Resurrection Rolls, Colton joined us for online church. Then we feasted on brown sugar glazed ham, mashed potatoes, roasted green beans, and sugar cookies. The threatening storms gave way to a perfectly BEAUTIFUL day to celebrate our Risen Savior. We watched movies and had an egg hunt in the front yard, some of the kids swam, and we did our chalk art. I think we all watched ANOTHER movie after all that. At dinner, Josh surprised us all by making a very uncharacteristic speech. “This year Easter is a lot different. We are missing some of the things we usually do, and the family we usually see. It’s kind of strange not being allowed to go places and do the things we are used to. Lots of things are different. But it’s not all bad. In fact, I LIKE a lot about this season. This is probably my favorite Easter I can ever remember.”

I wish I could tell you I hold that Christ-centered positive attitude all week long. Y’all, it is a CONSTANT STRUGGLE to keep my head up and my spirits up. I know I’m not alone in that. The official mandate closing schools for the rest of the year was another disappointment. So hard not to focus on all the fun things the kids won’t get to do. The temptation to fall into self pity, distraction, frustration, and fear is relentless. Each day looks like the day before it, stuck in the hamster ball of sheltering in place and virtual schooling. Schooling my babies is kicking my tail, and no matter how exhausted I am at the end of each carbon-copied day, I can’t ever seem to turn my mind off and get any rest. Grumpy, overtired teachers that teach 6 grades at once in a one room school house are THE VERY BEST TEACHERS! One morning, Tatum K crawled up into my lap and buried her head in my neck, “Mama, I no want you be a cheacha (teacher)… I want you be a MAMA!” Oh my heart. My baby misses her mom. I miss her mom too.

But I am so thankful for sweet moments along the way.

~ for the moments when I do just get to be a Mama. And I get to snuggle with my Loves on the couch. We’ve had some great times reading together, lots of picnics, and some scintillating UNO games.

~ for buttery sweet homemade cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven. I haven’t made them in 15 years. Anybody else eating their feelings these days?

~ for my AMAZING personal shopper that did my online grocery order. She actually REMEMBERED ME from “the days before quarantine,” and knew that we have a supersized family, not a hoarding problem. She and the Aldi management allowed me to get our 10 loaves of bread and 12 gallons of milk! Just like the good old days!

~ for progress on our puzzle, which has now officially replaced our last puzzle as THE HARDEST PUZZLE ON THE PLANET. The kids have put in like 12 pieces, and I have done about 698. Only 9,845,873,458 to go.

~ for GCS Spirit Day. More than ever before, we are grateful for our WONDERFUL school and our WONDERFUL teachers and the WONDERFUL community we have there.

~ for kind neighbors. So thankful we can call on one another when we need something. It was fun to leave a thank you note.

~ for another fun Giddyup and Whoa project. We are so grateful for the opportunity to continue to create.

~ for another new reno project…. Any guesses?

~ for all the sweet moments along the way… moments that I would miss if I wasn’t home teaching my kids. Sawyer reading his books to Gavin. Zoe’s eyes lighting up when she gets all her spelling words right. For the joy of witnessing their creativity firsthand instead of seeing it come home in a folder.

I remember well another season of social distancing. When Sawyer was going through chemotherapy as a baby, his immune system was treacherously fragile. We had no visitors. Sawyer ALWAYS stayed home. The kids immediately changed their clothes and washed hands after school, and sometimes I even sprayed them down with Lysol. It was completely normal for Sawyer to wear a certified N99 mask anytime he was in public, and we all wore masks around him if we had so much as a sniffle. Hand sanitizer was by every door, on every keychain, in every vehicle, along with the hospital grade sanitizing wipes that I carried with me everywhere, wiping down any surface Sawyer would come in contact with. I lived on high alert. FOR YEARS.It was a scary season in so many ways. BUT GOD. Thinking back on those days, I look at how different life is today, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Sawyer is here. We are all healthy. We made it through the Valley to the other side.

But I know this season, with its similar themes of fear, separation, and high alert, is being used by God in such an important way. Another season of being set apart.

He is changing us.

I want to be changed for the better. I want to learn what junk is still in my heart, and let Him cleanse it out. I want to see what areas I am still not fully trusting Him with, so I can lay them down. I want my kids to look back on these days when they are grown with fondness, and remember how much time they spent beating Mom at UNO and how many stories we read together instead of how stressed out we all were.

I’m not all the way there yet. But I’m trying. And God is faithful. Let’s love one another well this week. And give yourself grace if you don’t have it all together. 98% of the people on your Zoom meeting aren’t wearing pants either.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:4-6)

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” (Isaiah 26:3-4)

He is Risen!

