The Investment

So…this week we did a thing. I asked you to pray for our big week, and it’s clear that you did!

Monday morning, Josh and I said “goodbye” to our babies. And drove to Dallas. And got on an airplane. And by that afternoon, we were sitting on a beach in Mexico.

Last month we celebrated 20 years of marriage, and we made a commitment that we couldn’t let that milestone pass by without a special trip. (But we had to make it through our busy September first!) During the first half of our marriage, we dated regularly and we took several trips to the Caribbean. A white sand beach has always been our favorite place. The last time we took a trip together, just us two, was 10 years and 5 kids ago. Life happened. A miscarriage, 3 adoptions, and a pregnancy happened all inside 13 months. Then cancer happened. The day our marriage turned 15, we weren’t even in the same city. Josh was home with 7 kids and I was in the hospital fighting for our baby’s life. Within the last 5 years we have launched a non-profit, a 5K race, and a small business. Taking a trip to the beach has not been on our radar for a decade.

So this week we took 5 whole days just to ourselves. We sat on the glistening sand and listened to the crash of the waves. We snorkeled every day in crystal clear water with literally hundreds of fish. We drank the best lattes we have ever had under the lush cover of giant palms. We held hands. We got up when we wanted to and didn’t watch the clock all day. We LAUGHED. We prayed together on the beach and thanked God for our marriage and for blessing us with so many incredible children and the most remarkable life. We told our story to young couples and old couples. And we kissed a lot.

Oh, and we went deep sea fishing and caught some giant fish and I got sick as a dog and puked my guts out for hours. It wasn’t ALL poetry.

Meanwhile, Aunt Gina Sue, resident fearless superhero, was commander in chief at the homestead. Who accepts the challenge of 5 days of caring for 7 kids???? (For those reading who don’t know us personally, there ARE actually 9 kids, but 2 are grown and out of the house). Gina did an amazing job. (Understatement of the year). The house ran like a well-oiled machine, AND everyone had fun! She took them on outings and treated with fun snacks every day… I think it was a vacation for them from Mom and Dad! (Maybe not so much of a vacation for Gina herself. We are hoping she still speaks to us by Thanksgiving.) Seriously, she did the impossible, and no matter what challenges she encountered, she did it with such grace, with the unflinching support of Uncle Justin. We could not be more grateful. (We also are VERY AWARE of the focused fervent prayers they both prayed for our safe return!)

Sawyer celebrated the 50th Day of School with Coke floats and a sock hop!

Marriage is hard. Raising kids is hard. Life. Is. HARD. There’s never a good time to get away. There’s never enough money. But God. He makes a way when there is no way. He brings beauty out of ashes and streams in the desert. Josh and I can both say in all honesty that our marriage is better now than it was a decade ago, or even at the very beginning. We have been through hell. We have screwed up and hurt one another and let each other down. We have argued about big things and about nothing. We have wasted time over absolute garbage. And then we have picked up the pieces and moved on. We have apologized and we have forgiven. We have picked at each other and laughed until we cried. We are best friends that get on each other’s nerves but we would choose each other every time.

Friends, I beg of you: Invest. Invest where it counts. This world is scary and life is short. Josh and I have learned that everything can change in an instant. Every THING you love can be taken away. And there’s ALWAYS going to be another crisis. We have to invest in our marriages. Invest in our kids. Invest in the lives of others. These investments are truly ACTS OF WORSHIP. I could never begin to thank the countless people who have invested in Josh and I over the years, pouring into us with love and encouragement and TIME. I also know that we are blessed beyond measure, and that not everyone can take a trip to Mexico. Trust me, it was a great stretch and a sacrifice for us. My anxiety tried to ruin the trip before it ever began, and 101 things came up that could have squashed the whole plan. But God. I know it was so important for us. An INVESTMENT. So even if you just go on a walk together; or if it means staying up an extra 30 minutes after the kids go to bed to spend time alone on the couch….it’s WORTH IT. When life gets hard (and stays hard), sometimes we wrap up in our hurt, and we believe that lie that “no one else understands.” Or that we shouldn’t “bother” anyone with “our junk” because “they have enough of their own stuff going on.” (Sound familiar?) THAT IS SUCH A CROCK! That is satan’s tool to try to keep us trapped in shame and loneliness, isolated and disconnected from one another. We are STRONGER WHEN WE ARE CONNECTED! And we are UNSTOPPABLE when that connection is ROOTED IN CHRIST! We have to pull together instead of pulling away. See the needs of others instead of focusing on ourselves. That goes for our marriages and all our other relationships. The more we pour into one another, the greater the return.

So I am thankful for :

White sand, great coffee, and time with my best friend. I’m thankful for impossibly blue skies and impossibly clear water. I’m thankful for God’s limitless creativity in nature. I’m thankful for tears cried on the beach while asking God for BIG things for my husband and for my family. Thankful for the sound of the waves crashing that I tried my best to memorize, and for technology that allowed me to video it so I can play it any time I want to transport myself to our place for a moment. For people who love my kids as they were their own, even though there’s a million of them. For the sweetest kids in the whole world that blanketed our bed with “welcome home” cards. And I’m thankful to be home on American soil with my babies underfoot, my own bed, unlimited safe drinking water, and the ability to eat dinner without using a can of OFF. I am thankful that stuffed iguanas are WAY cuter than real ones. I have renewed appreciation for my mountains of laundry and my big brown bus full of noisy kids and my shaggy dog and 87,000 things going on and the sound of LAUGHTER. I am freshly reminded that even though it’s relentlessly, exhaustingly HARD, I LOVE MY LIFE and I wouldn’t trade it. Lord, keep me in the place of humble gratitude for all you have entrusted to me.

Thanks for giving thanks with me!

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:6-8 )

God is in the Ring

I am thankful:

~ for a wonderful awesome trip to Dallas to deliver the abundant bounty of toys that you all generously donated to the Gold Network of East Texas Toy Drive! I’ll be completely honest. I didn’t think we were going to even meet last year‘s number. A week before delivery day, we had about 800 toys. And $300 to spend. A number isn’t what it’s about. I know that. And 800 toys is a lot of toys. But I am so amazed at how God worked in so many hearts over the last week. We collected more than 700 more dollars and ended up with over 1600 toys! Every hour another donation would come in. It just blew my mind! And I had the neatest experience at the Dollar Tree in Tyler. I went in with $400 to spend, and found out that since it was our first time registered as a tax exempt nonprofit, we got 10% off our purchase. So that gave me almost another hundred dollars to spend! It was so fun! I’ve never bought so much in my life, filled up 3 buggies! The receipt was as long as Samantha is tall! All the toys just barely managed to fit, crammed into our bus. I was thankful that the 4 “Middles” were able to spend the day with their cousins, because there was literally no room for them in the car! So I made the trip with just Sawyer and Tatum K. We were met at valet at Children’s Hospital by 2 child life staff members with giant rolling bins, which we filled to overflowing! Sawyer delighted in pushing and pulling them to the elevators and then he gleefully assisted in stocking the shelves. He quickly learned which bins were for which toys, and chattered nonstop as he worked. It brings me such joy to see him happily giving things away. He knew none of those toys were for him, that they were all for his friends. A sweet little girl came to pick out her prize after a hard, exhausting day of chemotherapy. The same age as Sawyer, she was completely bald and it was clear that she felt miserable. She picked out a baby doll, and then Sawyer picked out a second prize for her, which brought a tiny smile. Seems like yesterday that Sawyer was the one weak and frail. Sawyer has prayed for his little friend Charlie every day since. A million thanks to everyone who helped with this blessing.

For the best bonus to an already great day. We drove around the corner from the hospital and met our precious nurse and now dear friend, Brittney, for lunch. We haven’t seen her in several months because our appointments didn’t line up with her schedule, and now she has an additional job: Mama to a beautiful two-month-old baby boy! It’s absolutely amazing to see her as a mama. I’ll never forget meeting Brittney and sawyer’s hospital room in the early weeks of his trip treatment. She knelt with me to pray before administering his chemotherapy. She became my sister immediately and a favorite. I remember thinking what an she was an expert seasoned nurse she was, and I didn’t find out until years later that she was brand new, and she admitted to being terrified that day. It’s so beautiful the way the Lord purposely braids people into our lives that will change us forever.

