Overshadowed

I am thankful:

~ for the Rucker bus. Most of you know we have 9 kids and drive a 12 passenger van. We love it. It is a big spectacle, we get lots of stares, and we’ve been told it looks like a “dad’bern giant toaster.” But it is so comfortable for our family, and has been a terrific vehicle for 6 years now. A little over a week ago, the rear AC stopped working. In Texas, even in October, you can’t drive a dad’bern giant toaster full of children with no AC. They get crispy quick! So we took it to the dealership for repair. That left me with no other options but a 6- seater truck to drive 7 kids around (7 kids PLUS ME). Thankfully, we had no issues, and no onlookers did a head count and called CPS. The bus was in the shop for a full week, but now it’s back and climate control restored. It was a good exercise for all of us on FAMILY CLOSENESS. And now we have RENEWED APPRECIATION for our spacious bus!

~ Bear is most especially grateful that the bus is fixed. With so many kiddos illegally crammed in a sardine can, there was most definitely no room for a giant, hairy muppet! He missed out on his rides to and from school, and is glad to be my co-pilot once more.

~ for a special Kindergarten Special Kid week. This is always the highlight of any Kindergartener at GCS. And this was Sawyer’s turn. He has talked about it “coming up” for at least 2 weeks, counting down the days with such anticipation. THIS KID WAS EXCITED!!! Each day was a different fun thing: Monday, he brought his poster.

Tuesday, a favorite toy. Wednesday, Mama read his favorite book to the class, “Dr. Seuss ABC book.”

Thursday was “bring-a-special-snack-and-an-award. So that meant fudgy brownies and Beads of Courage. It’s more and more remarkable to see Sawyer growing up into himself as he boldly and openly shares his story in front of his peers. “I had cancer in my blood when I was a baby. I had to take chemo and all my hair falled out.” His classmates asked several questions about the beads, amazed at the number of white chemo beads and green hospital stay beads. Sawyer showed them the black beads representing all the pokes, shots, and port accesses he had over the years. He laughed, “some of my medicines made me get big chubby cheeks.” It was a very impactful presentation by a remarkable boy.

Friday was “Family Day,” and as many of us as were able gathered in the tiny chairs at the front of his classroom to share what we love about him. Another simple day that we have celebrated with each of our kiddos, that now has so much more meaning, because we didn’t know if he would be here.

~ for crispy BBQ chicken legs fresh off the grill.

~ for Cooper’s team coming back from Gilmer with a win! Go Cougars!

~ for friends who have donated for the Children’s Hospital Prize Closet Toy Drive. Our friend, warrior Mama, and eloquent advocate and writer Shelby (also known as Sophie the Brave’s mom, and now Baby Connor’s Mom) shared the request on her FB page, and we had a great response of donations in Sophie’s honor. We are definitely still in need. We’ve got a week left and we are definitely behind from last year’s toy donation. There’s still time to drop of toys in Tyler or Carthage (contact me!) or you can donate via www.goldnetworkoet.com/donate and we will shop for you! Thank you so much for all who have already given so generously.

~ for one of the most epically successful hauls in my Large Item Trash Pickup weeks of all time! I found table legs, finials, a vintage film box, a coffee table top that will make a perfect sign, 2 dining chairs (that we needed to replace 2 broken ones), a great stack of wide plank reclaimed wood, several great baskets, and a beautiful 9 foot Christmas tree! Oh how I love treasure week!

~ for a successful oral surgery for Josh. He has had chronic tooth issues over the years, and undergone multiple root canals, surgeries, and an implant. His mouth has been flaring up again, causing headaches and jaw pain, so it was time for yet another surgery to remove an infected tooth, as well as some bone grafting to prepare for an eventual new crown. Josh made it through the surgery well, and was pleasantly surprised with the custom retainer he was fitted with to disguise the missing tooth while his mouth heals. I got to be his nurse for the day, and I will enthusiastically present him with the Worst Patient of All Time Award. But we both survived it, and are glad he is on the path toward a healthier mouth.

~ for 2 fantastic nights at CityFest! We’ve been hearing about CityFest for nearly 2 years, praying for it and it’s impact on our city. But as it actually approached, I had increasing second thoughts about attending. I knew it would be H-O-T. I knew there would be about a bazillion people there. It just sounded like a big ‘ole hassle. But Cooper really wanted to go, and he worked on me until I gave in. We loaded everybody up, picked Dad up from work, and hoped for the best. A bazillion people was about right! The massive stage spanned all the way across Broadway, with jumbotrons on each side. People were EVERYWHERE.

But we found a good spot in the middle of the street, and settled in. The atmosphere was loud and lively. The kids were excited even though they had no idea what was going on. The concerts were top notch, Blanca, Ryan Stevenson, and Newsboys DID NOT DISAPPOINT! It was such a great show, and the kids were all thrilled to see the artists in REAL LIFE singing songs they sing along with on the radio. They sang and danced their hearts out! Amazing to have such an epic event, TOTALLY FREE! Even more amazing, it was incredible to see so many people of every color and walk of life gathered together for an openly Christian gathering. Evangelist Andrew Palau shared his personal testimony and an encouraging message of hope. We caught the fever, and there was no question that we would come back for the second night. We had a great time watching Pat Barrett, Neil McCoy, and Lacrae. What a fantastic show! I know that hearts were touched and lives were changed at Cityfest, and I’m so thankful we got to be a part of it.

My heart is heavy with a devastating loss in our Gold Network family. We met the Reed family in 2015 at Children’s Hospital. Micah, a vibrant 11 year old, had just relapsed with leukemia. He fought bravely until God eventually healed him by taking him to heaven on September 11, the day before the first Tyler Gold Run. Micah’s mom, Sandy, continued to honor her son’s memory by pouring into others and advocating for hurting families. Friday night, on the way home from a football game, was killed in a horrific traffic accident. Her sister was killed also, and son Jacob and a niece were severely injured but survived. When a dear friend notified me of the tragedy, my first thought was, “No God, WHY???!!!” And my second thought was of the glorious reunion between Micah and his sweet Mama. But what a hole of hurt and pain left here on earth for all the people who love her. The Reed family’s hometown is Sulphur Springs, and this small East Texas town has risen up in a BIG WAY to rally support. Tomorrow they are encouraging people to wear gold and blue to honor Sandy and her family. And I will include the link to a wonderful article about the community support, and how you can donate if you feel led.