This has been a week of celebration inside our quarantine. We celebrated Dad’s birthday and Tatum K’s birthday. We celebrated surviving another week of virtual schooling. And today we celebrated our Risen Savior, who took the punishment we deserved to give us Life Everlasting.

I found it a different flavor of hard: balancing the freedom I think I SHOULD feel with the mandated (and hypothetical) slower pace of life, with the ACTUAL pressure I feel with a million times more on my plate than ever before, compounded by a compulsion to make events MORE special to compensate for what the kids might be missing out on, and to make the most of every opportunity.

I know it’s a trap, but it’s just where I’ve been.

This morning our family was awakened by crashing thunder and screaming sirens. The 11 of us plus 2 dogs took shelter in the laundry room as violent storms triggered a tornado warning in our neighborhood. I couldn’t help but think of the skies darkening and the earth shaking as so many years ago when the stone was rolled away revealing the empty tomb that couldn’t hold Jesus. Today’s storm passed as quickly as it had blown in, and gave way to a brilliantly beautiful and sunny day. It was a different kind of day. BUT GOD. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. My heart is full.

At my wonderful husband’s request, I am going to share pictures of our week and get back to soaking up time with my loves. Because this is time well spent, and time that I’ll never get back.

Happy Resurrection Day! He is Risen! He is Risen INDEED!

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said. Come, see the place where He was lying.” (Matthew 28:6)

“The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.” (Psalms 126:3)

“He called my name, and I ran out of that grave. Out of the darkness, into Your Glorious Day!” (“Glorious Day” by Passion)

Contagious

If EVER there was a time to be reminded that there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for, I think it is this week.

I am thankful:

~ for Sawyer’s full and complete recovery from strep throat and scarlet fever! His salami rash slowly receded and eventually stopped itching, and he is doing great. Perhaps the greater miracle is that NO ONE ELSE GOT SICK!!!! Glory to God!!!!

~ for a fun and relaxed Spring Break week before the crazy hit. It blows my mind to look back through all the pictures I have taken and realize this was all THIS WEEK.

~ for my favorite Spring Break tradition. Six years ago, we had just had a major life change. The population explosion of 2013. That next March we had 8 children, including three newly adopted kids and a four month old. Spring break plans were out of the question for lots of reasons. And I was also completely overwhelmed with the question, “How can I give each child the time and attention he/she needs?” So our Spring Break plan became one-on-one breakfasts with mom. It was just a tiny thing, but a sweet opportunity to get away with each child. And that has become our thing. The kids are chosen at random, no one knows they’re going until they get the tap in their sleep in the morning. They pick the place, and usually we play a few rounds of 20 questions while we eat. I absolutely treasure it.

~ for lovely weather. We went on walks, picnics, went to the park, and to the pond to feed the ducks.

~ for movie night. Finally got to watch Frozen 2, and it was so good. We love us some Elsa.

~ for an unexpected quick visit from Aunt Gina and Cousin Jackie.

~ for a sweet early St. Patrick’s Day goodie from Grandmommy.

~ for Pi Day (3.14, March 14). I will take advantage of any opportunity to make AND EAT a pie! (Thank You Lord, for my pie-loving girl that I can use as an excuse to bake pies!)

~ for one tiny purple violet smiling in my yard. Hooray for spring!

~ for Andy’s Frozen Custard and Rounder’s Pizza. Love us some local yumminess!

~ for the best help for Dad to put together our new fire pit.

So. We had a lovely, low key Spring Break week. And then things started to get crazy. At first we didn’t pay much attention, because it didn’t seem like it had much to do with us. Then the crazy started taking over. Headlines. Social media. Emails. Cancellations. Hysteria and hoarding in the grocery aisles.

I have plenty of opinions, but they really don’t matter. The fact is, this is what we are living in right now. I have lived a lifestyle of “social distancing” for more than 3 years. No crowds. Masks. Wiping down surfaces with bleach and hospital grade disinfectant. Militant hand washing and hand sanitizer at every door. Changing clothes as soon as coming home from school/work. When you live with someone who is immune-compromised, life looks different. The “outside world” feels scary, with danger lurking on every surface. (I can’t relate to the toilet paper frenzy, though…) I know what it’s like to want people to respect that my son couldn’t fight off “just a virus,” no matter how minor it was.

I read somewhere that what our kids will remember most about this season is how their parents acted. We have been very mindful of this with our kids. Telling them we don’t have to be afraid, but we do have a responsibility to make wise choices to keep ourselves and others healthy. God is bigger than any virus, and none of this has taken Him by surprise. That doesn’t mean that if you “have faith” you ignore the warnings and barrel through.