~ for the most incredible neighbors! One day I got a knock on the door and a neighbor had a donation for Gold Network. They had wanted to come to the Gold Run but were crazy busy. So they just wanted to make a donation to support. Another day, another knock on the door. A different neighbor had 4 large Bruno‘s pizza left over from a party they were having! Have you ever? We are so blessed in our neighborhood.

~ for the miraculous power of prayer. Monday, an article was published by the New York Times regarding an impending shortage of the cornerstone chemotherapy drug for childhood cancer, Vincristine. Tuesday, social media was buzzing with the news, and a couple local moms contacted the Dallas hospital, and received the report that the shortage was not expected to affect our kids. But Wednesday. Wednesday our own sweet Hero, Jase went to Dallas for his routine monthly chemotherapy treatment for leukemia. And he was not given his scheduled dose of Vincristine. His family was understandably livid and very concerned. HOW CAN CRITICAL DRUGS THAT WE DEPEND ON TO SAVE OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES NOT BE AVAILABLE???? So we all used the only 2 tools we knew to use: the power of social media to incite people to apply the greatest power tool of all – the power of PRAYER. People everywhere were praying. And at the end of that all-day clinic visit, doctors came back to Jase’s family AND GAVE HIM HIS MEDICINE!!!!! The very same thing happened with several other patients that day! And shortly thereafter, a press release was issued stating that the drug company responsible was expediting the production of Vincristine several weeks sooner than previously scheduled. We are so grateful that Jase received the life-saving medicine that he needed, but we ask for continued prayers that this crisis does not happen again. Every type of childhood cancer requires Vincristine for treatment. Our kids MUST have access to the drugs they need to LIVE!

~ for the remarkable convenience of online grocery shopping! I was skeptical at first, wondering if I would get good produce, or if they would accurately fulfill my shopping list. But I have been very pleased with the service I’ve received from all 3 grocery stores that I have to use. Now a task that used to take me all day can be completed in less than two hours. It’s truly a game changer, especially with a family our size.

~ for kids who love to help!

~ for a super productive week of Giddyup & Whoa sign painting. I cranked out 7 signs for the upcoming Vintage & Co Fall Barn Sale. If you are local, you MUST come check it out! They have the most wonderful collection of unique vintage and refurbished items, and beautiful handmade merchandise as well. This year they’ve even added a different food truck each day to make it an even greater experience! Check them out Wednesday through Saturday!

~ for a tasty and free food truck lunch hosted by our mortgage company for customer appreciation. Tatum K entertained the crowd with her street dancing, and the juicy fried fish hit the spot!

~ for a very special birthday! Cooper turned 15 this week! How in the world is my sweet, blue eyed mess of a Coopy a 15 year old? We feasted on his menu of choice: biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs and bacon, and rich chocolate cake. Love that kid! (He also played a great football game this week).

~ for an amazing photographer that bravely and expertly tackled the gargantuan task of capturing a picture of Nana and Pop and ALL 23 GRANDCHILDREN! We have been adopted into an amazing extended family here in Tyler, and it is one rowdy bunch, ranging from age 20 down to 5 months! The photographer, Lauren Ashley, not only got the prized whole family picture, but each individual child, every family, and all the couples! All in one hour! She is a MACHINE! I can’t wait to see how the pictures all turned out! (These pics are just snapshots from my phone)

More than anything this week, I am thankful for God’s Mighty Hand. I talked last week about how overwhelming the pace and the pressures of life can be. Well it’s not letting up. It’s been a rough week as far as my anxiety goes, and we’ve been hit with brutal punches to the gut from out of nowhere. That really is what it feels like sometimes. Like a fighter in a ring getting HAMMERED. Only there’s no timer, no bell. No break to let you catch your breath. Just hit after hit sending you reeling against the ropes. Sometimes the hit looks like it’s big enough to destroy you.

But God.

No matter what is going on, I know He’s with me. I know He’s fighting the battle for me, in front of me, behind me, and IN ME. He built me for this battle. He has prepared me for it. If I’m in it, it’s because He has a plan for the battle and a plan for me. He is the God that holds my children. He holds their hearts and their future. He has a plan for their lives as they find their way. And every trial that comes our way will be used for our good and for His glory. And when things look like they can’t ever be ok, I will turn my eyes to Him. When I can’t take one more step, He will carry me. When my heart is broken, He will hold me.

It’s a big week for Casa Rucker, and we are counting on God to do some incredible things. Will you please pray for us? I look forward to sharing many great praise reports in next Sunday’s Gratitude!

Love one another, seek Jesus, and GIVE HIM PRAISE!

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Be merciful to me, O God, for man would swallow me up; Fighting all day he oppresses me. My enemies would hound me all day, For there are many who fight against me, O Most High. Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” Psalms 56:1-4

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”” Exodus 14:14

Thankful for a Faithful God

I am thankful:

~ first and foremost, for a WONDERFUL clinic appointment on Wednesday, and the report that Sawyer REMAINS CANCER FREE! GLORY TO THE LORD!!! HE IS FAITHFUL! The fear never ever goes away, there is always a heaviness that comes with the appointment as we wait for the best or the worst news. This was the second time for Sawyer to be seen by the ACE unit (After Cancer Experience). The new doctor we see, Dr. Cindy, is great. She still getting to know us and has been so wonderful and patient putting up with our, (or shall I say MY) fears and hangups. But best of all is seeing Dr. Winick. Oh how we love that woman! I met her the very first day in the ER the day Sawyer was diagnosed. I will never forget her kind, gravely serious face. When you connect with someone in the midst of the darkest day of your life, it is not a bond that is easily broken. Ever since that first day, she was the one I would look for. She was the one I wanted to get results from. She was the one I trusted the most. And when she says everything is all right with SaSa, I believe her. And I love that she REALLY LOVES Sawyer. He’s not just a patient – she truly delights in him. She loves his huge personality; she marvels at his wit and his intelligence. And that makes me love her all the more…

~ and for Sawyer’s incredible attitude and bravery. When I told him he wasn’t going to school, he jumped up and down and asked, “do I have a CLINIC APPOINTMENT!?!?” Who DOES THAT? And not only did he have to have his blood drawn, he actually had to have it drawn a SECOND TIME. He just hopped right in that chair like it was nothing. If you missed the Caringbridge update I posted Wednesday, you can read it here.

~ AND for the great news that the IGG levels they tested came back NORMAL! Sawyer’s body is making antibodies like God designed it to do, despite all he endured when he was a baby. BUT GOD!

~ thankful for Gina Sue. Gina started as my sister-in-law, and now she’s just plain MY SISTER. She has been my copilot, my “ride-or-die,” for most of the last two years. In the early days of Sawyer’s treatment, I used to do 90% of the clinic trips by myself. I had a routine and we were a well-oiled machine. But when I was about seven months pregnant with Tatum K, experiencing regular contractions while barreling down the interstate, it became pretty clear to me that it was no longer wise for me to do the traveling solo. Various friends made the trip with me, but it was usually Gina. I’ve never known someone more dedicated. Coming from Carthage, she gets up well before 3 AM to be ready to be at my house to leave at 6. And she will tell you herself – she is NOT a morning person! She handles Tatum K’s moods (and MINE) and has a backpack crammed with all the best snacks. And then after long day in Dallas, and doing ALL the driving there and back, she drives another hour back home. I am so grateful for her help and fantastic company. I always come away encouraged.

~I’m also thankful that Carson Grace got a good, fresh dose of that Gina-flavored-encouragement this weekend (with a healthy helping of Justin and Grandmommy thrown in)! She left school for the weekend to spend the night in Carthage, and then went to Potlatch, Carthage’s annual fall city festival where Justin was showing his pristinely restored classic Ford truck. Not only did she enjoy the fellowship, BBQ, and the car show – she was asked to be the Trophy Girl, got to present Uncle Justin with a trophy, AND was awarded a trophy HERSELF at the end! Such a fun day full of great memories!

