God of Hope

I am thankful:

~for a hilarious dream come true. When you are six years old, most of your life hinges on some truly pivotal moments: the loosening and pulling of teeth. For some it comes with anguish and terror. But for Sawyer, it is his greatest mission. He had a particular for tooth #3. He has been BEGGING to have his tooth tied to a doorknob. Finally we gave in (we had worried it would hurt, but he assured us he would be SO BRAVE.) Well he was, and that sucker flew right out! It was shocking and hysterical. He was thrilled.

~ for a day to reflect on the tremendous bravery of the men and women who lost their lives on September 11, 2001. With all the social unrest we see around us today, it was especially poignant to remember the way our country set aside our differences and pulled together in a time of such deep tragedy. And so very thankful for the dedicated first responders who choose to put others’ lives before their own, and who run TOWARD danger instead of away from it. None of our kids are old enough to remember, but we teach them about what that day means to our country. We remember.

~ for fluffy homemade biscuits, farm fresh eggs, and smokey slab bacon (especially the batch I made with brown sugar and cayenne).

~ for two challenging but beautiful G&W projects in the works.

~ for the long-awaited return of FOOTBALL! I never thought I’d say that, it’s never really been my thing. But man, it makes my man happy! And I realize how I’ve missed it in the background of our weekends and evenings. Feels good to have some “normal” back!

~ for fun Go GOLD care packages delivered or mailed to our East Texas HERO families. How I wish we could have met together in person, but I’m glad we could at least send them something special so they could Go GOLD at home or school. We have T-shirts available if you’d like to Go GOLD with us! (Email to order)🎗🎗🎗

Shirts available Youth XS – Adult 2X – $20 (email info@goldnetworkoet.com to order)

~ for the first participants of Virtual Tyler Gold Run. SuperHERO Liam and his family gathered to support him and all his warrior friends. So special. I remember meeting Liam’s family when he was first diagnosed, and I have watched him CRUSH every obstacle in his way.

He’s just a remarkable kid. They all are. Having a front row seat to witness the incomparable spirit of these children is COMPLETELY LIFECHANGING. Remaining entrenched in the childhood cancer world is excruciating. These are all my babies. Another diagnosis. Another relapse. Another heart shattering loss. Another day of not understanding why I have my Sawyer boy while another mama’s arms are achingly empty. But the pain keeps me motivated. To keep fighting. To keep advocating. To keep reaching out. And watching the miracles is EXHILARATING! Liam rode his bicycle this weekend! Corbin played his first football game, when years ago his doctors told him he WOULD NEVER play any sports! BUT GOD!! We celebrate the victories together, pray for one another, lift each other up and share HOPE. Please prayerfully consider registering for Virtual Tyler Gold Run. Registration is way down from years’ past, which of course is understandable for a virtual event instead of live. It has been a hard year for everyone. But the need for support for these families is greater than ever. Every registration is a donation that supports local families, contributes to dedicated pediatric cancer research, and provides a tangible show of support to the brave children and their families walking through their worst nightmare. You can walk or run, or just register as a donation and get a great T-shirt as a bonus! You can register and participate any time this week. Registration closes at 11:59pm on September 19. www.tylergoldrun.com

And this week, I’m so grateful for unmistakable hints from the Lord. I am working on a sign for one of my neighbors, and the Scripture she requested was Romans 15:13

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” I started working on the sign, and got a text from another friend who placed an order. I jotted down the information and didn’t think much about it. Until I looked up the scripture reference. “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Then this morning as our family gathered together for virtual church in our living room, what do you think the Scripture was for the children’s ministry lesson this morning? “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

I hear you Lord.

That is truly the cry of my heart this week. Help me to empty myself of my baggage, my selfishness, my anxieties, my idols, and let You fill me to overflowing with Your joy and peace that never pass away. Thank You for Your Word that continually refreshes and refines.

Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.” (Psalms 62:5)

“As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.” (Psalms 71:14)

Peace

I am thankful:

~ for a GOLDEN start to the month! Custom license plates in. ✔️

Go GOLD window clings✔️

Wreath and yard sign up✔️

Gold swag for the Tribe✔️

Bling bling mask✔️

New mask and decals gifted from another cancer mom ✔️

So very blessed by seeing how many people have changed their profile and Gone Gold In various ways, both locally and across the nation. And the INCREDIBLE HISTORICAL MILESTONE – the official national proclamation naming September Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, and the FIRST TIME EVER lighting of the White House GOLD!!!!! Childhood cancer advocates have been begging for this show of support for YEARS, and to FINALLY see our precious children honored in this was a truly monumental victory.

Please consider Going Gold by registering for Virtual Tyler Gold Run. Just two weeks left to register. You can run or walk anytime, wherever you are. Or you can just consider it a donation to a great cause. When you support Gold Network of East Texas, you are truly making a difference in the lives of brave kids fighting cancer, and the valiant families supporting them. Click HERE to register.

~ for Sawyer to have the opportunity to have his Warrior buddy, Jase in the same 1st grade class this year. Jase was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in 2017, and is preparing to finish treatment NEXT MONTH!!! GLORY TO THE LORD!!! I love that these two brave boys have each other for support and encouragement. Well I had the opportunity to come to their classroom and ask the other students, “Did you know that you have TWO SUPERHEROES in your class?” I shared briefly that they were both cancer warriors, and the kids were all quite impressed. Then Sawyer and Jase passed out gold ribbons to wear, gold ribbon stickers, and “Go GOLD”fish crackers. So fun!

~ for some really fun and unique Giddyup & Whoa projects. We are so grateful for steady orders coming in. And grateful for good helpers!

~ for cute brothers who love to dress alike.

~ for Vogmask, our very favorite premium N99 masks that we have used since Sawyer was a baby. We have recommended them to other cancer families for years. As you can imagine, the pandemic has had a major impact on their business, and it has been hard for them to keep up with the increasing demand. Despite this challenge, Vogmask sent me a most generous shipment of masks to be donated to our Gold Network HERO kids! We have spoken with the company founder, and have officially made Vogmask the Official Mask of Gold Network of East Texas!

~ for our very favorite tangy and refreshing lemon icebox pie.

~ for a great weekend having Uncle Mike and Kenedy staying with us. And for one evening we had our whole bunch: the oldest two with each of their sweethearts, Cooper with a friend over, and all the Little people. It was loud and chaotic and loud and LOUD. But it was great.

~ and for the blessing of celebrating 21 years of marriage to my Love. This year was a far cry from last year’s Mexico getaway. It’s been a challenging season, one of sanding, of sacrifice, of bearing up under one another. For our marriage, it’s been a workboots and overalls year instead of a slacks and sequins year. Work. But I don’t mean that in a negative way at all! Work is not bad! Marriages are built and strengthened and anchored and fortified with WORK and SWEAT and calloused hands. I’m thankful that after 21 years, it doesn’t matter where we are or what we do…whatever it is, we are together. So very thankful.