Josh’s tooth trouble has gotten me thinking this week…isn’t it so strange how one tiny festering tooth can cripple you? It takes over everything. It’s such a nagging, aggravating pain that you can’t get away from. One little tooth. That’s how my week has been. It’s been a great week, full of blessings. But I’ve been distracted by something personal, one nagging thing crippling my joy. So my joy didn’t feel as joyful, it tasted a little flat. The pounding of pain and worry worked its way in front of everything else, and overshadowed the beauty God tried to show me each day. BUT GOD. That nag, even though I did allow it to dominate, it did press me in to the Lord. Oh the hours I spent in prayer. I prayed when I woke up in the night, and prayers of thanksgiving were the first thing on my lips each morning. Not because I’m so spiritual. But because I was SO DRY AND SO DESPERATE. So what the enemy intended for evil, a nag to overshadow my joy and distract me from my blessings…God redeemed for good. I struggled hard this week. But I’m so thankful to say that He has already done a mighty Work in the midst of the trial, and I’m praying it was a spiritual breakthrough. It doesn’t always work that way. I know we have all been through trials that have persisted a whole lot longer than a week. Sometimes we go years without seeing breakthrough. And sometimes it looks nothing like what we expected or hoped or asked for. I am just ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that our Good Good Father is always at work, and never ceases the refining process when we give Him full access to our lives. The nagging pain of trial is often a symptom of a developing habit or stronghold or stumbling block that He wants to set us free from. What do we need to lay down? Pride? Anxiety? Control? Fear of man’s opinion? (Pride is pretty much the root of all that, when you boil it down). Anyway, I am ready for the week ahead. Armed with Scripture and the protected by Armor of God, I feel geared up, encouraged, and ready to kick the devil in the face when (not if) he comes at me. Not this week Satan. I will let Mighty God, the Maker of heaven and earth, overshadow me, not my circumstances.

Let’s love one another well this week. Lift up someone who is hurting. Life is too short to walk past someone who needs a minute of your time. You ARE the answer to someone’s prayers.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”” Psalms 91:1-2

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:10-13

Choosing a Soundtrack

I am thankful:

~ for an uneventful day off from school. It was nice and quiet. The kids had fun in the pool. It was a lovely nothing day.

~ for a special, special day that I never could have dreamed we would see. Our 20 year anniversary! The naive kids who repeated vows 2 decades ago would have rightfully been nominated “Least Likely to Succeed.” We had everything against us. But God breathed His life into us, and into our marriage. He knit us together because we only had each other. He took us through the fire and refined our love and our faith. I scarcely recognize those kids. But I love what our life has become. We enjoyed our new favorite C Rojo’s burger and grapefruit sodas for lunch, and thanked God for 20 beautiful, hard, grace-laced, overcoming years. This was what I posted that day:

“These two kids didn’t have a clue. We were wild and naive and crazy about each other. We had a baby. And then found Jesus. And then got married. Had some more babies and adopted one. Lost a baby, adopted some more, and had another baby all in one year. Then came cancer. More cancer, and ANOTHER baby. I am blown away by the quantity and quality of life and love God has packed into 20 years. We chose each other when we didn’t know any better. Now I know, and I’d choose you again and again and forever. And to borrow from another favorite love story, “Let ‘me say we’re crazy. What do they know? Put your arms around me baby, don’t ever let go. Let the world around us, just fall apart. Baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart.” Happy Anniversary to my Love.”

~for an uncommonly cooperative and photogenic dog. He doesn’t mind being a Giddyup & Whoa model or a Gold Network spokesdog. But he does get tired after all the limelight.

~for exciting updates from our graphic designer for this year’s Tyler Gold Run shirts! We wanted something fun and different to celebrate 5 years. Can’t show you yet…but I can’t wait!!!! There’s still time to register!

~ for so many heartwarming reports of people “Going Gold!” You have changed your profile pictures, shared awareness posts, worn gold… THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, and the hearts of so many families who live childhood cancer awareness month every single day, not because they choose to, but because it is the reality of the life they now live.

~for healing. Cooper’s hip is mending well. Kora has had a chronically recurrent ear infection that is improving. Sawyer has had a yucky cough. That’s not uncommon for him. He always catches whatever crud is going around. He was coughing by the second day of school, and pretty much has been ever since. I try not to not be too quick to drag him to the doctor’s office, because I know everybody gets a cold at back to school time. And I know I am oversensitive and overprotective with Sawyer. Unfortunately, Monday night, he started running fever. High fever, over 102°. We kept him home from school of course, but resisted the urge to jump straight to the doctor, for the same reasons referenced before. But the cough worsened enough that it was keeping him up all night. And me. And Tatum K. After three days of significant fever and increasing coughing, I finally took him in to the pediatrician. Pneumonia. Now after missing a full week of school, and a few days on antibiotics, the fever has lifted and the cough is at least a little better. BUT, now Tatum K is running fever. Sigh. Just one exceptionally exhausting act in the intricate dance of a large family. BUT GOD…

~ for melatonin. When your child physically does not have a “get sleepy” button, you MAKE SURE you NEVER run out of melatonin.

When life is super busy (back to school + a million kids + Giddyup & Whoa painting + crunch time in preparation for the Gold Run) and then we have a health curveball… it really sends me spiraling. Anxiety doesn’t play nice, and is merciless in its attacks. Rest at night is almost nonexistent. I often feel paralyzed by all I have to get done, and physically feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. Somehow I had recently heard some song, just a snippet of a really terrible song, and it got stuck in my head. It was absolutely maddening. After about 3 days, I realized how it was absolutely MESSING WITH ME! It was quite literally a vulgar and negative soundtrack playing constantly in my head. But once I keyed in on it…I took action right away. I turned on my worship music and began to SING! Every time the negative song would creep back into the background, I would silence it with prayer and singing. Changing the soundtrack of my day made a huge difference in my peace. Have you ever noticed that? That you replay something over and over in your mind? And how much more often it is something NEGATIVE than anything remotely positive? We replay a scathing argument, but rarely an uplifting encouragement. Recognizing this habit, and acknowledging the negative impact it has on our mood and our spirit can be such a life changing paradigm shift.

I’m ready for a better week. Sawyer is excited to return to school after several days on his antibiotic and now fever-free. I pray Tatum K recovers quickly and no one else gets sick. I have a to-do list 86 miles long, but I trust God to provide the grace I need breath by breath. And it may not all get done, and it probably won’t all go perfectly, but that’s ok too. BUT GOD…

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“When every day is just another struggle / And every choice is an act of war / Gotta pray, gotta press on to the prize worth fighting for / When it feels like I’ll never make it / When my heart’s crying out for more / Gotta pray, gotta press on to the prize worth fighting for.” (“Prize Worth Fighting For” Jamie Kimmett)

“I hear the whisper underneath your breath / I hear you whisper, you have nothing left / I will send out an army / To find you in the middle of darkest night / It’s true, I will rescue you / I will never stop marching / To reach you in the middle of the hardest fight / It’s true, I will rescue you. (“Rescue” Lauren Daigle)

“Now I have resurrection power / living on the inside Jesus / You have given us freedom No longer bound by sin and darkness / living in the light of Your goodness / You have given us freedom Freedom, You have given us freedom, You have given us freedom, my chains are gone! Freedom, You have given us freedom, You have given us freedom, HALLELUJAH!” (“Resurrection Power” Chris Tomlin)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9)

Grace

Grace. Defined as “the unmerited favor of God toward man.” It’s the good we get that we don’t deserve. Oh, how we need grace. It’s something I’m always begging God for more of, and I’m so thankful that it’s something He never runs out of. I’m counting on heaping helpings of that grace to get me through this summer with all these kiddos and all the big changes that are coming this fall.