~ for a fun, easy makeover from my Trash Week treasures. Could my salvaged chairs have turned out any cuter??

~ for a perfect day to have Cousin Emmett! The weather this week has been GLORIOUS, and we had a beautiful fall walk.

~ for a fun Homecoming week. The Littles enjoyed their part of the festivities, Crazy Sock Day.

And Cooper had a great time all week. I was thankful to SURVIVE the making of the Homecoming mum (seriously people. I’m from the North. I had never seen anything like the phenomenon that is Texas football season/Homecoming/mums! It is like another planet! This was SO NOT my thing, but I figured it out, THANKFULLY!). Coop had a great time at the football game, and then on Saturday, he and his date were just the cutest. They are just great friends, and went with a group of friends, so there was absolutely no pressure. Just a fun evening of food, friends, and dancing. How is my Coopy a Freshman going to a DANCE WITH A GIRL!?!?!

~ for a fresh batch of new Giddyup & Whoa sign builds for next week’s Vintage and Co’s Fall Gresham Barn Sale! I was so blessed to be invited back, and I have a ton of ideas for signs! The sale is October 23-26; check them out on Facebook and if you are local, it’s a sale you WON’T WANT TO MISS!!!

~ for a remarkable last-minute surge of donations for the Children’s Hospital Prize Closet. Last week I was so disappointed. We were way WAY behind from last year‘s donations, and even though I knew we had lots of toys that would be a blessing, I just always hope to keep growing, bigger and better. But, I kept begging on social media, and y’all responded in a big way! Another amazing GNET Hero, Aileen, a sophomore in high school, saved money she received at her quinceanera to purchase toys for the closet!! I’m so proud of her!!!

Thanks to your overwhelming generosity, we received more than $700 in donations JUST THIS WEEK, and Paula and I had a blast spending all of it on prizes for the most deserving kids in the world! Every time we got more money donated: another trip to the store! Tomorrow is delivery day, so I will reveal the grand total then. Be watching on Facebook and Instagram! (Blog followers will have to wait until next Sunday!)

Life continues, fast and furious. There’s never time to catch my breath. How can a quarter of the school year already be over!? My babies grow up more every single day, and I see a face I scarcely recognize looking back at my from the mirror. Mercy. But I’m so reminded, GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE WAS. HE IS. AND HE WILL BE. Everything around me seems to change at lightning speed. But my Father is constant and sure. His Word is alive and His promises are true. And no matter what my anxiety tells me, no matter what I FEEL LIKE…no matter my fears or control issues or insecurities… I know that I know that I know that He’s never going to let go of me and that His plan for me is good. And His plan for you is good, too. I hope that encourages someone this week. I need to remind myself every single day. Don’t lose heart. He sees you.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”” Genesis 16:13 NIV

“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Psalms 145:13-18 NIV

Overshadowed

I am thankful:

~ for the Rucker bus. Most of you know we have 9 kids and drive a 12 passenger van. We love it. It is a big spectacle, we get lots of stares, and we’ve been told it looks like a “dad’bern giant toaster.” But it is so comfortable for our family, and has been a terrific vehicle for 6 years now. A little over a week ago, the rear AC stopped working. In Texas, even in October, you can’t drive a dad’bern giant toaster full of children with no AC. They get crispy quick! So we took it to the dealership for repair. That left me with no other options but a 6- seater truck to drive 7 kids around (7 kids PLUS ME). Thankfully, we had no issues, and no onlookers did a head count and called CPS. The bus was in the shop for a full week, but now it’s back and climate control restored. It was a good exercise for all of us on FAMILY CLOSENESS. And now we have RENEWED APPRECIATION for our spacious bus!

~ Bear is most especially grateful that the bus is fixed. With so many kiddos illegally crammed in a sardine can, there was most definitely no room for a giant, hairy muppet! He missed out on his rides to and from school, and is glad to be my co-pilot once more.

~ for a special Kindergarten Special Kid week. This is always the highlight of any Kindergartener at GCS. And this was Sawyer’s turn. He has talked about it “coming up” for at least 2 weeks, counting down the days with such anticipation. THIS KID WAS EXCITED!!! Each day was a different fun thing: Monday, he brought his poster.

Tuesday, a favorite toy. Wednesday, Mama read his favorite book to the class, “Dr. Seuss ABC book.”

Thursday was “bring-a-special-snack-and-an-award. So that meant fudgy brownies and Beads of Courage. It’s more and more remarkable to see Sawyer growing up into himself as he boldly and openly shares his story in front of his peers. “I had cancer in my blood when I was a baby. I had to take chemo and all my hair falled out.” His classmates asked several questions about the beads, amazed at the number of white chemo beads and green hospital stay beads. Sawyer showed them the black beads representing all the pokes, shots, and port accesses he had over the years. He laughed, “some of my medicines made me get big chubby cheeks.” It was a very impactful presentation by a remarkable boy.

Friday was “Family Day,” and as many of us as were able gathered in the tiny chairs at the front of his classroom to share what we love about him. Another simple day that we have celebrated with each of our kiddos, that now has so much more meaning, because we didn’t know if he would be here.

~ for crispy BBQ chicken legs fresh off the grill.

~ for Cooper’s team coming back from Gilmer with a win! Go Cougars!

~ for friends who have donated for the Children’s Hospital Prize Closet Toy Drive. Our friend, warrior Mama, and eloquent advocate and writer Shelby (also known as Sophie the Brave’s mom, and now Baby Connor’s Mom) shared the request on her FB page, and we had a great response of donations in Sophie’s honor. We are definitely still in need. We’ve got a week left and we are definitely behind from last year’s toy donation. There’s still time to drop of toys in Tyler or Carthage (contact me!) or you can donate via www.goldnetworkoet.com/donate and we will shop for you! Thank you so much for all who have already given so generously.

~ for one of the most epically successful hauls in my Large Item Trash Pickup weeks of all time! I found table legs, finials, a vintage film box, a coffee table top that will make a perfect sign, 2 dining chairs (that we needed to replace 2 broken ones), a great stack of wide plank reclaimed wood, several great baskets, and a beautiful 9 foot Christmas tree! Oh how I love treasure week!

~ for a successful oral surgery for Josh. He has had chronic tooth issues over the years, and undergone multiple root canals, surgeries, and an implant. His mouth has been flaring up again, causing headaches and jaw pain, so it was time for yet another surgery to remove an infected tooth, as well as some bone grafting to prepare for an eventual new crown. Josh made it through the surgery well, and was pleasantly surprised with the custom retainer he was fitted with to disguise the missing tooth while his mouth heals. I got to be his nurse for the day, and I will enthusiastically present him with the Worst Patient of All Time Award. But we both survived it, and are glad he is on the path toward a healthier mouth.

~ for 2 fantastic nights at CityFest! We’ve been hearing about CityFest for nearly 2 years, praying for it and it’s impact on our city. But as it actually approached, I had increasing second thoughts about attending. I knew it would be H-O-T. I knew there would be about a bazillion people there. It just sounded like a big ‘ole hassle. But Cooper really wanted to go, and he worked on me until I gave in. We loaded everybody up, picked Dad up from work, and hoped for the best. A bazillion people was about right! The massive stage spanned all the way across Broadway, with jumbotrons on each side. People were EVERYWHERE.

But we found a good spot in the middle of the street, and settled in. The atmosphere was loud and lively. The kids were excited even though they had no idea what was going on. The concerts were top notch, Blanca, Ryan Stevenson, and Newsboys DID NOT DISAPPOINT! It was such a great show, and the kids were all thrilled to see the artists in REAL LIFE singing songs they sing along with on the radio. They sang and danced their hearts out! Amazing to have such an epic event, TOTALLY FREE! Even more amazing, it was incredible to see so many people of every color and walk of life gathered together for an openly Christian gathering. Evangelist Andrew Palau shared his personal testimony and an encouraging message of hope. We caught the fever, and there was no question that we would come back for the second night. We had a great time watching Pat Barrett, Neil McCoy, and Lacrae. What a fantastic show! I know that hearts were touched and lives were changed at Cityfest, and I’m so thankful we got to be a part of it.