And for a much needed reminder. That peace, “shalom,” is not the absence of strife or conflict. Instead the Hebrew word means fullness or completeness. I think about how often I find myself seeking “peace” in the wrong way, fleeing from something instead of coming to the Father and letting Him fill me. That peace that really does pass all understanding. Lord, may my FIRST RESPONSE to stress be to turn toward You instead of away. Not to try to numb or mask or cram full all the margins with STUFF, but leave breathing room BE STILL and fill my thirsty lungs with LIFE. Set a guard over my lips and let me listen twice as much as I talk. “He must become greater; I must become less.”” (John 3:30)

As always, I’m so grateful to anyone who takes the time to read these words. God opened this door for a purpose, and I pray I am able to stay out of the way enough for Him to be glorified. May we allow ourselves to drink deeply of His faithfulness, and be filled to overflowing with the fullness of His peace.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:6-8)

Glimmers of GOLD

We are another week in, and so far things are rocking and rolling. The kids are all loving school, and our routines are growing more and more familiar. God’s mercies are new every morning, and I’ve felt His comforting presence so near every day. It’s been good for me to get back into the practice of “Thank You Therapy,” thanking God for all the blessings I can think of THE MOMENT I wake up, before I even open my eyes. Thank you so much to those who have faithfully covered us in prayers – I can feel them!

I am thankful:

~ for the peaceful stillness of the morning when I come out to the navy blue sky only pierced by one bright morning star. I love to have my coffee and start my day with Jesus here.

~ for perfectly perfect avocado toast.

~ for a God-soaked exercise in humility. Oh, how He loves…

~ for my carefully cataloged boxes of hand-me-downs. So exciting to find treasures “from the box!”

~ for our first sweet and tasty watermelon of the summer – FINALLY! We’ve had one flavorless dud after another! Thank you Sara!

~ for a good lookin kid with a good looking frog!

~ for a fabulous find – someone replacing their fence along my route to the school. So after dropoff one morning, Tatum K and I scooped up a busload of gorgeous reclaimed wood!

~ for a great late night surprise: Carson Grace popped in from college! And Colton was in town for the weekend, so for a few precious hours, we had our whole tribe back home in the nest. Good for Mama’s heart.

~ for technology that allows us to worship with Carson Grace at her church in Longview and also with our home church.

~ for the best possible compromise in a tough situation. Tuesday is September 1, and we should be gathering on the Downtown Square of Tyler to honor our Gold Network of East Texas HEROES and their families and kick off Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. With concerns related to Covid 19, with heavy hearts, we made the difficult decision to cancel the event. This is one of our most meaningful and personal events, and I am so disappointed to be missing out on the irreplaceable fellowship of our HERO families. In lieu of gathering together this year, we are sending out Gold care packages to our families, so they can GO GOLD wherever they are. We have designed a sharp new T shirt that will be a great way to raise awareness, and a VERY LIMITED quantity of sizes are available for purchase (YouthXS-2X). If you would like to purchase a shirt ($20), send an email to info@goldnetworkoet.com with the sizes you would like, and we will reply with detailed payment information. Free local pickup and $5 shipping available.

~ for the support we have seen for Virtual Tyler Gold Run 2020. We are excited to have so many of our HERO families registered, and how they are sharing the event with their friends and neighbors. It is certainly uncharted territory for us, and difficult to know what to expect. But I’m doing everything I can to promote this year’s unique event, posting on social media 3 times a day, sending out emails, and introducing our brave HERO kids. WE ARE NOT GIVING UP! Childhood cancer is not going away. 2 of our HEROES were hospitalized this week, and we added 3 more new families to our Network. Every time I look at Sawyer, I see the miracle that he is. And I think about what life used to be like when we lived in the hospital, asking God for one more day. And then I think about what life would be like today if things had turned out differently. BUT GOD. My heart is in the childhood cancer world. These families need support, need encouragement, need to be reminded that they are not alone. Will you pray about what God would have as your part? Can you come alongside with a one time donation by registering for Tyler Gold Run? Would you want to support our Clinic Call-in Program, where we provide meal delivery on treatment days for our families, by giving a monthly donation? Would you select Gold Network of East Texas as your charity of choice when shopping on AmazonSmile, so that Amazon will make a donation to us when you shop? Would you pray for us? GNET is an offering to the Lord: we hold it with hands open, asking Him to lead us where He would have us go, and we surrender it all to Him. We seek to be a blessing and a light. Join us in GOING GOLD this September. Wear GOLD! Carry GOLD accessories. Change your social media profile picture. Start a conversation about childhood cancer. Awareness is the place where change begins.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:12-15)

Tiptoe

I have to be honest and say that I still feel very alone. But I feel very surrounded by the Lord. He has wrapped me in so much kindness. I don’t feel like anyone can relate to my particular physical or emotional circumstances, but that’s ok. God knows me intimately, He loves me unfailingly, and He walks with me tirelessly.

Tiptoeing outside the quarantine bubble for the first time this week was very hard. Things were familiar and eerily unfamiliar at the same time. Faces of friends, parents, and teachers we have loved for years were now behind a mask or a face shield. Hallways were quieter than usual but still closer contact than we’ve had for months. BUT GOD.

We met and conquered each mountain. Sophomore Ipad training, 6th grade locker day and Middle School tour,5th grade locker day and Middle School tour, Elementary Meet the Teacher and supply drop off for grades 1, 3, and 4. Time after time in the middle of conversations, my raw emotions would rise up, and I could feel my muffled voice begin to quiver, and my eyes above my mask begin to well up with tears. And every time, my poorly concealed weakness was met with such kindness.

More than anything, what pushed me to move forward the most was the enthusiasm and complete lack of fear or reservation of all my kids. They were just straight up so excited to get back to school (and I am NOT entertaining the thought that any percentage of that excitement desire to get away from me.) All day Tuesday, Sawyer kept asking what time it was. “I want it to be bedtime, so I can go to bed and then when I wake up it will be SCHOOL!” They miss their friends. They miss their activities. They miss NORMAL. Don’t we all?

So we did all the things. Labeled all 7,463,726 supplies. Packed all the lunches (with surprise Lunchables). Hung out all the backpacks. Laid out the new clothes and shiny new tennis shoes and masks. Favorite Martha White blueberry muffins for breakfast.

I posted this picture on the first day of school. My friend Melissa from Laurel & Cotton had released her BOLD lion T-shirt design about a month ago, and I messaged her right away, “I want that one!” But the more I thought about it, the less bold I felt, and I couldn’t really imagine myself wearing the shirt. But suddenly I knew I DID need that shirt – for Sawyer. I don’t know anybody more bold than him.

So I ordered the BOLD lion shirt for Sawyer and “Overwhelmed by Jesus” for me. Never has their been a more appropriate pairing of shirts for an occasion as those two for the first day of school. (And for the record, when I showed Sawyer his new shirt, he was SO EXCITED about it, he chose it for his first day of school outfit without any prompting from me.)

I’m definitely ok but not ok. But it doesn’t matter if I am ok. God is FAITHFUL. He sees me as I really am: broken and held together with paper clips and chewing gum, and doesn’t turn away. I dropped off my babies (after we all had our foreheads scanned in the parking lot). And as we drove away, Tatum K patiently waited for me to stop bawling. She and I had a donut date at our favorite spot, and then we went to Home Depot to buy a new plant. Several thoughtful friends called and texted to check on me, which was so kind. Tater and I spent the day cuddling and crying and praying and watching the clock. I’ve never appreciated a quiet house less.