I have faith. I know that God is in control. I know that no matter what happens, I STILL KNOW how the story ultimately ends. And in the meantime, I plan to do the best I know how to care for my family, and be a compassionate and responsible citizen that is mindful of others. I also have been open with the fact that I routinely struggle with anxiety, and health concerns really ramp that up for me. So I walk a very precarious tightrope of faith vs. fear.

BUT GOD.

Today was named National Day of Prayer for our country. Let’s do it again tomorrow. PRAY! Pray for the broken-hearted families who have lost loved ones. For those who are sick. For those who are scared. For the first responders and doctors and nurses and healthcare workers who are CHOOSING to work on the front lines and provide care to the masses. For families with critically ill loved ones in hospitals that fear being exposed. For the kids who are missing meals because the only time they get to eat is at school. For the moms and dads who have to choose between keeping their job or caring for their kids at home. For the businesses and employees who don’t know how they will manage with their loss of income. For the store managers who are fielding nonstop complaints about the shelves they can’t keep stocked. For the truck drivers feverishly trying to get those cargos delivered. For the nursing home residents who are on lockdown. And for the elderly people and immune-suppressed people for all different reasons who know they are potentially in danger. For the leaders of our country and our states and cities who have important decisions to make as best they can.

Let’s look past being irritated and inconvenienced. Turn off the sources spreading rumors and panic and frustration. And start SPREADING KINDNESS. Let’s find the good in a slower paced, more simplified lifestyle. Let’s spend time with our kids. Read. Call people we miss. Be creative. Clean. Take walks. Pray.

This Thursday is Sophie the Brave Day. Sophie Skiles would be turning 5 on March 19, but she will spend it in heaven with Jesus because of cancer. Her incredible parents, Jonathan and Shelby, have dedicated this day to spreading Christ’s love across the globe in Sophie’s memory. Do something! Call a hurting friend. Drop off a care package to a hospital. Order from Amazon and have supplies delivered to a nursing home. Send cards to a shut-in. There are plenty of ways to #domoreforsoph that don’t violate safe social distancing practices.

Let our faith be bigger than our fear.

Kindness is contagious.

Thanks for giving thanks with me. (And wash your hands.)

“Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” (Hebrews 13:15-16)

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:9-10)

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:12-15)

Hope, Joy, and Generosity

What a jam-packed week! I was just so whupped at the end of last week, really had the wind knocked out of me. So much heaviness. And you know what… none of those circumstances have changed. But even those sad, harsh realities are overshadowed by the goodness and faithfulness of God. He keeps pouring out His goodness. His mercies really are new every morning.

I am thankful:

~ the best testimony of all – Sawyer the Warrior had a PERFECT checkup at his quarterly ACE Oncology appointment, and our brave boy remains CANCER FREE! Thank You Jesus!!! As usual, Sawyer hopped up in Miss Sharon’s phlebotomy chair all by himself and laughed while she drew his blood.

I am always freshly astounded and in awe of the courage of this incredible boy. His appointment went smoothly, and once the labs came back with the “all clear,” Josh and I were finally able to breathe again. That part never gets easier. Every time they draw his blood, we wait to hear the best news or the worst news. BUT GOD. This visit we packed in lots of extra-special visits on top of the clinic appointment. Josh and I were joined by my friend and Gold Network of East TX co-creator, Paula Kimmey, to present a check from GNET for $10,000 to an acclaimed pediatric oncologist from Children’s Hospital, Dr. Ted Laetsch, to assist funding his groundbreaking CAR-T therapy which uses genetically modified immune cells to treat Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.

Not only were we THRILLED to present this check to fund research at our own hospital (that’s about as LOCAL as it gets!), but it was even more meaningful because Dr. Laetsch was on the team of oncologists that cared for Sawyer when he was treated for Infant ALL! What a surreal full-circle moment! We also delivered a New Diagnosis Survival Kit to one of the new families we learned of last week, and we were introduced by a nurse to YET ANOTHER East Texas family – that makes 3 new diagnoses just last month. Sawyer was able to meet the girl, several years his senior, and smiled sweetly at her in her hospital bed and told her simply, “Be brave!” What an ambassador of HOPE!

~ for a delicious, yet oddly romantic, candlelit lunch at Campisi’s. We ordered from there several times while in the hospital, but had never been to the restaurant, so it was the perfect place to celebrate a great day. Their BBQ chicken pizza is THE BOMB! (Sawyer was not a fan, he stuck with cheese.)