My heart is heavy with a devastating loss in our Gold Network family. We met the Reed family in 2015 at Children’s Hospital. Micah, a vibrant 11 year old, had just relapsed with leukemia. He fought bravely until God eventually healed him by taking him to heaven on September 11, the day before the first Tyler Gold Run. Micah’s mom, Sandy, continued to honor her son’s memory by pouring into others and advocating for hurting families. Friday night, on the way home from a football game, was killed in a horrific traffic accident. Her sister was killed also, and son Jacob and a niece were severely injured but survived. When a dear friend notified me of the tragedy, my first thought was, “No God, WHY???!!!” And my second thought was of the glorious reunion between Micah and his sweet Mama. But what a hole of hurt and pain left here on earth for all the people who love her. The Reed family’s hometown is Sulphur Springs, and this small East Texas town has risen up in a BIG WAY to rally support. Tomorrow they are encouraging people to wear gold and blue to honor Sandy and her family. And I will include the link to a wonderful article about the community support, and how you can donate if you feel led.

Josh’s tooth trouble has gotten me thinking this week…isn’t it so strange how one tiny festering tooth can cripple you? It takes over everything. It’s such a nagging, aggravating pain that you can’t get away from. One little tooth. That’s how my week has been. It’s been a great week, full of blessings. But I’ve been distracted by something personal, one nagging thing crippling my joy. So my joy didn’t feel as joyful, it tasted a little flat. The pounding of pain and worry worked its way in front of everything else, and overshadowed the beauty God tried to show me each day. BUT GOD. That nag, even though I did allow it to dominate, it did press me in to the Lord. Oh the hours I spent in prayer. I prayed when I woke up in the night, and prayers of thanksgiving were the first thing on my lips each morning. Not because I’m so spiritual. But because I was SO DRY AND SO DESPERATE. So what the enemy intended for evil, a nag to overshadow my joy and distract me from my blessings…God redeemed for good. I struggled hard this week. But I’m so thankful to say that He has already done a mighty Work in the midst of the trial, and I’m praying it was a spiritual breakthrough. It doesn’t always work that way. I know we have all been through trials that have persisted a whole lot longer than a week. Sometimes we go years without seeing breakthrough. And sometimes it looks nothing like what we expected or hoped or asked for. I am just ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that our Good Good Father is always at work, and never ceases the refining process when we give Him full access to our lives. The nagging pain of trial is often a symptom of a developing habit or stronghold or stumbling block that He wants to set us free from. What do we need to lay down? Pride? Anxiety? Control? Fear of man’s opinion? (Pride is pretty much the root of all that, when you boil it down). Anyway, I am ready for the week ahead. Armed with Scripture and the protected by Armor of God, I feel geared up, encouraged, and ready to kick the devil in the face when (not if) he comes at me. Not this week Satan. I will let Mighty God, the Maker of heaven and earth, overshadow me, not my circumstances.

Let’s love one another well this week. Lift up someone who is hurting. Life is too short to walk past someone who needs a minute of your time. You ARE the answer to someone’s prayers.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”” Psalms 91:1-2

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:10-13

Don’t Give Up

I am thankful:

~ for breathing easier. You might remember that Cooper was injured at football practice about a month ago. His hip is fully recovered, but we had another issue hanging over our heads with his health. The EMT on site that day was concerned with Cooper’s heart rhythm, and said we needed to follow up with our primary care physician. We did, and THAT doctor felt it best to err on the conservative side, referring Cooper to a pediatric heart specialist. That appointment was this week. When we arrived, the nurse noted Cooper’s blood pressure as slightly elevated (which could easily have been caused by his anxiety about the appointment). But also, the repeat EKG showed the same concerning abnormality, and prompted the doctor to do an echocardiogram. Thankfully, the anatomy of Cooper’s heart looked perfectly healthy, and the doctor said Cooper is fine. He has an electrical dysrhythmia, an abnormal electric impulse in his heartbeat, but it is not causing any issues. The specialist wants to see him back in a year to make sure nothing is developing into a problem, but otherwise cleared him for all activities, including football! Those were the magic words Coop had been waiting to hear. So it was very special to get to see him take the field with his team Thursday night. Thank You God for taking care of our boy!

~for the sound of little voices lifted in praise. I love that my Littles love Christian music. It’s mostly what we listen to in the car every day. I don’t say that to sound preachy or to brag that we are doing something good. It’s just a choice that I’ve made after hearing my kids sing some less-than-wholesome lyrics that just didn’t sound right coming out of their a little mouths. So anyway, even Tatum has a few songs that she knows, and I love to hear her tiny “hallelujah,” and see her lifted hands. My middle girls are entering the preteen years, and they love music so much. So they sing out with ALL THEIR MIGHT. And I have to hide my giggles when the tone is more enthusiastic than melodious. I know it all sounds beautiful to the Lord.

~ for a reprieve from the oppressively hot weather. We have had a few days that almost feel like fall is coming.

~for one of our most amazing and inspiring experiences since creating the Gold Network of East TX. One of our sweet Hero girls, Aneesa, was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma in the first grade. She bravely fought through her treatment, and is now an 8th grader at Moore Middle School here in Tyler. She asked her principal to do a Go Gold fundraiser at their school. He said no. Disappointed, but determined, she wrote him a THREE PAGE LETTER explaining what she had been through as a child with cancer, her compassion for other kids with cancer, and shared with him the maddening statistic that less than 4% of federal research funding is directed toward childhood cancer research.

She told him about Gold Network of ETX, and how we have supported her family and her other friends with cancer, and asked him to reconsider and Go Gold. He agreed! Aneesa got on the announcements at her school, shared the news that she was celebrating being 7 years cancer-free, and asked them to pay $2 to wear gold or yellow on the designated day. Her classmates and the faculty were incredibly supportive, and raised over $1000!

I was invited to their pep rally this week (as was the local news station) where Aneesa presented me with a giant check in front of her whole school! I could not have been more proud! What an inspiration this young lady is! She is taking the biggest challenge of her life and turning it into a blessing for others – and is refusing to take “no” for an answer! She didn’t give up! Josh told her he could envision her being the first of our Hero kids to join our GNET board one day. Aneesa was absolutely GLOWING. Love that sweet, sweet girl.

~ for a wonderful evening with some of our Tyler Gold Run volunteer team. We gathered at our big table around a feast of C Rojos decadent tacos and burgers and visited and laughed and just encouraged one another. Then we busted out some delicious pies and coffee and talked about the high points of Tyler Gold Run 2019 and goals for improvement for next year’s event. We got such great feedback, and I just treasure each one of these dedicated individuals who give of their time and energy to support the vision and mission of GNET. I am STILL more exhausted than I have ever been in my life. Another year older, I find I just don’t bounce back the way I once did. But I am so excited to see all that God has in store for us in the upcoming year, and all the lives GNET is going to touch.

~ A friend texted me the most touching and surprising note. She keeps a Sawyer shirt in her classroom as a reminder to pray for him, and so many others of course. We don’t often think about that most of our prayer requests are not one and done. It’s always a process, always a journey. when someone is sick, we pray for healing, but do we continue to pray for recovery? When we know someone is about to have a baby, we pray for the pregnancy and a healthy delivery. Do we continue to pray for the momma during the sleepless nights? And that the baby will grow strong and healthy? That momma is never going to stop needing our prayers. I’m so grateful for the friends who don’t stop praying. The ones who continue to pray more than five years after Sawyer was diagnosed. Who pray for my adopted children for the different things that they are working through. That pray for all of my kids, that pray for my marriage, and pray for me. We have to be faithful to lift one another up. Don’t give up!