But when 3 o’clock FINALLY arrived, I’ve never been so ready to get my hands on my kids. They had all had a great day, and all shared every detail all at the same time. They told all their stories over cups of Andy’s Frozen Custard, and then they all washed and sanitized and changed clothes and got ready to do it all again the next day.

God was so faithful and kind to LOVE SO LAVISHLY this week.

~ Carson Grace had a great first week, acing a couple quizzes, auditioning for and MAKING the ETBU Chapel Praise Team, as well as being chosen for a paid position on the Worship team at Oakland Heights Baptist Church.

~ Colton is loving his new job and learning a TON. His business cards came in so he feels “official.” He came over this weekend before he heads back out of town for his next project. Grateful to be in this season where he is choosing to come spend time with us and share his life with us when he doesn’t HAVE to.

~ for the FINAL PIECE of the kitchen remodel: our light fixture that has been back-ordered since April. I had my heart set on it, and I’m so glad I waited. I love how it completes the kitchen transformation! Thankful it is DONE! (Now what project to start on next???)

~ for a restaurant-inspired recipe that I tried to recreate: roasted poblano peppers stuffed with creamy cheese, succulent shrimp, asparagus, and grilled corn. Not your grandma’s stuffed peppers. UNBELIEVABLE!

~ for the sweetest neighborhood kids (not just mine) who held a lemonade stand for charity, and chose to donate to Gold Network! They sat in the sweltering heat and even went door to door to invite “customers” (vital since we all live at THE VERY END of a DEAD END street!) And then my sweet neighbor sat with them and gave them a lesson an stewardship and accountability when raising money for a charity, and the kids all prayed over the money before they counted it. They raised $80! What a blessing!

~ for continued support of Gold Network of East Texas as we have made the difficult decision to convert this year’s Tyler Gold Run to a Virtual Race. We just have to err on the side of caution as we face the unknown, especially as we serve immune compromised kids. The BEST part about the run being Virtual, is that ANYONE can participate from ANYWHERE! If you are local, we will have a pickup to give out medals and T-shirts, but if you are farther away, we can mail it to you! I encourage you to prayerfully consider registering, because our HERO kids and their families need your help more than ever. Unfortunately, #cancerisntcanceled. Every 3 minutes another family hears the life-shattering words “your child has cancer.” Kids all over East Texas and the world are taking chemotherapy every day, spending their childhood in and out of hospitals, and dealing with long term side effects from the toxic treatments used to save their lives. And 1 out of every 5 children diagnosed with cancer will not survive, leaving a gaping hole in a family that will never ever be the same. That’s why we created Gold Network of East Texas: to support families impacted by childhood cancer during their darkest days and then every day afterward. Once a hero, always a hero. You can register or donate at www.tylergoldrun.com

Today I am grateful for a successful three days of school down, and for a peaceful weekend with my Loves back home. It did feel good to have some of the old familiar routines that added margin to each day, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, a weekend that actually felt like a weekend. I am grateful that I don’t have to have all the answers, because I am held by the One Who Does.

Wherever you are, whatever highs or lows you are walking through, He is there. May we rest in that. May we rest in Him.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” (Psalms 94:18-19)

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

We hope

I am thankful:

~ for momentum! One more beam down! It’s tiring, backbreaking work, and such a mess, but I’m (thankfully) still in love with the results, and the end is in sight… (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, read about it here).

~ for the deep, heart to heart conversations with my 2 year old. Tatum, “ mama can I have a snack?”

Me “ do you want an orange?”

“No! I want a snack!”

“Ok, then what DO you want?”

“An ORANGE!”

~ for cheerful fresh tulips brightening my table.

~ for healing! We have all been taking our turns with THE CRUD over the last couple of weeks…intermittent fevers, coughs, runny noses. Last weekend, Sawyer’s cough intensified, and he woke up Monday with a fever. We don’t mess around with anything when it comes to him, and fevers set this mama on high alert, so we were at the pediatrician’s office at 8:30am.

Dr. Everett definitely suspected that he could be in the early stages of developing pneumonia, but we agreed to just watch him closely before jumping forward to any meds. So he missed 2 days of school, and we had a couple pretty rough nights, but Jesus protected Sawyer, and he got better instead of worse! Glory to the Lord! He’s still a little weak, and tires easily, but I told him if he rests well tonight, he’ll finally be allowed to run at recess again. He is SO READY. He told me he’s been being the soccer goalie at recess, and “I’m so terrible at it Mama.” And I think the rest of us are ALMOST well also.

~ for the opportunity to participate in another Vintage & Co. Jodi does the most amazing job of curating her collections of beautiful and unique vintage finds. It’s always an honor to be able to add a few Giddyup & Whoa pieces to her sales.

~ for the simple little things that bring such joy to my kids. Like pancakes for dinner. You would have thought it was the finest gourmet cuisine ever cooked. I bet they each thanked me 6 times.

~for my kiddos’ sweet and innocent prayers at midweek service. They prayed for healing for everyone who was sick, prayed for their older siblings to make good choices and to “stay on God’s path,” and one of them prayed simply, ”Dear God, help me to obey and have self control.” How it blesses me to hear them learning to talk to their Heavenly Father, and believe that He hears them.

~ for another fun and simple DIY Goodwill makeover. Love those 99¢ finds!

~ for a great time celebrating a dear friend’s birthday. He was turning 50, so the theme of the party was “OLD.” I love Sawyer’s interpretation…

~ for Carson Grace having the opportunity to sing Beethoven’s 9th with her ETBU Concert Choir this weekend. It was a huge concert, and we weren’t able to be there; but so grateful that Grandmommy, Uncle Justin, and Aunt Gina were able to go support her (and fill her up with some much needed Whataburger.)

~ for the sound of the rain against my window, especially when I’m snug in my bed.

~ for my cuties that just happened to end up looking like little Valentines for church. How are they growing up so fast?

~ for an AWESOME evening at our quarterly Gold Network CONNECT group. The concept was conceived from our trips to Lighthouse Family Retreat, when all the kids would go play and swim, and the parents would gather for a small group time called Common Ground. All these moms and dads from various walks of life, different faith backgrounds, a variety of diagnoses… but all of us had the worst thing in common. We all had a child with cancer. And we pretty much instantly became family. We listened to each other’s stories and we cried and we prayed for one another. And we encouraged one another. And we laughed. The connections were real and deep and unexpected and life-changing. It gave us so much hope. Josh and I had no idea how much we were thirsting for relationships with this specific community of people. And we just knew we had to try to bring something like it in Tyler. Last night we had seven pediatric cancer families around our table. We feasted on food from Oliveto and laughed and talked and ate and cried. And it was pure gold.