I am thankful for GRACE.

One of my kiddos had a pretty bad day. Well, pretty much it’s been A BUNCH of bad days piggybacked on top of each other. And I’ve had to discipline a lot. Like a LOT LOT. And it left me feeling discouraged and sour and like the World’s Meanest Mommy. But Saturday morning, I stretched my my arms open, and this child crawled up into my lap.

I whispered, “I love you,”

and they said, “I love you too.”

And I said, “Do you know I love you even when I get onto you?”

“Yes,”

“And do you know WHY I get onto you?”

They replied, “because you love me and so I can learn from my mistakes and do better next time.”

Deep sigh. Big squeeze. Tiny tears from mama’s eyes that I tried to hide in their hair as I held them tighter. Ok, maybe not the ACTUAL meanest mommy in the WHOLE world. Thankful to my loving father who gives me the grace I need to be a mama to so many. And the unique grace He gives me to be the exact mama that each ONE CHILD needs at that moment. God, give me the grace to extend that grace to others, especially my children.

~ for my flyswatter. Anybody else dealing with 834,267,559 flies?

~ for our cardinal family. I’ve been captivated by watching their nest and the comings and goings of the parents. Now there’s a baby bird out of the nest, not yet strong enough to fly. It hides itself all around our yard and the neighbors’, and the Mama and Daddy cardinals tirelessly tend to it and bring it food. So far our benevolent neighbors have not called the cops on me for climbing my ladder and constantly peering over their fence with my telescopic camera lens.

~ for the community of prayer warriors who rise up around a need. If you follow me on social media, you likely saw my urgent prayer request for our beloved nurse Kelly and her infant son, Lucas. He has been battling rhabdoid tumors for several months and just recently has started experiencing a decline of appetite and increased pain. A CT this week indicated a new tumor. And y’all hit your knees. Kelly was thankful to report that the mass was not attached to his brain, and that the insertion of an NG tube should provide a nutritional boost to increase Lucas‘s strength as he continues his brave fight. How I wish there was no cancer for him to fight, but today we have the grace to praise God for every piece of encouraging news! You can follow Lucas’ journey on Caringbridge.

~ It’s been a big week for our oldest daughter. Monday Josh, Carson Grace, and I drove to Marshall, TX for New Student Orientation at East Texas Baptist University (ETBU). It’s such a beautifully manicured campus, and all the staff and other students and families were so friendly. After the first general welcome session, all students and parents headed to meet with the heads of the major they had chosen, for Carson Grace, that was Communications. She hasn’t been sure what exactly she’d want to do in that field, but she has some interests and strengths in those areas, so it seemed like a good place to start. Next was a meeting with the department heads for whatever you want to minor in: Music/Worship Arts. Carson Grace was eager to meet with these professors and discuss the choirs and worship team. The head of the Worship Arts department begin to ask lots of specific, pointed questions: “So why are you here?“ “What are you passionate about?” After just a few of her responses, he said… “I don’t know, but you sound like a music major to me!” That was such an unexpected, abrupt shift that caught all of us unaware. But when he asked her, “Do you like music? Or do you LOVE music? For me…” he said, “I’m interested in a lot of things, but music is what gets me out of bed in the morning. It’s what makes me tick.” And her eyes filled with tears as she said, “ I love it. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”

And that was that. She’s a music major! Thank you God for the grace to take a step out in faith.

~ also this week, Carson Grace had her very first job interview. After about 25 minutes, she walked out with the job!

~ not only that, Carson Grace, our sweet girl, our Princess Peanut, turned 18. I swear, yesterday she was a baby. A bitsy, blue-eyed baby, sucking her thumb behind a pink crocheted blanket. A tiny, sassy toddler shaking her thing to the Wiggles “Pony Song.” We’ve ridden the predictably unpredictable hormone roller coaster, cried happy tears and tears of frustration, and learned the hard way how to communicate. Josh says she’s just like me: sometimes that’s a compliment, and sometimes it’s most assuredly NOT. But as I look at her as a young adult, a young woman, my heart is bursting with so much pride and so much hope for her future that it genuinely feels like pain.

Grace was my grandmother. My dad‘s mom. She was a farmer, a school bus driver, 4-H leader, and a world traveler. She knew how to cook and sew and her house was cozy and neat as a pin.

I pretty much grew up at her house, at her kitchen table, in her garden, and in her basement. I spent all my time with her when I was little bitty, but when I grew older, I spent time with her by choice. I would ride my bicycle 3 miles down the treacherously steep loose gravel road that led from our family farm to her house in the valley. I loved to be at Grandma’s house. I played “olden days,” dressing up in her old furs and hats from the 50s and the reading the old primers she had saved from when my dad was a little boy. I waded and fished in the creeks around her house. We watched deer and birds and squirrels from her windows, and watched the trees explode into color on the bluffs that rose up around her on every side. She was feminine, but not girlie, and I never remember seeing her wear a drop of makeup. She loved me unconditionally and was my biggest fan and supporter through every endeavor. I loved my Grandma. And even though I never expected to have a daughter, when I found out that my second baby was going to be a girl, it was a given that I would name her Grace. Josh and I traveled from Texas back to Minnesota about once a year to visit early in our marriage, and each time it was more heartbreaking to see Grandma’s health decline as Parkinson’s Disease robbed her of her physical strength and independence. She passed away when Carson Grace was 6. But I will always treasure the memories I have of her, and I love sharing them with my kids. I know she would have gotten such a kick out of my crazy oversized Tribe, and they all would have loved her just like I did. And I’m so proud that my first-born daughter bears the name of such a special lady, one who lived up to the definition of the word.

Let’s love lavishly and extend extra measures of grace this week! Everybody else needs it just as much as you do.

Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:7-9

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Autopilot OFF

~ for the most astounding surprise I could never have imagined. My DAD showed up on my doorstep!!!! I was born and raised on a farm in Minnesota, and all my family still lives up in that region. Life never ceases to be busy on both sides, we have constantly been adding more children, and then there was STUPID CANCER. So although we regularly keep in touch, somehow it has been more than 12 years since I’ve seen my dad!!!! That means he hadn’t even MET SIX OF HIS GRANDCHILDREN! What a treasure to get to introduce my dad and stepmom, and to show them around our home and our city. I’m so proud of my kids, they are so full of love and share it without hesitation. They showed out and entertained, drew pictures and crawled in laps. We had a wonderful concentrated visit, and then Dad and Jennifer were right back in their car for the 14 hour drive north. I tried to talk them into staying, but it was just a whirlwind spur of the moment trip, and they had spring chores to get back to. However surprising, however brief, I am so utterly amazed and thankful for the wonderful visit, and for such a special memory for my kids.