~ for a fun day watching our yummy 1 year old cousin, Emmett. He loved the Bear, and kept me on my toes with his exploring. Tatum K surprised me with her jealousy and how decidedly and passionately she hoarded “HER” things. Our prissy princess had quite the furrowed frown! I also got some good baby sugars from baby Coby this week. I’ve been itching to get my hands on him for a long time.

~ for so many generous donations for the Children’s Hospital Toy Drive. We are so excited to refill the prize closet at the clinic next month. There’s still time to donate!

~ for an unexpected surprise. Looks like it is large item pick up week again! Already this evening just running an errand, I have seen pile after pile on the curb. In less than 20 minutes I scored a pair of shutters, and antique file box, and a set of finials off a bedframe. It’s going to be a great week!

I know I am not alone in saying: this parenting stuff is HARD, y’all. HARD!!! No matter how many kids you have, or what their ages, whatever you’re walking through, it’s just a different flavor of hard. Our family is in a unique situation with so many kids on so many points along the timeline. Not many parents are training toddlers, navigating Littles, preteens, teens, and young adults simultaneously. The needs are relentless. I can’t remember a time when ALL NINE of them were all doing solidly OK at the same time. Somebody’s always mad at us or at each other. Somebody’s in trouble. Somebody’s sick. Something is falling apart with at least one of them at all times. It’s like whack a mole. But I’m the one who consistently takes the mallet to the head. Parenting HURTS. I know we will get through it, and I know God is always at work. But I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I just feel like I want to run away. But God. I am thankful for new mercies every morning, and I’m thankful that the outcomes are not up to me doing everything right. God knew what He was doing when He chose me to be the Mama for each one of my babies, and He has faithfully, consistently, and without fail given me the grace to walk through sleepless nights and cancer, fostering and rebellion, adoption and selfishness and defiance and everything else that life has thrown at us. And no matter how weary Josh and I get, we are never giving up. We won’t ever give up on any of our kids, and we will fight for them on our knees and in our hearts as long as we have breath. Don’t lose heart friends. Don’t give up when it’s hard. Read the extra story. Give the extra hug. Say you’re sorry when you screw up. And don’t be so hard on yourself. God is working on them and He is working on you. God is doing His thing. Let Him. Anyway, I needed to say all that to encourage myself, and I figured maybe somebody else needed it too.

Let’s love one another well this week.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Pure Gold

I’m still taking it all in. This week was a doozy. The schedule was absolutely relentless. The tasks, insurmountable. I needed at least twice as many hours in every day. BUT GOD. Miracle by miracle , it all got done. Not a day went by that I didn’t see His Hand orchestrating beauty and life. Though the generosity of strangers. Through the kindness of friends. Through the support of the Body of Christ.

Tuesday: got to share at Elementary Chapel about how BIG God’s miracles are, and how He used our prayers for Sawyer’s life to multiply into a mission and a ministry to children in our area and around the world.

Friday: GCS Go GOLD Football Game

We honored the 9 GCS families (that we know of) directly impacted by Childhood Cancer. Some have completed treatment, some graduated and off doing well. Some are with Jesus. And one is still receiving treatment. The three current GCS students led the football team onto the field.

Saturday: Tyler Gold Run

THANK YOU JESUS FOR PERFECT WEATHER!!! We had a little rain Friday, and a cool front blew in (“cool” for Texas September). The setup at the new location was a huge improvement, and the 6am crew of volunteers were hustling from the get go! By the time the sun was up, we were rocking and rolling, and the park began to fill up with people. More and more faces: strangers, onlookers, runners, supportive friends and family and classmates, and our honored guests – the Hero families that are the whole reason we were there. There were inflatable dinosaur costumes and tutus, tiny puppies and big dogs, teams in customized matching t-shirts and a sea of Gold in every direction. I still can’t believe it was all real. A literal dream come true. There were at least 600 in attendance, including more than 300 runners and at least 27 of our Hero families. 27!!! I still have no idea how much money we raised, but just the awareness raised and the community of support becoming more firmly established as a presence that is NOT GOING AWAY…I truly could not be happier with how it all turned out. I will never forget watching so many of the miracle children triumphantly crossing the finish line. Or the brave and broken moms and dads who walked or ran in honor of their child whose race was completed at the gates of heaven instead of on the brick streets of Tyler. I could go on for days to list all the different connections I made with people, or that I heard about from others. The touching stories I heard and wonderful families I met. God smiled on us that day.

I can’t help reflect on the progression of the last five years. In 2015 and 2016, Sawyer was still heavily in the midst of treatment. His immunity was so fragile, he was unable to even attend the race that he inspired. In 2017, he was stronger, had just completed treatment, and Josh ran the race with him in the stroller. Last year, he amazed everyone by walking the entire 5K with his teacher and classmates. What an incredible miracle and testimony of God’s goodness! This year he told me he didn’t want to do the 5K race. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t disappointed. But I wasn’t going to make him do it. I knew he’d enjoy just being there and seeing all his friends. But as the morning went on, and as my duties started to ease up, I headed to the finish line to cheer on friends and Heroes as they ran in. And what I found stopped me in my tracks. It was my boy. Smiling at the finish line handing out waters to the runners as they completed their race. It was almost too much for my heart to handle. Such a picture of our journeys…. sometimes we are the one in the midst of the battle. The one being served. The one too sick, too weak, too entrenched in the trial to participate. And that is our season to be still. Other times the Lord carries us. He does the heavy lifting, and we are just along for the ride. And sometimes it’s our turn to walk. To put our own feet on the pavement and carry our own weight. To walk, and keep walking even when we’re tired. And He is beside us the whole way. And then there are seasons when it’s not our turn. When our job is to be faithful to see the needs of others. To offer a cold drink of water to someone else who is thirsty. To refresh others as we have been refreshed. Nobody told Sawyer to hand out water. I know he’s just a little kid, and little kids like to help. I know he doesn’t see it as a spiritual thing at all. But I also know that there is something uniquely special about him. And I know that more than just in the physical sense, he knows what it’s like to be thirsty. I don’t think I have ever been more proud of my son.

Saturday night: Tyler Junior College Game

Our Gold Network kids were invited to be honored guests of the TJC Apache football team. We were invited into the locker room where the team chaplain prayed for them and prayed for the team, and then the kids were allowed to run the team out onto the field. So thankful to have 4 families represented. It was awesome.

Sunday: Lone Star Circle of Life Bike Tour

Sawyer was honored as a blood product recipient. Our dear friend and pastor’s wife, Becky is riding across the state of Texas with his name on her back. I know she is thinking of him and praying for him all the way. The opening ceremony at Tyler Christian fellowship this morning was incredibly moving. The stories shared by so many families of organ recipients and organ donors and blood product donors and recipients was just absolutely incredible. You can watch the video of our portion of the program here.

The Tyler Gold Run may be over, but September is not. Kids are still being diagnosed every day. Federal research dollars are still at less than 4%. Cancer and the treatment for it continues to take our children before they’ve even had the chance to live. I hope you choose to be inspired to GO GOLD in some small way. Thank y’all for your continued love and support.

And thank you for giving thanks with me.

“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink…” Matthew 25:35

Reset Button

I am thankful:

~ that Tatum K and Sawyer are both feeling so much better. Still some ever-lingering hacking coughs, but no more fevers. Thank You Jesus! It’s amazing how this virus knocked them down. They have been so completely exhausted all week. I snapped pictures in the car each day after school.

~ for so many people sharing how they are Going Gold. Profile pictures, wearing gold, sports teams, or making generous donations to the prize closet. It encourages my heart so much to see that people really do care, and that the word IS SPREADING! You are MAKING A DIFFERENCE, FRIENDS!

~ for hot, cheesy, gooey homemade pizza.

~ for our sweet, OLD, grumpy grandpa dog, Cricket. He turned 14 this week. He is deaf as a post, halfway blind, and HATES Bear. But we sure do love him. Happy Birthday, Cricket.