~ for Aunt Gina, who ran the morning and afternoon Rucker bus route while we were gone to Dallas and spent the day with Hurricane Tatum K. And for her delicious gift of homemade Amish friendship bread for breakfast!

~ for a pretty successful first week of Intro-to Potty-Training with TK. She is excited to use her little potty chair and has had only a couple of unfortunate mishaps in her pink Peppa Pig panties. She is very proud of herself and never lets me forget her Skittles.

~ for sweet Zoe, who received the “Joyfulness” Award at chapel. Love to see those brown eyes sparkle. Her name means “life,” and I pray she always lives a life full of the JOY of the Lord.

~ for a lovely evening of fellowship prompted by some pretty exciting conversations. We’ve been talking a lot about heaven lately, and one day last week Sawyer enquired, “What about people who have never heard about Jesus? Do they get to go to heaven?” What a question! I explained to him that Jesus is the ONLY way to heaven, and that that’s why it’s so important that we share the gospel with people who haven’t heard it. And then he replied, “I REALLY want to go to heaven! But I know it’s important that I really understand before I can ask Jesus into my heart…”

The rest of the conversation went like this

“Well, you have to believe in Jesus”

“I do!”

“You have to want Him to be your boss.”

“I dooo!”

“You have to want to serve Him your whole life.”

“I DOOOOO!”

You can only imagine this mama‘s heart. We told Sawyer that maybe it would be a good idea for him to think of some more questions and sit down and talk about them with our pastor, Brother Joe. He immediately hopped up excitedly, “Can we write them in a notebook? I can’t read… but will you write down my questions for me, Mama?”

So of course I did. When I told Sawyer that usually people make an appointment to meet Brother Joe at his office to talk, he promptly replied, “Nope! I want him to come to our house. For dinner.” So that’s exactly what we did. Brother Joe and Miss Becky came over, and we had a great visit. Sawyer had some incredible questions: “Why did God want to make us?” and “Why doesn’t God make us obey him?” That night at bedtime, he said it made him happy that Brother Joe and Miss Becky had come over for dinner. He said “I liked asking him my questions,” and things have been left at that for now. We will let Sawyer take the lead, and follow up when he brings it up again. I never want to push or manipulate God’s perfect timing. I’m excited about all the things that the Lord is stirring up and storing and building in his honest, tender, loving heart. I can only imagine what the Lord has in store for him.

~ for Brother Joe and Miss Becky being extremely gracious in eating the meal we lovingly prepared for them. Fried catfish. Ask me if either Josh or I have ever fried catfish before. It was on sale so we had wanted to try it. It’s always a FABULOUS IDEA to cook a dish you’ve never attempted before for guests. At least the brownies were good.

~ for a tremendous progress on the refresh in Carson Grace‘s room / my studio. Josh and I finished the herringbone wood-block backsplash and added some bright pops of color and gold for personality. We had one wall with some sheet rock damage, so we created a fun and functional galvanized magnet board. We still have some paint touch up to do, but for all practical purposes, the room is complete! Carson Grace FaceTimed with me to check it out, and she is excited to get home and see it in person. I look forward to sharing the space with her. I love having a creative place to create!

~ for the wonderful opportunity to attend Generosity Tyler, an event hosted by Jasper Ventures designed to encourage and inspire living generous lives. I have to admit that I arrived at the event pretty much swallowed up by anxiety. I felt very out of my element, very inadequate, and very overwhelmed. I sat in my car in the parking lot for a while, taking my anxieties honestly to the Lord. He reminded me who I am in Him, and that there is no need to ever be anyone else. It was a lovely event. Paula and I heard testimonies from people who shared how they have personally been stretched and have experienced a paradigm shift on what it means to be biblically generous. How the Lord wants us to be so generous WITH OUR LIVES that people find it shocking. We had some great conversations with the people at our table and ate some delicious food. And at the end of the event, the generous hosts of Generosity Tyler generously gifted us the beautiful floral centerpieces from all the tables for our upcoming event! I left so amazingly inspired and encouraged.

~ for a surprising, y’all-are-going-to-shake-your-heads-and-call-us-insane new addition to our Tribe. Meet Birdie.

If you need me this week, I’ll be potty training a puppy and a 2 year old, sending my Freshman off on a camping trip with his class, and prepping for and hosting a Gold Network dinner for 100 guests. Can’t wait to share all about it. Thank you for your continued prayers for the hurting people around us: the newly diagnosed, the ones who have lost and are losing loved ones, the ones who may be keeping their pain hidden from anyone. Let’s walk in joy, hope, and generosity this week!

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

“Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:8-9)