~ for God’s mighty hand of protection, and those moments of gravity when we get a glimpse of how much worse things could have been without Him. Thank You Lord for Your Mercy. Carson Grace sang a wonderful song today for offering, “Remember,” by Lauren Daigle. Hard times will inevitably come, but we have to take the time to remember all the ways He has shown himself faithful. You can enjoy her song here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LHJ4AQgROY

~ for our first trip to the library of the summer. I’m so thankful that my kids still enjoy it. They love fun books and they LOVE the experience of so many choices at the library. This time we came home with lots of superheroes, Barbie, American Girl, and backyard bird books. Now, to keep track of them all and return them on time….

Our new hummingbird feeder is just like the one in Sawyer’s library book!

~ for the toilet in our guest bathroom. It has experienced multiple degrees of brokenness over the last several months, and it has been a real hassle. This week, Josh fixed it – like FOR REAL fixed it. You can now go in that bathroom and do what you need to do in there, with FULL CONFIDENCE that the commode will perform its intended purpose. And I’m just absolutely thrilled about it!

~ for steady work for Giddy Up & Whoa. We’ve done several signs for graduation and Mother’s Day, and even for a mortgage company as closing gifts. I’ve been thankful to paint at least a little almost every day.

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~ for the brilliantly colored cardinal families that dwell in our backyard. They flit back and forth all day, and chatter to us every morning. And for Sawyer’s enthusiasm for our new hummingbird feeder. He read about hummingbirds in his new book, and helped mix up the nectar and hang the feeder. Looking forward to birdwatching this summer!

~for a fun outing at the shooting range for Cooper.

~ for a beautiful weekend spent in and by the pool. It’s getting hot…and the kids (and Bear) are LOVING the cool water. We’ve worked so hard back there over the last year and a half….ripping out shrubs, hauling rocks, staining and repairing the fence, resurfacing the aged decking….it is such an amazing transformation. It was nice before, but now it is truly an oasis. Tatum K has gotten her first taste of the water, and she loves to (swim) “WEEM! I weem, Mama!” I can tell she will be a little water bug like the others. Josh and I still cannot believe how blessed we are to live in this home, and look forward to sharing it with our kids and their friends for years to come.

It’s nice to have some lazy days. Our schedule has been pretty open, few appointments or plans. Especially after the breakneck pace at the end of school, it’s refreshing to have a reprieve. Josh and I were reminded today how we don’t take “nothing days” for granted any more. When you’ve spent any significant length of time in a hospital, or separated from the ones you love by trauma, there’s nothing more refreshing than a “normal” day at home. But I can already tell it’s time to get into a routine. Embracing our “normal” days doesn’t necessarily have to mean mindless coasting. I remember when it dawned on me one time, you can’t coast anywhere but down. You’ll never get better, stronger, or wiser on autopilot. Growth takes effort. And even if continued growth wasn’t the goal…you can’t even MAINTAIN status quo without effort! Skillfully sculpted muscles atrophy, the sparkling blue pool turns murky green, the meticulously manicured lawn becomes a wilderness. And I need to remind myself of the truth I want my kids to learn: WORK IS GOOD! Of course, rest is good too, critically important in fact, but like anything else, it’s all about balance. Body, mind, and spirit need training and exercise to stay sharp. Our family just needs a little structure to our day, some punctuation. And as much as I hate to admit it, that extra hour of sleep in the morning doesn’t yield a more rested, more patient mama. Getting up and investing that hour in the Word does. And then in turn, investing that return into reading to my kids, swimming with my kids, LISTENING TO MY KIDS. I can already tell a negative impact in our home from one week of unstructured cruise control. Time to turn off auto pilot, set an alarm, dig into God’s Word, and launch into our days with purpose, instead of just letting the day run us over. Of course we will have spontaneous days, days with unexpected detours. Some days will be wildly successful and others will be a dismal failure. But I know we will enjoy the journey more if we stay the course with a balance of consistency and flexibility. So we will give it a go this week.

Let’s love on purpose this week! Thanks for giving thanks with me!

“I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.” Psalm 77:11-14

“Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”” Joshua 4:4-7

Risen

I am thankful that even though the beginning of this week started off ROUGH, it got better and ended GLORIOUS!

Sawyer woke up Monday morning feeling bad. Really bad. His first words were, “Mama…my lungs hurt when I ‘breave.’” Well I surely didn’t like the sound of that! I laid hands on him and prayed over him right away, observed that he didn’t have fever, and encouraged him to eat some breakfast and drink some milk. I knew he had coughed a lot over the night, and hoped he would feel better with some warm oatmeal in his throat. But after just one bite, he laid his little curls down on the counter and said quietly, “Mama, I don’t sink I should go to school.” That is completely out of character for Sawyer. He absolutely LOVES school, and never wants to stay home. So I tucked him back in bed. He immediately fell fast asleep, and I immediately called for a pediatrician appointment, fearing a recurrence of pneumonia. At his appointment, all appeared normal. Still no fever, no breath sounds indicating pneumonia… but with every breath, Sawyer clutched his chest. Even when Dr. Everett would distract him and get him giggling, he would double over and grab his chest, right over his heart. This was enough concern to the doctor that he felt a chest X-ray was warranted to rule out pneumonia or pneumothorax (collapsed lung). So from the pediatrician to the imaging facility we went. That in itself was stressful enough, not to mention dragging a cranky five-year-old and an even crankier two-year-old from one waiting room to another, with no pre-prepared keep-busy activities or snacks….we were all stretched PRETTY THIN after 2 1/2 hours. But the receptionist was very kind and brought out clipboards with paper and pens, and that got my grumpy loves over the hump until Sawyer got called back. The X-ray itself was quick and easy, Sawyer had no anxiety at all, and it was a far more peaceful experience than his last X-ray years ago (having to be strapped down as a toddler). Then came the agonizing WAIT for results. BUT GOD. We finally got a call after 5pm that the X-ray was clear (HALLELUJAH!) of pneumonia and pneumothorax, but that there was some irritation on the lung lining (pleurisy) in the area corresponding to his pain. Long, stressful day, but so very thankful for excellent care and good news. (And Sawyer is now feeling great! Thank You Jesus for protection and speedy healing!)

~ for a fun but far-too-short visit from “Cousin” Jen (dear friend who has crossed the threshold and become family). She came all the way from Dallas to watch Cooper and Carson Grace’s games this week! So fun cramming in a visit and catching one another up on life.

~ for an emotionally charged morning celebrating the GCS Senior class. The Seniors walked the halls of the elementary school in their caps and gowns, with the young students lined up giving them all high-fives. I can imagine how big and grown up the Seniors looked to the little kids, but to all the parents looking on, those were our babies. Only yesterday, Carson Grace was in her kindergarten class, with a little custom stool under her tiny feet because she couldn’t reach the floor. Now she is graduating in a few short weeks.

~ for Gavin’s character quality award, Enthusiasm. Such a fitting award, as G-Man is exactly that: bright, creative and overflowing with enthusiasm. He is always questioning, always creating, always learning. The Lord has an incredible future for this boy.