~ for good help right when I need it. A sweet friend called to say, “I have a free day. Let me ride around and ask businesses for giveaway prizes. I could sell ice to an Eskimo!” What a blessing! And he was right! In a few short hours, he stocked us up with FABULOUS prizes for the post-race drawings! Thanks Jarrod! And we also had a super efficient morning filling race bags, organizing medals, and sorting t-shirts. The student volunteers worked steadily to get it done, and the support from the school maintenance staff was OUTSTANDING. I also had a friend help me get Cooper to AND from his Pine Cove work retreat with his youth group. Not only THAT, I found out that my son went to camp WITH NO BEDDING OR TOWEL, and she took care of him for me! Thank you, Emily!!!! (I‘ll check his packing next time!)

~ for a new milestone for Cooper – his first “ask” to a dance. Thankful for his creative big sister who made his poster, and for a sweet friend to go to Homecoming with in a few weeks.

~ for great time for Sawyer at Donuts With Dad this week. When the note came home about it, he was bouncing OFF THE WALLS. And it’s ALL he talked about ALL week. “FOUR more days till Donuts With Dad!” “Only THREE more days til we have donuts, Daddy!” “You know what TOMORROW is????” The actual event did not disappoint. Josh and the other dads had good times with their kiddos. And Sawyer’s teacher commented on how much his face lit up when Daddy walked in. Moments like this are such a big deal for us. Maybe you can’t understand. But when you’ve done these fun little milestones and events with all your other kids, the kind of events that you really do take for granted….and you were never quite sure if you were going to get to do it with this one… I don’t know what else to say. It’s just a really big deal.

~ for the simple sweet moments that refuel the heart. Friday was INSANE. In the course of the day I fielded more than 20 emails and 152 text messages. We scoped out Bergfeld Park to map out our new layout. I put out more posters and signs. Picked up 800 race shirts in 10 GIANT BOXES and crammed them into our bus like a Tetris game around the 7 kids and dog. It was 90 to nothing ALL DAY. But then I had a moment. In the afternoon there was this tiny little window of time to sit and put my feet up and be quiet. And then a little boy woke up from his nap. Sweaty little curls on his neck, he crawled up into my lap and put his head on my chest. “I love you mama.” That was the reset button I needed. I squeezed that boy a little too tight for a little too long.

~ and can I just say, I am SO THANKFUL and EXCITED about our new Tyler Gold Run t-shirts! We wanted to change up the design for our 5 year anniversary, and our talented graphic designer did a terrific job! Aren’t they great!!??

~ and Friday STILL wasn’t over! We had fun taking the kids to Elementary Night at the GCS varsity football game. They bounced in the bounce houses, ran around with their friends, and formed a spirit line for the players to run in through. I’m not sure if any of them watched any football.

The Littles were CAPTIVATED with the football game

~ for a fantastic evening of fellowship. We have stepped out in faith to be a host home for a 10-week Small Group Bible study. It’s been a LONG TIME. Hosting and opening up our home has been a central part of our lives for most of our married life. We had 50 people in our home EVERY. SUNDAY. for YEARS. And LOVED IT. But everything stopped when we started fostering our 3 Littles in 2013. Small group, church, Sunday school, school activities. Basically anything outside the home. That season was just so hard, and we had to focus all our energy on their needs. Then Sawyer was born. And just when we thought we had caught our breath and were about ready to rejoin society…then cancer stole everything away. And it’s taken a really long time to get back into normalcy. There’s the emotional side – my anxiety kicks my butt and keeps me from wanting to be in social situations; we feel so DIFFERENT, because the war we’ve been through over the past 6 years has changed us in pretty much every way. But then just the practical side – we have a giant family, and opening our home or going to someone else’s is both intimidating and a ton of work! But man! Stepping out of the comfort zone, stepping out into a scary place in obedience….it is SO right where God wants us! It is stressful and stretching and sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes even inconvenient. And the fruit it bears is LIFE GIVING AND LIFE CHANGING! Letting people into our lives and our homes is where LIFE HAPPENS. It was a great night. So very thankful.

~ and for my sweet girls who Go Gold without being told. They just instinctively chose gold/yellow outfits for church today. So sweet.

This week, I connected with 2 more cancer mamas. They have both had children diagnosed in the last couple months, and both in East Texas. Reaching out to them and adding their pictures to our wall of Heroes at the upcoming race was such a powerful paradigm shift for me. Talk about a reset button. It’s so easy for me to get swamped by the mountainous to-do lists: clearing our route with the police department, making sure we have volunteers, health department, street department, water, signs, SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS THREE TIMES A DAY….there is just so much to do. But then is the staggering reminder: these 2 families lives are falling apart right now. And one of our sweet friends who is almost done with treatment had to be unexpectedly hospitalized due to fever and low counts. And tomorrow is Lucas’s birthday, and instead of enjoying a smash cake and taking a zillion pictures, his mama and daddy are away on a trip, trying to comfort one another. It is these staggering heartbreaks that help me focus back in on the WHY. These are WHY we do what we do. These families are WHY I wear gold every single day and cover my bus with gold magnets and spend hours a day on my phone. These are such small, insignificant things that on their own mean very little. But alongside everything everyone else is doing….and fueled by the UNSURPASSABLE LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST…. I genuinely believe it makes a difference to these families. Because they all deserve to be SEEN AND HEARD AND RALLIED AROUND. They need to know they are not walking alone.

It’s gonna be a BIG WEEK! I have interviews and morning shows, elementary chapel, and Friday night will be Go GOLD night at the GCS football game. And then Tyler Gold Run is SATURDAY!!!! I’m totally thrilled and completely overwhelmed. It’s not too late to register as a runner, walker, or just give a donation. And we also have lots of volunteer opportunities as well. And as always, I’m so grateful for your prayers over all the big and the small details. At least the weather forecast looks better than last year’s….AND, Sunday is the Opening Ceremony for the Lone Star Circle of Life Bike Tour, an incredible organization/event that raises awareness for Organ Donation in the state of Texas. Our pastor and his wife have been involved for years because of their son Josh, who was an organ recipient as a teenager, and then later an organ donor when he passed away. Because of our relationship with them, we have been big fans of the Circle of Life for years. But this year, Brother Joe reached out and informed me that they also honor people who have received blood transfusions; and that they wanted to honor and ride for Sawyer! Talk about humbled and overwhelmed! Another of our precious Gold Network Hero kids, Jessi Brown, who passed away 2 years ago is also being honored, along with many other donors and recipients. Did I mention it is a BIG WEEK!!???

I’m also excited about the unique opportunity presented by our school through the ministry of World Vision: the Matthew 25 challenge. Perhaps another “Reset Button,” if you will. As parents and students, each day has a different specific challenge based on Matthew 25:35-40.

Monday – “I was hungry” : Fast from snacks and desserts, and only eat rice and beans for dinner.

Tuesday – “I was thirsty” : Give up all drinks today except for water.

Wednesday – “I was a stranger” : Sleep on the floor tonight.

Thursday – “I needed clothes” : Wear the same clothes to work/school that you wore yesterday.

Friday – “I was sick … I was in prison” : Reach out to someone going through a difficult time.

Our kids are all very eager to participate. We’ll see what they think by the end of the week. I’m blessed to walk beside them as we talk about what is REALLY MEANS to love and serve the least of these.

Let LOVE OTHERS WELL this week.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

““Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” Matthew 25:34-40

Choosing a Soundtrack

I am thankful:

~ for an uneventful day off from school. It was nice and quiet. The kids had fun in the pool. It was a lovely nothing day.

~ for a special, special day that I never could have dreamed we would see. Our 20 year anniversary! The naive kids who repeated vows 2 decades ago would have rightfully been nominated “Least Likely to Succeed.” We had everything against us. But God breathed His life into us, and into our marriage. He knit us together because we only had each other. He took us through the fire and refined our love and our faith. I scarcely recognize those kids. But I love what our life has become. We enjoyed our new favorite C Rojo’s burger and grapefruit sodas for lunch, and thanked God for 20 beautiful, hard, grace-laced, overcoming years. This was what I posted that day:

“These two kids didn’t have a clue. We were wild and naive and crazy about each other. We had a baby. And then found Jesus. And then got married. Had some more babies and adopted one. Lost a baby, adopted some more, and had another baby all in one year. Then came cancer. More cancer, and ANOTHER baby. I am blown away by the quantity and quality of life and love God has packed into 20 years. We chose each other when we didn’t know any better. Now I know, and I’d choose you again and again and forever. And to borrow from another favorite love story, “Let ‘me say we’re crazy. What do they know? Put your arms around me baby, don’t ever let go. Let the world around us, just fall apart. Baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart.” Happy Anniversary to my Love.”