Our work with Gold Network of East Texas keeps us pretty entrenched in the childhood cancer world, even though Sawyer is now 3 years off treatment. (That fact is staggering to me). We celebrate all that God has done, and yet we are still continually learning what life-after-cancer means for us. And every day, I am still talking about cancer, and still thinking about cancer. We haven’t left cancer behind. Representing GNET, I am speaking with cancer families daily. I follow their updates and pray for them. I work on Gold Network event planning, manage the website, and almost daily update social media with announcements or post about childhood cancer awareness. It’s always at the forefront of my thoughts and day to day activities. But in such a different context from 3 or 4 or 5 years ago. But all it takes is to listen to one of our GNET parents begin to talk about that terrible, earthshaking moment when everything changed in their life… and I’m right there again. Sitting in a pediatric exam room on a red vinyl cough with a greenish-white baby in my arms, seeing Dr. Everett come in and close the door behind him with a look on his face like someone had kicked him in the stomach with a steel-toed boot. It never goes away. I see all these families and the pained seared in their eyes. Forever changed. Some of them are giving their brave kids toxic meds every day and praying for the cancer to go away. Some of them, like us, have graduated from the treatment routine, and pray against long term side effects and for the cancer to stay away forever. And some of them have said goodbye to their child, and now they wait, and now the hope they pray for is for the day they will be reunited with their child. It never goes away.

EVERYONE is walking through something. The loss of a child. Caring for an aging parent. A strained marriage. A prodigal child. Struggles at work. Chronic pain. Addiction. Loneliness. Anxiety. PTSD. And the world screams at us from 2 camps: either DO MORE! GET YOURS! CRUSH THE COMPETITION! YOU DESERVE TO RISE! Or on the other extreme: SLOW DOWN! TAKE CARE OF YOU! SELF CARE! YOU DESERVE A BREAK!

We all just need Jesus. Because none of us want what we REALLY deserve. We know the mess we truly are inside: the brokenness, the selfishness, the depravity. But He loves us anyway, right where we are. But even though the gift of salvation is FREE, it does have a cost. We have to say “no” to something to say “yes” to Him.

Saying “yes” to Jesus doesn’t necessarily mean our circumstances will change. Sometimes they do. Often they do not. But our PERSPECTIVE changes. And we don’t have to walk alone ever again. Because of Jesus, we are promised that the end of the story is good.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, thanks for reading the thoughts I’m musing tonight. I’ve got a lot on my mind, and there’s heaviness weighing on my heart. BUT GOD. Because of Him, I pray with so much hope. Unspeakable joy is COMING.

Have a good week friends. Reach out to somebody who could use a little hope.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:8-9)

“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)

Thankful for a Faithful God

I am thankful:

~ first and foremost, for a WONDERFUL clinic appointment on Wednesday, and the report that Sawyer REMAINS CANCER FREE! GLORY TO THE LORD!!! HE IS FAITHFUL! The fear never ever goes away, there is always a heaviness that comes with the appointment as we wait for the best or the worst news. This was the second time for Sawyer to be seen by the ACE unit (After Cancer Experience). The new doctor we see, Dr. Cindy, is great. She still getting to know us and has been so wonderful and patient putting up with our, (or shall I say MY) fears and hangups. But best of all is seeing Dr. Winick. Oh how we love that woman! I met her the very first day in the ER the day Sawyer was diagnosed. I will never forget her kind, gravely serious face. When you connect with someone in the midst of the darkest day of your life, it is not a bond that is easily broken. Ever since that first day, she was the one I would look for. She was the one I wanted to get results from. She was the one I trusted the most. And when she says everything is all right with SaSa, I believe her. And I love that she REALLY LOVES Sawyer. He’s not just a patient – she truly delights in him. She loves his huge personality; she marvels at his wit and his intelligence. And that makes me love her all the more…

~ and for Sawyer’s incredible attitude and bravery. When I told him he wasn’t going to school, he jumped up and down and asked, “do I have a CLINIC APPOINTMENT!?!?” Who DOES THAT? And not only did he have to have his blood drawn, he actually had to have it drawn a SECOND TIME. He just hopped right in that chair like it was nothing. If you missed the Caringbridge update I posted Wednesday, you can read it here.

~ AND for the great news that the IGG levels they tested came back NORMAL! Sawyer’s body is making antibodies like God designed it to do, despite all he endured when he was a baby. BUT GOD!

~ thankful for Gina Sue. Gina started as my sister-in-law, and now she’s just plain MY SISTER. She has been my copilot, my “ride-or-die,” for most of the last two years. In the early days of Sawyer’s treatment, I used to do 90% of the clinic trips by myself. I had a routine and we were a well-oiled machine. But when I was about seven months pregnant with Tatum K, experiencing regular contractions while barreling down the interstate, it became pretty clear to me that it was no longer wise for me to do the traveling solo. Various friends made the trip with me, but it was usually Gina. I’ve never known someone more dedicated. Coming from Carthage, she gets up well before 3 AM to be ready to be at my house to leave at 6. And she will tell you herself – she is NOT a morning person! She handles Tatum K’s moods (and MINE) and has a backpack crammed with all the best snacks. And then after long day in Dallas, and doing ALL the driving there and back, she drives another hour back home. I am so grateful for her help and fantastic company. I always come away encouraged.

~I’m also thankful that Carson Grace got a good, fresh dose of that Gina-flavored-encouragement this weekend (with a healthy helping of Justin and Grandmommy thrown in)! She left school for the weekend to spend the night in Carthage, and then went to Potlatch, Carthage’s annual fall city festival where Justin was showing his pristinely restored classic Ford truck. Not only did she enjoy the fellowship, BBQ, and the car show – she was asked to be the Trophy Girl, got to present Uncle Justin with a trophy, AND was awarded a trophy HERSELF at the end! Such a fun day full of great memories!

~ for a fun, easy makeover from my Trash Week treasures. Could my salvaged chairs have turned out any cuter??

~ for a perfect day to have Cousin Emmett! The weather this week has been GLORIOUS, and we had a beautiful fall walk.

~ for a fun Homecoming week. The Littles enjoyed their part of the festivities, Crazy Sock Day.

And Cooper had a great time all week. I was thankful to SURVIVE the making of the Homecoming mum (seriously people. I’m from the North. I had never seen anything like the phenomenon that is Texas football season/Homecoming/mums! It is like another planet! This was SO NOT my thing, but I figured it out, THANKFULLY!). Coop had a great time at the football game, and then on Saturday, he and his date were just the cutest. They are just great friends, and went with a group of friends, so there was absolutely no pressure. Just a fun evening of food, friends, and dancing. How is my Coopy a Freshman going to a DANCE WITH A GIRL!?!?!

~ for a fresh batch of new Giddyup & Whoa sign builds for next week’s Vintage and Co’s Fall Gresham Barn Sale! I was so blessed to be invited back, and I have a ton of ideas for signs! The sale is October 23-26; check them out on Facebook and if you are local, it’s a sale you WON’T WANT TO MISS!!!

~ for a remarkable last-minute surge of donations for the Children’s Hospital Prize Closet. Last week I was so disappointed. We were way WAY behind from last year‘s donations, and even though I knew we had lots of toys that would be a blessing, I just always hope to keep growing, bigger and better. But, I kept begging on social media, and y’all responded in a big way! Another amazing GNET Hero, Aileen, a sophomore in high school, saved money she received at her quinceanera to purchase toys for the closet!! I’m so proud of her!!!