~ that I intercepted the less-than-flattering time-lapse video that my darling Tatum K filmed of me in the dressing room at Old Navy before she texted it to someone!!!!!

~ for a hopping week for Giddyup & Whoa! Finished 2 custom orders and 7 more pieces for the Gresham Barn Sale! Vintage & Co. even featured us on their page! Busy sign week means not much progress on the beams…but I know they’re waiting for me, a project literally hanging over my head….

~ for a fun and tasty lunch with a friend. So grateful for sisters to lean on and to do life with.

~ that every bad day comes to an end. Some days just stink. Not life-or-death cancer days…just run of the mill, cranky, overtired kids + cranky, overwhelmed mama + a to-do list a mile long = YUCK. You know when you park the car and each of the children exit the vehicle with an, “I’m sorry Mama,” that it’s been a rough day. But thank You Lord for new mercies every morning!

~ for a fun-packed Easter weekend: school holiday, sleepovers, ice-cold swimming, a much-needed date night, yard work, egg hunts, Easter baskets, Resurrection rolls for breakfast, powerful worship service and message, lunch with all the cousins, cake! and pie! and WAAAAY too much candy! I am thankful for every single time I get to be with all our children together…even if it wasn’t until the very end of the day (Colton had to work). I don’t take it for granted any more.

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~ most of all, I’m so thankful for the miracle of Easter. That Jesus, pure and sinless, willingly chose the Cross for my sin and for yours. Friday and Saturday we grieve for all He endured. But Sunday. Sunday! Sunday morning is what it’s all about! The stone is rolled away, the tomb is empty, and JESUS IS ALIVE! Death couldn’t hold our Savior, and thanks to Him, it can’t hold me! No matter what we endure on this earth, if we chose Jesus, we are promised to live in eternity with Him! There is no day more worthy of celebrating, flipping over backwards with all-surpassing JOY than today! HE IS RISEN! HE IS RISEN INDEED!!

Please hold dear Georgia and the Crim family in your prayers. She had her first brain surgery a few weeks ago, and she will begin her first round of chemotherapy this Tuesday.

Thank You Jesus for New Life. Thank You that the Light will ALWAYS overcome the darkness.

And thank you all for giving thanks with me.

“They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.” Luke 24:5-8

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”” Matthew 28:18-20

April Tuesday

I am thankful:

~for the most fun “April Tuesday” ever! Sawyer has talked about his plans for “jokes” for weeks now. And on last Sunday, on March 31, he was so excited he couldn’t even sleep. He kept getting out of bed telling me another funny idea he had. I got so tickled. So even though we’ve never done anything for April Fools’ Day before, I knew I had to step up my game. I did a little prep work that night…actually staying up until 1 in the morning, hiding a pickle slice in each of their pb&j sandwiches. The kids were greeted at breakfast with their bowls of cereal…only to dig in and discovered that it was FROZEN in the milk. Their puzzled faces were priceless! Sawyer’s dream came true of delivering a special “cake” for his teacher, and had him giggling all the way to school. I do fear that his class did not appreciate the humor. They were pretty stoked about eating cake, and mighty disappointed to find out it was actually a frosted cardboard cereal box. Thankfully, Mrs. Youngblood saved the day by allowing them to drag their fingers through the icing, so Sawyer didn’t lose all his friends that day.

~ for a great baseball/softball/track week. Enjoyed the sunshine with Bear and the kids, eating popcorn, making daisy chains, and cheering on the Cougars.

~for lunch with a friend. There is something so special about sitting down and breaking bread together. Even when sometimes the conversation is heavy, or the topic isn’t fun, the sharing of hearts side by side is priceless. What a blessing to have brothers and sisters in Christ to love us through all seasons, and to pray for one another as we seek God’s best for our families.

~ for teachers who really love my kids. And are willing to come along side so that they can reach their potential.

~for the bright, cheerful azaleas displaying their finery across our city.

~ for a call I have been waiting for almost as long as I can remember. A call to tell me that my sweet friends are going to have a baby! Born not of her tummy, but born in her heart, this precious couple has been chosen by a birth mom to be the parents of a baby boy due in June. They traveled many hours to meet birth mom this weekend, and they are asking for prayers for God’s grace over every step of this journey: for a healthy remainder of the pregnancy, and most of all prayer for this birth mom who is giving the most unselfish gift of love to this baby. Father God has seen my friends, has seen this birth mom, and has collected every silent tear they have cried in the dark. And His timing is always right on time. Oh the joy that can’t be contained!!!! GLORY TO THE LORD!

~for the blessing of attending chapel, the very last time Carson Grace will lead worship with her peers in high school. All these “lasts“ are so bittersweet. I’m so proud of her, and so excited for all that lies ahead, but it’s so hard to let go. Later in the week, she had the amazing honor of presenting the National Anthem at the 28th Annual Tyler Firefighters Awards Banquet. It was a wonderful program, with moments of storytelling and laughter between comrades while handing out awards and door prizes, and weighted somber moments of as we were reminded of the life and death experiences they face almost every day. So thankful for the dedication and bravery of these true American heroes.

~ for new friendships. This week Josh and I got to visit with Phil and Kathy Jimerson, fellow Carthagites, and former classmates of Susan K. Kathy has recently published a book, a personal memoir written by an encourager and storyteller over the last 2 decades of her life. And she gifted us a copy! Over coffee we chatted about cancer and writing, about remodeling and about Jesus. Our kindred hearts quickly knit. You can find Kathy’s book here. I’m so excited to read it!

~ for Cooper having an awesome weekend on the Grace Student Miniseries Overdrive Retreat.

~ for a cool photo shoot with Carson Grace at our local vintage record store.

40 years ago on this day, God made a man for me. He put a loving, fighting heart into this young man and wrote a love story on his heart. God made this man for a purpose… He made him for me. He made him for a tribe of young warriors who would watch and learn from him. He made him for countless individuals who would be strengthened and encouraged by a relationship and friendship with him. He put in him a work ethic second to none. He made him a true man’s man, but gave him a heart tender enough not to hide his tears. I love this man with all the fierceness my heart can hold. I love Josh’s birthday because it was the day he was made for me. We had a great day celebrating, starting with 40 Martha White blueberry muffins for breakfast, 40 Home Depot gift cards, then dinner with the family: delicious grilled burgers and 40 cupcakes with candles of course! It was special to have all our kids together, and they all shared “40 Things We Love About Dad.” Love that man of mine.

Such a busy week for us, tons of Giddyup & Whoa signs in the works, delivered a couple of pieces, a few more custom orders going out this week, and an exciting new opportunity: I’ve been invited to participate at the Vintage & Co Semi-Annual Gresham Barn Sale! Anyone in East Texas knows that the Gresham Barn Sale is one of the very best antique and vintage markets in our area. I’m so honored to be a part, and hoping that it is a great partnership for both businesses! Excited to get lots of painting done this week. Check out Vintage & Co. on Instagram and Facebook. Spring sale is coming up April 24-27.