~for an uncommonly cooperative and photogenic dog. He doesn’t mind being a Giddyup & Whoa model or a Gold Network spokesdog. But he does get tired after all the limelight.

~for exciting updates from our graphic designer for this year’s Tyler Gold Run shirts! We wanted something fun and different to celebrate 5 years. Can’t show you yet…but I can’t wait!!!! There’s still time to register!

~ for so many heartwarming reports of people “Going Gold!” You have changed your profile pictures, shared awareness posts, worn gold… THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, and the hearts of so many families who live childhood cancer awareness month every single day, not because they choose to, but because it is the reality of the life they now live.

~for healing. Cooper’s hip is mending well. Kora has had a chronically recurrent ear infection that is improving. Sawyer has had a yucky cough. That’s not uncommon for him. He always catches whatever crud is going around. He was coughing by the second day of school, and pretty much has been ever since. I try not to not be too quick to drag him to the doctor’s office, because I know everybody gets a cold at back to school time. And I know I am oversensitive and overprotective with Sawyer. Unfortunately, Monday night, he started running fever. High fever, over 102°. We kept him home from school of course, but resisted the urge to jump straight to the doctor, for the same reasons referenced before. But the cough worsened enough that it was keeping him up all night. And me. And Tatum K. After three days of significant fever and increasing coughing, I finally took him in to the pediatrician. Pneumonia. Now after missing a full week of school, and a few days on antibiotics, the fever has lifted and the cough is at least a little better. BUT, now Tatum K is running fever. Sigh. Just one exceptionally exhausting act in the intricate dance of a large family. BUT GOD…

~ for melatonin. When your child physically does not have a “get sleepy” button, you MAKE SURE you NEVER run out of melatonin.

When life is super busy (back to school + a million kids + Giddyup & Whoa painting + crunch time in preparation for the Gold Run) and then we have a health curveball… it really sends me spiraling. Anxiety doesn’t play nice, and is merciless in its attacks. Rest at night is almost nonexistent. I often feel paralyzed by all I have to get done, and physically feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. Somehow I had recently heard some song, just a snippet of a really terrible song, and it got stuck in my head. It was absolutely maddening. After about 3 days, I realized how it was absolutely MESSING WITH ME! It was quite literally a vulgar and negative soundtrack playing constantly in my head. But once I keyed in on it…I took action right away. I turned on my worship music and began to SING! Every time the negative song would creep back into the background, I would silence it with prayer and singing. Changing the soundtrack of my day made a huge difference in my peace. Have you ever noticed that? That you replay something over and over in your mind? And how much more often it is something NEGATIVE than anything remotely positive? We replay a scathing argument, but rarely an uplifting encouragement. Recognizing this habit, and acknowledging the negative impact it has on our mood and our spirit can be such a life changing paradigm shift.

I’m ready for a better week. Sawyer is excited to return to school after several days on his antibiotic and now fever-free. I pray Tatum K recovers quickly and no one else gets sick. I have a to-do list 86 miles long, but I trust God to provide the grace I need breath by breath. And it may not all get done, and it probably won’t all go perfectly, but that’s ok too. BUT GOD…

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“When every day is just another struggle / And every choice is an act of war / Gotta pray, gotta press on to the prize worth fighting for / When it feels like I’ll never make it / When my heart’s crying out for more / Gotta pray, gotta press on to the prize worth fighting for.” (“Prize Worth Fighting For” Jamie Kimmett)

“I hear the whisper underneath your breath / I hear you whisper, you have nothing left / I will send out an army / To find you in the middle of darkest night / It’s true, I will rescue you / I will never stop marching / To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight / It’s true, I will rescue you. (“Rescue” Lauren Daigle)

“Now I have resurrection power / living on the inside Jesus / You have given us freedom No longer bound by sin and darkness / living in the light of Your goodness / You have given us freedom Freedom, You have given us freedom, You have given us freedom, my chains are gone! Freedom, You have given us freedom, You have given us freedom, HALLELUJAH!” (“Resurrection Power” Chris Tomlin)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9)

Go GOLD for Kids With Cancer

I am thankful:

~ for conversations overheard in the car:

“I really wanna go to Massachusetts!”

“Well I really want to go to Chinese!”

“I want a really cheap car.”

“No, you can’t have that. Cheap cars are really, really expensive!”

~ for my Coop. I got a pretty terrifying phone call from Josh Tuesday evening. Cooper got hit hard during football practice and at the moment I was called, there was an ambulance and firetruck on the field. Thankfully, a trip to the ER confirmed that nothing was broken. Only a hyperextended hip and some torn ligaments. We are disappointed that he will miss a few weeks of playing time, but so very thankful that the injury wasn’t worse.

~for my first Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season. And it was even better because Colton showed up with it on my doorstep!

~ for a GOLDEN WEEK. Oh my goodness, it was insanely busy and so much work. I ate, slept, and breathed Gold. Very little sleep actually. The “to-do” list always runs and runs through my head and won’t let me rest. But God gave me so much grace to keep it all rolling. And blessed me with such wonderful and thoughtful encouragers who lift me with prayer and kindness.

So thankful for my incredible husband, who shares the vision and drive, and is willing to put his hands to the work behind the scenes. I envisioned a wall of our Hero kids’ pictures, and he built exactly what I described. IN ONE AFTERNOON! He is just amazing. And he’s a great sport about all the little gold sparkles that have spread from one end of our house to the other.

~ i’m thankful that I have the most wonderful and generous people in the world to work alongside. And the absolute most incredible Childhood Cancer community to serve. I met several families for the first time on Thursday. Many of them I’ve only corresponded with by phone or email. I’ve seen the pictures of their precious children, and prayed for them, but it is still so overwhelming to actually meet face-to-face and hug one another. It is the worst, best group of people to belong to.

~ for such a special night at Go GOLD Tyler. We had more than 20 Childhood Cancer families represented, and so many loyal supporters. Our Heroes and their families walked the Gold Carpet, and we released balloons for the children who are now in heaven with Jesus. And I genuinely believe families are realizing that they are not alone. That others understand their pain, that others really care, and that their children and their personal struggles MATTER. Awareness and family connection is spreading, and that has been exactly our hope and prayer for Gold Network of ETX. You can watch our HERO video here.

~ for a successful online auction and for the remarkable generosity that landed that stunning painting EXACTLY where it was meant to be. God’s orchestration is just indescribable!

~ for the best hamburger I have ever had in my hamburger-loving-life! Thank you C Rojos!

~ for endless cups of coffee and a day of pajamas-on-the-couch on Friday (the day after Go GOLD). I Could. Not. Move. Seriously, it took about 3 days to recover.

~ for the very best surprise! My doorbell rang, and it was MY GIRL! Carson Grace came home for the holiday weekend! Oh how I’ve missed her, how we have all missed her! And it makes my heart happy to know she’s missed us a little too!

~ for such a special family day today. We wanted to get to attend ONE MORE Texas Rangers baseball game in our beloved Globe Life Park before everything is moved over to the new state-of-the-art venue that will replace it. That ballpark holds such special memories. Josh and I went when it was known as The Ballpark at Arlington on one of our first dates. It was both of our first Rangers game. We’ve been with the kids, with youth groups, and celebrated birthdays there. We’ve toured the park behind the scenes and run the bases. We’ve sat in the premium seats and the nosebleeds. So today was the perfect day. EVERYONE was able to go, so we started the day with a hearty Dad’s Special Breakfast, and headed for Arlington. Oh, let me tell you…it was H-O-T! (We know that will be the one thing that we won’t miss when we visit the new stadium. It will be air conditioned.) But we ate our packed picnic and snacks and cheered for our team. We even bumped into one of Sawyer’s oncology nurses! I know the kids didn’t REALLY have that great a time: it was way too hot and a lot of sitting. But we were together. And it really meant something to Josh and I to be there all together one last time. And I’m so thankful the kids are SUCH great sports. They were a little whiny and squirrely during the game, but afterwards, they couldn’t quit thanking us for “the best day ever!” We will all laugh at the memory of the hottest, stickiest, stinkiest ballgame of all time!