Thanks to your overwhelming generosity, we received more than $700 in donations JUST THIS WEEK, and Paula and I had a blast spending all of it on prizes for the most deserving kids in the world! Every time we got more money donated: another trip to the store! Tomorrow is delivery day, so I will reveal the grand total then. Be watching on Facebook and Instagram! (Blog followers will have to wait until next Sunday!)

Life continues, fast and furious. There’s never time to catch my breath. How can a quarter of the school year already be over!? My babies grow up more every single day, and I see a face I scarcely recognize looking back at my from the mirror. Mercy. But I’m so reminded, GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE WAS. HE IS. AND HE WILL BE. Everything around me seems to change at lightning speed. But my Father is constant and sure. His Word is alive and His promises are true. And no matter what my anxiety tells me, no matter what I FEEL LIKE…no matter my fears or control issues or insecurities… I know that I know that I know that He’s never going to let go of me and that His plan for me is good. And His plan for you is good, too. I hope that encourages someone this week. I need to remind myself every single day. Don’t lose heart. He sees you.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”” Genesis 16:13 NIV

“The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Psalms 145:13-18 NIV

Overshadowed

I am thankful:

~ for the Rucker bus. Most of you know we have 9 kids and drive a 12 passenger van. We love it. It is a big spectacle, we get lots of stares, and we’ve been told it looks like a “dad’bern giant toaster.” But it is so comfortable for our family, and has been a terrific vehicle for 6 years now. A little over a week ago, the rear AC stopped working. In Texas, even in October, you can’t drive a dad’bern giant toaster full of children with no AC. They get crispy quick! So we took it to the dealership for repair. That left me with no other options but a 6- seater truck to drive 7 kids around (7 kids PLUS ME). Thankfully, we had no issues, and no onlookers did a head count and called CPS. The bus was in the shop for a full week, but now it’s back and climate control restored. It was a good exercise for all of us on FAMILY CLOSENESS. And now we have RENEWED APPRECIATION for our spacious bus!

~ Bear is most especially grateful that the bus is fixed. With so many kiddos illegally crammed in a sardine can, there was most definitely no room for a giant, hairy muppet! He missed out on his rides to and from school, and is glad to be my co-pilot once more.

~ for a special Kindergarten Special Kid week. This is always the highlight of any Kindergartener at GCS. And this was Sawyer’s turn. He has talked about it “coming up” for at least 2 weeks, counting down the days with such anticipation. THIS KID WAS EXCITED!!! Each day was a different fun thing: Monday, he brought his poster.

Tuesday, a favorite toy. Wednesday, Mama read his favorite book to the class, “Dr. Seuss ABC book.”

Thursday was “bring-a-special-snack-and-an-award. So that meant fudgy brownies and Beads of Courage. It’s more and more remarkable to see Sawyer growing up into himself as he boldly and openly shares his story in front of his peers. “I had cancer in my blood when I was a baby. I had to take chemo and all my hair falled out.” His classmates asked several questions about the beads, amazed at the number of white chemo beads and green hospital stay beads. Sawyer showed them the black beads representing all the pokes, shots, and port accesses he had over the years. He laughed, “some of my medicines made me get big chubby cheeks.” It was a very impactful presentation by a remarkable boy.

Friday was “Family Day,” and as many of us as were able gathered in the tiny chairs at the front of his classroom to share what we love about him. Another simple day that we have celebrated with each of our kiddos, that now has so much more meaning, because we didn’t know if he would be here.

~ for crispy BBQ chicken legs fresh off the grill.

~ for Cooper’s team coming back from Gilmer with a win! Go Cougars!

~ for friends who have donated for the Children’s Hospital Prize Closet Toy Drive. Our friend, warrior Mama, and eloquent advocate and writer Shelby (also known as Sophie the Brave’s mom, and now Baby Connor’s Mom) shared the request on her FB page, and we had a great response of donations in Sophie’s honor. We are definitely still in need. We’ve got a week left and we are definitely behind from last year’s toy donation. There’s still time to drop of toys in Tyler or Carthage (contact me!) or you can donate via www.goldnetworkoet.com/donate and we will shop for you! Thank you so much for all who have already given so generously.

~ for one of the most epically successful hauls in my Large Item Trash Pickup weeks of all time! I found table legs, finials, a vintage film box, a coffee table top that will make a perfect sign, 2 dining chairs (that we needed to replace 2 broken ones), a great stack of wide plank reclaimed wood, several great baskets, and a beautiful 9 foot Christmas tree! Oh how I love treasure week!

~ for a successful oral surgery for Josh. He has had chronic tooth issues over the years, and undergone multiple root canals, surgeries, and an implant. His mouth has been flaring up again, causing headaches and jaw pain, so it was time for yet another surgery to remove an infected tooth, as well as some bone grafting to prepare for an eventual new crown. Josh made it through the surgery well, and was pleasantly surprised with the custom retainer he was fitted with to disguise the missing tooth while his mouth heals. I got to be his nurse for the day, and I will enthusiastically present him with the Worst Patient of All Time Award. But we both survived it, and are glad he is on the path toward a healthier mouth.

~ for 2 fantastic nights at CityFest! We’ve been hearing about CityFest for nearly 2 years, praying for it and it’s impact on our city. But as it actually approached, I had increasing second thoughts about attending. I knew it would be H-O-T. I knew there would be about a bazillion people there. It just sounded like a big ‘ole hassle. But Cooper really wanted to go, and he worked on me until I gave in. We loaded everybody up, picked Dad up from work, and hoped for the best. A bazillion people was about right! The massive stage spanned all the way across Broadway, with jumbotrons on each side. People were EVERYWHERE.

But we found a good spot in the middle of the street, and settled in. The atmosphere was loud and lively. The kids were excited even though they had no idea what was going on. The concerts were top notch, Blanca, Ryan Stevenson, and Newsboys DID NOT DISAPPOINT! It was such a great show, and the kids were all thrilled to see the artists in REAL LIFE singing songs they sing along with on the radio. They sang and danced their hearts out! Amazing to have such an epic event, TOTALLY FREE! Even more amazing, it was incredible to see so many people of every color and walk of life gathered together for an openly Christian gathering. Evangelist Andrew Palau shared his personal testimony and an encouraging message of hope. We caught the fever, and there was no question that we would come back for the second night. We had a great time watching Pat Barrett, Neil McCoy, and Lacrae. What a fantastic show! I know that hearts were touched and lives were changed at Cityfest, and I’m so thankful we got to be a part of it.

My heart is heavy with a devastating loss in our Gold Network family. We met the Reed family in 2015 at Children’s Hospital. Micah, a vibrant 11 year old, had just relapsed with leukemia. He fought bravely until God eventually healed him by taking him to heaven on September 11, the day before the first Tyler Gold Run. Micah’s mom, Sandy, continued to honor her son’s memory by pouring into others and advocating for hurting families. Friday night, on the way home from a football game, was killed in a horrific traffic accident. Her sister was killed also, and son Jacob and a niece were severely injured but survived. When a dear friend notified me of the tragedy, my first thought was, “No God, WHY???!!!” And my second thought was of the glorious reunion between Micah and his sweet Mama. But what a hole of hurt and pain left here on earth for all the people who love her. The Reed family’s hometown is Sulphur Springs, and this small East Texas town has risen up in a BIG WAY to rally support. Tomorrow they are encouraging people to wear gold and blue to honor Sandy and her family. And I will include the link to a wonderful article about the community support, and how you can donate if you feel led.