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Busy sign week meant not a lot of progress on the beams….still not giving up. Slow progress is still progress.

This week was an emotionally wrung-out week. Just a lot going on, both out in public with the kids and then wrestling through the personal stuff that’s held in our hearts. Trusting God is a full-time job. We have to actively trust: daily re-aligning our hearts to seek after His. It’s so easy to get in my head and overthink and just give myself over to the anxiety that is always waiting for me. Thank You Lord for Your steadfast love. Even when I am freaking out, You wait for me…Your Word is truly a Lamp unto my feet and a Light unto my path, and I know I’m never alone. And I know Your Plan is good. A lot better than mine.

Big prayers needed for Baby Lucas. He is scheduled for a sedated MRI tomorrow, and another chemo infusion. We are praying for shrinkage/no new disease. Please Jesus, heal this baby boy! And please pray comfort and peace over his family as well. And our dear friend, Jase, now 5 years old and in his 2nd year of treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, has been plagued with unexplained fevers and GI complaints for weeks, bouncing in and out of local and Dallas ERs….will you join us in healing prayers for the Curtis family?

Whatever you are facing this week friends, don’t lose heart. Be brave. Step up. Step out. The sidelines will always be full of onlookers…maybe today it’s your turn to lead.

Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV

Unexpected

I am thankful:

~ last week I forgot to report the wonderful news that my dear friends from Mississippi who had traveled to Dallas for work and then found themselves TRAPPED in the ICU at Children’s Hospital finally got to GO HOME! Ian improved enough to be moved from ICU to the general Oncology floor, and then they had the long tedious wait for ANC to rise enough for docs to feel confident that he was well enough to make the 8 hour drive home. But after a FULL WEEK unexpectedly stuck in an unfamiliar hospital 500 miles away, they made it back safely to the comfort of their home and the rest of their children! So very thankful for Jesus’ healing, for the supernatural grace He gave them to endure the waiting, and for “my” awesome nurses who (no surprise) went out of their way to love on this family and make their stay as comfortable as possible. They are the real life Dream Team folks!!! No nurses better will you find!

~ this week we had the great privilege of celebrating Sophie the Brave’s 4th birthday with “Do More for Soph Day.” I wrestled with it a lot more than I anticipated. It brought up really hard emotions. Spreading unexpected joy and blessings around was sweet, but was sharply contrasted with the very present reality of wishing she was here for her Mama to hold, here to blow out the candles on her cake and be sassy. It took my breath away at times. Sawyer, Tatum K and I had fun picking out little gifts at the store for the ones on our hearts, and we talked about Sophie all day long. Sawyer said, “I’m so glad Sophie is happy with Jesus, but I know her Mama is sad.” He also said he thinks she’s on Jesus’ lap having birthday cake. We made several stops and deliveries, and after picking up kids we did some more! Honestly, that part was exhilarating. I’ve never paid for the order of a car behind me in a drive thru before – now THAT was fun! It was so refreshing to serve. We get tunnel vision, so conditioned to focus on our mindless mundane routines, that we forget there’s a big world out there full of hurting people. I noticed it when I was at the store later in the week during my bi-weekly grocery haul. Tatum K was in the buggy, happily munching her goldfish and blissfully chirping, “Hi friend,” to everyone she saw. But everyone else around us just looked…beaten down. Faces expressionless. Downtrodden. Sleepwalking. Her smile lit up the place. So often that’s the case, if you smile at someone, they are likely to smile back. BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO SMILE FIRST!!! You just never know what someone’s going through. I have had plenty of sleepwalker days. I’ve had many days when I was the one with no smiles to give. But if you find yourself ABLE to be a light…GO AHEAD AND SHINE!

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~ for God giving me an extra measure of grace on Sophie Day to bless one more person: my son. Cooper had a track meet (yes, he does baseball AND track!). I rarely make it to track meets, because they are so long and the events so spread out. And he is always such a great sport about it. But even though we’d already had a full and utterly exhausting day, I knew how much it would mean to him if I was there. The weather was perfect, so I packed up our dinner and chairs and headed to the school. Cooper told me his event would be around 6:45. Of course, he didn’t end up running until 8:30!!! It was the longest 2 hours of all time with my whiny, cranky past-their-bedtime entourage. But he ran, we cheered, and then we headed home (we DID NOT stay for his NEXT race, which ended up being at about 10:25pm). And on my way home, I received this text from Cooper, “Thanks for coming Momma. It really meant a lot. I love you.” That was MY favorite blessing of the day.

~ for Free Cone Day at DQ. Always thankful for those rare unexpected opportunities to come out looking like “Nice Mom.” She doesn’t show up too often.

~ for an unexpected midday knock on the front door. Colton popped in just to say “hi” and have lunch with his mom.

~ so proud of our Sam, who did an outstanding job as ToastMaster in her fourth grade class this week.

~ for two special Giddyup &Whoa signs completed and delivered this week.

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~ thankful to have survived my marathon Friday. Toastmasters at 8 AM, a long-overdue breakfast date with a friend, three back-to-back grocery stores, mountain of groceries loaded in-car-out-of-car-and-put-away, kids picked up from school at 1pm, three dozen cupcakes baked, dinner-on-the-go cooked and packed up, and finally loaded up the Tribe for a softball game at 5. Don’t get me wrong, they were all blessings, every single one. But this mama was WIPED! Almost inevitably, the anxiety monster really assaults when my to-do list is longer than my leg. When I have lots on “my” list to accomplish, it all starts to swarm before my eyes and my mind gets overwhelmed. So as the thoughts raced out of control and fingers of panic began to squeeze my chest, I just reached out to the Lord and begin to pray aloud in the car. It’s not magic, I wasn’t just instantly delivered… but He always gives grace upon grace, and He got me through my day (and even most of my list.)

~ for thrilling news from a dear friend. After a long time of seeking the Lord and waiting, they received a life-changing phone call. They were chosen as adoptive parents, and their new baby was about to be born! Not even knowing if they would bring home a boy or a girl, they hopped on a plane and flew across the country. And that was not the only uncertainty…there is always the chance that the birth mom will change her mind. But God had a plan. And now their dreams of becoming parents have come true…tonight they are home with their baby girl. My heart overflows! Prayers for them as they settle into their new life, and prayers for the unspeakably selfless birth mother who made the hardest choice. Glory to the Lord!

~ for the blessing of hosting a sweet, sweet baby shower at our home with some of my dear sisters. What a blessing to come alongside a family and love like Jesus! That is what my church family is best at!

~ for the surreal blessing of Carson Grace being asked to sing her original song for special music at church. There is no greater blessing than to see your children stepping into their God-ordained gifts.