Today September 1. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I know, people are like, “oh brother, here she goes again.” I get it. Kids with cancer is a real downer. Trust me. I agree. And I didn’t used to know or care ANYTHING about childhood cancer. Until July 23, 2014, when I was told, “your baby has cancer,” and I became another statistic. It wasn’t my life until all of a sudden, it was.

Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in children in the United States. 700 children are diagnosed each day. And 1 out of 5 children diagnosed with cancer will not survive. It takes more lives than AIDS, Asthma, Cystic Fibrosis, and Diabetes combined. Yet somehow, out of the $5 billion federal budget of the National Cancer Institute (NCI), less than 4% is designated toward research specific to all the types of pediatric cancer combined. That’s why you’ll hear parents of kids with cancer use the phrase, “more than 4.”

So what can you do?

1) GO GOLD! Awareness is the first step. If you are reading this, childhood cancer has come across your radar. Whether it was because of Sawyer, another special child, or a friend of a friend of a friend…you have entered the world of pediatric cancer. What you do with it is up to you. Be creative: put up a gold wreath, paint your nails gold, carry a gold purse for the month of September. Wear gold shoes, or switch to gold shoelaces. Start wearing gold (or your Sawyer shirt, or whoever you are supporting) every Friday, and get the conversation started! Use social media! Use Sawyer’s picture, or find your own! I’m so blessed by several of you who have already changed your profile pictures!

2) If you want to support a national organization on behalf of Childhood Cancer, I recommend Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation and St. Baldrick’s Foundation. Both of these focus solely on pediatric cancers, and primarily research. If you want to support a non-profit for East Texas kids and families, I am personally a fan of Gold Network.

3) Register for Tyler Gold Run on September 21. Start a team. Run it, walk it, or just show up for lemonade and to cheer on the participants! Proceeds support East Texas families as well as Childhood Cancer research.

4) DO SOMETHING! Pray and ask God to show you what is your part. Maybe you’ll be the one to visit kids in the hospital. Or take a meal to a cancer family. GIVE BLOOD!! Kids with cancer need numerous life-saving blood transfusions throughout treatment.

Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. Five years ago, I didn’t know or care about childhood cancer. And in an instant, everything changed. Now, the Lord has allowed me the honor of being an advocate for Sawyer and so many others. My most important message is and will always be sharing the love and hope I have found in Jesus Christ. So to me, sharing that Love with hurting families while raising awareness for these precious children is the perfect combination. I challenge you: GO GOLD for SEPTEMBER!!

Thanks for giving thanks with me!

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”” Revelation 21:3-5

Gearing up for Gold

I am thankful:

~ for a mostly successful first week back to school. We are working on our rhythm of drop off and pickup and homework and reading and folders and lunches and snacks and water bottles.

~for the moments when I miss my kids. Because it helps me in the other moments when I decidedly DO NOT MISS THEM, not to feel quite as much like a wretched troll mother.

~ for my bestest little helper while the brothers and sisters are at school. I don’t know how I’d get anything done without her! Many have asked if the house is so quiet with the kids gone…it MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT! When it gets quiet, that’s when I KNOW THERE’S TROUBLE! Hurricane Tatum keeps life interesting for sure.

~ for Bear. He is just a big fluffball of slobber and love. We love our muppet dog.

~ for God providing some long-awaited little windows of time with a sweet friend. Life-giving friendships are so refreshing!

~ for a mouthwatering FD’s burger with barbecue ranch sauce and sweet candied bacon. I couldn’t stop thinking about one, and finally gave in.

~ for a fun night hosting Youth Group Back-to-School Swim Bash. They are a spirited bunch, and they can put down some hot dogs and some cookies! We haven’t done much hosting over the last few years, and it was good to open up our home.

~ for those rare moments when I get it right with the kids. When I say “yes” instead of an automatic “no.” When I put down what I’m doing to look at a salamander. Or watch a giggly talent show. When I let them chop the tomatoes and mess up the entire kitchen when it would have been so much easier to do it myself. When I correct the tone of my voice BEFORE it comes out of my mouth. I usually get it wrong. My patience is short and my fuse is shorter. But then I look at Carson Grace’s empty bedroom. Unnaturally clean. I don’t have to tell her to pick it up or turn her music down, but I also don’t get to kiss her goodnight. For better or for worse, this season of Littles and chaos and bickering and smudgy windows and everybody-always-needs-mama WON’T LAST. I’ve got to stop bemoaning the hard, stop being frustrated with the season, stop wishing it away. Lord, let me slow down my heart and my hands so I don’t miss these moments that I won’t ever get back.

~ for grace amidst the madness. August/September is crazy season at our house. Between back to school, Go Gold Tyler, and Tyler Gold Run, the pace and the to-do list are RELENTLESS.And if I’m honest, which I am trying so hard to be, I feel like I live in a constant state of teetering between EXploding or IMploding. But God. He meets me right where I am. He gives me the grace to apologize to my kids when I lose my patience for the 82nd time. Or apologize to my husband when I am LESS THAN GRACIOUS to him. God braids the right people into my path at just the right moment to encourage me when I think I can’t do one more thing. He gives me the courage to do what I’m afraid of, and the courage to say no when it’s too much. He has lit the fire in my precious children who steadfastly love me so well and who are each so passionate about all things GOLD.

I am so excited for Go Gold Tyler coming up this Thursday. We are in full on Gold Mode at Casa Rucker. Phone calls, printing photos, video editing, social media posts, building and painting, even a spontaneous last minute news interview!

It’s busy, and completely overwhelming, but it’s good. We’ve gotten in contact with many more families this year, and the “Network” is WORKING! Our goal when we started Gold Network of East Texas was to offer hope and encouragement to Childhood Cancer families, and to connect them with each other. And that is happening! Families are meeting, reaching out to one another, and inviting new families to our events. In 2015, we had met around 9 families. This year we have pictures of 58 children! Staggering. Of course I hate it. I hate that all these kids have had cancer. I hate that we have to have one entire display of kids who have gone to be with Jesus instead of growing up. I hate that I met 12 new-to-us families JUST THIS YEAR, and we all have the worst thing in common. But as long as kids get cancer and as long as families need support, we are going to ask God to continue to give us the grace to come alongside them. If you’re local, join us Thursday night. Go GOLD Tyler is such a special evening, and these incredible children and their families will change your lives forever. And a reminder of the Gold Network online auction. We still need an opening bidder! Click here.

I wanted to share updates from Harold’s family and a message from Lucas’s mom.

“I want to thank everyone who has been apart of our journey whether personally involved or just reading along these entries. Thank you for praying along us and rooting for Lucas’ well being. We needed that support both then and now. We are truly grateful. Do us a favor and enjoy the small stuff. Give your loved ones an extra hug. Smile at a stranger. You don’t truly know what another person is living through so be kind. And if you see a Dino randomly, maybe it’s Lucas saying hi. We’ve had lots of sightings lately. Love you all 🧡🦕🦖” (Kelly, Lucas’ Mom)

I will never be able to fully express how grateful I am for you, the Sunday Gratitude community. So often I feel like I’m writing for no reason, no purpose, and wonder who in the world cares a single bit about what I write about each week. And then one of you will post a comment. Or stop me in the pickup line at school and say that you were encouraged. Y’all bless me and encourage me more than I can ever explain. Thank you for loving me, for loving Sawyer, for loving our family, and for choosing to follow along.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:1-6

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:9