Josh’s tooth trouble has gotten me thinking this week…isn’t it so strange how one tiny festering tooth can cripple you? It takes over everything. It’s such a nagging, aggravating pain that you can’t get away from. One little tooth. That’s how my week has been. It’s been a great week, full of blessings. But I’ve been distracted by something personal, one nagging thing crippling my joy. So my joy didn’t feel as joyful, it tasted a little flat. The pounding of pain and worry worked its way in front of everything else, and overshadowed the beauty God tried to show me each day. BUT GOD. That nag, even though I did allow it to dominate, it did press me in to the Lord. Oh the hours I spent in prayer. I prayed when I woke up in the night, and prayers of thanksgiving were the first thing on my lips each morning. Not because I’m so spiritual. But because I was SO DRY AND SO DESPERATE. So what the enemy intended for evil, a nag to overshadow my joy and distract me from my blessings…God redeemed for good. I struggled hard this week. But I’m so thankful to say that He has already done a mighty Work in the midst of the trial, and I’m praying it was a spiritual breakthrough. It doesn’t always work that way. I know we have all been through trials that have persisted a whole lot longer than a week. Sometimes we go years without seeing breakthrough. And sometimes it looks nothing like what we expected or hoped or asked for. I am just ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that our Good Good Father is always at work, and never ceases the refining process when we give Him full access to our lives. The nagging pain of trial is often a symptom of a developing habit or stronghold or stumbling block that He wants to set us free from. What do we need to lay down? Pride? Anxiety? Control? Fear of man’s opinion? (Pride is pretty much the root of all that, when you boil it down). Anyway, I am ready for the week ahead. Armed with Scripture and the protected by Armor of God, I feel geared up, encouraged, and ready to kick the devil in the face when (not if) he comes at me. Not this week Satan. I will let Mighty God, the Maker of heaven and earth, overshadow me, not my circumstances.

Let’s love one another well this week. Lift up someone who is hurting. Life is too short to walk past someone who needs a minute of your time. You ARE the answer to someone’s prayers.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”” Psalms 91:1-2

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:10-13

Don’t Give Up

I am thankful:

~ for breathing easier. You might remember that Cooper was injured at football practice about a month ago. His hip is fully recovered, but we had another issue hanging over our heads with his health. The EMT on site that day was concerned with Cooper’s heart rhythm, and said we needed to follow up with our primary care physician. We did, and THAT doctor felt it best to err on the conservative side, referring Cooper to a pediatric heart specialist. That appointment was this week. When we arrived, the nurse noted Cooper’s blood pressure as slightly elevated (which could easily have been caused by his anxiety about the appointment). But also, the repeat EKG showed the same concerning abnormality, and prompted the doctor to do an echocardiogram. Thankfully, the anatomy of Cooper’s heart looked perfectly healthy, and the doctor said Cooper is fine. He has an electrical dysrhythmia, an abnormal electric impulse in his heartbeat, but it is not causing any issues. The specialist wants to see him back in a year to make sure nothing is developing into a problem, but otherwise cleared him for all activities, including football! Those were the magic words Coop had been waiting to hear. So it was very special to get to see him take the field with his team Thursday night. Thank You God for taking care of our boy!

~for the sound of little voices lifted in praise. I love that my Littles love Christian music. It’s mostly what we listen to in the car every day. I don’t say that to sound preachy or to brag that we are doing something good. It’s just a choice that I’ve made after hearing my kids sing some less-than-wholesome lyrics that just didn’t sound right coming out of their a little mouths. So anyway, even Tatum has a few songs that she knows, and I love to hear her tiny “hallelujah,” and see her lifted hands. My middle girls are entering the preteen years, and they love music so much. So they sing out with ALL THEIR MIGHT. And I have to hide my giggles when the tone is more enthusiastic than melodious. I know it all sounds beautiful to the Lord.

~ for a reprieve from the oppressively hot weather. We have had a few days that almost feel like fall is coming.

~for one of our most amazing and inspiring experiences since creating the Gold Network of East TX. One of our sweet Hero girls, Aneesa, was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma in the first grade. She bravely fought through her treatment, and is now an 8th grader at Moore Middle School here in Tyler. She asked her principal to do a Go Gold fundraiser at their school. He said no. Disappointed, but determined, she wrote him a THREE PAGE LETTER explaining what she had been through as a child with cancer, her compassion for other kids with cancer, and shared with him the maddening statistic that less than 4% of federal research funding is directed toward childhood cancer research.

She told him about Gold Network of ETX, and how we have supported her family and her other friends with cancer, and asked him to reconsider and Go Gold. He agreed! Aneesa got on the announcements at her school, shared the news that she was celebrating being 7 years cancer-free, and asked them to pay $2 to wear gold or yellow on the designated day. Her classmates and the faculty were incredibly supportive, and raised over $1000!

I was invited to their pep rally this week (as was the local news station) where Aneesa presented me with a giant check in front of her whole school! I could not have been more proud! What an inspiration this young lady is! She is taking the biggest challenge of her life and turning it into a blessing for others – and is refusing to take “no” for an answer! She didn’t give up! Josh told her he could envision her being the first of our Hero kids to join our GNET board one day. Aneesa was absolutely GLOWING. Love that sweet, sweet girl.

~ for a wonderful evening with some of our Tyler Gold Run volunteer team. We gathered at our big table around a feast of C Rojos decadent tacos and burgers and visited and laughed and just encouraged one another. Then we busted out some delicious pies and coffee and talked about the high points of Tyler Gold Run 2019 and goals for improvement for next year’s event. We got such great feedback, and I just treasure each one of these dedicated individuals who give of their time and energy to support the vision and mission of GNET. I am STILL more exhausted than I have ever been in my life. Another year older, I find I just don’t bounce back the way I once did. But I am so excited to see all that God has in store for us in the upcoming year, and all the lives GNET is going to touch.

~ A friend texted me the most touching and surprising note. She keeps a Sawyer shirt in her classroom as a reminder to pray for him, and so many others of course. We don’t often think about that most of our prayer requests are not one and done. It’s always a process, always a journey. when someone is sick, we pray for healing, but do we continue to pray for recovery? When we know someone is about to have a baby, we pray for the pregnancy and a healthy delivery. Do we continue to pray for the momma during the sleepless nights? And that the baby will grow strong and healthy? That momma is never going to stop needing our prayers. I’m so grateful for the friends who don’t stop praying. The ones who continue to pray more than five years after Sawyer was diagnosed. Who pray for my adopted children for the different things that they are working through. That pray for all of my kids, that pray for my marriage, and pray for me. We have to be faithful to lift one another up. Don’t give up!