As I close this longer-than-usual Sunday Gratitude, I hope you’ve made it this far. I ask for continued prayer for Baby Lucas, still in the early stages of his cancer treatment. And this week, a new prayer request. Another GCS family received the unexpected crushing news that their beautiful daughter had a brain tumor. She has had her first surgery, which the doctors consider a success, but the road ahead is long and terrifying. Her name is Georgia, she’s 4 years old, and she is still currently in the Pediatric ICU at Children’s awaiting pathology reports that will dictate the treatment plan. Friends, let’s carry this family boldly to the throne of the Father, and ask for abundance of grace and healing for their precious baby girl. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again. Oh how I hate cancer, but oh, how I love Jesus.

Embrace the unexpected, the good and the bad. God is the God of all of it. Unexpected good is treasure. Unexpected bad… well, we are reminded of our need for a Savior, our need for grace, our need for one another.

Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:13-18

Don’t Stop Praying

I am thankful…

~ for Bear. He’s such a great dog. He’s been a relatively easy puppy, very smart and learning quickly. My favorite is how he and Tatum K love each other. They greet each other each morning with enthusiastic kisses, and just roll all over the floor together. I’m blown away that Bear clearly recognizes and respects the difference between Tatum and the other children…he is so much more gentle and tender with her, and puts up with her squeezing him and over-loving him. I can tell they are going to be best friends. Love to have him riding along in the bus to and from school. He MAY be just the SLIGHTEST bit spoiled.

~ for my latest favorite salad recipe: crunchy chickpeas, juicy tomatoes, and creamy avocados tossed with green onions, cilantro, lime, and olive oil! It is so tasty!

~ for a fun, albeit chilly first baseball game of the season for Cooper. He had a great game, and was stealing bases left and right! Great start to the season!

~ for a great tournament for Carson Grace’s softball team. They traveled to Frisco and won 2 out of 3 games. We couldn’t make it to watch, but I was super thankful for the ability to follow the game live via an app on my phone!

~ for my awesome rockstar husband, who was a pacer with Uncle Caleb for the Fresh 15K yesterday morning. The kids and I loaded up the bus to cheer for him, and after an hour of driving in circles and backtracking around the blocked off streets along the race route, we FINALLY found a place to park and walked A MILE IN THE RAIN, arriving at the Finish Line: 5 minutes before they crossed!!!!! So proud of Josh, who nailed his goal pace, and persevered through the challenging course despite back and knee injuries.

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~ for another rockstar: our friend Mason who kicked leukemia’s butt and took his very last dose of chemo last week. Mason is a brave boy who overcame trial after trial and side effect after side effect. And his family never lost heart or let go of their faith. Such a joy to celebrate these milestones.

~ for Sawyer’s tender heart during worship. Today at church, unprompted, he began to raise his hands. He sang along, and swayed back and forth with his hands in the air. Then, he abruptly got down on his knees in the aisle of the church, bowing his face to the floor of until worship was over. It was priceless. Maybe he was pretending, or copying what he sees others do. Who knows. It doesn’t matter. I know the Lord sees his innocent little heart inclined to Him and is pleased. I asked Sawyer afterward, and he said simply, “I wanted to make God happy.”

~ I WAS super excited to share a project that I have been painstakingly working on all week, stripping a unique old end table we’ve had for years. It had an outdated dark stain that I stripped, planed, sanded, and then bleached to get to a far lighter, almost driftwood look. Turned out great. Unfortunately, I guess all the motion and commotion didn’t agree with it, because the day after I moved the completed table into the house and got it all staged cute, all of a sudden, the beautiful glass base of the table shattered! SO SAD! But times like these make me extra thankful for my junker’s heart, because we always have random table bases tucked away somewhere, and Josh got it all fixed up. I sure was bummed about that awesome glass base though.

~ and I’m so excited for Carson Grace on her latest adventure. She is currently in Washington DC with her senior class for the week. I dropped her at the school at 2am, they flew out of Dallas at 7, and hit the ground running in DC taking in the sites. Praying for the students to have a safe and phenomenal trip, one of the last events they’ll go through together before graduation. Man, I miss that girl.

My heart has been heavy this week. So many people I love are hurting, weighted down by some tremendous burdens. And I can’t do one thing. There’s no answer, no fix, no remedy. I mean, of course, Jesus is the remedy. If we know Him, we know that. But when the people we love hurt, we hurt. There’s just no way to take that away. But we can do the only thing we can do…we pray. We reach out. We remember. And don’t stop praying, and reaching out, and remembering. We don’t have to have perfect poetic words of encouragement that no one has ever said before. Or come up with THE ONE SCRIPTURE that is going to enlighten the situation and give a fresh perspective and change everything. That’s God’s department. He’s the One in the miracle department. Keep praying for your friends, friends. He listens. Prayer changes things, and it changes us. Don’t lose heart. I know you have been praying for Baby Lucas – don’t stop! My pastor friend received his heavenly healing…he is with Jesus now, right where he wanted to be. But please keep praying for his family and his church. And please add another this week. Brian is my friend’s husband, and his family is eagerly waiting for him to wake up from emergency heart surgery several weeks ago. You can keep up with the updates here www.caringbridge.org/visit/brianwilhoite

Keep praying and looking for the blessings around you, and let’s lift one another day by day a step closer to the Throne. Maybe I’ll be strong for you today, and then you’ll be strong for me tomorrow. And God is always working, even when we cannot see. And be kinder than you think you have to be. You never know what someone is walking through. Thanks for giving thanks with me.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Overwhelmed

I am thankful…

~ for our 13th and 14th viewing of the beloved GCS 1st grade production of Little Bo Peep. It is the sweetest play featuring Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue on a quest to find the lost sheep, enlisting the help of all our favorite nursery rhymes. Our Zoe gave a compelling performance as Little Polly Flinders. Such a fun tradition, and the moral of the story – that Jesus always helps us when we go astray – gets me every time.

~ for the most loving and godly teachers who pour into our children, and encourage mom and dad when we desperately need it.

~ for some of the most stunning, electric sunsets I have ever seen! God’s handiwork on display never ceases to amaze me!

~ for getting to see Carson Grace speak encouragement to incoming GCS freshmen about being a part of the High School Praise Band. Proud of the poised, talented, and God-seeking young woman she has become.

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~ for a super-fun quadruple birthday party! We just celebrated Samantha last month, and both Gavin and Kora are coming up this week…Zoe isn’t until August, but it’s just easier on Mama’s brain to ding-it-done all in one big shebang! The kids got to try out the new hit attraction, Urban Air, an indoor trampoline park with more extras than you can count: zip lines, ninja obstacle course, rock walls, ropes course…there are so many exciting activities for all ages. Each birthday honoree got to invite a couple of friends and choose their favorite cupcake: chocolate with pink buttercream, chocolate with blue buttercream, chocolate with chocolate buttercream, and funfetti with rainbows! They all had a wonderful time! (And I didn’t have to clean up afterwards! WIN-WIN!)

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~ for a sweet (albeit far too short) visit for Kora, Gavin, and Zoe with their biological big sister, Grace. Grace was adopted by dear friends of ours, but they moved to College Station this summer, so we don’t get to see her as often as we’d like. The four of them stick together like glue when they have the chance. Grace is growing into such a remarkable and beautiful young lady, and it is so special to see her. I’m thankful for the opportunity for the kids to stay connected and make new, healthy, and happy memories to replace the more difficult memories from their early childhood. What a Healer is our God!