~ for a fun day watching our yummy 1 year old cousin, Emmett. He loved the Bear, and kept me on my toes with his exploring. Tatum K surprised me with her jealousy and how decidedly and passionately she hoarded “HER” things. Our prissy princess had quite the furrowed frown! I also got some good baby sugars from baby Coby this week. I’ve been itching to get my hands on him for a long time.

~ for so many generous donations for the Children’s Hospital Toy Drive. We are so excited to refill the prize closet at the clinic next month. There’s still time to donate!

~ for an unexpected surprise. Looks like it is large item pick up week again! Already this evening just running an errand, I have seen pile after pile on the curb. In less than 20 minutes I scored a pair of shutters, and antique file box, and a set of finials off a bedframe. It’s going to be a great week!

I know I am not alone in saying: this parenting stuff is HARD, y’all. HARD!!! No matter how many kids you have, or what their ages, whatever you’re walking through, it’s just a different flavor of hard. Our family is in a unique situation with so many kids on so many points along the timeline. Not many parents are training toddlers, navigating Littles, preteens, teens, and young adults simultaneously. The needs are relentless. I can’t remember a time when ALL NINE of them were all doing solidly OK at the same time. Somebody’s always mad at us or at each other. Somebody’s in trouble. Somebody’s sick. Something is falling apart with at least one of them at all times. It’s like whack a mole. But I’m the one who consistently takes the mallet to the head. Parenting HURTS. I know we will get through it, and I know God is always at work. But I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I just feel like I want to run away. But God. I am thankful for new mercies every morning, and I’m thankful that the outcomes are not up to me doing everything right. God knew what He was doing when He chose me to be the Mama for each one of my babies, and He has faithfully, consistently, and without fail given me the grace to walk through sleepless nights and cancer, fostering and rebellion, adoption and selfishness and defiance and everything else that life has thrown at us. And no matter how weary Josh and I get, we are never giving up. We won’t ever give up on any of our kids, and we will fight for them on our knees and in our hearts as long as we have breath. Don’t lose heart friends. Don’t give up when it’s hard. Read the extra story. Give the extra hug. Say you’re sorry when you screw up. And don’t be so hard on yourself. God is working on them and He is working on you. God is doing His thing. Let Him. Anyway, I needed to say all that to encourage myself, and I figured maybe somebody else needed it too.

Let’s love one another well this week.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Choosing a Soundtrack

I am thankful:

~ for an uneventful day off from school. It was nice and quiet. The kids had fun in the pool. It was a lovely nothing day.

~ for a special, special day that I never could have dreamed we would see. Our 20 year anniversary! The naive kids who repeated vows 2 decades ago would have rightfully been nominated “Least Likely to Succeed.” We had everything against us. But God breathed His life into us, and into our marriage. He knit us together because we only had each other. He took us through the fire and refined our love and our faith. I scarcely recognize those kids. But I love what our life has become. We enjoyed our new favorite C Rojo’s burger and grapefruit sodas for lunch, and thanked God for 20 beautiful, hard, grace-laced, overcoming years. This was what I posted that day:

“These two kids didn’t have a clue. We were wild and naive and crazy about each other. We had a baby. And then found Jesus. And then got married. Had some more babies and adopted one. Lost a baby, adopted some more, and had another baby all in one year. Then came cancer. More cancer, and ANOTHER baby. I am blown away by the quantity and quality of life and love God has packed into 20 years. We chose each other when we didn’t know any better. Now I know, and I’d choose you again and again and forever. And to borrow from another favorite love story, “Let ‘me say we’re crazy. What do they know? Put your arms around me baby, don’t ever let go. Let the world around us, just fall apart. Baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart.” Happy Anniversary to my Love.”

~for an uncommonly cooperative and photogenic dog. He doesn’t mind being a Giddyup & Whoa model or a Gold Network spokesdog. But he does get tired after all the limelight.

~for exciting updates from our graphic designer for this year’s Tyler Gold Run shirts! We wanted something fun and different to celebrate 5 years. Can’t show you yet…but I can’t wait!!!! There’s still time to register!

~ for so many heartwarming reports of people “Going Gold!” You have changed your profile pictures, shared awareness posts, worn gold… THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, and the hearts of so many families who live childhood cancer awareness month every single day, not because they choose to, but because it is the reality of the life they now live.

~for healing. Cooper’s hip is mending well. Kora has had a chronically recurrent ear infection that is improving. Sawyer has had a yucky cough. That’s not uncommon for him. He always catches whatever crud is going around. He was coughing by the second day of school, and pretty much has been ever since. I try not to not be too quick to drag him to the doctor’s office, because I know everybody gets a cold at back to school time. And I know I am oversensitive and overprotective with Sawyer. Unfortunately, Monday night, he started running fever. High fever, over 102°. We kept him home from school of course, but resisted the urge to jump straight to the doctor, for the same reasons referenced before. But the cough worsened enough that it was keeping him up all night. And me. And Tatum K. After three days of significant fever and increasing coughing, I finally took him in to the pediatrician. Pneumonia. Now after missing a full week of school, and a few days on antibiotics, the fever has lifted and the cough is at least a little better. BUT, now Tatum K is running fever. Sigh. Just one exceptionally exhausting act in the intricate dance of a large family. BUT GOD…

~ for melatonin. When your child physically does not have a “get sleepy” button, you MAKE SURE you NEVER run out of melatonin.

When life is super busy (back to school + a million kids + Giddyup & Whoa painting + crunch time in preparation for the Gold Run) and then we have a health curveball… it really sends me spiraling. Anxiety doesn’t play nice, and is merciless in its attacks. Rest at night is almost nonexistent. I often feel paralyzed by all I have to get done, and physically feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. Somehow I had recently heard some song, just a snippet of a really terrible song, and it got stuck in my head. It was absolutely maddening. After about 3 days, I realized how it was absolutely MESSING WITH ME! It was quite literally a vulgar and negative soundtrack playing constantly in my head. But once I keyed in on it…I took action right away. I turned on my worship music and began to SING! Every time the negative song would creep back into the background, I would silence it with prayer and singing. Changing the soundtrack of my day made a huge difference in my peace. Have you ever noticed that? That you replay something over and over in your mind? And how much more often it is something NEGATIVE than anything remotely positive? We replay a scathing argument, but rarely an uplifting encouragement. Recognizing this habit, and acknowledging the negative impact it has on our mood and our spirit can be such a life changing paradigm shift.

I’m ready for a better week. Sawyer is excited to return to school after several days on his antibiotic and now fever-free. I pray Tatum K recovers quickly and no one else gets sick. I have a to-do list 86 miles long, but I trust God to provide the grace I need breath by breath. And it may not all get done, and it probably won’t all go perfectly, but that’s ok too. BUT GOD…

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“When every day is just another struggle / And every choice is an act of war / Gotta pray, gotta press on to the prize worth fighting for / When it feels like I’ll never make it / When my heart’s crying out for more / Gotta pray, gotta press on to the prize worth fighting for.” (“Prize Worth Fighting For” Jamie Kimmett)

“I hear the whisper underneath your breath / I hear you whisper, you have nothing left / I will send out an army / To find you in the middle of darkest night / It’s true, I will rescue you / I will never stop marching / To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight / It’s true, I will rescue you. (“Rescue” Lauren Daigle)

“Now I have resurrection power / living on the inside Jesus / You have given us freedom No longer bound by sin and darkness / living in the light of Your goodness / You have given us freedom Freedom, You have given us freedom, You have given us freedom, my chains are gone! Freedom, You have given us freedom, You have given us freedom, HALLELUJAH!” (“Resurrection Power” Chris Tomlin)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9)

Go GOLD for Kids With Cancer

I am thankful:

~ for conversations overheard in the car:

“I really wanna go to Massachusetts!”

“Well I really want to go to Chinese!”

“I want a really cheap car.”

“No, you can’t have that. Cheap cars are really, really expensive!”

~ for my Coop. I got a pretty terrifying phone call from Josh Tuesday evening. Cooper got hit hard during football practice and at the moment I was called, there was an ambulance and firetruck on the field. Thankfully, a trip to the ER confirmed that nothing was broken. Only a hyperextended hip and some torn ligaments. We are disappointed that he will miss a few weeks of playing time, but so very thankful that the injury wasn’t worse.

~for my first Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season. And it was even better because Colton showed up with it on my doorstep!

~ for a GOLDEN WEEK. Oh my goodness, it was insanely busy and so much work. I ate, slept, and breathed Gold. Very little sleep actually. The “to-do” list always runs and runs through my head and won’t let me rest. But God gave me so much grace to keep it all rolling. And blessed me with such wonderful and thoughtful encouragers who lift me with prayer and kindness.

So thankful for my incredible husband, who shares the vision and drive, and is willing to put his hands to the work behind the scenes. I envisioned a wall of our Hero kids’ pictures, and he built exactly what I described. IN ONE AFTERNOON! He is just amazing. And he’s a great sport about all the little gold sparkles that have spread from one end of our house to the other.

~ i’m thankful that I have the most wonderful and generous people in the world to work alongside. And the absolute most incredible Childhood Cancer community to serve. I met several families for the first time on Thursday. Many of them I’ve only corresponded with by phone or email. I’ve seen the pictures of their precious children, and prayed for them, but it is still so overwhelming to actually meet face-to-face and hug one another. It is the worst, best group of people to belong to.

~ for such a special night at Go GOLD Tyler. We had more than 20 Childhood Cancer families represented, and so many loyal supporters. Our Heroes and their families walked the Gold Carpet, and we released balloons for the children who are now in heaven with Jesus. And I genuinely believe families are realizing that they are not alone. That others understand their pain, that others really care, and that their children and their personal struggles MATTER. Awareness and family connection is spreading, and that has been exactly our hope and prayer for Gold Network of ETX. You can watch our HERO video here.

~ for a successful online auction and for the remarkable generosity that landed that stunning painting EXACTLY where it was meant to be. God’s orchestration is just indescribable!

~ for the best hamburger I have ever had in my hamburger-loving-life! Thank you C Rojos!

~ for endless cups of coffee and a day of pajamas-on-the-couch on Friday (the day after Go GOLD). I Could. Not. Move. Seriously, it took about 3 days to recover.

~ for the very best surprise! My doorbell rang, and it was MY GIRL! Carson Grace came home for the holiday weekend! Oh how I’ve missed her, how we have all missed her! And it makes my heart happy to know she’s missed us a little too!

~ for such a special family day today. We wanted to get to attend ONE MORE Texas Rangers baseball game in our beloved Globe Life Park before everything is moved over to the new state-of-the-art venue that will replace it. That ballpark holds such special memories. Josh and I went when it was known as The Ballpark at Arlington on one of our first dates. It was both of our first Rangers game. We’ve been with the kids, with youth groups, and celebrated birthdays there. We’ve toured the park behind the scenes and run the bases. We’ve sat in the premium seats and the nosebleeds. So today was the perfect day. EVERYONE was able to go, so we started the day with a hearty Dad’s Special Breakfast, and headed for Arlington. Oh, let me tell you…it was H-O-T! (We know that will be the one thing that we won’t miss when we visit the new stadium. It will be air conditioned.) But we ate our packed picnic and snacks and cheered for our team. We even bumped into one of Sawyer’s oncology nurses! I know the kids didn’t REALLY have that great a time: it was way too hot and a lot of sitting. But we were together. And it really meant something to Josh and I to be there all together one last time. And I’m so thankful the kids are SUCH great sports. They were a little whiny and squirrely during the game, but afterwards, they couldn’t quit thanking us for “the best day ever!” We will all laugh at the memory of the hottest, stickiest, stinkiest ballgame of all time!

Today September 1. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I know, people are like, “oh brother, here she goes again.” I get it. Kids with cancer is a real downer. Trust me. I agree. And I didn’t used to know or care ANYTHING about childhood cancer. Until July 23, 2014, when I was told, “your baby has cancer,” and I became another statistic. It wasn’t my life until all of a sudden, it was.

Childhood cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in children in the United States. 700 children are diagnosed each day. And 1 out of 5 children diagnosed with cancer will not survive. It takes more lives than AIDS, Asthma, Cystic Fibrosis, and Diabetes combined. Yet somehow, out of the $5 billion federal budget of the National Cancer Institute (NCI), less than 4% is designated toward research specific to all the types of pediatric cancer combined. That’s why you’ll hear parents of kids with cancer use the phrase, “more than 4.”

So what can you do?

1) GO GOLD! Awareness is the first step. If you are reading this, childhood cancer has come across your radar. Whether it was because of Sawyer, another special child, or a friend of a friend of a friend…you have entered the world of pediatric cancer. What you do with it is up to you. Be creative: put up a gold wreath, paint your nails gold, carry a gold purse for the month of September. Wear gold shoes, or switch to gold shoelaces. Start wearing gold (or your Sawyer shirt, or whoever you are supporting) every Friday, and get the conversation started! Use social media! Use Sawyer’s picture, or find your own! I’m so blessed by several of you who have already changed your profile pictures!

2) If you want to support a national organization on behalf of Childhood Cancer, I recommend Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation and St. Baldrick’s Foundation. Both of these focus solely on pediatric cancers, and primarily research. If you want to support a non-profit for East Texas kids and families, I am personally a fan of Gold Network.

3) Register for Tyler Gold Run on September 21. Start a team. Run it, walk it, or just show up for lemonade and to cheer on the participants! Proceeds support East Texas families as well as Childhood Cancer research.

4) DO SOMETHING! Pray and ask God to show you what is your part. Maybe you’ll be the one to visit kids in the hospital. Or take a meal to a cancer family. GIVE BLOOD!! Kids with cancer need numerous life-saving blood transfusions throughout treatment.

Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. Five years ago, I didn’t know or care about childhood cancer. And in an instant, everything changed. Now, the Lord has allowed me the honor of being an advocate for Sawyer and so many others. My most important message is and will always be sharing the love and hope I have found in Jesus Christ. So to me, sharing that Love with hurting families while raising awareness for these precious children is the perfect combination. I challenge you: GO GOLD for SEPTEMBER!!

Thanks for giving thanks with me!

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”” Revelation 21:3-5