~ for a special evening at Gold Network CONNECT, our quarterly childhood cancer caregiver support group. Our group was smaller than usual, with many families out with sickness (can you BELIEVE all the flu around here??!!), but we know that it is truly an anointed time for the appointed ones who come. We enjoyed the most delicious fajitas from Abuelos and decadent tuxedo cake and key lime pie for dessert. And we shared our stories and our lives with one another. Laughter and tears and encouraging words remind each other that none of us are alone on this long, lonely walk. I’m so thankful for the great privilege to come alongside other families and share hope, even though our stories are all so different. Also so very thankful to have been approved for a generous grant to cover the funding for this important program!

~ for Gavin getting some great one-on-one time with Dad, building signs for Giddyup and Whoa. He learned a lot: helped cut, assemble, and stain several signs. Didn’t even mind the chilly temps!

Oh, I’ve been in such a slump. Nothing terrible is going on. We are dealing with colds, not cancer. It’s just been hard to get motivated…to get into the Word, to paint, to stay positive. Maybe it’s the weather? It’s been dreary and cold. Anyone else relate? So anyway, on Wednesday, I dragged my weary, unmotivated self to midweek service at church. House was a mess, kids a wreck…but we got there. Only to find out that instead of the praise and prayer time we have been doing, that this week was going to be a time of sharing testimonies. GREAT! Because I was SO IN THE MOOD to testify. (insert HEAVY SARCASM) Worship began, and I struggled to refocus my heart and enter in. The words made perfect sense to what I was dealing with, but I still felt like I was going through the motions, “I delight myself in You/in the glory of Your presence/I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You)”. Until one of my Littles whispered to me, “Mama, what does ‘overwhelmed’ mean?” And as the song continued, I tried to explain, “It’s like when there’s all this STUFF around you. All the things you have to get done. And you realize how small you are. That’s ‘overwhelmed.’” Because for about as long as I can remember, I have lived in a constant state of being overwhelmed, in one way or another. Then God began to minister to my heart as I continued to explain to my child, “But then you look at creation, and look at all He has done. And you realize how small you are, compared to how big God is and how good He is and how much He has done for you. And THEN, ‘overwhelmed’ is a GOOD THING.” As my Father’s kindness soaked into the parched ground of my heart, I knew He had given me something to testify about. The definition of “overwhelmed” is “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass,” or “defeat completely”. I had (we ALL have) a choice: to live drowned and defeated by the circumstances our eyes see: this messed up world, sickness, evil, fear, STUFF, a million responsibilities…or we can let ourselves be OVERWHELMED by the love of the Father.

I wish I could say I am full of fresh new perspective and that all my weariness has been transformed to purposeful strength…but the truth is that the slump persists. I’m still overwhelmed. But I do have renewed hope. I know that God is not watching my progress with a clipboard and checklist, marking off what I do wrong or right. I know that He is not asking me to be successful or even improving. He’s asking me to be faithful whether I feel like it or not. He’s asking me to keep moving and not quit. He’s got my kids. He’s got my marriage. He’s got my to-do list and my worries and my anxieties and my health. He’s got ME! I am thankful for the God Who Sees Me, and for the knowledge that His grace will always be sufficient.

Thanks for giving thanks with me. Let’s love one another well this week.

“These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 42:4-5 NIV

Special shirt from our friends the Mayers

January 27, 2019

~ thankful for a super fun day celebrating Samantha’s birthday! How can it be that our little Stinky Girl is 11 years old!? School was out, so we got to really got to do it up. The day started off with donuts for breakfast, and then a trip to the mall. Not just a leisurely trip to the mall to look around. No sir, this was a trip with a purpose. And that purpose was getting Samantha’s ears pierced! This is a milestone first offered to our girls upon reaching the age of 10, but Sam was NOT INTERESTED last year. This year she was SET. Until we got there. Then there was a dramatic change of heart. There were big tears. There was a call home to big sis for a pep talk. There may have been some time spent huddled in a corner of the store. But, she rallied her courage and eventually walked proudly out of the mall with red, swollen eyes and sparkly blue earrings! Then came a Subway lunch date with Dad, and home to make her own ice cream cake, and finally a delicious dinner that evening. She said it was the very best birthday she’s ever had. What a blessing is our sweet, sweet Sam.

~ for encouragement from the Lord through the gift of worship music. Several times this week, certain songs have just ministered to my heart… “have you come to the end of yourself? Do you long for a drink from the well? Jesus is calling…”. and “who am I that the highest King should welcome me? I was lost but He brought me in, oh His Love for me.” What a gift music is! And then also what a gift it is to experience watching my daughter grow into her gifting as she continues to lead worship at school and at church. I’m including a video of Carson Grace from our service this morning. Be blessed. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XE6ANdzNVOo

~ for the simple sweetness of the kids feeding the ducks at sunset. Something so little makes them so happy. All it takes is a little time.

~ for the opportunity to share in our friends’ joy. This week, one of our brave Gold Network Hero friends took his very last chemotherapy medication after more than 3 years of treatment for leukemia. What a day of celebration! And that morning, his entire school dressed in superhero costumes and greeted him with cheers and well wishes, a true heroes welcome! I’m not sure if Sawyer and this dear boy have even actually met, but Sawyer simply knows him as one of his “friends.” He watched the video with me and clapped and cheered for his fellow leukemia warrior, and it filled my heart with so much hope and joy. We HAVE to celebrate the victories!

~ for a great time at the mid-week worship service with my kids. I am loving the intimate setting, and the opportunity to explain to them WHY we are doing what we are doing…explaining WHO GOD IS and why He is worthy of our worship. And everything I share with them is a fresh reminder to me, right where I am. Oh Lord, keep my faith like that of a child!

~ and for a big finish to our week: it’s official – WE HAVE LOST OUR MINDS! We got a new puppy! Josh and I found a sweet pup on Craigslist that captured our hearts, and Saturday morning we loaded up all the kids, sleepy and confused, into the bus, telling them only, “we’re going on a family adventure!” You can imagine the squeals of surprise and delight when their eyes were met with a fluffy new friend! It was such a fun day, and I know we will all remember it forever! Everyone loves “Bear,” and his name suits him perfectly, as he more closely resembles a cuddly teddy bear than an actual live animal. Puppy kisses are the best! A “family adventure” INDEED!

Thank you to so many who have liked the Sunday Gratitude Facebook page or signed up to follow this blog. I am so thankful for this community and all of your support. I hope this week finds you well. If you are weary, hang on, and don’t lose heart. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If you’re in a season of joy – SHARE SOME! I promise you, somebody’s desperate for it! You never know when you may be the answer to somebody’s prayer. Thank you for giving thanks with me.

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.” Psalm 3:3 NIV